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“If you really want to prove yourself,” Willow shoved a flask into Pony’s hands. The green liquid sloshing around inside. “You’ll do me this little favor for me.”
He wanted to prove himself to Willow.
Just not like this.
He looked down at the flask; the bioluminescence emitting a dull, green glow onto his hands and jacket. He knew what it was- what it was capable of. Pony was hesitant, unsure how to go about this.
“W-Willow,” He began, holding the flask away from himself. “I want to prove myself to you, believe me.”
Willow’s gaze switched to and from him and the potion. “But?”
“But surely there’s a better way than…than this!” His free hand shot out to the distance, referencing to the scene in front of the duo: Two people huddled around a campfire—A dog and someone more human. “You’re asking me to infect someone, I can’t do that!”
Willow didn’t speak for a few seconds, but Pony could sense she didn’t like what he just said, but there wasn’t any other options but to see what Willow did.
“You don’t understand what they’ve done.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “They took me away from the only family I had. He’s gone because of them.” Willow’s voice was harsh, but Pony could sense heartache behind its tough exterior.
“I know you’re hurting, Willow.” Pony spoke carefully, not wanting to provoke her any more. “But we can be the better person if—“
“I don’t think you understand.” Willow interrupted. This time— she sounded amused. Before Pony could form another sentence, he felt something poking his back. He immediately came to the realization that this was Willow’s gun. He froze, not daring to move.
“You don’t have a choice.”
With no other options available, Pony had to continue with Willow’s plan. The few seconds it took to pour the potion out of the flask and into the mouths of the defenseless before him felt dragged out. Regret crept in almost instantly. With every praise and compliment from Willow came a pang of guilt bashing into his chest. He wanted to vomit, the reality of what he had just done washing over him.
‘Pony…What have you done.’
~~
Pony looked at himself in the mirror. Eye bags from those sleepless nights. His clothes worn down, his glasses cracked. He looked terrible.
From the corner of his eye, he swore he saw that same dog wielding that axe. Pony rubbed his eyes, hoping that would disappear. And eventually, it had. But the guilt didn’t.
“Pony!” A high-pitched voice called from outside his room. It didn’t too long for him to realize that the voice belonged to Zizzy’s sister: Zuzy. “Zizzy said dinner’s ready. And that if you don’t come down, Zee and I could eat your dessert!”
As quickly as the voice appeared, it was gone with the sound of giggling and running fading along with it. Two sets of footsteps, Zee was there with Zuzy. But of course. Pony briefly took off his glasses and dragged his hand down his face before repositioning them and leaving his room.
The rest of The Safe Place sat in the designated dining room. Both Giraffy and Mimi spent the entire afternoon making a big dinner for everyone. The twins were excited to see all the food on the plate, with Zuzy telling Zee about what she was planning to eat first in great detail.
Pony quietly sat down next to Zizzy as per usual, adjusting his glasses cautiously once more.
“Pony, are you okay?” Zizzy asked, observing his nervous behavior like a hawk.
“Uh…Yeah, I’m fine.” Pony murmured as he picked at his food. His fork almost missed the plate entirely. “Just a bit tired.” Zizzy raised an eyebrow, but didn’t make another comment.
The rest of the night proceeded as every other night did; complimenting dinner, Zuzy speaking on what Mimi taught her and Zee that day, supplies they needed. The normalcy gave Pony a distraction from the blood on his hands. For a second, he could forget about his past and feel normal for a change.
After dinner, Pony returned to his room and sat on his bed. He took off his beanie and glasses and cupped his face into his hands. After talk of supply runs and shenanigans, he was back alone with his lingering guilt.
The only person who had an idea of his past was Zizzy. He didn’t know how she wasn’t disgusted with him when he told her about it. He lied back on his bed, taking a deep breath as he allowed the guilt to mess with him.
“Pony?”
Pony sat up, startled at the sudden voice calling to him. He relaxed a bit when he saw it was just Zizzy. He put his hat and glasses back on. “Zizzy…Jeez…You spooked me.”
Zizzy sat down next to him, the same concerned look from dinner still on her face. “What’s wrong?”
Pony blinked. “Huh?”
“You’re not acting like yourself.” She pressed on. “I know I accidentally put you on the spot earlier, but I could tell something’s off.”
Pony hesitated. “Zizzy, I…”
“You can talk to me.” Zizzy held a hand to Pony. “I’m here for you.”
Zizzy’s heard the story time and time again. She knew how much it bothered him, how much guilt he carried—And Pony didn’t want to keep bothering her with it.
“It’s just…It’s eating me alive,” And yet he did. “The guilt, I mean. I can’t believe I did that…Infected someone.”
“Pony…” Zizzy thought to herself before speaking again. “That doesn’t define who you are. We all make really bad decisions sometimes.”
Pony stayed silent. He took off his glasses to cleaned the lenses absentmindedly. “Do you think that counts as murder? Am I going to go to jail once this is over??”
Zizzy thought it was a little humorous to hear Pony come to such a conclusion. But she knew not to think that way for too long. “You’re not going to jail, Pony.” She reassured.
“But they were police officers!”
“Pony,” Zizzy’s voice remained calm and soothing. At least to Pony. His mind went blank for a moment, calming down before he got too worked up.
“I’m sorry.” Pony muttered. He took his hat off, then placed it back on his head—Still visibly frustrated. “I justdon’t know how to live with myself.”
“We make bad choices sometimes.” Zizzy reiterated. “What’s important is that we grow from them. You’re not the first person to make a bad decision, and you definitely wont be the last.”
Zizzy put her hand on Pony’s restless one. He had finally made eye contact with her, and she gently squeezed his hand before pulling him into a hug.
“You’re not a bad person.”
Pony’s eyes widened, he didn’t feel like he deserved to hear that. Yet hearing those words come out of her mouth felt relieving. He lifted his arms to hug her back, but remained quiet. He was more than happy to share silence with Zizzy. In a world like this, she was all he needed.
“Thanks..” Pony finally spoke up as he broke the hug. “I really needed that.”
Zizzy readjusted Pony’s glasses for him, taking a good look at his face. “I don’t want you to live with this regret for the rest of your life.”
“I know.”
“So please,” Zizzy began. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s not fair to you.”
Pony was hesitant to respond, but did so anyway. “Alright, I’ll try.”
Zizzy was happy to hear him say that, a step towards overcoming his past. “You know…we’re running kinda low on supplies. We’re gonna have to go out and get more eventually.”
“Are we?” Pony asked with a smirk.
“Mhm, there’s a carnival somewhere around here we can get supplies from, now that I think about it.” Zizzy stood up and offered a hand to Pony. “Wanna come with me?”
Pony took her hand and stood with her. “Absolutely.”