Chapter Text
James and his friends were all in the common room, chatting casually and laughing, when Mary brought the Yule Ball in their conversation. She was excited, the boy she liked in Hufflepuff had asked her to be her prom date.
James froze, realizing he still hadn’t anyone even if the ball was in three days. It wasn’t that nobody wanted to be his, it was more that he was sure the only person he wanted as his prom date would hex him if he ever dared to ask the question.
Sirius was going with Remus, Peter with Sibylle, Marlene with Dorcas - the moments where she was with them were rare since she finally started dating her -, Mary with that boy - he had already forgot his name - and well, it seemed that the only other person with nobody was Lily.
Which, thanks but no.
Things were just going well again between them, he wasn’t going to request her to go with him, she will think he still likes her and it will be awkward for months.
“Oi ! Prongs !” exclaimed Sirius, waving his hands in front of James’ face.
“Yeah ?”
He was wondering why everyone was looking at him. What had he done ?
“We were asking you if you had someone, for Saturday.” explained Lily with a soft voice.
He felt his cheeks burn, his brain running to find anything to say. He opened his mouth, closed it, breathed, but nothing came.
“Jamiiiiie ! What are you hiding from us ?” shouted Marl’s.
He deadpanned her, wishing she didn’t know him so well.
“Uh, nothing. I just… don’t have anyone.” he muttered.
“With all the girls that are waiting and sending you letters, you still haven’t found someone ?” laughed Mary.
“I… uh, yeah. They don’t… you know, I’m not interested.”
He was sure his friends were staring at him, but he wasn’t going to look at something else than the floor and his red Converse - Sirius and Remus bought them as a gift for Christmas.
“Oh ! Got it ! You like someone else, don’t’ you ?” said an excited Peter.
He was fucked. Maybe it was time to think about his testament.
“No ! No, absolutely not !“ he yelled, but the answer came too fast and all their eyes were saying the same thing : we know you’re lying.
“Well… Yeah, maybe I do.” James admitted.
Mary and Marlene screamed. The others laughed. They were waiting for him to add details.
He wasn’t going to. Not that time.
“I don’t really know what to do. They’re like… really sarcastic and cold and I’m afraid they would say no and avoid me after if I ask.”
No details, sure. Not his fault too if the secret was so hard to keep. At least, he didn’t tell them that “they” was a boy, and that his name was Regulus Black. Yes, the only one, the baby brother of his best friend.
He was completely screwed.
“Come on Prongs ! I have known you more courageous ! Where is your Gryffindor bravery ?” Sirius teased him.
“That’s true, since when are you afraid to ask someone to go out ?” Marlene continued.
They were all giving him a little comment, and it was driving him insane. He wanted to tell them that this someone wasn’t everyone, that we were talking about Regulus fucking Black.
“James, don’t do it if you don’t feel to. But maybe, something beautiful could happen if you let your fear behind.” Moony whispered at his ear.
James jumped, he didn’t hear his friend approaching. He thought he was still on a chair, reading a book and not paying attention to them.
They stared at each other, and James saw that Remus knew. But the kind smile on his face reassured him.
He nodded, trying to process everything. He was lost in his own thoughts, weighing pros and cons.
He couldn’t take the risk to loose him. He was the brightest thing in his life, the one that made the heavy days not so heavy, the one who, with his simple presence, was taking the demons in James’ mind away.
At the same time, he needed to be closer, to know everything about him, to shine in Regulus’ life as much as the boy does in his.
Maybe Moony was right, maybe he should listen to his heart this time.
Well, Moony was always right.
He stood up suddenly, having made his decision. Which was a terrible idea, because all his friends were looking at him - yeah again.
“I, uh, I’m gonna ask h-them to go with me to the Yule Ball.” he grumbled.
Pads got up too and tapped his shoulder, proud.
"He grows up so fast guys ! Our little baby is going to ask someone out !” He exclaimed, being a drama queen as always and pretending crying, as if he was his father on the day they went to the platform 9 3/4. Yep, that really happened. Unfortunately.
He laughed and went as fast as possible outside, not wanting to hear Marlene playing Sirius’ little game. They were distracting him. It was funny, yes, but he was going to forget or don’t find enough courage to do it, if he stayed.
In the middle of a corridor, he stoped, realizing he wasn’t sure Regulus was at the astronomy tower.
Shit.
He didn’t take the map. Of course. Such a fool.
Well, at least, in the worst case he was walking for nothing. Which was fine. It was calming. And at the same time, it was taking energy from him, which means that maybe, if he was lucky, he would collapse in his bed after. No intrusive thoughts, no demons anywhere. That would be perfect. The last time it happened was… good question. Maybe last month.
It’s been a while since he started meeting Reg at the astronomy tower almost every evening. To be exact, the first time was on the 16 of September. Ouch, not a good memory.
