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“I think I remember some of it.”
Carter stands and starts reciting Hamlet. His chest puffed up, his tone haughty, almost mocking. Then suddenly he’s ducking down, practically diving to the small trash bin in the corner.
“Carter!” Susan shouts.
They’re all on their feet in shock and concern, as Carter heaves into the bin. Susan crouches down slightly, rubbing his back as he spits out the last of the bile.
Carter waves away Susan’s fussing as he stands up. “I’m fine. I’m fine. JUST!” He glares at her briefly before turning away in shame.
“…leave me alone.” Carter, grabs the bin and takes it with him out the room.
Taken aback by the rare show of aggression, Susan says “Abby, you want to give it a go?”
Abby walks over to the door just to peak, catching Carter down the hall, slamming a door closed.
“He just went to the restroom.”
They’re all quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of what just happened, until Gallant breaks the spell.
“I thought being in emergency medicine was meant to make you more sensitive to this sort of thing.”
“To what?” asks Luka as they all look to Gallant’s scowling face.
Gallant faces him to answer. “In the military, you know power dynamics and stuff. Boundaries get pushed and you’re just supposed to shut up and take it. I thought being in emergency medicine; you’d all be more compassionate.”
“Excuse me?” Susan struggles to muster complete outrage, still confused.
“He lost his virginity at eleven?” He looks at Susan as if to ask “How are you not getting this?”
“He probably just wanted to win the game.” Abby adds, and it’s her turn to receive Gallant’s glare.
“To a 25-year-old? You forced him to admit to being assaulted as a child and you just laughed at his face.”
The realization slowly dawns on their faces.
“He seemed fine after…” says Susan partly as an excuse but also begging for it not to be true.
“Maybe I’m just closer to my psych rotation than you guys, but I think they call that ‘masking’, and clearly not a successful attempt at it.” Gallant gestures at the door Carter just rushed out of.
While the rest wallow in their own self-loathing, Luka is the one who looks back at the events of the day. He then stands and says “I’ll talk to him.”
Briskly walking to the door, the girls follow him.
“Why you?” asks Susan.
While Abby say “He hates you!”
“No, he doesn’t.” He turns back to look at them before continuing. “Because Gallant is right, he wasn’t trying to impress either one of you, he was masking. And he started long before your little game.”
He turns to finally get to the door, only for it to open with Carter heading back inside.
“Carter.” Susan exclaims.
“He’s here.” He says as he squeezes past the trio to take a seat.
“Who?” asks Abby, only for the man himself to answer.
“I’m John Taylor…Sorry, I’m so damn late. I had to dig my car out of the snow. I appreciate your all still waiting for me.”
Luka took Carter aside after the seminar to talk. No one else heard the conversation, and Carter didn’t even appear receptive to it, avoiding his eyes. But it ended with a comforting pat on the shoulder from Luka and a reciprocal shaking of hands.
Everyone slowly peeled off, out into the cold night, until it was just Carter and Susan left.
“You wanna get something to eat? I’m starving.” Carter shoves his hands in his pockets in an attempt at nonchalance.
“Carter, I’m sorry about earlier.”
Susan tries to be gentle, but his guard is back up, and so is the practiced haughtiness in his tone.
“I thought nothing happened.” He says sarcastically.
“No. Not about…I mean about the bet. Making you tell us about…I wasn’t thinking, and I’m sure neither was Abby. Abby’s great, really. I didn't think I'd like her...”
Carter frowns at the addition. “Abby?”
“We just got caught up. We didn’t mean to ridicule what happened to you.” Susan continues.
“What happened to me?” He gets defensive.
“We just got stuck on you saying you were eleven, and it didn’t really compute how much older she was.”
Carter scoffs and says “Or maybe you just thought I have a thing for older women.”
“What?” Susan is put off-balance by the interruption.
“What was that kiss about earlier?”
After a beat she says “Can we just talk about…” only to be interrupted again.
“No. What was that kiss about?”
“Kiss?” Susan recognizes the misdirection, but lets Carter go at his own pace.
“Yeah, when you just kissed me out of nowhere earlier.”
Susan sighs in frustration, turning away briefly before saying “Well, if anything, that’s the whole point. I need a reason to kiss you?”
“There seemed to be a purpose to it. You said something after.”
“Just this thing Abby mentioned…”
Carter roars at the sky. “Abby. Abby. Abby! Can we stop talking about Abby?”
And Susan gets baited and raises her voice too.
“Well, you asked about the second date rule, and it was Abby who told me about it.”
Carter shrugs for her to continue.
“Apparently if nothing happens after the second date, there’s no point wasting your time with someone you don’t have chemistry with.”
“Oh. So, you’ve been wasting your time with me?”
“Carter…” Susan says in a warning pitch.
“Well, I’m sorry if I’ve been preoccupied of late, with my family falling apart.”
“I never complained about that!”
He starts off almost pleading.
