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"Ahh, I'm full. Do you guys want to go to a karaoke next?"
"Nah, Baku, are you crazy? We've been out all day and now you want to go to a karaoke?"
"Please, Gotak! You're my best buddy you have to come!"
"I want to go too!"
Seo Juntae called out, with a full mouth.
"Hahaha! See, Juntae's coming you should too."
"Fine. But don't whine when we fail the exams next week." Go Hyeontak scolded Baku as he continued pestering him to stay out. The atmosphere around the three of them was lively as ever, complete contrast to the odd one next to them. Sieun was staring at his almost not even touched plate, still full of food.
"Stop nagging, anyway what about you, Sieun?" Gotak turned to their other friend.
"I'm going to.. the hospital." He said slowly, tidying up his plate and trash.
"Oh, can't be helped then. See you tomorrow!"
"See ya!"
"Have a safe trip, bye!"
"Goodbye."
They parted ways, Sieun put his earbuds in and started walking towards the cold, too clean, like it was trying to scrub out the pain but never could, place.
Even after so many times visiting he couldn't get used to it. Most days he wouldn't even go inside that room because it brought too many emotions inside him.
The walk there lasted shorter than he wanted it to.
Before getting to the room he passed by the bathroom and went in.
'I look so, gloomy.' He touched his chapped lips, then under his eyes. The dark circles under them were too potent recently. He sighed and washed up his face before going in the sterile room.
''Hey,'' he placed his backpack on the floor and slumped down next to the bed. ''how are you? Another day passed withouth you, the doctor said he hasn't seen any changes so-'' He brushed Suho's bangs. ''it's not sure when you'll be able to wake up.'' He sighed.
After taking Suho's hand into his, clasping hard the cold hand in contrast to his own, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
Time went by too slow. Sieun felt empty inside. He slept in class and skipped lunch, as well as take night walks around the city and hope for a call from the hospital. Just one would be enough, to tell him a sudden movement was seen from his partner, or that his condition has gotten better. But no one called, no signs of waking up no nothing.
One night, as he was sitting on a random bench in the night he stared at the sky motionless. Breathing heavy and reminiscing about the past as the lights from the nearby streetlight flickered on his face. Everything was quiet and empty, until it wasn't.
A laughter erupted next to him from a group of guys. He didn't pay attention to them at first, some sat on the bench while others stood still next to them and lit their cigs. But a single sentence caught his ears. Sending his mind spiraling.
''I swear to God, that bastard is too cocky, he got me good last time because i was alone. Look at this!'' A guy that stood in the middle of the bench in front of the others, lifted his shirt a little and showed a bruise that was turning blue.
''No way.'' Some said stifling a laugh.
''Damn, punched right in the ribs. You gonna get him back?''
''Yah, y'all need to help me though, let's jump him when he's alone.'' He said finally putting his shirt down and sipping on his beer.
''Deadass. This guy always does whatever he wants.''
They cackled.
He couldn't hold back.
Walking slowly as if he's passing by, he grabs an opened up and broken can of cola and slices the first guy's left crus. As he cries out Sieun squats to dodge another person's fist and punches with all his might into the ribs of the one that swinged. Luckily it was the same guy and spot that he complained about having a bruise.
He fell to the ground as well.
Seeing as there were 3 left he takes a rock lying next to him and hits the front guy in the head then as quickly runs away into the dark.
He can't stop breathing hard.
His vision blurring as he runs to his street.
Why'd i do that? I- I promised myself to not fight.. anymore..
Unsteadily he fumbles for the keys. Unlocking the door he thanks the Gods that his mother is asleep and didn't wake up from the noise.
Sieun rushes in his bedroom. Sliding down the door he buries his head and sobs quietly.
Everything in his head is spinning. Somehow memories of Suho flood his mind. Most of them of him laying on the floor of the ring as Beom Seok is about to hit him in the head. He remembers clearly his body laying on the hospital white sheets as his face was full of blue and purple bruises. His beautiful eyes.. closed.
Nails dug in his skin.
Suddenly he looks up. There's nothing around him plus it's mostly dark but suddenly his head felt too empty. Nothing going through his mind. Breaths becoming too short even though nothing is happening. He stares into the dark probably for more than five minutes. Ears ringing. Face wet with tears but body still as a rock. Sieun can't handle it.
He rises to his feet and with heavy steps goes to his desk. Almost leisurely he takes a blade, looks at it for another five minutes.
Sieun doesn't understand exactly why he does it. Doesn't get how exactly it helps him, but it does.
Sitting on the floor with his back resting on the desk, he slices against his skin. At first it was like scratches from a cat, just a test, but every time he felt the stinging of it he wanted more.
Half his left hand is covered in blood, dripping onto his pants. Sieun tires. Puts the blade back in place, pulls his sleeve over the bloody mess and as it brushes against the wounds he cries once more, falling asleep.
The next day unfortunately comes, he doesn't want to open his eyes. Doesn't want to see the bright day, to look at his phone, nor to look at the mess he made.
"Mother's probably already out for work.. i should skip today."
Sieun gets up, ignoring his hand, ignoring the guilt building inside of him for what he did.
The day goes normal as any Sunday would, he eats, sleeps, eats again and somehow it's already 6pm. Finally he decides to take care of his hand. Yes, it has been itching him and it looked disgusting how the blood had dried through his sleeve but he just laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Letting the pain consume him instead of any other dumb and meaningless thought he'd have.
But he did get up, to take a shower. It burned and stung so bad, tears mixed with the water pouring on him. Putting his hoodie in the washing machine he took some bandages and sloppily, almost like on purpose, he fixed his wounds.
As the door to the apartment finally clicked open signaling his mother coming home, reality hit him. What he'd done, what damage he had done to himself now was irreversible. His body went cold and sweat broke out,
"Suho.."
He let out sluggishly and cried once again quietly in his bed.