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Max looked at the bay. Her eyes reflected the thick grey fog that cloaked the air, and the rippling water that lapped the pebble beach where her feet rested.
Behind her echoed the call of a sea lion pack, trudging on Angel Island’s south shore. It seemed to perfectly mirror how she felt in that moment: desperately alone, with no one to truly listen.
But there was Chloe. Crouched in front of Max, she was tying a rusted anchor around the soaked, bloated corpse at their feet. Even intent on something so sinister, Chloe looked beautiful, with her short blue hair and bright ocean eyes.
There was something profoundly unsettling about this man’s murder. Both Chloe and Max knew that it was wrong. Deeply, fundamentally wrong.
Chloe spoke, her voice sharp. “I still don't understand why you insisted so much on killing him. In the end, the Throne and Lucifer would have known anyway, so what? What’s so wrong with kissing me? Is it because I’m a demon? Or,” she pressed, her gaze piercing Max, “is it because you already used your powers for me once, and now you’re worried about your destiny? You’re worried you’re gonna be forced to make a choice, fail at it again, and lose your privileges, aren't you?” A gleam crossed her eyes.
“I simply don't want it to be known. From where we stand now, it’s a forbidden love. See what happened to Daniel when he chose Lucinda, his love, over either God or Lucifer. See what happened to you when you fell for Lucifer’s sweet promises and followed her to your demise. And standing by the Throne would mean severing whatever bond we have and only live to serve Her. I would no longer be tied to maintaining balance between Good and Evil, between Heaven and Earth. As much as it hurts, I must stand by my freedom. It’s my destiny, for as long as it’s granted.” As she uttered those words, Max felt frustrated, trapped. It was inherently ironic, the Guardian of Time not knowing how much time she had left. Why did everything depend on her making a choice? She had never asked for any of this, and now, for some reason, it all laid in her hands, again.
The Throne had always looked like the promise of a safe haven, while Hell had never seemed to be ready to welcome her. Either choice felt like eternal condemnation.
“You’re still just a pawn in the Throne’s grand scheme, Max! Don’t you get it? They've been mocking us from the beginning. The only Master of your destiny… is you. You can, and we can, free ourselves from all of this. Maybe we don’t even have to stay on one side forever, maybe we could go to Her and ask for… Perhaps, to live a mortal, happy life, like—” Max shushed Chloe before she could finish the sentence, then felt stupid, remembering the only other person nearby was dead. Yet, they couldn’t risk being indiscreet, not for the time being, at least.
After Daniel and Lucinda had been granted the choice to give up their angelic nature, forget everything and live as mortals for one last time, the Throne had made sure to keep it quite secret. Only few had come to know, but most of them regarded it as an old tale to discourage the angels from rebelling against the Throne or not choosing any side, threatening to alter the balance of all things. Yes, the power of God was infinite, but it sure was not in Her ultimate plan to lose the best angels who had sided with Her since the beginning of Time to mere mortality.
Max had been offered to be a Guardian, and this had lifted her from the urgency to pick a side, serving as a mediator until the balance was settled. But she knew she had to make a choice. The worst thing was that maybe God already suspected that many of the angels and demons wanted to no longer serve Her, but to live one last, mortal life. What She perhaps didn’t know was that some of them, along with a few Outcasts, had started planning a new rebellion. Max could already hear Lucifer’s laughter at the potential, final fall of the Throne. Funnily enough, she thought, the Queen of Hell had managed to handle Her own realm better than the original Creator of the Universe.
Chloe left the corpse on the ground and quickly approached her. She gripped Max’s shirt, staining it with the man’s blood on her fingers, and Max looked into her eyes. Eyes that only seconds before were a vibrant, lively blue, were now so dark they had acquired a completely different color. It was the color of desperation.
The desperation of loving an angel.
Love was consuming them internally, at a frantic, unsettlingly human pace.
