Chapter Text
I fiddled with the hem of my sweatshirt nervously.
The line of people in front of me was getting shorter and shorter as time passed.
I wiped my sweaty hands on my dark blue jeans anxiously.
Both girls and guys, teenagers to early-twenties made up the line.
I myself was somewhere on the older side of the spectrum, at twenty-two years old.
Some would say that not finding your soulmate before you reached the age of twenty was improbable, if not impossible.
Guess I was an improbable impossibility then.
My name was Haneul, which meant 'sky' in Korean. My mom told me she chose that name when I was born because of my soulmate tattoo design, which looked like a bunch of fluffy clouds twisting around each other effortlessly in an attempt to float right off my wrist.
Everyone was born with these soulmate tattoos. Unique designs etched into the skin on the inside of the right wrist of each individual, which was only matched with only one other person in the entire world. This design would later fill in and change color, when the two soulmates met in person, fading from the standard black, to whatever shade of vibrant color that best suited the personalities of the two soulmates.
My best friend Hanna and her soulmate both had matching Anthurium flowers etched into their wrists. When they had met in high-school and touched each other's wrists while meeting for the first time, the heart shaped flower had filled in with a brilliant shade of red that was absolutely breathtaking to look at.
There was an old wives tale about the color of soulmate tattoos. It was known that the color of soulmate tattoos reflected the personalities of the soulmates, but there was a superstition that some people believed, that the richer and brighter the hue of the soulmate tattoo, the happier the soulmates would be together in their lives.
I hoped for a vibrant and beautiful color just like what my best friend Hanna had with her soulmate, but at this point in my life I wouldn't care if my tattoo was filled in with an ugly black color, so long as I could just even find my soulmate.
Currently, I was twenty-two years old, I had a bachelor's degree, had a good job working as a professional photographer, I lived in a nice apartment with my mom, and my rambunctious cat Calico. I was young, healthy well-to-do, successful, and not too unattractive, but my biggest problem was that I had not found my soulmate yet.
This was a big deal because, generally, soulmates were easy to find. They were never more than a few years apart in age from each other, and were normally found within the same geographical region, making them similar in background and ethnicity for the most part.
My cousin did find his soulmate overseas while on a school trip, but she was originally from South Korea, and had moved away with her family due to her father's job.
Because of this close proximity, people would usually find their soulmates at a young age, and then grow up as close friends first, before becoming partners later in life.
In fact, two of my friends met their soulmates in kindergarten.
All of my close friends, both male and female, had already found their soulmates years ago, and I was always the odd one out whenever we would get together and hang out in our friend group.
They accepted me as I was, and thankfully never teased me about my lack of a soulmate, because they knew it was a touchy topic with me. But sometimes it hurt to see that special and close connection that they had with their soulmates while wondering if I would ever feel the same way.
Always feeling like a third-wheel was also a bit of a problem too.
That was never fun.
Proving the odds wrong was not what I was aiming for. For years I had tried to find my soulmate with no success. And having parents, friends, relatives, and even strangers on the street constantly asking about it, or worse, lecturing about it, or looking down on me because of it, was not my idea of fun either.
Being soulmate-less was not easy.
Of course there were the Soulmate Logs out there, available in most countries. Lists of names of unmatched individuals attached to a picture of their soulmate design.
I spent hours searching online through South Korea's Soulmate Logs to find a matching design to mine, but with no luck.
I went on to search other countries Soulmate Logs as well, but still no success.
As the years passed and the ages of the people dropped younger and younger I stopped looking in the logs. When I was twenty I even went so far as to remove my name and soulmate tattoo picture from the South Korean Soulmate Logs.
It was probably a dumb idea, but I just couldn't take it anymore. My friends and family tried to talk me out of it, but I was too embarrassed and honestly tired of being constantly disappointed, and I didn't want to face that annual letter from the Soulmate Department stating that my soulmate had not yet been found.
Either my soulmate was in a country that didn't keep an accurate record of the Soulmate Logs, or they for some reason did not want to list their design in a public record.
If I didn't know better I would think they were dead, but the universe corrected even that, by changing the design on the individual's wrist to a different soulmate, so no one was truly left alone in the world.
But as time went on, I felt more alone than ever.
I had often wondered if there was something wrong with me, or if the universe had made a mistake when it came to my future.
I felt cursed. Was I the only one never destined to find happiness?
