Work Text:
I got my driver's license last week
Just like we always talked about
'Cause you were so excited for me
To finally drive up to your house
But today I drove through the suburbs
Cryin' 'cause you weren't around
Matt slammed the apartment door hard enough to shake the peeling paint, anger blazing hotly through his veins. No tranq, no nicotine could appease the silent rage coursing through each shake in his gait.
He’d taken it as given, from that moment they’d reunited, that the barefoot kid who loved futbol and poetry was long gone, long replaced by a leather-clad tempest with trigger-happy fingers and a skimpy wardrobe that rivaled even the highest paid sex worker. Mello was an all-consuming fire. Mafia, civilian, didn’t matter. There would always be someone who wanted the man to kill or to fuck, and Mello used his beauty to radiate sex appeal like a fierce jungle cat. It got him what he wanted.
But Matt thought he wanted him. Sure, there had been work. Sure, there was hacking and trailing and hours of strategizing how to take down Kira.
Sure.
But peppered across the work, there was the dynamic Mello with Matt by his side. There was the rekindled friendship born in their shared orphan boarding school trauma-bond. They were the best friends who could still finish each other’s sentences. They were guys who looked out for each other and still cried over having to grow up too quickly and fight a war that wasn’t theirs. And yeah, the sex was fucking hot, desperate, and crawling up the wall at 3 am with blood-covered hands kind of hot.
But Matt was in love.
Mello could be a fucking cunt sometimes. Mello could be a right asshole, but for fuck’s sake, Matt had never taken him for a cheater.
One. Whole. Fucking week. With that blonde bitch. Living in her apartment. And the Mello had the whole fucking place bugged. Knew Matt would see every sordid detail. Knew Matt would hear her toe-curling screams when he had her drunk on his dick, pounding into her from behind, one hand grasping her breast while the other snapped viciously at a chocolate bar.
Matt didn’t even register when he’d gotten into his Camaro, just knew he was driving. The road before him was black.
And you're probably with that blonde girl
Who always made me doubt
She's so much older than me
She's everything I'm insecure about
He lit a cigarette, inhaled sharply, and stormed into the smoky, pulsing chaos of the nightclub. Music pounded relentlessly in his ears, drowning out the memory of Mello’s cold, dismissive voice.
“Never agreed to be exclusive, huh?” Matt muttered bitterly, exhaling smoke through gritted teeth. Mello’s casual dismissal replayed cruelly in his mind—every word felt like a knife twisting sharply in his chest. Used. He’d been used. No better than one of Near’s toys. That's all he was to Mello—another pawn. Disposable when convenient.
He tossed back a shot of whiskey, savoring the burn that matched his simmering fury. Eyes glittering with spite, Matt scanned the crowded floor, locking gazes with the first stranger who returned his stare—a dark-haired guy with neck tattoos. Matt stalked forward, determined and reckless.
Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs
'Cause how could I ever love someone else?
Oh yeah, he thought, swaying his hips in invitation. Two could be sluts, alright.
The stranger’s lips crushed aggressively against Matt’s, hand snaking down to his belt buckle. They didn’t even bother to make it to the bathroom, and for all the redhead cared, they could start an orgy right on the fucking bar table. Matt closed his eyes, forcing himself to sink into the empty pleasure of the stranger’s tongue on his neck, to lie to himself. To forget his troubles.
But a sharp, familiar grip seized his arm, violently yanking him backward.
"What the hell—" Matt snarled, heart jolting when he recognized Mello’s furious eyes glaring back at him.
"Outside," Mello hissed, voice dripping with venom.
And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
Dragged through the pressing crowd and into a shadowed alley, Matt barely caught his breath before Mello slammed him roughly against the brick wall.
“What do you think you're doing?” Mello demanded, pressing his thigh firmly between Matt's legs. “Is that how you punish me? By humiliating yourself?”
Matt laughed bitterly, pushing back against Mello’s grip. “Oh my god, you fucking tracked me here? I didn’t even think you’d notice I had left. Thought you were too busy fucking Halle Lidner to care.”
“That was just business. Meaningless sex,” Mello snapped, eyes narrowing dangerously. “You know that I needed her on my side. I did what I had to do to keep her sweet.”
“Just like me, right?” Matt shot back sharply, gripping Mello’s chin roughly. “You say whatever I wanna hear to get me to do your bidding, too, right?”
