Chapter Text
“Okay, Luther, what do you got?” Ethan asks, bracing himself against the truck and peering into the open window expectantly.
“Give me a second,” Luther responds from inside the car, fingers flying across the keyboard. After a short moment he blows out a breath. “Damn,” he murmurs, “looks like one hell of a storm we got here.”
He turns the screen so Ethan can see and, indeed, his friend is right. One hell of a storm. The thought makes Ethan’s body tingle with excitement. So far, there’s only a light breeze in the air and the dark clouds forming in the distance are the sole sign that bad weather is coming. That can’t fool Ethan, though. He has experienced just how fast it can go many times and the data on Luther’s screen indicates the same.
“Hey, guys,” Ethan calls as he practically bounces over to the rest of the group. Jack, Ilsa and Jane. He comes to a stop next to Ilsa and waits for everyone to gather around before he says, “we finally got one and it’s coming in fast. You ready?”
“About time,” Ilsa says, “been ready for, like, two hours.”
Jane nods in agreement but she looks a little nervous. Ilsa seems to notice right away, pulling her into her side and rubbing her arm comfortingly. “We got this, alright?” She asks her girlfriend and Jane nods again, smiling now. “We got this.”
“Okay, okay, okay,” Jack chimes in, “what the hell are we waiting for, then?”
Ever the most impatient guy, Ethan thinks but can’t help but laugh because, honestly, he’s just the same. He cannot wait to get his eyes on this storm and, hopefully, his hands on the data they’ve been meaning to collect. To an outsider it may look like this whole storm chaser thing is just something they do for fun but they’re actually trying to help people. That’s not to say it can’t be fun at the same time.
“He’s right, let’s roll,” Ethan announces with a grin.
They divide into two groups so they can cover more ground because this way at least one of them might actually get close enough to the tornado. They’ve done it like this countless times and it’s a tried and true method, Ethan finds. He’s with Jack in one truck, Ilsa and Jane in the other and they’re off. Luther is staying behind with all their tech equipment, keeping a close eye on the storm and guiding the two teams over the radio. Once it’s over, they’ll meet up again and study the results.
—
Ethan and Jack arrive at the location Luther has set for them, casually chatting and joking, and get out of the truck. One look at the sky tells Ethan that there’s still a little more time.
When Ethan turns back to the truck, Jack is smiling at him over the hood of the car. A small, private smile that’s somehow reserved for just him as far as Ethan can tell. Maybe it means something, maybe it’s all just wishful thinking courtesy of the little crush he’s been harboring for a while now. His stomach does a swoop and, okay, maybe it’s more than just a little crush. Ethan wants to say something then, anything, as they’re looking at each other in silence, because what if this is it? What if this is the moment to just get over himself and give it a shot?
But then there’s a rumble in the distance, a telltale sign of the incoming storm. The air feels heavy and the first few raindrops land on Ethan’s arms.
Jack turns away, breaking eye contact, and the moment is gone. When his friend turns back to him, his expression has changed into his signature smirk. Ever so mischievous, he says, “you better be ready for this one, come on!”
No time to waste, they jump back into the truck. Back to doing what they always do. What’s familiar. Easy.
Until it isn’t anymore.
—
When Ethan wakes up he doesn’t know where he is. He looks around, confused, and blinks to get his vision to unblur. He’s in a white, plain room and when he lifts his head his whole body feels like it’s been hit by a truck. He’s in a hospital, he realizes. Suddenly, flashes of memory are coming back to him. The storm. The thrill and excitement of chasing it with Jack. Getting directly into its path. Then nothing.
He’s about to panic when he hears soft voices in the hall, followed by a knock on the door. A moment later it opens and Ilsa looks around the corner, stepping in.
“Ethan,” she says softly, voice full of relief, “you’re finally up.”
She crosses the room and when she gets close enough, Ethan can see the tears sparkling in her eyes.
Ethan tries to sit up but the sharp pain in his ribs makes him stop and lean back against the pillows with a groan.
“Hey, take it easy. It’s okay.” Ilsa sits down on the edge of the bed and gently places her hand on Ethan’s forearm. “How’re you feeling?” She asks, unusually hesitant. Normally, she’s a lot more direct, Ethan notes. Something must be seriously wrong.
“I’m fine,” Ethan mumbles, finding his voice. It feels all scratchy and rough. “What’s going on? What happened?”
Ilsa’s brows furrow and she presses her lips together. She doesn’t say anything for what feels like forever and Ethan gets more and more nervous.
“Ilsa?” He prompts.
She breathes in shakily and asks, “what do you remember?”
“I–” Ethan stops to think, “uh– let’s see, we were out on the field. Jack and I. We saw the tornado not far from us and went after it and then–”
“Come on, go go go go go!” Jack yells, urging Ethan on. They’re so close now, the storm in front of them, but it’s not good enough to get what they need.
Ethan floors it, barely able to control the truck anymore with the wind all around them. The fact that he can see next to nothing because of the rain and the hail doesn’t exactly make it any easier.
“I got it, I got it,” he yells back, “hold on!”
Suddenly, the tornado changes directions, cutting them off, and the truck spins around violently. “Fuck,” Ethan curses, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
The car comes to a stop eventually as the storm rages on, too close for comfort. It’s still shaking and Ethan knows they need to get out and find shelter. Staying in the car is the worst idea. One look at Jack in the passenger seat tells him his friend has the same thought.