I pushed away my family, but especially my friends because it hurt too much to see their happiness with their soulmates.
One night when my mom had walked in on me crying my eyes out after a particularly harsh comment I received about not having a soulmate from an extremely uneducated person, I told her exactly how I felt. She held me as I cried, and told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
Her words were comforting and exactly what I needed to hear, despite being embarrassed about being twenty-two and bawling your eyes out in front of your mother. She also told me not to think like that because it would do nothing to help me, and it would only make things harder than they already were, if I began to put myself down too.
She was right. I needed that push from her though to think positively about myself despite the lack of a soulmate.
Her next words were also golden nuggets of truth that I was desperately looking for in my life.
I will never forget when she said this, "Lee Haneul, your worth and your value does not come from your status, your wealth, your job, your education or your lack of a soulmate. Your worth comes from you being you. So if you start to think badly of you, then you are just making yourself worthless in your own eyes. If other people want to think badly of you, then let them! But the second you start believing them, is the second you've lost yourself to their hatred and misunderstanding. Don't come down to their level and accept their words as your truth, accept your words as your truth."
When my mom said that to me, I had thought I had cried myself out, but I was definitely wrong because a new wave of tears fell down my cheeks.
She went on, "And your truth is this, love yourself for who you are as a person, the way you light up when your friends come over to see you, or the love you have for reading those fantasy books, or listening to music from your favorite boy group, or watching those sappy romantic dramas that I drag you to despite your protests, because you're my only child and you love me enough to watch them with me, even though you prefer those action packed adventure movies."
At this I let out a teary laugh and she smiled back at me before continuing.
"Love yourself despite your bad habits, like leaving your dirty dishes piles up in the sink for me to wash, or being snappy with your friends when they rub you the wrong way. Despite your faults, your worth and value is not measured in what others say, or think about you, but in what you say and think about yourself. We only accept the love we think we deserve. And you deserve so much love honey. I hope you find your soulmate someday so you can see how much you deserve to be loved, but even if that day never comes, you need to love yourself now, today, because if not, if you ever do meet your soulmate you won't be ready for them. You can't love someone else fully without first loving yourself."
Her words brought so much light into my dark thoughts, and so much clarity into my life.
Mom's truly know everything don't they?
After that night I began to gradually change my behavior and attitude towards myself, my family, and my friends.
I tried to have a positive attitude about my situation.
Fake it till you make it right?
Yes I was miserable, but every time I forced a smile on my face despite my feelings, it involuntarily made me feel slightly better.
It wasn't easy, but faking my happiness through positive thinking and actions, until it became a normal part of my daily schedule, and became my new reality seemed to work for me.
I became happier, and more willing to let those negative comments roll off my back despite the sting of pain I experienced whenever I heard them.
And eventually those fake smiles turned into real ones, once I stopped shutting my friends out including myself instead, and started doing the things that I used to love again, all while finding new things to keep me busy.
I even decided to take the chance and put my name back on the Soulmate Logs after two full years of being off them, despite the possibility of opening myself for even more rejection.
I also went to a few handshake events in my area after being heavily encouraged by my friends to go and put myself out there.
The custom in general is, when you meet someone new, you shake their hand in greeting. As you shake their hand you extend your pointer finger out to touch the inside of their right wrist over their soulmate design while they do the same in return. If both of your designs start burning painfully due to the changing colors etched into the design then you've met your destined other half. If not, then you move on to the next person.
These events normally were between one-hundred to three-hundred unmatched people in one space. On average, maybe thirty to fifty people found their soulmates through these community handshake events depending on how large they were.
I was not one of those lucky few, but the handshake events gave me some hope as I met a few people who were even older than me, that had not yet found their soulmates either.
That hope had brought me to where I was today.
As kind of a last ditch effort, and pretty much a basic impossibility, I decided to enter myself into the Elite Soulmate Registry of South Korea.
Chances were so slim of being paired with a high ranking elite that the public at large generally never even considered it as an option.
As you can probably guess from the name, these were the high class, top tier, elite level of individuals in South Korea. These were the top class citizens who were either from well-known families, worked in high positions in the community, city, or government, or were famous celebrities of some kind.
They had a status that was important enough where they couldn't be put into the regular Soulmate Logs for fear of a crazy fan, loyal follower, or some outside rival using that information to harm them in some way.
