Chapter Text
“Alright Qingque! It can’t be that hard to figure out! Just some simple ingredients, some simple measurements. Right, how hard can it be?”
No, it's not simple at all! Why is cooking so hard! Like come on! Still, she did promise that she would have food ready by the time Lady Fu got back home from her overtime at work. Sure, it was very annoying that Fu Xuan is once again working over time even though Qingque kept trying to get her to take a freaking break. Whatever, Qingque would just have to be a good girlfriend and make sure Fu Xuan is taken care of at home.
“Alright, no biggie, just follow the instructions. First to set up the ingredients.
You didn’t even think to prepare them by now? Pathetic.
No. It’s fine. She can get this right. She will get this right! She has to. She needs to prove that she can be useful to Lady Fu. No take out needed, she can do this. Now, just focus. First pour the milk into the measuring cup.
Look at that! You can’t even measure properly! I said I wanted a precise measurement! Honestly girl, why can’t you even get basic math right!?
Qingue shudders. That voice still feels all too real, but no. She will not let her dictate her thoughts. She will get this done. She has to. She can’t be a failure, not again. Those Heliobi made sure to show both Lady Fu and Qingque their greatest flaws, and their greatest wants, and Qingque wanted more control. She has to show she can earn it, because if she can’t… If she can’t…
A game parlor? Pathetic girl! Do you really think anyone will accept your dream with how wretched your behavior is!
No! Her behavior wasn’t wretched. She was succeeding. People were proud of her. She only started slacking because…
Don’t you dare interrupt me wretched girl! Look at your brother! He’ll be in line for the general’s position in no time. Everyone thinks highly of him. Look at your Sister! A top class pilot ready to fight for the Xianzhou’s future! Both are set to be married, to have a life! Yet you want to spit on our family’s name with talks of a game parlor!?
But her siblings never seemed happy. They were miserable. Qingque made them laugh, yet when mom was around.
Why don’t you listen to mom Qingque? Honestly, you make us look bad.
The pity in their eyes, the pain they have just saying that.
We’re getting married next month! So, Qingque, what’s new with your life then? Huh? What do you mean nothing, you can’t possibly be that bad at everything?
Yet they still harped on. They harped on and on. Because if they didn’t.
Don’t you dare pity that sorry excuse for a person. You’re just better than her. She deserves no mercy, she chose to be a disappointment.
She only chose to live a mediocre life to get back at that oppressive need to inflate her mothers ego. So why?
Why can’t you get eggs right! I don’t eat shells in my food you wretched child.
Even when she was right she was wrong.
Who cares that it was a part of the egg! I don’t like how you cooked it. I expect perfection, Qingque. Again! Again again again!
She was never enough. She was always wrong. Why did she think she could do anything! She can’t do anything right! She couldn’t even intentionally get things wrong correctly. She’s a disgrace, a failure. Mom was right, what was she even doing! Why did she think she was worthy of being in charge of anything! She was wrong. She was wrong. She was wrong. She was wrong. She was wrong. She was wrong she was wrong she was wrong she was wrong.
Qingque
Qingque, the name of a failure. The name of the girl who can’t get anything right in her pathetic life!
Qingque!
She was being shaken. Of course she was, she got something wrong again. She always gets something wrong!
“Qingque!” Qingque is suddenly aware that she is being hugged, and when she sees the familiar pink hair, she lets out a shaky breath and tightly embraces her Fu Xuan. “I’m here.”
With two very simple words, the cruel mothers voice faded away. The sibling’s looks of pity averted their gaze. She was just Qingque. Fu Xuan was just her Fu Xuan. She tried to offer a weak smile, “Welcome home.”
She sees lady Fu just sigh and shake her head. “I’ll order us something to eat in a bit, right now…” Fu Xuan doesn’t finish what she is saying. She just holds Qingque tightly, and Qingque can’t help but melt into her safety blankets embrace.
