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Jongin wondered how miserable he must look to people around him, standing alone in that bar with his half full glass of whiskey. Unlike the others on that night, he didn't go there to have fun. The lively atmosphere from the place was totally different from his own. His frustration took the best of him and all he wanted was to drink to numb his feelings. Being rejected was horrible, but being remembered of everything he wanted to be and wasn't yet, was way too worse.
It was impossible to forget the day he met Soojung, she was stunning. He had seen her on TV, after all, she was a popular actress, but seeing her in person was a totally different vision. Jongin wouldn't say he was surprised when she looked very interested in him the moment they exchanged looks. He knew his attributes well, so finishing that night with her in a hotel room wasn't unexpected. What Jongin didn’t expect though was continuing to be called by her on distinct occasions.
Soojung promised she would use her influence to help him with his career. Jongin was a dancer since he could remember, he loved what he did and working with it was a dream, but he dreamed about being a famous artist someday. He had been a part of dance groups, made choreographies for a few artists, but he never got the opportunity to be himself an artist. He had to drop everything to serve in the military and now he was back, he couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't too old for his dream. How many artists did he know who entered the industry so late?
The arrangement Jongin had with Soojung was good, she would help as long as he could keep their secret and continued to satisfy her desires. Surely, it wasn't enough for him. Jongin was addicted to the intensity, he would always want more, being so greedy like normally he was. Some weeks and a few encounters were all that it took for Jongin to start creating feelings for her. How could he not? She was beautiful, rich and famous, the personification of his dreams. He wondered if he didn't envy her sometimes…
He heard loud screams behind him, all of them being directed to the stage. That was simply everything he wouldn't want to hear, more fuss as someone sang most likely love songs. Jongin was ready to pay for his drinks and leave when he heard a tap on the microphone followed by a deep voice. The man presented himself quickly and started to sing. His voice filled the whole place so deeply, it seemed like everyone had stopped their chatting. He felt his skin shivered just as if his voice wasn't entering only his ears, but in his soul as well. Turning around in his chair, Jongin finally looked to the owner of this powerful voice.
The man seemed to almost shine underneath that spotlight. He wore simple white clothes and a black t-shirt with black glasses in his short blonde hair. Jongin was so taken aback by his beauty that he couldn't avoid it and looked for a ring or something that showed he wasn't single. Not that Jongin cared if he was taken, he would try an approach anyway. He never thought he would enjoy so much to hear someone singing, but there he was, already daydreaming about ending the night with him while he sang love songs to all the couples and single people.
Jongin realized he must have been known in that place. The way the customers cheered for him and were receptive to his jokes showed him how dearly he was. The singer even accepted suggestions and whenever he chose one, Jongin noticed how eager the small crowd got. At the end of his performance, he took his glasses and gave it to one of the couples, saying something he couldn't hear from afar with a big charming smile. The whiskey glass was long forgotten as his eyes followed attentively the way he did leaving the stage. Jongin thought what he would have to do to meet that beautiful man in person and for the first time in a while, luck seemed to smile at him the moment the singer showed up in the bar. He talked to the bartender quickly and waited. Jongin took a good look at his body, before reaching closer.
“You sing like an angel.” Jongin spoke simply, turning his body in his direction, leaning against the countertop.
“Thank you so much.” He looked at him, took a small bow and turned his eyes to the bar again. He seemed to be waiting for something or someone, so Jongin thought he must be quick before he left.
“How long have you been a singer?”
“Oh, I'm not. I'm just helping a friend here.” He shrugged lightly, before turning his body so they could be looking at each other.
Jongin had to hold a gasp staring at him so closely. He couldn't help but to think about kissing those lips.
“What? You must become a professional singer. I mean, the world needs to hear you.” Jongin really meant his words even if he wanted to flatter him as a way to get closer.
“Being underneath this spotlight is enough for me.” He chuckled, but Jongin swore he was flushed.
“Can I buy a drink for my favorite singer?” His question was followed by a smirk, the one he always used in those situations, mainly when he was interested in someone.
“Thank you, but I don't drink during work.” Jongin realized the way the other couldn't hold his stare for too long. Well, perhaps his approach was creating some effect on him.
