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Mallick hadn’t slept in weeks. Or maybe it was hours..he lost count after watching the sun come up 3 times. So at least three days without sleep. Guilt was covering him indefinitely as he saw it. He’d went on a swimming date with Bobby, then they had sex. He was amazed the whole time. Only after did he realize he was naked, all scars on display. He curled under his blanket, sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. He was sweating an obnoxious amount. He didn’t even want to bother anymore. Mallick tossed the blanket off himself, going to his dimly lit bathroom. He rummaged the drawers, frustrated at the mess he always kept. Then finally, there at the back sat the bottom drawer, his pack of blades. God he needed a break.
Bobby paced his bedroom, hands over his hips as he mentally cursed. He hadn’t heard from Mallick since their date, he wondered if he scared off Mallick. He hoped not. He prayed he didn’t lose the last person there for him in Milburn. He hadn’t made time for anyone else, he only needed Mallick. He wondered if the kisses to his scars after everything was too much. He was worried sick for him. He couldn’t do it much longer. Bobby tossed his jacket on and shoved his phone into his pocket along with his keys. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he brought the Narcan he took from the hospital after the last time Mallick ignored him. He begged he didn’t have to lose him like he lost Joyce. He didn’t want to think about that.
Mallick stripped of everything but his boxers, slightly big on him after he lost weight. It was a mix of the morphine he’d been using recently and how he barely could get out of bed. He sat in his tub, the plastic creaking under him. It was something he had gotten used to the day he moved in, learning to tune it out. He opened the small container, taking one of the rust covered blades out. He irked, he hadn’t remembered the last time he saw these. Was it 2009? 2010? It didn’t matter. He needed to get the edge off somehow, and he didn’t feel like getting high. He’d just feel more guilt than he already did.
Bobby made it to the apartment, banging on the door “God damnit Mallick, open your fucking door!” He had been yelling so much he forgot people lived in the apartment complex beside Mallick. He wasn’t entirely surprised when he watched someone step out, he barely spoke. He wasn’t going to let Mallick risk another second. He opened the door, having to nudge it hard with his shoulder at first. He saw all the lights turned off but the bathroom. Fuck fuck fuck. All Bobby could possibly think was that Mallick overdosed again. He couldn’t lose him. That horrified him the first time, and now Mallick wasn’t answering again? He would lose his shit if Mallick died, if he left him like Joyce did. He didn’t have the time to think about that when he opened the bathroom door.
Mallick laid in his empty tub, empty if you didn’t count the blood he was losing. Bobby almost immediately grew nauseous, grabbing his phone and quickly searching for Lawrence’s contact. He had it from the group chat, never planning to use it for anything like this. He dropped his phone as he rummaged the cabinets for towels. Two hand towels. Of course, just his luck. What’d he expect? He slid off his jacket and rushed over the bathtub. He kneeled over and wrapped his jacket around the thigh that was bleeding the most, tightening the sleeves as much as he could. He knew Mallick was too out of it to even wake up and tell him it was tight, as long as the blood stopped. The blood went slower, which was better than gushing out, but it wasn’t stopping. He had to worry about every other cut on Mallick. He wrapped each arm in a hand towel, holding them tight. He hadn’t even realized that Lawrence answered.
“Hello? Bobby hello?” Lawrence spoke loudly through the phone, his evident worry showing even if he didn’t like Bobby. He was one of the only actual half decent doctors there. “Doctor Gordon, it’s- Fuck it’s Mallick” Bobby tried to grab the phone, his hands too bloody to even get a grip. He flinched as the phone fell against the floor. Lawrence was mumbling something before he replied back to Bobby “What happened? Is Mallick okay?” Bobby was fighting back the tears that had already started falling “He- Oh my god..he’s bleeding out fucking everywhere. It’s all over his bathroom. I don’t know what to do” He heard rustling then Lawrence again “I’m on my way” Bobby hung up, his phone screen covered in blood now. He got up for a second to crack the door open, then back to the bathroom. He kept putting pressure on Mallicks arms and his thigh. God he couldn’t lose this man, he couldn’t lose Mallick.
By the time Lawrence got to Mallicks apartment he was pale as the bath he laid in, blood still going everywhere. Bobby was covered, his own hands shaking as he wiped the tears from his face, leaving blood all over his face. He got out of Lawrence’s way as he opened the bag he brought. Bobby did whatever Lawrence said, just wanting Mallick back in bed with him. He just wanted to hold him. Lawrence stitched up the thigh that was tied off by Bobby’s jacket first, 11 deep cuts, all symmetrical. Then he stitched Mallicks left arm, same amount of cuts, again for his right arm. His left thigh didn’t hang anything but the blade resting. He must’ve lost consciousness before he could manage the other thigh. Bobby’s heart hurt as Lawrence finished stitching. “Let me clean him up, you can take him back to his bed after” He spoke as he cleaned off the blood from Mallicks body, wrapping his arms and thigh with gauze before getting up. “Call me if anything happens. I’ll get him started on antibiotics in the morning just incase the rust got into his blood. Get some sleep” Lawrence spoke before leaving.
Bobby got Mallick up, he wasn’t that heavy. He reminded to start cooking more for him. Bobby got a blanket laid down and then laid Mallick down, tucking him in. He made it back to the bathroom and started to clean the blood off himself. He had to get his shirt off with how drenched it was. His jeans too. God he was a mess. He stole some of Mallicks clothes, they were a bit tight but it was better than nothing. He carefully cleaned his face off with a washcloth, breaking down when he finally got to cleaning the tub. He threw away the pack of blades, horrified of this happening again when Bobby couldn’t save him. He was beyond horrified of losing Mallick. Anyone but Mallick. Bobby started a load of laundry, all the bloody clothes and cloths in one load. He stumbled his way back to Mallicks room, laying his head on Mallicks chest and letting himself cry. He couldn’t grasp that he could’ve lost Mallick.
The next morning Bobby didn’t wake up at his normal, right as the sun rose, instead he slept till almost noon. Mallick still laying still in bed asleep. He held him to his chest, running his fingers through his hair. He hummed a soft song, something he heard on the radio years ago, back when he’d just drive around with Joyce. Bobby fell back asleep holding Mallick, his hand still in his hair protectively. When Bobby felt Mallick finally waking up he sat up, watching as Mallick finally came to. “Bobby..?” Mallick mumbled through sleep. Bobby’s arms tightened around him, kisses planted on his forehead. “I’m here..I’m here..” Bobby spoke softly as he held Mallick to his chest, lying back down with him.
Bobby pushed some hair behind Mallicks ear “You scared me to death Mal…why didn’t you just talk to me? I’m here for you, you know?” Mallick knew that, damnit he knew that, that’s why he had to do it, because Bobby was there for him. He felt stupid. “Thought you’d think I was ugly…then all I could think about was my scars..” And yet he made more. He didn’t know if he truly wanted to die, maybe, maybe not. Whatever. He was alive, next to Bobby. That’s all he needed anymore.