It had been a couple hours, and a dinner filled with sweets and comfort foods, since Fu Xuan had come home to find qingque curled up on the floor, hyperventilating with spilled ingredients surrounding her. It took Qingque a while to calm down, but when she did she explained her experience with her mother teaching her how to cook. It was outright abusive, and quite honestly Qingque’s mother had better hope and pray she doesn’t run into Fu Xuan. She swears that if that woman ever hurts Qingque again there will be severe consequences.
Regardless of that fact, it had been a longer few months since the last time she had heard from Dan Shu. She understood the silence. She broke Dan Shu’s trust. Sure it worked out in the end, but it was a panic that should have never been awakened in the first place.
Regardless, the point was, no real crisis came from this slip up. Beyond that with every second this petty silence continues the more missed opportunities are missed. What of the two that Jing Yuan arrested? What of the remaining members of the disciples who reside on the Loufu? What of that Grey haired Trailblazer who will inevitably be the key to everything?
“You’re over thinking things again, aren’t you Fufu.” Fu Xuan shakes her head as she registers Qingque’s voice, and that strange yet endearing pet name that Qingque had recently tried using.
Fu Xuan just nods, “Perhaps. I just hate being stagnant. I still have no word from Dan Shu.”
Qingque just sighs and takes a few sips of her soup before responding. “So what exactly is stopping us from making any progress while we wait? Last I checked, you and I were working together to make a better Xianzhou with you as a general.”
Fu Xuan crosses her arms, “That is the goal, yes.”
“So… Why exactly is the future general waiting on the beck and call of a benefactor?”
That was a fair question, and a fair point. Her entire life has been following orders and direction. Whatever her parents told her to do, she did. Whatever her mentor told her to do, she did. Whatever the General said to do she did. Whatever the matrix of prescience told her, she believed without a doubt. Was that truly how a future general is supposed to act? Was this how she expected to bring about a great change to the Xianzhou? Still… “Well, what exactly is there to do without the extra support? We aren’t exactly an army, nor is there really anything going on that would require infiltration.”
Qingque thinks for but a moment before she responds, “I hate to bring them up because they are my friends, but there is still the issue between Guinaifen and Sushang.”
That was true. Guifaifen wanted to extend her life, while Sushang was stuck in the Xianzhou teachings. In all honesty Fu Xuan understood where Sushang was coming from. Those teachings are quite ingrained in every Xianzhou native. Still, where did such a teaching come from? How did it become so ingrained? Yes, the abundance was a curse. That much seemed clear, but was it not one they chose? She’d need to take a deeper look at that as well. Well, even then she truly needed to figure out what went wrong with the High Cloud Quintet. Even if it didn’t expand on her plans, knowing one's enemy was paramount when against such a troublesome opponent. “Indeed. I believe I have some ideas I want to look into myself. Think I can trust you to look into those two? You are closest to them.”
Qingque just nods. “It doesn’t feel good but I’ll do it. I signed up for this.” Qingque meets Fu Xuan’s gaze and takes both of her hands, “I’m with you Lady Fu, all the way until the end.”
Fu takes in a sharp intake of breath. It didn’t matter how long they have been together, she still wasn’t used to such blatant physical affection. The two are still for but a moment, until the tender moment is broken by Fu Xuan’s going off.
Fu Xuan pulls out her phone with a hint of irritation, though that feeling fades into a smile as she sees the message from an unknown number with a simple set of coordinates. Finally…
“Qingque, put in these coordinates.”
Immediately, Qingque takes the phone and starts searching for the location on her phone. After a few clicks Qingque’s eyes furrow in confusion. “That doesn’t make sense.”
Fu Xuan can feel the weight of worry in her chest as she looks at Qingque, “Why? Where could she possibly be sending you?” Which ship could she be sent to? She sincerely hoped it wouldn’t be where Qingque’s mother was. She’s have to go with *just* to knock some sense into the woman.
However, as Qingque met Fu Xuan’s own gaze, her response was something Fu Xuan would have never expected. “She wants me to go to Penacony.”