Chloe closed her eyes for a few seconds, sighing, then spoke again, her voice a near whisper. “I know it’s not easy. It never will be,” she said, "for us, for Arriane and Tess, for all the rebels. Maybe it would be simpler if… if you came over to our side first. If you made your choice, once and for all. And no—you can’t choose the excuse of love or duty this time. Love isn’t chosen by giving up both Good and Evil. If anything, it’s embracing both of them while still being brave enough to let one prevail. I know deep down you feel it too.”
“But... it's wrong. Everything is balanced as long as I don’t make a choice, as long as I can prevent the Throne from knowing what’s really going on by using my powers... If I take your side, Evil will prevail, both in Heaven and on Earth, and without my shield, the Throne will find out about your plan before you even get the chance to put it into action. I can’t afford to lose you like this. I just can’t.”
“You’ll lose me either way! Staying in the middle will only make you end up a martyr in all of this. You think you are the key to keeping everything balanced—well, surprise, Max, that’s all bullshit,” she nervously licked her lips, “Do you really think She doesn’t know yet?” she asked weakly, trembling and shaken by sobs. "Are you really that delusional, or you just don’t want me because I’m a demon? You’re afraid to touch me with your wings, aren’t you?" Warm tears streamed over her cheeks. Chloe Price had never cried for her choice, or for herself; she had only ever cried for Max, who apparently was always going to leave her in the end, choosing duty and power over their love. Chloe had always tried to hold back and show herself as the humanless demon that she thought she was, but deep down in her heart she knew it was just a facade. She was aware of her emotions, of her tendency to humanity. She was aware of the affection she had for her fallen siblings. She was aware of the love she felt for Max. Yet, even though millennia had passed, Chloe couldn’t fully trust Max. She had betrayed her and their love before the Throne and the other angels. Chloe had convinced herself Max did not have a choice, only because God had given her a different role in the Order of Things. She had always tried to hold back, to keep her doubts to herself, as if she lived in her own personal realm where no one expected her to make a choice for herself, but always for the others. Yet, at the end of the day, she was just like all of them: an angel, bound to side with either Good or Evil.
It was all too much for Chloe. She needed to free herself from the weight that was crushing her chest. “Why did you lie to the Throne, by hiding our love? Are you ashamed of it? Are you ashamed to love me?” Chloe yelled the question, looking into Max’s purplish eyes. She suddenly looked so fragile.
“I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. From the beginning. I lied to the Throne, yes—I couldn’t help it, what I feel isn’t right. I don’t want to diminish our love, but maybe it’s the way it was written for us. Maybe we have no right to ask for a happy ending.”
Chloe reached out her hand towards her. “Our happy ending can only be written by us. And it begins when you come over to side with Evil, and when you finally decide to embrace the rebellion.”
Max pushed her hand away. “But... the role I’ve always had in the eyes of the Throne... I’d erase my existence. And what if I wasn’t suited for Evil? What if I can’t be part of it, or if I’m not strong enough to help you take down Heaven? I’d always be the different one, one step behind the others. A liability, even.”
“You’re bad enough to be a demon. And have more power than any of us down there.”
“But are you sure being bad is all that it’s about?”
“...you have to be bad to be a demon. Or at least, I pretend to be, until something, or someone, finally chooses to help us change everything for good. You are the only one who can, Max. But you... it seems you don’t care enough to follow me, or at least help the others find their freedom. Perhaps, you’re fooling me as well, besides our poor companions.”
“I…”
“Yes, that's how it is, Max.”
“But, maybe—” Chloe said nothing. She gave her a last, empty look, then turned, spread her golden wings, and flew away, leaving Max there, alone at the bay, at their place.
It’s on your face; is it on your mind?
Would you care to build a house of your own?
How much longer, how long can you wait?
It’s like you wanted to go and give yourself away
Heaven forbid you end up alone and don’t know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you’ll be alright
It feels good
Is that reason enough for you?
“Heaven Forbid”, The Fray