“Not even a non-alcoholic drink?”
“I'm good. Thank you, Mr…?”
“Call me Jongin.” He said, with a smile full of second intentions, before coming closer and standing only a few centimeters from him. “What's your name? Please, tell me you already have an artistic name.”
“Oh, definitely not. I'm just Kyungsoo.” He seemed amused by his words. When Kyungsoo raised his hand, Jongin greeted him avidly, feeling his soft skin as he looked intensely into his dark eyes.
“What do I have to do to get your number?” Straightforward just like a tipsy version of him would be.
Kyungsoo laughed just as if Jongin had told a very funny joke. Maybe Jongin was too focused on the way he seemed even prettier like that to analyze what it really meant.
“If you come next week and still remember me, I'll give it to you. I sing here all Saturdays.”
“Trust me, I'll dream with your voice tonight.”
Kyungsoo looked suspicious at him. It made him wonder how many times he had been flattered in this place. Their chatting was interrupted when another man approached them, praising Kyungsoo, before handing him an envelope. He just nodded at Jongin and left quickly.
“See you next weekend then, Jongin. Have a goodnight.”
Kyungsoo gave a shy smile and followed his way towards the exit. Jongin sighed, thinking his plans for tonight may have been frustrated, but perhaps he had found something better than a simple one night stand. Everything he needed to help him to forget his broken heart and erase Soojung from his mind.
*
A whole week had passed and there Jongin was. Standing in the same place in the bar, behind a small crowd, but not drunk this time and admiring Kyungsoo singing. He wore colorful clothes with red glasses in his head. Observing his set without the alcohol haze blurring his mind made him realize how giving his glasses to a couple was the last part of his show. It was a cute act, considering how the couples were his main public.
He realized Kyungsoo had found him in the back in the beginning of his set. When he finished, Jongin knew they would meet each other again. Kyungsoo appeared in the bar, looking surprised and extremely entertained.
“You came.”
“Do you really think I would forget you so simple?” Jongin saw how Kyungsoo smiled shyly, turning his stare to the ground instead.
“Since I'm a man who keeps my words…” Kyungsoo raised his hand, asking for his cellphone. When Jongin touched his pockets in search of it, he realized he had forgotten it. Perhaps it was in his car or it was in his apartment once he didn't remember bringing it with him. Jongin was avoiding his cellphone and even his TV because he really wouldn't want to see anything related to Soojung on either screen. In those last days, his cellphone was only being used to call someone if he needed to.
“I think I forgot it.” Jongin wanted to slap his head for his own stupidity.
He saw Kyungsoo moving towards the bar, calling one of the bartenders and asking something he couldn't hear. Jongin realized the bartender gave a pen to him. He was already smirking when Kyungsoo came back, standing closely in front of him.
“They didn't have a paper.” Kyungsoo said, touching his hand softly. “Do you mind?”
“Go on.” Jongin spoke lightly, unbuttoned his sleeve, giving him more space to write it.
Kyungsoo held his forearm, with warm fingers against his skin while he carefully wrote his number on it. Jongin looked at how concentrated Kyungsoo seemed in his task. He noticed his sweet perfume, the way all of those colors fit him, making him even more endearing in his eyes.
“I have to go now.” Kyungsoo didn't turn away. His fingers still kept his wrist in his hold.
“I can give you a ride.”
“Thank you, but my bicycle is outside. I can't leave here or I won't be able to go to work on Monday.”
“So you live near, right?”
“Not exactly. That's why I can't drink… it's a long way.” Kyungsoo shrugged, before looking in his eyes. “If you come next Saturday, I'll stay for a while. You know I keep my promise.”
Jongin looked deeply into Kyungsoo's eyes. He saw interest in them, but he obviously wasn't like him. Jongin knew how intensity used to rule his actions and feelings, meanwhile Kyungsoo seemed the opposite of all this. He exhaled serenity and calmness in his eyes, his words and mostly in his actions. Even if Jongin was eager to know and touch him properly, he realized he would have to slow down. Taking his hand to his lips and giving a small kiss on his skin, he said goodbye to Kyungsoo, noticing the way his eyes glinted to him before he left.
