Work Text:
“It's too hot.”
‘Hikaru's floor fan had seen better days, barely making a difference in this weather. Even with the window wide open, all it achieved was pushing the warm humid air around the room.
On the tail-end of a heatwave, it was far too hot to do anything else. The pair of them sat across ‘Hikaru’s bed, reading some manga Yoshiki brought over. ‘Hikaru’ lay with his head atop Yoshiki’s thigh, writhing around as he moaned about the weather. Neither of them were really reading.
“Are you sure your fan’s on the right setting?” Yoshiki asked, glancing over to the old appliance.
“...Lemme double check.”
‘Hikaru’ lazily arose from his bed, checking over the fan one more time. It was on maximum blast. They were doomed.
“You sure there's nothin’ else we can do, or…?” Yoshiki soon trailed off, watching as ‘Hikaru’ lifted his shirt to try and fan himself. Noticing the sweat rolling down his abdomen, the circumference of his slender frame. He needed to stop watching.
He couldn’t stop himself in time, taking in too many details from ‘Hikaru’s body. He's seen it all before, there was no reason to linger his stare, to not avert his gaze as he always stubbornly would.
“Hey, Yoshiki, you still there?”
“Ah– yeah, yeah. What were you saying?” He forced himself to focus on the manga volume still in his hands, anywhere other than ‘Hikaru’. He glanced down, until he looked further, noticing something very out of place.
He was hard. Shit. How long had that been there? Has ‘Hikaru’ noticed?
Just once he thought ‘Hikaru’ wasn't looking, he desperately grabbed the nearest thing, anything, to cover his waist with. It just so happened that the nearest object was ‘Hikaru’s pillow. It would have to do, as long as it gave him more time to think.
Using that was a terrible idea. It smelled kinda nice, it smelled like Hikaru. His situation was only growing worse.
“What’s gotten you so excited, eh?” ‘Hikaru’ pointed down towards Yoshiki’s growing erection. Too late.
“Get out,” Yoshiki demanded, as deadpan and calm as he could muster, hugging the pillow even tighter to his body. It wasn’t much use now, given ‘Hikaru’ had already sneaked a glimpse of what hid underneath, yet by holding it there, he could still then convince himself that nothing had changed, that it was just a silly yet crude joke.
‘Hikaru’ only giggled, not budging an inch, “oh, c’mon, it’s not weird or anythin’,” and Yoshiki could swear he was leaning in slightly, closer, “and hasn’t he seen it before?”
Yoshiki froze for a moment, lost at what he could mean, until an old memory with Hikaru floated to the forefront of his mind.
“Seriously, you remember that?”
“Yea, I do, it felt like an important one to ‘im,” ‘Hikaru’ continues, “he thought about it a lot after that.” Yoshiki was simply stunned, what could he mean by that?
It must have been last year, as the summer season was drawing to a close. One morning, as Hikaru arrived to hang out, after briefly chatting with Yoshiki’s mother, he had creeped up the stairs to his bedroom, hoping to spook him, or simply wake him up. Unfortunately for Yoshiki, who had been a little preoccupied, Hikaru burst into his bedroom right as he was taking care of his morning ‘problem’.
It all happened quite fast, Yoshiki immediately pulling the covers over himself, yelling at Hikaru to get the hell out! And knock the damn door next time, leaving both boys with accelerated heartbeats. Of course, Hikaru didn’t really get a good look, so whatever image it left behind in his memories was mostly just his own imagination filling in the blanks. A particularly vivid image, thought over and over again in his unconscious mind.
Yoshiki had been so mortified, he had made every effort to push the thought of it down, down, until he almost forgot about it. They never brought it up again.
“Actually, Yoshiki,” ‘Hikaru’s tone shifted to something softer, genuine, “I’m curious about it.”
“A-about what?” With his mind still reeling from the embarrassment of that long suppressed memory, it took a second for Yoshiki to register what ‘Hikaru’ had meant.
“Sexual desire,” ‘Hikaru’ clarified, and Yoshiki nearly choked on his own spit.
“Hehe, your face is super red,” ‘Hikaru’ teased, earning a rather unamused reaction from Yoshiki,
“Shut it.”
“I’m serious, though,” ‘Hikaru’s eyes wandered, fixing onto his pillow which Yoshiki was still clutching to like a lifeline. “Even though I can remember what he was into, what he used to do, I still don’t really get it myself, y’know?” I don’t need to know that, Yoshiki wasn’t up for entertaining the mental image of Hikaru jacking off, already embarrassed enough.
