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“You’ve got to get me out of here” Dirk whispers in my ear as he tries to crush my weak human body in a hug.
Harper yanks me out of Dirk’s embrace by my wrist, and pulls me into a protective embrace. I don’t know what’s happening. But my face is closer to her chest now, so I’m pretty happy. “Dirkie has been so naughty with you gone! Maybe I should punish him…”
Everytime I try to do laundry, my hamper and dirty laundry are in the middle of a vaguely erotic screaming match. It’s super awkward, and laundry was already hard enough with the appliance old man yaoi. Sometimes I miss having furniture. That being said, fucking furniture is pretty good too.
“I’ve got a better idea.” I say.
Yeah, washing my laundry can wait.
Harper clings to my arm, her nails only hurt a little bit. Dirk follows behind her like an eager puppy.
When all of your furniture is sentient, it gets a little bit awkward deciding where to fuck your furniture. Luckily Betty is really into that sort of thing. Harper grips me by the shoulder and pushes me back onto the bed. A soft sigh escapes from the bed below me.
Harper is completely ignoring Dirk, who stands beside the bed. She climbs on top of me, and straddles my waist. She runs her hands up my stomach, and I feel a shiver run down my spine. She interlaces her hands with mine and pins them on either side of my head. She leans down and kisses me hard, like she’s angry. Her tongue slides between my lips and tastes a little bit like fabric softener. She moves one hand to my hair, and pulls it.
I feel the bed shift below us. Harper says, “Oh you’re still here? I assumed you’d be off with the Hanks by now.”
“Really? Harper, you’re unhinged.” Dirk says. He climbs into the bed to my right side and runs his fingers along my jaw, gently turning my head towards him. He’s lost most of the socks, belts and shirts that usually hang off him, leaving behind a white tanktop.
“Yeah? Would you prefer someone with hinges? You fucking Dorian behind my back too?” Harper says. She turns my face back towards her and continues kissing me.
Dirk sighs but chooses to hold his tongue. He instead uses it to trace down my jawline and neck. He’s gentle, but with a certain… Competitive vibe?
“She’s just jealous… She doesn’t like watching me with someone who is actually sweet… and pretty…” He pulls down the hem of my exceptional red shirt to kiss my collarbone, “And doesn’t need to be choking someone to cum…”
Harper lets out a shrill noise. She fully shoves Dirk off the bed. There’s a crashing noise when he hits the ground. She grabs the hem of my red shirt and rips it up over my head. She growls, then reaches behind me and takes off my bra in one fluid motion. She puts one hand on my chest and squeezes, while her other hand goes back to my hair.
“Well maybe some people prefer their bedroom more exciting than the local fucking senior center! ” Harper screams, it hurts my ears. She leans down over me and growls into my ear, “isn’t that right? You’re a little slut and want to be treated like one isn’t that right?”
This girl could tie me to the train tracks and I’d thank her.
“Yes.” I breathe as she pulls my hair, tilting my head to the side and sucking on my neck. She pinches my nipple and sends a shock through my body. Dirk grabs my waist and pulls my pants off. It’s fast, and the movement yanks Harper and I further down the bed. My legs dangle off the side of the bed, while Dirk’s giant hands finish pulling off my pants. Then Dirk props my legs up on his shoulders.
He pushes Harper forward out of his way.
He slides my panties out of the way and kisses my pussy. I suck in a breath as he latches onto my clit immediately. My neck arches as my head presses back into the bed.
The pulling on my hair goes from gently firm to a yank that makes me gasp. Harper puts her hand around my neck and squeezes just a little bit. “Don’t fucking close your eyes, focus on me.”
She takes both of her hands off of me for long enough to pull her top up over her head. Her tits drop as she throws her shirt at Dirk. She shifts up off of my waist enough that she can pull her skirt off too. I certainly have no intention of closing my eyes now.
Dirk lifts my hips so he can prop a pillow under them, then slides my panties down my legs. He brings his mouth back onto my pussy, then brings his other hand up as well. Slowly he prods me with one finger, sliding it in slowly. He drags it back out pressing against the top. He presses back in with a second finger, and I feel myself stretch. My breath catches and my entire body clenches around Dirk’s hand, his mouth gently probes at me while his fingers pump.