*
Jongin was surprised to see how much they chatted during the week. Mostly considering he wasn't too engaged in online conversations and how his classes took most of his available time in week days. Those last days were different though, they chatted in the evening and some days, even exchanged pictures of their day. Jongin discovered Kyungsoo worked at a flower shop and particularly, he loved when he showed the arrangements he made. Jongin used to send him the recordings he did of his classes and reading his supportive words always lit him up.
He didn't remember the last time he had been so immersed in someone. Perhaps Soojung, but since their relationship was clearly imbalanced, he didn't know if he could consider it. Jongin was used to one night stands and quick affairs. Anything different than that was long forgotten in his memories.
Following what Kyungsoo suggested, Jongin went to the bar again. He had a feeling that something would happen today once they were closer now. Before his set start, Jongin sat in the chair in front of the countertop and saw when Kyungsoo arrived with a backpack. He smiled widely seeing his presence so early and walked towards his direction. The moment they stood in front of each other, it seemed like they didn't know how to greet each other. Their chatting throughout those days changed their interactions, so Jongin took a risk, opening his arms to hug him. The embrace was quickly corresponded as Jongin had to lower his body to hug him properly. His body was so warm and it seemed to fit so well in his arms. It was impossible not to let his thoughts wander to lewd ways.
Kyungsoo said he needed to prepare some stuff before entering the stage. Jongin knew they would have time together later, so he just nodded and let him go. He felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket and when he got it in his hands, he saw Soojung's name appearing on his screen calling him. Jongin felt anxious and curious about what she wanted after all those days, but he declined. She most likely wouldn't call again, being so proud as she was and he tried to not let it upset him. She was part of his past, but she still affected him. Shaking his head, Jongin focused on his present. His favorite singer would perform soon and he was eager to be with him later.
Enjoying his singing was becoming one of his hobbies. Kyungsoo sang known and unknown songs, but he thought what it would be like to hear him perform a song made exclusively for him. He used to say it wasn't for him, but seeing all the crowd's excitement and the clapping showed him how Kyungsoo ruled the stage with his voice. Jongin admired it and dreamed of being a performer in a place like that or better, places bigger than that. In the end as usual, he gave his white glasses to one of the couples in the back.
Kyungsoo came back with his backpack in his hands, dropped it next to his chair and sat beside Jongin. He asked for a non-alcoholic drink for him, since he would have to drive tonight and let Kyungsoo free to order anything. He chose an alcoholic drink instead and it made him smirk.
“How long have you been performing here?”
“It's been a few weeks. Junmyeon is the owner and my friend. We had met after a long time and he remembered I used to sing whenever we had to present something in high school. The beginning was weird for me, but now I can see myself in it.” Jongin understood his words. Kyungsoo created something his, people knew him and wanted to see because it was simple, genuine and very good.
“Didn’t you really think about following this way?”
“Oh no. If I could choose, I would be a chef. To have my own restaurant would be nice.”
“I…” Jongin stuttered, before continuing. “I want to be a performer. It's a goal actually and I would do anything to achieve it.” Even though he was very open about his dream, it was impossible to say those words without remembering Soojung. It felt so wrong to think about her having Kyungsoo in front of him.
“You know what? It would fit you perfectly! I bet I'm going to see the outdoors with your face around the city some day.” Jongin smiled at his words, hoping they would become reality.
They lost their perception of time talking with each other. Jongin felt so free sharing his life with Kyungsoo and seeing him comfortable enough to do the same was great. He was delighted every time he saw Kyungsoo laughing, his aura pulling him closer to his orbit every second that passed. It was the middle of the night, almost all of the chairs and tables next to them were empty and they realized the pub would close soon. Jongin took his backpack and touched his hand, signaling they should leave. After paying their bill, they followed their way towards the exit.
The parking lot was empty, his car was the only one there. Kyungsoo followed ahead, stopping in front of it, waiting for him. Jongin walked slowly to him as if he was savoring the moments before approaching him and caging his body between the car and his own body. Kyungsoo's dark eyes stared at him while he towered him. Their fingers brushed against each other's, before he raised his hand and caressed his cheek. Kyungsoo gasped lightly, already closing his eyes at the softness of his touch. When their lips touched briefly, it seemed so right that it made all the waiting worth.