There were stories in the news of some celebrities, who had accidently revealed their soulmate tattoos to the public, who were faced with an onslaught of people claiming to have the same tattoo on their wrist. Some even went as far as to surgically remove their own soulmate tattoo and replace it with a fake of their favorite celebrity's tattoo.
This of course was illegal, and obviously caused many problems in society with the fake tattoo's, the real soulmates, and even the now unmatched soulmates, who were unknowingly ripped away from their true soulmates because of their own soulmate's bad decisions.
The Elite Logs were created because of these problems, and were open to the public, but only under very specific guidelines.
First of all, you had to be unmatched and without a soulmate.
This should be fairly obvious, but due to the many people who wished to be paired with their favorite celebrity, or wanted to become rich by default, strict background checks were necessary of all public applicants, along with at least two personal testimonies by close family members or friends that the applicant was indeed unmatched.
I had my mom, and my best friend, Hanna send in their testimonies along with my background check in the mail to be processed.
Secondly, all applicants had to have their soulmate tattoos scanned by a machine to determine if they were real or fake.
That was the first thing that had happened when I walked in the door of the Soulmate Department this morning. After going through the traditional metal detectors inside the building, I was put into a line, and then was walked into a small room by a guard where my wrist was scanned by a large bulky expensive looking machine. Despite knowing obviously that my tattoo was real, between the guards, the machine, the firm rules and regulations leading up to this day, and the building that screamed out prestige and importance, I couldn't help my nerves from taking over and doubt creeping into my mind.
Thankfully my second guessing was cast aside, as the woman working the machine nodded to the guard in approval of my tattoo, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief after I left the room, before being placed in yet another line to review my paperwork.
Thirdly, all applicants had to be over the age of fourteen.
Seeing as how most people met their soulmates between the ages of five and twelve, fourteen was the age when most people began to start worrying about not finding their soulmates.
And finally, all applicants were required to meet the unmatched members of the Elite Logs in person.
This was the biggest reasoning behind the first three rules, the strictness of the process, and the rigidity of the guards stationed in the Soulmate Department building.
Most members of the elite circles would find their soulmates among themselves. It was very common for famous actors to find their soulmate in a co-worker on the set of a movie, or a wealthy businessman's daughter to find her soulmate among the important guests at a gala event thrown at her father's mansion.
These soulmate matches would be broadcasted many times over the news, especially if the match happened at a public event or televised event. It's hard to hold in the initial pain of meeting your soulmate by shaking their hand in the customary way as expected of you, while being out in public or on national television.
Although many celebrities went out of their way to ensure that their soulmate status was not released to the public by covering up their wrists for multiple security and privacy reasons, it wasn't always the case. Some celebrities wanted people to know who they were matched to, or if they weren't matched at all. But for the most part, the elites who were unmatched still remained a mystery to the general public.
They would still remain a mystery to us as well who were here to meet them in person.
'In person' was kind of a misleading title in my opinion.
We would be voluntarily entering a long hallway filled with open slots only a foot wide set into one side of the hall, stationed every few feet away from each other.
Each member of the public would stop at each open section and place their hand through the slot and customarily shake whoever's hand was on the other side.
It was really impersonal, but I suppose it was necessary to protect the identity of the famous person.
The hallway was also lined with a long stretch of one way glass, like the kind you would find in a police interrogation room.
So the elite person standing on the other side of the glass could see you, but you couldn't see them at all.
This was even more unfair in my eyes, but I didn't make the rules.
Since there were so few unmatched elites I figured I wouldn't really have a chance anyways, so why bother getting upset at the rules which were only in place to protect these individuals from those who might wish to harm them.
With great power not only comes great responsibility, but also great risk, and even danger at times. So I understood the preventative measures and caution taken despite thinking it was a little unfair and possible a bit excessive.
If I were one of the elites I would want to take all of the preventative measures necessary to make sure I wasn't being paired with just an obsessed fan either.
I began to daydream a bit, even though the possibility was small, I hoped that maybe, today would be the day that I would finally meet my soulmate.
"Next!" I heard one of the staff members call out shaking me out of my thoughts.
The line in front of me was growing shorter by the minute.
I bit my lip anxiously, as I got closer and closer to the table positioned strategically across the hallway to prevent anyone from rushing down the hallway, or cutting in line.
You can do this Haneul.
Just be yourself, and stay calm.