Mello's eyes softened briefly, but quickly hardened again, lips twisting into a challenging smirk. He made full use of his heeled boots to tower over the redhead.
“Jealousy doesn't suit you, Matt.”
Matt growled in frustration, spinning them around and pinning Mello against the wall, wrists tight beneath his grip. “I should leave your ass. Let you deal with being alone, you fucking selfish asshole.”
“You do that, Matt.” Mello’s eyes glittered defiantly, his voice dropping to a rough whisper. "I fucking dare you. But you don’t have the balls."
Today I drove through the suburbs
And pictured I was driving home to you
Matt’s restraint shattered in a war cry. He crushed their mouths together violently, passion and anger colliding as hands tore impatiently at clothes, exposing heated skin in the dim, dirty alley lights. He could feel his heart breaking.
“Just what the fuck do I even mean to you?” Matt demanded, breath ragged, hips grinding roughly against Mello's. “God, it’s like you’re heroin to me!”
“You’re the helpless puppy who keeps coming back no matter how many times I kick him down,” Mello challenged breathlessly, hips pushing back shamelessly. “Now be a good boy and have your treat.”
Matt bit harshly at Mello’s neck, marking him possessively. He gripped Mello’s hips roughly, turning him swiftly to face the wall, forcing his legs apart. Mello braced himself eagerly, breath hitching in anticipation, fingers undoing his own belt.
He didn’t feel like prepping him. He wanted to hurt Mello as badly as he’d been hurt. Hell, the blond liked it rough, but he couldn’t bring himself to go in raw. Fingers slick with saliva stretched and probed Mello’s most intimate parts until the blond’s nails were clawing at the brick, splintering in desperation. Matt thrust sharply inside, forcing a harsh, raw cry from Mello’s throat. Pain quickly melted into searing pleasure as Mello pressed back urgently.
“Yes—like that—” Mello screamed, body scraping against the wall. “Harder, Matt. Give me everything!”
Matt obliged fiercely, each thrust brutal and relentless. He tangled his hand roughly in Mello’s hair, pulling his head back sharply as he drove deeper, intent on making Mello feel as desperately used as he'd felt earlier.
Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can't drive past the places we used to go to
'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
“Is this enough for you?” Matt’s voice strained with a mix of resentment and lust.
Mello shuddered, breath hitching sharply. “More. God, Matt, don’t stop—”
Matt bit again at Mello’s shoulder, claiming him entirely. “You call me a dog when you’re the one who acts like a fucking bitch in heat.”
Mello gasped a string of expletives, pleasure overwhelming him. His orgasm was as violent as everything else in the mafioso’s life. Body convulsing beneath Matt’s fierce control, a raw scream tearing from his throat. Matt followed moments later, spilling deep inside, reclaiming Mello as his.
They sagged breathlessly against the wall, bodies trembling, sweat cooling against flushed skin. Matt leaned close, lips brushing Mello’s ear.
“You drive me insane,” Matt murmured hoarsely. “Give me some fucking loyalty.”
Mello laughed softly, pressing back tiredly against Matt’s chest. “Are we even, then? I like provoking you, but I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me for real.”
Matt pressed a lingering kiss against Mello’s temple, his vulnerability bubbling to the surface. “Stop making me chase you. Stop breaking my heart, Mels.”
Mello's eyes softened into something surprisingly gentle as he faced the other. “Then run alongside me, not behind me.”
He laced his fingers with Matt’s and pulled him in for a kiss that belied every bit of their fight.
Sunlight streamed harshly through the blinds, slicing the dim room with bright, intrusive stripes. Matt groaned softly, the pounding from his hangover matching the dull ache radiating through his muscles. Memories from the previous night flooded back, sharp and vivid, dragging a reluctant blush across his cheeks.
He rolled over slowly, eyes tracing the pale expanse of skin beside him. Mello lay sprawled across the bed, sheets tangled around his hips, golden hair splayed messily over the pillow. His body was painted in purple marks, vivid reminders of Matt's desperation and anger. A heavy guilt settled in Matt’s chest as he studied each bruise, each angry mark of teeth.
"You awake, babe?" Matt finally murmured, not a trace of last night’s whiskey-filled bravado left.
Mello stirred slightly, eyes opening slowly. "Yeah."