Their kiss was slow as if they were testing the waters, before deepening it. Jongin's hands touched Kyungsoo's waist as he felt his arms wrapped around his neck. He felt so light in that moment almost as if he would fly if the wind was a little bit stronger. His hands could feel his warmth even above his clothes when he pulled him closer. Their bodies were rubbing on each other in a delicious way. Jongin wanted to put him on the hood, but a loud noise coming from the exit startled them both. They saw it was only someone throwing the garbage away and it made them laugh.
“Let's go.” Kyungsoo said, caressing his face softly.
They got in the car and Jongin turned on the radio as he normally did in a low volume. Kyungsoo told him his address and it was indeed a long trip. He didn't know how Kyungsoo was able to do it on his bicycle every weekend, but at least tonight, they would have a little more time together. Throughout their chatting, whenever a song Kyungsoo knew started to play, he began to sing along quietly, immersed in the melody. It was almost as if Jongin was having a private show and he felt privileged to hear him like that. Just when they were reaching his destination, a song Jongin loved started to play on his radio. He started to sing without thinking much and before he could realize, they began singing in duo. They smiled at each other until Jongin finally parked the car.
“I like your voice.” Kyungsoo spoke, looking softly at him.
“Coming from you, it's the best compliment I've received.”
“Thank you for the night.” Kyungsoo took off his belt so he could turn to see Jongin properly.
He did the same, not losing any more time, before kissing him again. Jongin didn’t know how much time he would have to wait to have him again, so he wanted to enjoy any second he got. His kisses went down on his neck, he heard his gasps until he felt Kyungsoo pulling away.
“I really want it, but…” Kyungsoo couldn't look in his eyes, turning his gaze to his hands instead. “I'm afraid the spell will fade away after we do it, you know?”
Jongin didn’t understand his reasons to say something like that, perhaps only time would make him understand. If he needed time, Jongin wouldn't oblige him. There wasn't any need to hurry anything.
“I won't lie, I really want you.” Jongin bit his lip, saying it so sincerely for him. “But let's do it in your time, okay?”
Kyungsoo smiled, before kissing him quickly. He said goodnight while Jongin observed him walking away towards his house. During his way back to his apartment, he couldn't stop smiling, still hearing his voice in his ears.
*
To have a definitive destination on his Saturdays nights was something new in his routine. This and chatting with Kyungsoo in every available time during his work days. Jongin already had his favorite spot, standing in the back behind all those tables so he could see Kyungsoo perfectly. He had a drink in his hand, feeling expectantly after Kyungsoo said he wanted to meet his apartment. It was difficult to handle so much eagerness inside of him after hearing those words.
Jongin was so focused on the stage, watching the beginning of his set, that he didn't notice a well known woman sitting in the chair beside him.
“So, he's the one?” It was impossible not to recognize her voice. Jongin turned around quickly to prove with his eyes what his mind already knew.
“What are you doing here?” Jongin spoke in disbelief seeing her relaxed frame. She wore a tiny black dress, her brown long hair fell onto her shoulders giving her that well known haughty posture.
“To save you.”
“How did you…?” Jongin couldn't understand that situation even if he tried to. “You know what? Just leave me.”
“It wasn't difficult, trust me.” Ignoring what he said, she remained peacefully in her spot. “So all of this happened just because I said I couldn't date an unknown person?”
Seeing her smirk made him even more angry. Kyungsoo's voice filled their background, singing happily while he was feeling as if a black cloud was above his head. His eyes turned back to the stage, but her mere presence was enough to bother him. Soojung didn't understand his feelings before and definitely wouldn't understand them now. Jongin stayed in silence, hoping she could see that conversation wouldn't happen.
“We had a deal, remember? I didn't forget it, but I can't help you if you expose yourself that much. The moment you become famous, they're going to turn all your past upside down looking for something. I don't care who you go out with, but you know how close minded people are in this country.”
He hated to admit she had a point. She was very careful with her image and that was the reason for their breakup.
“What do you want, Soojung?” Jongin sighed deeply, before looking at her again.