“No, you didn’t. You’ve been wonderful and understanding. And I’ve been so grateful that you didn’t seem to feel like I was neglecting our romance, but now apparently you think you’ve just been wasting your time.”
And ends angry.
“I didn’t mean…”
“You seem to be saying a lot of things you don’t mean!”
“That’s just how she explained it!”
They both turn away from each other, hating how loud they’ve gotten. But as Susan takes a breath to calm herself down, Carter serves a dare.
“She?”
But Susan just gives a warning glare, avoiding the name.
“And you keep getting on my case about Mark?” Carter needles and gets the reaction he wants.
“Well, I didn’t start a rumor about having been with someone when I hadn’t.”
“When did I do that?”
“I don’t know. Abby said…”
He laughs.
“Oh, Abby said. Right, well as long as Abby said…Is this about Rena?”
“Who?”
He huffs.
“Rena and I had a brief thing. She was scandalously younger than the women that I usually go for and Abby disapproved. So, I told Rena something to the effect of things being awkward because Abby had a thing for me, so that she’d steer clear of her. Rena assumed we were together and Abby surprisingly reinforced that story to cover for me of her own accord. It was messed up, but I just told Rena. I don’t know how it got around, because I didn’t start that rumor. Not all of us enjoy acting like high schoolers.”
“Says the guy who just dueled his romantic rival for attention.”
“My romantic rival? For who?” He dares her again to say Abby’s name, and is met with an unamused look.
“You know what, I’ll just grab you a cab.” Says Carter, exhaustion in his voice and his lazily raised arm.
Susan shakes her head at the sight, as a cab passes them by, suddenly exhausted by the conversation as well. She wanted to apologize, to comfort, not to fight. But this is where they ended up.
“Kiss me.”
Carter drops his arm and looks at her incredulously.
“Why?”
Susan shrugs and says “Well, sparks weren’t exactly flying the last time.”
“So, it’s a test.” Carter takes a deep breath. “You wanna know why there’s no spark? Because I’m upset, that’s why. Now, I admit, I’ve been a petulant ass all day, but if you don’t feel anything for me, just say so. Don’t make me being upset over something you did, as an excuse.”
“I didn’t do anything. I told you nothing happened.” Susan tries to keep her voice calm in the face of Carter’s agitation.
“And how do I know that you’re telling the truth when every time I’ve asked about Mark, you redirect the conversation to whatever you think is going on with Abby, instead of giving me a straight answer?”
“It’s private, and not my story to tell! I was just helping a friend who’s having a hard time.”
“So, just say that!” Carter winces at having raised his voice again. He takes another deep breath before continuing. “Because by that standard, that’s also all there’s ever been between me and Abby. Yes, I was attracted to her, we flirted. But if there’s more there, why the hell didn’t I take her up on it when she straight up told me she broke up with Luka for me?”
This gives Susan pause.
“I’ll tell you why. Because that was a lie. She sees me as an easy replacement for the guy she just wore out. She didn’t break up with Luka for me. They broke up because they have issues. I’ve been witness to a lot of it, trying to be her friend. His temper. Her wealth of insecurities. His wandering eye. Her lack of boundaries. You haven’t witnessed it because they’ve been apart since before you got here, but I have and I have no intention of jumping into that toxic trash heap.”
He takes a few steps back, realizing his aggression has him bent down close to her face. He raises his arm to flag down another cab that also passes them by.
“You should just tell her.” Susan insists.
“Tell her that?” Carter scoffs. “You know no matter how pissed off I am right now; I don’t actually want to start a fight with her.”
“Not that! The truth. Tell her that you’re desperately in love with her and you can’t live a moment without her.”
Carter is baffled, and with a tired laugh he asks “Is that what I should say? So that’s what this is, you pawning me off to your new best friend?”
“Just be honest, Carter.” She pleads with him.
“Honest?”
Carter buries his face in his glove covered hand, and moans into the leather.
“Do you know how happy I was, just to be able to take it easy that morning? Have breakfast with you, torture myself with another yoga class, just have a moment to catch up. Pretty sure I was whistling on the way to your place. I finally get to escape my family drama long enough to get a chance to remind you how much you mean to me. Only to find out you stayed the night with Mark Greene. I know you said nothing happened. That doesn’t change how devastating it felt, or how not reassuring your evasiveness has been. Like I missed my chance with you…again.”
He finally flags down a cab for Susan.
“Guess it really was a waste of time.” He says as he walks away.
“Carter!” Susan calls after him.
He waves a dismissive hand at her before adding “No. Yeah. I’ll just try my luck with Abby. It keeps coming up, there must be something there. No promises that it won’t be a complete and utter disaster, though.”
Carter rambles sarcastically but continues to walk.
“Was it true?” Susan finally cries out, making him turn back towards her.
“What was?”
“Your first.”
It takes Carter a minute to comprehend and decide.
“Yeah.” He says, defeated and barely audible from a few paces away.
“I’m so sorry.” She calls out to him, voice cracking.
He nods and chews on his lip before saying “I’m sorry too.”