I thought positively, as I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves as I neared the table and the group of professionally dressed bodyguards lining the hallway behind it.
All you have to do is shake a few hands, nothing that you haven't done before.
And don't be disappointed if you don't find your soulmate today, rejection is not anything new to you.
I told myself firmly, not really expecting anything to come from today's event, just erasing the possibility from my mind.
You know it's a long shot, so don't get your hopes up.
You can just go home and cuddle up on the couch in your fuzzy blanket, watch a sad movie and get all your feelings out, and then drown your sorrow in a mug of hot chocolate afterwards.
That method had gotten me through many difficult situations, and I would recommend it to anyone who is having a hard time.
Now there was only one girl standing in front of me in line, she looked to be about eighteen years old or so. Mostly everyone here looked younger than me so it was to be expected.
Taking one more deep breath to steady my nerves as she was called forward to the table before being led behind it towards the hallway, accompanied by a guard, I took a step forward to take her empty space as I waited to be called.
Finally the man sitting behind the table gestured for me to come forward.
"Name?" he asked looking up at me curiously.
"Lee Haneul." I responded, grateful that my voice was steady and not displaying my inner panic.
"Age?" He asked after typing something into the computer in front of him.
"Twenty... Twenty-two," my voice gave out half-way through. I was still embarrassed of my age despite feeling better about myself as a person. Those feelings and that social stigma never really went away, I just chose not to focus on them as much.
"Oh... okay, please proceed to the right, follow the guard's instructions as you go," the man said his eyes widening in surprise at my answer, before gesturing to the side of the table letting me know it was okay to move on.
"Thank you," I said in parting as I followed one of the bodyguards who had started walking away towards the hallway.
The man behind the table nodded in response before saying something I didn't really expect, and it was probably an afterthought on his part, "Good luck, I hope you find your one." He said in a warm tone with a hint of sympathy in his voice as I walked away.
I turned back and bowed deeply to him in thanks not expecting that, catching his smile as I rose and began to follow the guard again who had waited momentarily for me, watching the scene unfold.
The guard led me down the hallway and then turned left around the corner towards an adjoining hallway, which I could see was the one with all the slots indented into the walls and the shiny one-way mirror stretching across the wall above the slots.
My breath caught in my throat at the sight.
But I was distracted as the guard finally spoke to me.
"There are fourteen unmatched elites here today, so there are fourteen separate spaces in the wall. You will place your right hand into each space and firmly shake the hand offered to you, with your index finger extended to touch the design of whoever is behind the wall."
I nodded in response my throat to dry to make a sound.
"Then, after a moment you will let go and move on if you do not feel the soulmate bond coloring in your tattoo. And please don't try anything, I do have a Taser on my person just in case you or anyone else refuses to comply with the rules, but I really don't like using it." The guard says with both a warning and a request in his voice as he patted his side holster purposefully.
"Don't worry, I definitely will not try anything strange. I'm just hoping to find my soulmate, and I honestly don't really care about the fact they might be a celebrity, or rich, or famous, that's not really important to me. At this point in my life I just hope to find the person I'm destined to be with, and hopefully they feel the same way, so you don't have to worry about me being some sort of gold digger or celebrity fanatic, or crazed fan." I said loudly, firmly trying to reassure him, and make him and myself feel more comfortable with the current situation.
He cracked a smile at my response.
"Being twenty-two and without a soulmate must be hard, right?" he said his voice echoing down the hallway.
Ruefully I responded, not with anger, since this was a question I received all of the time, but with an honest and heartfelt answer.
"Yes, it can be difficult. And I try not to get my hopes up too often, being disappointed it practically my middle name," I joked and smiled sadly.
"But, at this point in my life I have decided to be happy with or without my soulmate, although I really do want to experience that closeness and mutual love and respect with that special someone. However, if it never happens then I am not going to live my life in misery and sadness, although I doubt I'd ever stop looking for them, I would choose to be happy, even though I would never feel quite complete."
The guard gave me a sympathetic smile at my heartfelt words, before coming back to himself and continuing on with his instructions.
"Well, I wish you all the best Lee Haneul. And now for the last bit of instruction, since you are not allowed to know the names, ages, or genders of the elite behind the walls some of them will definitely not be your soulmate, but you will still have to shake their hands anyways, I'm sorry about it but it's just the way it has to be." The guard apologized before continuing.