“He's so…” For the first time, she looked at the stage. He was ready to defend him from any mean word, but she surprised him. “ Simple . Is this what you want for your life from now on? Simplicity? I have a soft spot for you and that's the only reason I'm here, but if this is what you want, tell me and I'll never look for you again.”
Soojung didn't lie. Kyungsoo was simple, but unlike what she meant, it wasn't a weakness. Perhaps he was indeed exactly what Jongin was looking for all those years and never found. He knew Kyungsoo was a good hearted person, definitely better than them two.
“I can't do it.” Jongin closed his eyes, already feeling the tears as his voice trembled.
“Too bad, my manager is at my apartment waiting for you.” She spoke seriously, Jongin knew there wasn't going to be a second chance.
His mind started to think about possibilities. Kyungsoo wouldn't want to see him again if he just left, right? He needed one last conversation, he knew how much that dream meant to him, maybe he could understand and…? Then what? Wait so they could date secretly? Maybe he should have told him about that agreement so it wasn't dirty secret he kept.
“I bet it won't be too hard to find him later if you want to. Actually, I think he'll be exactly in this place.”
Jongin hated how her words sounded so mean. He thought he would have more time to think when the whole place was filled with screams and claps. Kyungsoo would come look for him and he would find Soojung beside him. Most likely, he had seen them talking during his whole set and it scared Jongin even more.
“He's coming.” Her voice echoed.
Jongin couldn’t handle the weight of that choice onto his shoulders. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling tears wetting his face. The worst part would still come when he heard his name being called in a confused tone.
“Jongin?”
He didn't look into his eyes. Instead, his eyes focused on the ground. He was such a coward, feeling the knot in his throat and the ache in his heart. The moment he heard Soojung's voice talking to Kyungsoo, assuming the situation, he knew he had already made a choice.
“So you're the famous singer my partner talked about so much. You're incredible, dear! I think you must know me, but nice to meet you.” The joy in her tone was obviously fake to him, but she was an actress after all.
“In fact, I heard you give your glasses to a chosen couple every night. May you give us this pleasure tonight?” That was her final punch in both of them. He really shouldn't have let her speak in his favor.
His vision was blurred by his tears, but he raised his head for the first time since Kyungsoo came. The disappointment was clearly visible in his face. Even though Jongin wanted to grab his hand, so they could run away from that situation, it wasn't impossible anymore. He saw Kyungsoo taking off his pink glasses and giving it to Soojung.
“I hope you can enjoy here.” His politeness tried to cover his sadness, so clear in his eyes, even if he tried to grin at her.
“Thank you so much.”
Turning to Jongin now, she handed the glasses in his hand, before whispering in his ear. “It's your souvenir. I'm waiting outside.”
She went away, leaving an abyss between them. Kyungsoo stood in his spot, asking in a broken tone.
“Why?”
That was all he needed to finally break as well, despair taking control of his attitudes. Jongin made his choice and needed to lead with the consequences of it. He left his chair and running towards his direction, he took both his hands.
“Kyungsoo, what we have is real, trust me! You know my biggest dream is becoming an artist and she is my way to…”
“Don't.” He pulled away quickly, interrupting his words. “Just go away and don't look for me again.”
Kyungsoo left without looking back. He knew where he would go, but the way he was hurt, it wouldn't be any good to go after him. Seeing his pink glasses in his hands made him sob harder. After leaving a few wons on the countertop, he walked slowly towards the exit, meeting her outside with a cigarette in her hands.
“I'm not forcing you to do it, you know this, right?” She asked, throwing the cigarette in the ground, before smashing it with her heels.
“Don't make me regret choosing you.” His voice sounded rough. He had given up too much for things to fail later.
“You won't.” She entered the car next to them.
Before she left, Soojung descended the window, speaking softly.
“It's just an attraction. It'll pass.”
Her words were reverberated in his head. Surely, she wouldn't understand the depth of what they had, even if it was short, it had been powerful. He was falling for him, it was reciprocal and too good to be true. Jongin knew Kyungsoo had marked him and he wouldn't forget him, but he had made his choice. Holding his pink glasses in his hand, Jongin went to his car. He kept the glasses in the glove box and cleaning his face, he followed her car. It was time to make all his losses worthy.