“Would you show it to me–”
“No,” ‘Hikaru’ barely finished before his harsh rejection.
“C’mon, please..?” He wasn’t so willing to give up, now given the opportunity, half tempted to just start yanking the pillow away.
“No way!” Yoshiki was red up to his ears, “You have one yourself, look at your own, this is too embarrassing,” he brought his hands up to hide his face. The situation was bad enough, and looking at ‘Hikaru’ only made it worse.
“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” ‘Hikaru’ protested, “not even a quick peak?”
There was a lump in his throat, his breathing uneven as he remained hunched over himself, racking his brain for a real reason to turn ‘Hikaru’ down. They can’t backtrack from this, either ‘Hikaru’ leaves the room for Yoshiki to awkwardly take care of it himself, or he could give into ‘Hikaru’s curiosities and get it done faster.
He couldn’t even tell if he was trying to talk himself into or out of it at this point, each option riddled with consequences, with the only incentive to sway him being his own selfish needs.
“...Fine,” Yoshiki finally gave in, still not willing to look ‘Hikaru’s way, slowly sliding his hands away from his face and back to grip the edges of the pillow still on his lap. ‘Hikaru’ was clearly pleased, Yoshiki didn’t even have to look to almost feel the excitement practically radiating off of him.
With his gaze still averted, Yoshiki’s hands remained in place by the pillow, hesitant.
“So, are ya gonna move that, or,” ‘Hikaru’ broke the awkward pause, to which Yoshiki only grimaced. Taking a shaky breath, the pillow slowly came off, then thrown to the other side of the room before he could give himself a chance to change his mind.
The tent formed under Yoshiki’s shorts was now in full view. He gave a quick glance to ‘Hikaru’, nerves on fire as the other stared at it with awe, even hunger, eagerly waiting for Yoshiki to finish undressing.
Yoshiki couldn't decide where was worse to look, opting to simply shut his eyes as he shifted his shorts down, pulling his erection out for the room to see.
“Wow, so that's what it should look like,” ‘Hikaru’ mused to himself, the proximity of his voice far too close for comfort. The question dawned on him then, what the hell do we do now? The moment dragged on far too long, Yoshiki not making any moves as he tried to distract himself, mentally dissociating before the embarrassment killed him on the spot.
He almost managed to calm his mind, if he could just pretend he was dreaming, until his senses were forcibly dragged back to reality as he felt a hand grasping around his dick.
“Idiot, don’t touch it–” ‘Hikaru’ withdrew his hand immediately, startled,
“Sorry, Yoshiki, I didn’t mean to,” although he hardly sounded apologetic, “my hand just moved on its own.”
Yoshiki raised an eyebrow, as if to ask, really? But ‘Hikaru’ didn’t take notice, his attention remaining fixed on Yoshiki’s lower body.
“Can I touch it then, please?” ‘Hikaru’s hand was still hovering beside the prize, Yoshiki wasn’t sure if he was really listening.
It was too late to turn back, he could only resign to his fate.
“Okay.”
Elated, ‘Hikaru’ jumped straight back in, gripping poor Yoshiki’s dick too suddenly, too rough. Yoshiki couldn’t cover his mouth fast enough, letting his voice slip.
“Wait, not so fast–” he clamped his own mouth shut, palm pressed tight against his lips, before ‘Hikaru’ had a chance to wring another moan out of him.
“This is different from what I thought it was gonna feel like,” ‘Hikaru’ spoke absentmindedly, slowing down his motions gradually into steadier strokes.
“What were you expecting?” Yoshiki’s response came out soft, muffled against the palm of his hand, but still comprehensible.
“I’m not sure,” he hummed in thought, still studying the way Yoshiki twitched and squirmed in his grasp, “I can’t test it on myself, so I’ve never tried.”
Yoshiki hadn’t quite thought about it before, but it made sense. He glanced down towards ‘Hikaru’s crotch in turn; he wasn’t hard. It was yet another reminder of how he wasn’t human, just walking around in broad daylight clothed in Hikaru’s corpse, there was no longer any blood flowing through his veins.
“Right,” was all Yoshiki said, pausing the line of thought before it consumed him again. ‘Hikaru’s moves were still sloppy, clearly inexperienced, but there was an honest attempt behind them. What concerned Yoshiki even more was how good it actually felt, if a bit lacking. To have Hikaru stroking his cock like this, he thought that was a scene reserved for his wildest fantasies. It was too good to be true, too wrong to be true.