"I can only tell you, given your demographic, that only..." He looked down at the clipboard he was holding to check some figure before continuing. I glimpsed a flash of his tattooed wrist as he moved, it was a picture of a setting sun, colored in with a vibrant orange. It was really beautiful and I suppressed that longing feeling that flashed through me momentarily.
I wasn't surprised though. He seemed to be older than me, so it was only natural that he would have already found his soulmate.
"Well..." He started off, and I turned my attention back to his words as he stuttered to a halt.
"What is it?" I questioned a bit fearful of his answer, already having a sneaking suspicion that there would not be anyone that I would potentially match with just because of my age.
"It looks like there are only one... well maybe two, potential matches for you here today. I'm sorry your choices are limited," the guard said heavily regret filling his voice.
I ruefully smiled before speaking, "I expected nothing more actually, this was a last ditch effort anyways so please don't feel bad for me." His sad expression made me feel sad as well.
I changed the subject quickly to stave off the uncomfortable atmosphere that was once more prevalent in the hallway. "In fact, I would really like to know your name seeing as how you know mine, and as you are really a very kind person."
"It's not really protocol, but my name is Taemin," The guard said conspiratorially leaning in to whisper it in my ear.
I whispered back, "It's really nice to meet you Taemin, I hope your soulmate knows how lucky they are to have you around."
"Oh they know! I never let them forget!" He joked laughing slightly at my words. I chuckled with him in response.
"Well, here's where we part ways, I'll be waiting for you at the end of the hallway so just come see me when you're finished okay?" Taemin said giving me an encouraging pat on the shoulder, and acknowledging my nod, before turning and walking away from me leaving me on my own.
Taking yet another steadying breath, (I was sure breathing a lot today) I took that first step into the sight of whoever was behind the glass.
Extending my hand through the slot, I jumped slightly in surprise as I met a warm hand securely grasping mine. It was a very large hand, probably male I guessed, since my hand was swallowed up in comparison.
Touching each other's wrists I waited for a moment before pulling away. I nodded at the blank glass in front of me smiling in farewell despite being slightly hurt by the lack of pain in my wrist.
Moving on to the next slot I smiled in greeting towards the glass feeling rather silly as I only saw my own reflection smiling back at me.
Extending my hand again I felt it being grasped by a petite hand, this was definitely a female.
Touching each other's wrists I waited again, only to have her pull away first this time, and I gave the mirror a farewell nod before moving on.
The third hand was rough and calloused, the fourth was cold, the fifth was tiny and shocked me because it felt like a child's hand. The sixth was harsh, it felt more like an arm wrestling competition rather than a handshake, the seventh was shaky probably due to nerves I guessed. The eighth was also cold, but the ninth was warm. The tenth was sweaty, but I still managed a smile and a nod after every one. The eleventh was barely a handshake at all, I just managed to graze the inside of their wrist before they shook me off, I guess some people just didn't want to be paired with an ordinary person like me? The twelfth was eager and they even held my hand longer than necessary which made me a little uncomfortable. I finally shook them off foregoing the smile, before going to the next slot.
Now I was down to the final two people. My hopes were basically nonexistent at this point.
I was just hoping to get through this and swallow my disappointment long enough to go home and have a long conversation with my cat about how lucky he was to be born a cat and not have to worry about things like soulmates, while drinking that previously mentioned hot chocolate.
I put my hand in the slot, hoping that it wasn't sweaty after shanking so many other people's hands. I received a strong handshake that was definitely male, as I hesitantly reached out my index finger to brush his wrist. I waited a moment and then a moment longer before realizing that yet again I was rejected by the universe's stupid design.
I bit my bottom lip as I retracted my hand still putting on a smile although it grew smaller as time went on as I moved to the final slot.
I reached out my hand just wanting to finish quickly, and was met by a warm hand sliding into my own. It was smaller than I expected, so I assumed it must have been female. Smiling one more time into the glass, I reached out my pointer finger, feeling hers meet my wrist at the same time. I felt nothing. Smiling regretfully at the glass once more I went to remove my finger from her wrist when I was struck by the most painful and yet most exhilarating feeling of my life.
My wrist was burning.
I yelped in pain hearing a similar cry from the other side of the wall. Pulling my arm back and covering my wrist with my hand I fell to the floor writhing in agony sending tears streaming down my face.
But these were not tears of pain or of sadness, these were happy tears for I had finally, finally met my soulmate.