James wasn’t suicidal, or he didn’t think so. But sometimes, he just wanted the pain, the emptiness and the demons in him to disappear. So he always put himself in danger. He knew it was dumb, but he didn’t find anything else. And he had to be strong for his friends, especially for Sirius. He couldn’t let himself lower his walls. Otherwise, the others will be worried about him, which was his role. Not theirs. He was the funny, happy and therapist friend.
Anyway, their first meeting was because he wanted to be the closer possible to the void, to feel this rush in his veins who will calm his soul.
He still didn’t know why Regulus appeared this night. But he did, and the next day too. Everytime, he was here.
They became… something. Not friends. Not lovers. Something unspeakable but beautiful.
And he fell in love. A really stupid decision, if you ask him. But it’s not like his heart listened to him most of the time.
The thing is… He thought that maybe, Regulus likes him back. It arrived that he will catch him staring with an expression on his face really soft, or that he didn’t avoid contact with him. He hated contact, James noticed it. There was only Pandora, his best friend who could touch him as much as she wanted. And maybe Remus too, he wasn’t sure.
Returning to the present, he stopped, unable to go upstairs. It was the last ones before THE moment.
“What if he finds it weird ?” He muttered to himself. “We don’t speak outside of that tower, maybe he will be afraid ? And what about his parents ? Of fuck, why did I take this decision ?”
He started pacing back and forth, continuing his speech. “The whole school will know. Oh by Merlin’s balls, why didn’t I think about it more ? Maybe he isn’t even into-”
“Potter !” A voice cut him. “Come and join me instead of trying to think, it’s not good for you.”
James couldn’t resist to the big smile that was even hurtful for his cheeks. He looked up, admiring Regulus above him.
He did go without wondering much, just praying that it will be fine.
“I was waiting for you.” Regulus whispered when they sat down.
“Yeah ?” James asked, he didn’t want to misunderstand something.
“Yeah.” Reg confirmed with a gentle voice.
They didn’t have a conversation after that. They were just close, enjoying each other company.
James took a deep breath, and began : “Sooo, are you going to the Yule Ball ? Because I-I am and if you are too, we could always… you know, go together.”
He waited, not daring to glance at the other boy.
He flinched, of course he wasn’t going to answer. He tried to catch up the situation : “Although you probably have other plans, or-or you’re going with someone-”
“No ! No, I’d like that !” Regulus spoke too loudly to not be sincere.
“You’re kidding.” James couldn’t’ believe it. He faced Regulus, and he understood that he was dead sirius - this joke will never stop. “Uh, I mean… right on ! Great. I uh, am very glad about it then.”
Regulus laughed quietly, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot James, you know that ?”
“Of course I do, that’s a part of my charm” the other boy smirked.
“You’re staring again. Do I have something on my face ? Except my beauty, I mean” James teased him.
His prom date - AHHHH YES IT WASN’T A DREAM - blushed. He blushed. And that was the cutest thing ever.
“Fuck off, Potter.”
“Oh, so no James anymore ? Interesting.”
Regulus pushed him, becoming even more red. “Remind me why I said yes ?”
“I have no idea.” James shrugged, still smiling.
“Me neither.” Reg exhaled.
“Is it an implicit way to tell me you don’t want to go with me at the Yule Ball ?”
“James…”
“Oh. You were being sarcastic.”
“As always.”
The other boy rolled his eyes, smirking again.
He really wanted James to be his partner.
“So… Do I pick you up, Saturday ?”
“No. I do. You’ll be late.” Regulus scoffed.
“RUDE !”
“True would be the good word”
Regulus raised an eyebrow, amused.
“Yeah fine, you pick me up at the Gryffindor tower, then. At seven pm ?”
“Be ready for quarter to seven. So maybe, if we’re lucky, you’ll be ready at seven.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Yeah I know, family heirloom.” The Black laughed.
“What are you going to wear ?”
“Don’t tell me you’re the type of person who wants to match their outfit.” Regulus exclaimed, exasperated. “You are, aren’t you ?”
James only nodded, knowing that he would laugh at Reg’s face instead of speaking. He was bitting his cheeks really hard to not smile.
“Fine.” Reg exhaled. “I have the typical pure blood attire, you know. White shirt, black pants and elbow tie, without forgetting the jacket. Long and annoying. So, what do you want to do ?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Are you fucking kidding me Potter ?”
James only smirked and walked away, shouting behind him “See you tomorrow, Reg !”
Regulus ran after him, grabbed his wrist, made him stop and required : “You owe me something. For not telling me.”
“Like… ?”
Then, the impossible happened : Regulus kissed him.
Regulus fucking Black fucking kissed him.
He didn’t even have time to think about how perfect they fit, and how much he wanted those lips again, and again, and again, until he dies, that the boy was pulling away.
“Like that." He answered. “Good night, James.”
With a second delay, James muttered “Good night, Regulus”.
He watched his back and the last place he saw him for long minutes, before going back to his dorm, giggling and almost dancing all the way.