“Am I doing it right?” ‘Hikaru’ checked in, and Yoshiki considered for a moment if it was better to just lie to him, have him continue just the way he was. But if he were to indulge, he would have him move his hand a little bit quicker, more consistent.
“Could you go a bit faster?” Yoshiki requested, still a bit hesitant. ‘Hikaru’ obliged, quickening his strokes ever so slightly, monitoring the way Yoshiki reacted to each shift in his technique. “Not too much– Yeah, that’s better.”
If he were to consider further, he would change ‘Hikaru’s grip, have him cover more of his length with his palm.
“Wait, try holding it like this,” he tentatively reached for ‘Hikaru’s hand, shifting his grip as he demonstrated over ‘Hikaru’s hold. Under his guiding hand, ‘Hikaru’ learned quickly, until Yoshiki could pull back and just try to enjoy himself.
“Wanna try sticking it in me?”
“What–” Yoshiki coughed out, choking on his breath as he tried to process what ‘Hikaru’ had just proposed.
‘Hikaru’s strokes paused as he burst out laughing, tears forming in the corners of his eyes,
“You should’ve seen the look on your face just now,” he wheezed out, slowly pulling himself back together as Yoshiki’s features became redder.
“I wanna go home,” Yoshiki sounded sunken, and ‘Hikaru’ couldn’t quite tell if he was kidding or not.
“Sorry, sorry, I don’t mean to tease ya,” he apologised, not wanting to sour the mood after they’ve gotten this far, “but you’ve done it once before, sure you don't wanna try it again?”
“That was with my arm,” Yoshiki frowned, “and not really, last time it was… strange.”
Dangerous. He recalled how ‘Hikaru’ would’ve pulled him in if they weren’t careful. It was at least a little arousing, though he was afraid to really admit that to himself. The sticking his hand inside ‘Hikaru’s torso part not so much, but having him standing in such close proximity between his thighs, his bare chest on display; it was a scene Yoshiki couldn’t help replaying in his head over and over whether he wanted to or not.
“Ah, is it too weird to just stick it in my chest?” ‘Hikaru’ paused for a moment, thinking.
“That’s not the issue–”
“Why not put it in my mouth instead?”
Yoshiki couldn’t believe his ears. He was one step away from protesting again, yet with his dick still in ‘Hikaru’s grip, his body betrayed him. He couldn’t deflect his way out of it when his body clearly craved otherwise, cock twitching just at the thought.
“You–” and yet Yoshiki couldn’t complete the words to scold him for getting carried away, dying in his throat.
He finally found the courage to meet ‘Hikaru’s gaze, taken aback by how intensely the other was looking at him. He tried to edge away, spine pressed against the wall behind him, yet ‘Hikaru’ wouldn’t move his hand. There was an explicit hunger in his eyes, a want and a need to drink up all Yoshiki had to offer, to devour what he had become.
Knowing all too well that Yoshiki was too afraid to be honest with himself about what he wants, ‘Hikaru’ was already leaning in closer, breath tickling his cock,
“I want to taste you, Yoshiki,” he could feel every word directly into his nerves, along his throbbing cock, each layer of hunger and vulnerability they were laced with.
Don’t say things like that, Yoshiki would have said if his throat were still co-operating, yet his words weren’t quite working as ‘Hikaru’ danced his tongue around the head of his cock. He was given no more time to agonise over it, ‘Hikaru's patience running out first.
Thus he returned to the abyss, sinking steadily into the chaos that was ‘Hikaru’. Yoshiki could hardly process how it felt, so foreign and wrong yet just a bit familiar. It began as one would expect, passing the ring of his lips, feeling the curve of his tongue, yet his mouth lacked warmth. Beyond lay what he remembered of ‘Hikaru’, an oppressive void squeezing him where his throat should be. It latched onto his flesh possessively, slipping inside of his very soul, worming its way up to his brain. His vision momentarily blanked, and for a second he felt no fear, no discomfort to the inevitable corruption ‘Hikaru’ invited, only acceptance as this creature he couldn't hope to understand stole him away.
The burn in his lungs was unbearable. There wasn't enough air, Yoshiki inhaled heavily as he desperately tried to pry ‘Hikaru’ off of him; it was far too much. The more he struggled, the more ‘Hikaru’ persisted, desperate to make Yoshiki feel good. He retreated what of himself had entered Yoshiki, yet Yoshiki still whined and protested, singing a slightly different tune.
