Chapter Text
Every cog in his plan was moving. The setup was perfect and he trusted his Crows. Wylan had outdone himself with the traitor act, Jesper made his impossible shot and that scared doctor declared Kuwei dead. He even got past Pekka Rollins without too much trouble.
All that was left, was securing the Van Eck mansion as their safehouse. He planned to go with Jesper and Wylan, to watch Van Eck closely as he truly understood the consequences of crossing Dirtyhands. This was supposed to be a moment of triumph. Tying up loose ends. But his instincts told him something was off. He had missed an eventuality. There were more people involved, more rivaling desires than he could weigh against each other. Ravka, Fjerda and Shu Han were meant to neutralize their respective threats.
And yet- the adrenaline was still pumping through him. Sharpening his awareness, quickening his steps. He could hardly feel his aching leg, though he’d suffer for it later. Everyone was still in danger, they could only rest and regroup once all of them were safe at Wylan’s house. Kaz can’t afford to hang back and look for any of them. That was not how this worked. They all had a part to play and every cog must fall into place by itself. The teeth interlocking like a well-oiled machine.
A shot!
Kaz froze in place. A shot had been fired nearby. He was nowhere near any conflict. There shouldn’t be a gun fight. This wasn’t the barrel. No one should be shooting helpless pigeons. He waited a few seconds, but there weren’t any more shots. He should leave quickly. Get to their meeting point. But he couldn’t help the dread creeping up on him. Everything had gone too easily. Ravka’s tidemakers had done a convincing job as the Council of Tides and no one had questioned it.
Kaz Brekker did not believe in luck.
He vanished into the shadows as much as he could and half ran in the direction he heard the shot. Something was wrong. He missed something. He was certain he missed something. Kaz slid around a corner and quickly took in the road. A short figure was running away. They looked spooked. A uniform, unfam- no, drüskelle. He had a gun in his hand. Kaz could still smell the gunpowder. It had just been shot. His gaze flicked down, a person laying there. Groaning. He approached slowly, still watching his surroundings, waiting for someone to come running. Maybe no one heard the shot, or no one cared with the ongoing panic about another outbreak of the Queen’s Plague.
It was a man, tall and muscular. He was mumbling to himself and Kaz dropped to his knees beside him as he recognized the voice.
“Matthias?”
The Fjerdan looked up at him. His blue eyes narrowing in confusion. He blinked rapidly, though it did nothing to hide his obvious pain. “Demjin?”
Kaz nodded. A deep breath and he felt his calm return. He could not lose focus. They still had to get to Wylan’s. He needed to assess the situation. The way Matthias lay in a heap on his stomach hid the location of the wound. Kaz hoped it was only a graze. An unfortunate one that hurt like hell and caught Matthias off guard. A wound they could bandage and walk off as they got to safety. “I’m gonna turn you on your back.” Kaz put a hand on Matthias back and confirmed what he had already guessed. There was no exit wound. No hole in his clothing. The bullet was still in his body.
Matthias helped as much as he could, but Kaz still had to heft up most of his weight. He groaned in pain, trying to talk. But was cut off by a violent cough, spitting out blood.
“Nothing you can do.” Matthias features were still twisted in pain, but he tried to smile nonetheless. “I think he got my spleen.”
Kaz’ gloved hands were shaking as he ripped the shirt open. Matthias was right. It was- That bullet went deep and if he got it out, he’d bleed even worse. But he couldn’t stop the bleeding until it was out. He couldn’t- Stop- The bleeding. He would-
“Kaz-“ His gaze snapped up. “Don’t. You don’t have to.”
He focused on the ice blue eyes, the lines of pain around them and yet everything about Matthias softened. It was very different from the glossed over browns of Jordie. Matthias didn’t look sick or weak at all. He could- Matthias’ body still had the energy. He was still strong. He could coax it to heal. He could- he should-
His vision blurred, entirely overtaken by a ghost. Kaz saw Jordie’s pale body, riddled with fire pox. Open sores all over his body, one of his dark eyes swollen shut. He heard the rattling breath, he could almost hear the liquid in his lungs filling them up. Except he didn’t have to. His own hands were spread over Jordie’s bare chest, fingers flexing this way and that. Pulling and pushing. Pushing the liquid out as best he could, making Jordie cough up liquid and blood. His weak muscles protesting the stress he put on them. He pulled in air, forcing it into his lungs, his heart, coaxing the oxygenated blood into his body. Forcing his cells to take it, to keep working, to keep his organs running and his heart beating. Kaz was trembling, his hands were still twisting and turning. He was manually breathing for his brother. He was trying to match his own heart rhythm. It felt so utterly fragile as he grabbed the heart with his power. He kept pumping the blood through his system. He wasn’t sure what else to do. He could do this, just a bit longer, just until Jordie woke up again. He just wanted to hear him laugh again. They could share a hot chocolate. Kaz was bigger now, stronger. He could help earn money. They would be fine. They would be fine. The tears were burning in his eyes as his powers told him, what his brain couldn’t accept. He couldn’t manipulate Jordie’s body anymore. The heart and lungs, they weren’t responding. His powers only worked on the living.