“Let’s go,” Jack says and they force the doors open, jumping out of the truck and making a run for it. There’s an overpass nearby and Ethan realizes it’s their only chance.
They push on, the wind pulling on their hair, on their clothes, threatening to blow them away as if they’re merely stick figures.
“Ethan!”
Ethan turns to find Jack struggling and he grabs his hand, holding on tightly. He pulls Jack closer to the overpass. “We’re almost there, come on!” Ethan yells against the wind.
When they finally make it, Ethan starts climbing up, still not letting go of Jack’s hand, which makes it decidedly harder to get up.
“Ethan, go!” Jack yanks his hand away and gets down on the ground, trying to hold on but there’s only grass and loose gravel.
Ethan gets further up and when he finds some poles to hold on to, he leans down and reaches out to Jack. “Jack, come on!”
His friend grabs his hand again and Ethan pulls with all his strength but Jack can still barely move. The storm is too close. Way too close.
“I’ve got you,” Ethan screams desperately, “I’ve got you, I’m not letting go!”
Ethan’s eyes widen in shock when the realization kicks in and he stares at Ilsa. This can’t be right. Maybe he just doesn’t remember correctly with the concussion he most likely has, he reasons with himself. There’s no way he let Jack go. He promised not to.
“Where’s Jack?” He eventually asks, fear creeping into his voice. He’s not sure he actually wants to hear the answer.
Ilsa goes impossibly pale and swallows hard. “Ethan–”
“Just tell me.”
Another shaky breath and Ilsa shakes her head slightly. Finally she says, “Jack– he– Ethan, I’m so sorry. He didn’t– he didn’t make it.” The last part is barely more than a whisper and Ilsa sniffles, trying to stop the tears.
It hits Ethan out of nowhere, like the rug has been pulled out from under his feet, and he squeezes his eyes shut. This has to be a nightmare. Jack can’t be gone. All he needs to do is wake up.
When he dares to open his eyes, though, it’s all still the same. Ilsa is still sitting next to him, her grip on his arm tightening while she uses her free hand to wipe her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan,” his best friend repeats, her voice breaking.
“He– I don’t– I,” Ethan struggles to form any coherent thought and eventually he can’t hold his tears back anymore either.
Ignoring the sharp pain in his whole body, he scoots up and leans forward, enveloping Ilsa in a tight hug and holding on for dear life. He’s fully sobbing now, chest heaving painfully as he’s trying to breathe. All he can think is I did this. I failed and now Jack’s dead because of me.
—
The next couple of weeks are harder than anything Ethan has ever experienced. The recovery from his own injuries, of course, but the grief is worse. Infinitely worse. He doesn’t know how to cope with it and he can’t accept that Jack will never come back. The rest of his friends are there all the time and they all support each other because it’s not just him that lost a friend, it’s Luther, Ilsa and Jane, too. But Ethan was the one who was with Jack. He was the one who could have saved him and no matter how many times his friends tell him that he isn’t to blame, Ethan still feels like he is.
—
Years pass. Twenty to be exact. A lot happens and Ethan even tries to get a regular job at one point when he meets Julia and they fall in love. He wants to do it for her even if chasing storms is what he’s meant to do. He thinks that maybe the distance from it all could help him get over what happened with Jack because even all those years haven’t absolved him of the guilt that’s always lingering somewhere in the back of his mind. It works for a while, not thinking about it, just banishing the thoughts from his mind. Julia and their new life together are a good distraction for Ethan and he tells himself he’s all in. They get married and buy a nice house a little way from Ethan’s childhood home, his parent’s farm. It’s nice, really, and he doesn’t constantly encounter situations that trigger the dreaded memories. Of course, his friends are still very much his friends, a remnant of his old life, a tether that always keeps him connected to it. His friends who still keep doing their job and who he hears talk about it constantly. They’re supportive and understanding but they do miss him there with them and if he’s being honest he misses working with them and getting out there, too.
As it turns out, ignorance isn’t bliss and even though Ethan tells himself every day that he’s made the right choice, his mind is set on making him doubt himself. He tries to hide it from Julia but his wife knows him too well. She sees right through him and knows that he misses his job, knows the look on his face when the others leave to chase some storm and he stays behind. Eventually, he can’t take it anymore and, with Julia’s encouragement, joins his team again. It doesn’t go so well, there’s a big storm and they almost get hurt. Julia has to drive out in the storm to come get them because there’s an issue with the truck and, suddenly, she’s in immediate danger as well. Even weeks later Ethan can’t stop thinking about it, about what could have happened. He’s so busy blaming himself for something that didn’t even happen, he loses sight of what actually matters. He isolates himself and when Julia tries to talk to him about it he retreats further. Often it ends in them fighting. Eventually Julia, bless her, understands how much Ethan is struggling, why he’s struggling. She’s always had a feel for people, even before she became a doctor. They finally manage to have a real conversation and, after a lot of deliberation, make the decision to get a divorce. It’s okay, Ethan figures, they’re still going to be friends.
He isn’t seeing anybody new, not seriously, even if everyone around him bothers him about it. He tells them he doesn’t have time for a relationship but really he’s not ready to ride the emotional roller coaster again and get his heart broken. Or worse, break someone else’s heart. Instead, he fully focuses on the job. He’s going after every storm possible, he collects a whole lot of data, he studies it. A lot. At least it distracts him, keeps him busy and that’s exactly what Ethan thinks he needs.