Without the extra layers of terror from being pulled deeper in by ‘Hikaru’, the threat of consuming him whole, Yoshiki simply had his penis in ‘Hikaru’s mouth. ‘Hikaru’ slowed, making every conscious effort to hold himself back, wishing for Yoshiki to be able to put aside his fear and just enjoy the moment. He didn't want to hurt him.
Regardless of ‘Hikaru’s intentions, Yoshiki was entirely overwhelmed. By first sheer terror, and now allconsuming lust, both equally extreme primal instincts were trying to pull him in two directions at once. Any more and he thought his mind would break, body already failing to keep up, giving in to the latter.
By the time he even registered the thought to give ‘Hikaru’ a warning, he was already gripping the sides of his head closer, fingers intertwining with short locks of hair as he came into his throat. ‘Hikaru’ made no move, welcoming everything Yoshiki gave him; wringing every last drop of his cum into his vessel, coaxing every last stuttered whine out from his strained vocal chords.
Once everything had calmed, ‘Hikaru’ retreated back, letting go of Yoshiki’s dick as it slipped out of his mouth. It was finally over. Yoshiki was completely spent, collapsing against the wall behind him as he attempted to catch his breath. Between his heavy breaths, he turned back to ‘Hikaru’, trying to get a read on him. He seemed pleased, eagerly waiting as Yoshiki recovered his stamina.
“Sorry for that,” Yoshiki began, only to earn a confused glance from ‘Hikaru’.
“Hm?”
“For, um… ejaculating inside you,” a flush returned to his features as he struggled to maintain eye contact, embarrassed.
“Nah, it’s fine. Tasted kinda weird, though,” ‘Hikaru’ brushed it off, not bothered in the slightest.
“You didn’t have to swallow that–”
“But I wanted to,” ‘Hikaru’ returned with a smile so gentle, Yoshiki could almost forget the horrors which lay beneath. “Like I said before, I like ya, Yoshiki, and I’ll still like ya even when you’re shooting your gunk all over my face.”
Yoshiki was so taken aback by his choice of words, he couldn’t help but burst into laughter. The tension in his muscles had faded completely, no longer sitting so ridiculously rigid across ‘Hikaru’s soft mattress.
“What the hell,” he pulled ‘Hikaru’ in close by his shoulders, giving his hair a rough toussle, just like he usually did when Hikaru pissed him off. The pair of them were in hysterics then, as if nothing had ever changed.
“If you’re feeling so darn guilty though, wanna return the favour?”
“Ehh…” Yoshiki groaned, not in the mood at all anymore, having been physically satisfied himself.
“Relax, I’m kidding,” ‘Hikaru’ laughed it off, not missing how Yoshiki’s shoulders relaxed so slightly as he spoke, “I don’t think I could get mine up anymore anyway, unless I try like, super hard. Don’t think it'll look quite right though.”
“I thought you didn’t have a sex drive,” Yoshiki sighed, unwilling to witness his attempts at mutilating his own penis to make Yoshiki laugh.
“True, but that doesn’t matter. It’s enough if you’re satisfied, Yoshiki. You really mean everything to me, y’know.”
Some part of his unconscious mind twitched hearing those words. It sounded so genuine, straight from the heart, so then how could it make his own heart sting with so much regret?
“What, rendered speechless? I’m serious,” ‘Hikaru’ followed up to break the awkward pause, tone still light. He was still too close.
“I know,” Yoshiki replied to him, voice soft as a whisper, before he swiftly hurried the conversation along, “Let me move off the bed a sec, I need to fix my clothes.”
Had Hikaru asked him to return the favour, what would he have said?
It was best to not answer that question. It would only cause him to spiral further, questioning his sanity for keeping this ‘Hikaru’ around. Not a day would go by without a moment like this, where his daily life shatters and he is forced to remember that Hikaru isn’t really here.
Grief was cyclical, repetitive, each day simply resetting the clock. How much longer would it take to disappear, until he fully accepted ‘Hikaru’ as part of his normal life? Its colour only ever pretends to fade, still tripping him up like this just when he thinks he’s forgotten, thinks that he’s fine. The stain never washes out.
He slowly rose up from ‘Hikaru’s bed, shuffling his underwear and shorts back on.
“Do you have any ice cream downstairs? It’s still way too hot in here.”
“Yeah, I think so, I’ll go take a look,” ‘Hikaru’ was already out of the door, scrambling his way over to the freezer. Yoshiki soon followed, carefully closing the door behind him. It was just a normal summer’s afternoon. The two of them always shared ice cream on hot days like this, and now they would do it again, just as normal.