Kaz turned away just in time to vomit on the street instead of the bullet wound. He was heaving, struggling for breath. The water was closing in around him. He was drowning, drowning, drowning. There were bodies in the water all around him. They were reaching for him, pulling him further down. They had hold of his limbs, he couldn’t swim, couldn’t fight for air. He saw their faces, all white and grey. Blue lips, swollen and bruised. He was still struggling, he needed to get up! An arm closed around is neck, tightening. Kaz turned his head and he was staring into Jordie’s lifeless eyes. A cruel smile on his face. Worthless. Why should you live when I died? You can’t use these powers. They are wasted on you. Nobody wants you. Just give in.
“Demjin!”
Kaz vaguely registered another hand on him, this one clasped on his shoulder. “They can’t lose both of us.” He was shaking violently. He felt his powers bubbling up in him, slowing his own heartbeat. Entirely unbidden, yet he was grateful. There was strength in the grip on his shoulder. Life. Nothing was lost yet. He could do this- He didn’t know- He had to-
He turned his teary eyes back to Matthias. The stinking water of the harbor was still there, lapping up his body, threatening to take him again. He still struggled to breathe. But he stared at Matthias. Loyal, kind Matthias. He felt his heartbeat faltering, the blood loss was getting to him. There was no time. No one else would come here fast enough. No one should. They had a plan. Designed to keep the rest of them save, even if one of them died. He hadn’t meant to do it that way. But his fear had gotten him there. He made a plan that would allow his Crows to live in peace after this. Whether he himself made it or not. Matthias dying wasn’t an option.
“Kaz-“ Matthias voice was weakening too. “Can you just… stay with me?” The shaking wouldn’t stop, but his powers kept his heartbeat and breathing at manageable levels. He hadn’t know he could do that. He had never dared- But Nina mentioned something like this before. How she’d forcibly calm herself on spy missions. Nina. Kaz could not bear to let their happiness die. “Kaz, I am glad… I don’t want to die alone.” He wanted Matthias to stop talking. So he gently cupped his cheek with his gloved hand and shook his head. He didn’t know what to say, but Matthias understood anyway. He closed his eyes and leaned into Kaz’ hand. Kaz allowed himself a brief moment to take in the sight, remembering the first time Matthias held him in a warm embrace. Remembering how safe it had felt and how much he had resented that. How much he hated the urge to rely on him. But it didn’t matter now. He made his choice.
Kaz took his chance. There was a timelimit to this and he knew it. But he could do it, he had to! He took his other glove off with his teeth and spread his bare hand on the wound as wide as he could. The water rose around him more rapidly, but he didn’t give in. He focused every bit of his control, every bit of the grisha power on the wound. He felt the foreign object buried in the flesh. It was to deep to claw it out, so he did the next best thing. He urged Matthias’ muscles to contract and push it out. As soon as he could feel it in his palm, he grabbed it and threw it away, returning his hand in a split second. The bleeding got worse, but Kaz forced the tissue to mend. To connect what had been whole. It was taxing and soon he’d be forced to stop. His hand was trembling even worse now, seconds from cramping beyond his control. He couldn’t stay on his knees. He was swaying back and forth as the nausea threatened to overcome him. He dropped, his head landing on Matthias’ chest as his hand was still clutching the wound. Unable to give up. Unable to focus on quenching his own panic attack. His cheek was pressed to Matthias exposed chest. The contact was too much and not enough. The skin clammy and moist and reminding him so much of a corpse, yet the heartbeat thundering under his ear kept him conscious. It was getting steadier. Kaz pushed all of his remaining power into Matthias, mentally stitching his skin together while his mind was drowning, suffocating.
He would die a thousand deaths to keep his Crows whole. A murder of Crows, they were never his to cage.