Chapter Text
There were plenty of things Danny Williams had done in the line of duty, chased down gunrunners, survived explosions, nearly drowned (twice), and spent far too many hours trapped in a car with Steve McGarrett and his unhealthy obsession with adrenaline.
But this?
This was a new low.
"A relationship retreat?" Danny repeated, voice flat, like he'd been personally insulted by the very concept. "You want me to go undercover at a relationship retreat."
Steve, naturally, looked completely unbothered as he tossed a manila folder onto the table between them. "Luxury relationship retreat," he corrected, like that was going to help. "Very exclusive. Very expensive. Very good cover."
Danny stared at the folder like it might explode. “And you think the best way to catch a con artist is to pretend we’re married.”
Steve didn’t even blink. “Yes.”
Danny blinked enough for both of them. “You have lost your goddamn mind.”
Steve slid into the seat across from him, elbows on the table, deadly calm. “She targets couples. Specifically married ones. Vulnerable, wealthy, emotional. The last two couples she scammed? Both left the retreat with empty bank accounts and conveniently missing wedding rings. This woman is slick.”
“So send in actual married people,” Danny said, already rubbing his temples. “I can name four HPD detectives right now who—”
“No one fits the profile like we do,” Steve interrupted. “We’ve got the background. The income. The travel history. You’re a stress case. I’m emotionally unavailable. It’s perfect.”
Danny opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Did you just call me a stress case?”
Steve tilted his head, considering. “Lovingly.”
Danny stared at him. “This plan is insane.”
“You’re not wrong.”
Danny picked up the folder with two fingers, like it was contagious, and flipped it open. Photos, maps of the resort grounds, a full itinerary. The first bullet point read Guided Meditation: Releasing Judgment. He actually snorted.
“Of course. Of course you picked the one op that involves aromatherapy and feelings circles. And here I thought I’d get to shoot someone this month.”
Steve grinned. “You’re the one always complaining I don’t listen to you. This retreat’s about communication.”
Danny gave him a long, withering look. “Okay, let’s get something straight. If I’m doing this, I’m not wearing a hemp robe. I’m not chanting. And I swear to God, Steven, if one person tries to align my chakras, I’m filing for an annulment.”
“You know we’re not actually married, right?”
Danny pointed a finger at him. “You know that. Let’s see how long you remember it after three days of this crap.”
By the time they reached the Lōkahi Serenity Retreat, Danny had been complaining for an hour and a half straight.
He complained about the valet’s sandals, about the calming waterfall being “aggressively tranquil,” about the color of the towels in the lobby (“beige is not soothing, Steven, it’s lifeless”), and especially about the receptionist who offered them “intimacy affirmation stones.”
And yet, somewhere between mocking the rose quartz and threatening to steal the bonsai tree in the lobby, Steve noticed something unsettling.
Danny wasn’t just complaining.
He was warming up.
“Hi, yes, Daniel Miller,” Danny said smoothly at the front desk, without missing a beat. “And this is my husband, Steven. We’re checking in for the… couples’ rejuvenation package. Which includes the, what was it, dear?...chakra realignment and the daily ‘Heart Sharing Circles’?”
Steve choked on nothing.
The receptionist smiled warmly. “Yes, of course, Mr. Miller. You’re right on time for our first session: Intentional Togetherness and Active Listening.”
Danny leaned in conspiratorially. “Oh, Steven loves listening. Especially when it’s about other people’s emotional needs.”
Steve blinked.
He couldn’t tell if Danny was mocking him, mocking the cover, or just genuinely thriving in the role, but suddenly he had a very bad feeling.
Before Steve could respond, another staff member approached, graceful, poised, and wrapped in calming neutrals. She moved like she owned the place. Her name tag read: Seraphina — Guest Experience and Emotional Integration Facilitator.
Danny muttered under his breath, “That’s not a real job title.”
Seraphina smiled at them both like she’d heard him anyway. “Steven and Daniel Miller. We’re so glad you’ve joined us. I’ll be checking in with you throughout your stay—offering personal guidance, emotional recalibration, and support for any... vulnerable moments.”
Her voice was smooth as honey steeped in sage. Steve clocked her instantly.
Target confirmed.
Danny, still in character, offered a beatific smile. “That sounds wonderful, Seraphina. We’re very open to... recalibration.”
Steve shot him a look, but Danny just adjusted his sunglasses and leaned lightly against the counter like he belonged there.
Seraphina handed them a welcome folder. “Enjoy settling in. I’ll see you both at the Heart Circle later today.”
As she walked away, Steve murmured low, “That’s her.”
Danny didn’t need to ask who. “Yup. Figures she’s the one with the robes and the mystical stare.”
Steve’s jaw tightened. “Stay sharp.”
Danny smirked. “Steven, I was born sharp. Now keep up. Our love isn’t going to perform itself.”
As they followed the attendant down the hallway, past floor-to-ceiling windows and serene art installations, Steve hissed, “Are you… enjoying this?”
Danny adjusted his sunglasses. “Absolutely not. I am suffering. Deeply. Can’t you tell?”
“You just called me your husband and smiled about it.”
“I was in character. Unlike some people.”
Steve narrowed his eyes.
Danny sighed. “Look, you dragged me into this mess. If I’m going to suffer through ‘heart circles’ and lavender foot soaks, I’m sure as hell going to do it right. I will out-honeymoon every couple at this damn retreat, McGarrett. And you better keep up.”
Steve opened his mouth to protest, just as Danny pulled a pair of slim-rimmed glasses from his shirt pocket and slipped them on. He glanced over the top with a raised brow.
“You are listening to me, right, Steven?”
Steve stumbled. Danny smirked.
They hadn’t even gotten to their room yet, and Steve was already losing control of the mission.