Matt sat up, lighting a cigarette with trembling fingers. He exhaled slowly, the smoke mingling with his lingering frustration. "Look at yourself," he whispered hoarsely, gesturing vaguely at the bruises. "Is this the only way you can feel something? I swear it’s like you want it every time. Why can’t we just kiss and cuddle like normal people? How much of your brain did that explosion take with it?"
Mello flinched visibly, anger flashing through his blue eyes. "I didn’t hear complaints when you were balls deep in my ass. And don't psychoanalyze me, Matt. You don't understand shit."
"Maybe I do," Matt shot back, bitterness creeping into his voice. "You chase adrenaline because you think it's the only thing that can reach you anymore. You crave pain because you think it's the only thing real enough. The danger, the guns, the violence, it all makes you feel alive."
Mello sat up sharply, eyes narrowing in defensiveness. "Stop pretending you know me better than I know myself."
"Do you even have feelings for me?" Matt demanded harshly, cigarette trembling in his hand. "Is it just the sex you crave? Or worse, am I just another way to hurt yourself?"
"Don't," Mello warned softly, voice edged with hurt.
Matt sighed deeply, a heavy exhaustion overtaking his anger. He stood abruptly, pulling on his jeans. "I’m done being your adrenaline fix. We're just hurting each other in an endless cycle. Figure out what you feel, Mello. Until you do, I'm fucking gone."
Sidewalks we crossed
I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing
Over all the noise
God, I'm so blue, know we're through
But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
Mello's eyes widened in shock, momentarily speechless. He watched Matt stride toward the door, panic slowly replacing his defiance. Before he could stop himself, Mello leapt from the bed, still naked, heart pounding painfully.
"Mail!"
Matt froze in the doorway, stunned both by the raw desperation in Mello’s voice and by hearing his real name for the first time in years. Slowly, he turned to see Mello standing there, utterly vulnerable, eyes filled with a depth of emotion he hadn’t seen since they were children.
"Mail," Mello repeated softly, voice shaking. "Don't leave. Please."
"Why should I stay, Mihael?" Matt asked, verging on tears. "Give me one honest reason."
I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.
Mello closed the distance quickly, eyes locked onto Matt’s, voice barely above a whisper. "Because nothing aches more than the thought of being apart again. I’m barely holding it together, and only because you’re here with me. I know I treat you like trash, but that’s really because I don’t know how to let myself be loved. Sometimes I play the Mello persona so hard, I lose myself in it. Stay for Mihael, please."
Matt gently cupped Mello's face, drawing him into a tender, searching kiss. Their lips moved softly, exploring new, fragile honesty. Matt guided them back to the bed, gently laying Mello down, treating his bruised skin with reverence.
Slowly, he traced his lips and fingers over every mark he'd made, soothing the pain with gentle kisses and soft caresses. Mello sighed softly beneath him, tension easing from his body.
Matt moved lower, teasing kisses along Mello's stomach, lingering gently over his hipbones. Mello’s breathing quickened, a soft, appreciative moan escaping him as Matt spread his thighs apart tenderly.
He licked Mello’s inner thighs, gradually moving lower, eyes locked onto Mello's as he carefully lifted the blond’s hips. Mello gasped sharply, anticipation radiating through his body. Matt lowered his mouth gently, his tongue teasing softly at Mello’s ass, drawing deep, shuddering moans from Mello’s throat as pleasure ignited through his nerves.
"God—Mail—" Mello groaned breathlessly, fingers clutching at the sheets, hips arching helplessly into Matt’s attentive mouth. Every deliberate movement of Matt’s tongue unraveled him further, driving him closer to losing himself completely.
Matt took his time, savoring each gasp, each trembling reaction, until Mello was shaking uncontrollably, whispering Matt’s true name like it was its own language. Only then did Matt draw back and fill Mello, replacing his tongue with his cock.
Their movements were gentle, intimate, and filled with the tenderness of lovers, not like the animalistic lust that had overtaken them the night before. Matt held Mello tightly afterward, as if he were the most precious treasure he could ever hold.
"I don’t always love myself, but I’ve always loved you, Mail," Mello whispered softly, facing the redheaded with all facades faded away. "Stay with me."
Matt kissed his forehead tenderly, holding Mello close. "I’d die for you."
I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.