Harper’s hand squeezes back on my neck, suddenly and forcefully. I would gasp if she weren’t crushing my throat. I look back up at her and she loosens up just a little.
“I know he’s awfully distracting isn’t he? He just doesn’t understand what a woman really wants.” She bites my neck with enough force to make me wince.
“You never said that when I was doing this to you .”
“ Please , I was faking it.”
Dirk picks up pace, his body tenses and he uses his free hand to press down on my stomach, pushing me further onto his hand. Harper bends down and bites my nipple hard, before rolling it and licking it with her tongue. “I don’t want you to cum for him, I want you to cum for me . Focus on me. Think of him like an overdesigned sex toy that I’m using on you.”
She kicks Dirk in the head. His rhythm stops and his hand slips out of me as he falls backward. It leaves me feeling raw like an exposed nerve.
“Let’s get more comfortable…” She says, her voice is soft. She scoops my legs off the edge of the bed, and guides me back until the pillows cradle my head. She lies to my right, her body presses against mine from her chest to her feet. Her hand goes down to my clit. If Dirk had good aim, she has atomic precision. She moves her finger in slow, lazy circles. She reaches behind my head and knots her hand in my hair. She doesn’t pull, but she holds me staring at her face.
I hear 3-4 pants unzipping and dropping to the floor. Dirk climbs back onto the bed, naked. He hooks my legs up over his shoulders and presses them back towards my chest. I feel his dick press against me. Harper's hand speeds up in expert circles as Dirk slowly presses himself inside of me.
I gasp at his size. Something no one tells you about furniture, is that on average they have larger dicks than the average person. But Dirk? He certainly would be able to please all 5 Hanks.
“Look at me. He doesn’t matter.” She says, “He’s not thinking about you, he’s thinking about not cumming in under a minute.”
“Oh my god shut the fuck up.” Dirk yells. He leans down so his mouth is on my neck, he whispers in my ear. His breath is hot on my skin. “Don’t listen to her… I know you’re feeling good. It’s okay baby. Unlike some people, I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to feel good…”
“Mmm and this doesn’t?” She whispers as her pace on my clit gets even faster.
Dirk speeds up to match Harper’s pace. The pressure of it makes me gasp. Harper’s fingers make my toes curl. My breath is coming out in sharp rasps and I feel like I’m about to explode. The tension in me is so intense I feel like the draft in the room could send me over the edge if it tried hard enough.
“Please.” I moan. I don’t know what I need, but a little more of it and I’m exploding.
“Awww, so needy.” Harper says, “Cum for me.”
Dirk leans down above me, “You’re doing so good, don’t let that bitch scare you. Just relax. Cum for me .”
I feel the tension in my stomach pull so tight it hurts, before exploding through the rest of my body. A wave of tingly pleasure shoots through my body from my stomach. It pulses in time with my heartbeat.
“BITCH?! Oh so I’m a bitch?” I hear Harper scream, only barely distracting me from the waves of sensation I’m floating on. “You act like I'm the bad guy for having needs!”
“NEEDS? Needs? You made me wear a dog collar the first time we fucked. That isn’t a need, that's a disorder.”
“Oh my god now you’re kink shaming? You fucking act like you didn’t like it!” She switches to a bad impression of Dirk, “‘Oh Harper… I’ve never been vulnerable like that with anyone before…’ you cried you fucking pussy!”
As they scream at one another, Betty quietly pulls the blankets up over my shoulder, wrapping me up into her warmth. Harper and Dick are toxic, problematic assholes. But they’re my toxic, problematic assholes. I listen as Dirk and Harper verbally abuse one another and smile. They’ve forgotten I’m here entirely, and I drift off to the ambience of their screams, until eventually they storm off in opposite directions. I’m impressed, normally they can’t make it through sex before screaming at each other and storming out of the room.
I set my dateviators on my bedside table, and feel Betty squeeze me close to her as I fall into a peaceful sleep.