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Buck was screwed. He was totally and utterly fucked. He didn’t know how this happened. One second he was hanging out with Chris and Eddie, and the next, he had to hold himself back from blurting out that he was in love with his best friend. It felt like these feelings came out of nowhere and then crashed down on him, almost like a wave, which would have made Buck laugh if he hadn’t been biting his tongue so hard it nearly bled.
As the movie played on and Chris got more comfortable with him and Eddie, Buck was able to think a bit more about these feelings that seemed to be choking him. He thought of everything they had been through together, as a family , and he realized that these feelings weren’t so sudden after all. Instead of a tsunami, it was more like a geyser- the pressure kept building and building, and tonight was when the pressure reached its peak and burst. Buck chewed on his lip while he mulled over his new revelation. He was so deep in thought that he jumped a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Eddie was looking at him with concern and a look so soft that Buck couldn’t help but be hopeful that Eddie felt the same way. “Hey man, you alright? The movie can’t be that interesting.” He curled his lip in a smile, and Buck was so glad that Christopher was between them, so he didn’t do something stupid like kiss Eddie.
“Oh yeah man, just thinking about random stuff.” Buck tried to shrug it off and actually pay attention, but he thinks it was some Disney movie about sea monsters? He looked down at Chris and saw that he was engrossed in the film. Chris had been wanting to watch this for their movie nights for a while. He had insisted that ‘his Buck’ was there for a family movie night, and didn’t the thought of that make the pressure inside of him build just a bit more?
Eddie didn’t look convinced but seemed to concede the point, the hand he had used to tap Buck on the shoulder didn’t return to its spot by his side though, it draped along the back of the couch and his fingers grazed the back of Buck’s neck. Buck tried to tell himself that Eddie was not pulling a move on him, there was no way. Sure he and Buck had talked about their sexualities, Buck coming out as bi and Eddie revealing that he was gay. It had taken Eddie a long time to accept that part of himself, working with Frank had done him a world of good and Buck was so proud of him. Buck didn’t want to assume that just because his best friend was gay that Eddie liked him, same as Buck wouldn’t want Eddie to (rightfully) assume that he liked (loved, totally head-over-heals in love) with Eddie.
As the movie played on, Buck continued to feel the pressure build and build, every brush of Eddie’s fingers, every time Christopher leaned closer into him, every time he and Eddie caught each other's eyes over Chris’ head; it kept building and building. By the time the credits rolled and Chris started getting ready for bed, Buck felt ready to burst.
Chris came out of the bathroom and made a bee-line for Buck, “Buck are you staying the night to make pancakes in the morning?
“Of course buddy!” Buck couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across his face as he folded Chris into a tight hug, “Your dad may have learned how to cook but he still hasn’t mastered my banana-chocolate chip pancakes.” He looked up at Eddie as he said this, Buck didn’t want to insert himself in where he wasn’t wanted and needed to double check that he hadn’t over stepped.
Eddie had that soft look on his face again, the one that he usually only uses for Christopher but that Buck has been noticing directed at him more and more often. “Hey now,” Eddie smiled softly, not taking his eyes off Buck and his son, “Not all of us got cooking lessons from Bobby.”
Buck rolled his eyes, making sure that Eddie saw it as he released Chris, “Alright buddy time for bed, sleep well and I’ll make us pancakes in the morning. But you need to go to bed right now or I won’t be able to make them.”
While Chris wasn’t “too old” to hug his father and Buck he was too old (his words) for bedtime stories. Buck and Eddie both were still mourning the loss of that phase. Eddie came back out to the living room after Chris had been safely tucked in, and his door shut save for a small crack in case he needed anything.
“You want a beer or do you just want to pull the couch out and go to bed?” Eddie was still looking at him so softly that Buck really couldn’t be held responsible for the words that came out of his mouth next.
“I love you.” Buck had never felt more like his name sake than he did in that moment, looking at Eddie like a deer caught in headlights, “I mean.. Um..”
Eddie smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he sat next to Buck on the couch, “I love you too but I asked if you wanted a beer or to go right to bed.”
“Wait, you love me too?”
“Of course I do Buck, I’ve just been waiting for you.” Eddie brushed his hand over Bucks, slowly intertwining their fingers. Buck had never felt more nervous to hold another person’s hand before.
“I didn’t uh…” Buck couldn’t seem to look away from their joined hands, they seemed to fit together perfectly, “I didn’t want to ruin anything and all of a sudden the feelings felt too big and I didn’t know what to do with them and then I blurted them out and I was so worried that maybe it was too much or too soon or that I’m too much-” Buck couldn’t finish his rambling, which was probably for the best, because all of a sudden slightly chapped lips were against his and Bucks eyes slid close, and this was probably his favorite first kiss ever.
Eddie pulled back, but not far, his nose brushed against Buck’s and Buck could feel Eddie’s smile against his own. “You’re never too much, not for me. I’ve been in love with you for entirely too long. Long enough to panic over loving a man and long enough to figure out that you’re it for me Evan. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you.”
Buck had no words, he couldn’t believe that Eddie loved him back, that he got to have this. He closed the distance between him and Eddie again, their lips fit together perfectly.