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After the whole suggestion box adventure, Ragatha felt guilty. She already apologized, yet, her anger lingered, with it, guilt stuck. 'Did I say too much? Will Pomni still want to be my friend? Am... I ...too much?' Her thoughts spiraled.
She dragged herself to her room, still heavy with her thoughts. She quickly locked her door behind her, like that will do anything, Jax still has a key to her room. It made her feel more .. safe .. if she locked her door.
Everything played again in her head, the words she said, the way Pomni looked at her after she shouted at Jax, the way she had to involve herself in conversations, she kept spiraling.
Ragatha sat in front of her mirror, her fabric was soaked underneath her non-button eye. Hatred twisted in her non-existent stomach. She wanted to die. She couldn't though. Not in this digital hell.
Ragatha stood up, not bothering to fix her wrinkled dress, & she pulled a sewing kit from underneath her bed. Neatly stored in the box was a pin cushion, needles of various sizes, thread that matched her fabric perfectly, and...
"Found it" she muttered, her voice hoarse from sobbing. In her hands, a pair of fabric scissors held tight. She slowly pulled her dress up, showing her thighs. She had done this time & time again, this time, even more self disgust & hatred ripped at her seams. She pinched her fabric, just enough to be able to cut a line on her thigh. Stuffing spilled out. She did it again. Again. Again. Again. Until both thighs were completely torn to shreds.
She wasn't satisfied yet. Her eye wanders to her wrists. It was risky, but she wasn't in the right headspace to think rationally. She weakly snipped at her wrists until about half of her stuffing was on the floor. She couldn't physically lift the scissors anymore.
Pomni was the first to notice that Ragatha wasn't showing up for this adventure.
"Where's Ragatha?" She asked, her voice laced with slight worry.
"Don't worry about it" Jax groaned. "Dollface probably slept in" his voice had a tinge of worry under the snarky tone.
The adventure carried on as normal, except Ragatha was still no where to be seen. More of the circus started to worry, yet none bothered to look for her. Did they actually care?
Back in Ragatha's room, she lay on the floor. Now back to her senses, she grabbed her stuffing, but she couldn't re-stuff herself. Everytime she put some back in her rag body, some more fell out of the harsh cuts. She had to repair the cuts first.
Since she was still weak, her sewing was rough, loose, & visible, that is a reminder of that horrid night.
She quickly cleaned up her stuffing after she repaired enough cuts to finally re-stuff herself...
Ragatha left her room, she didn't want to worry the others. She didn't realize how long she was actually in her room. She cut herself unconscious. In her daze of (blood?) Stuffing-loss she didn't fully realize how visible her stitches are...
Guilt still gnawwed at her. A low buzzing buried in her cloth body-
"Hey, Ragatha! Where were you?"
A voice pulled Ragatha to reality. "Oh! Hi Gangle! I just slept in, that's all!" Ragatha chirped in her typical, happy tone. She pulled her hand up to rub the back of her neck.
She quickly shot her hand down once she saw Gangle staring at her wrist, yet neither said anything. An uncomfortable silence covered the girls like a thick weighted blanket.
Ragatha, in an attempt to get away from this dreaded situation "I better go find the others to tell them that I'm okay!"
Gangle watched her as she left, & waited until she was out of sight, she saw that Ragatha's door was open a crack. Gangle peeked in & saw stuffing scattered about, Ragatha's stuffing. Gangle slinked into Ragatha's room, something catching her eye-
Later that night, Ragatha has another break down, she frantically searches for her only relief, her fabric scissors. They are no where to be found.
"No... no no no." She practically screams.
Days pass, & Ragatha is unstable. The others can see it yet they say nothing. She is terribly unlike herself, & almost suicidal..? During adventures she is more reckless, more eager to leap before looking, seemingly wanting to die.
Gangle hasn't told a soul. Not even Zooble. She safely hid the scissors in a box in her room, she knows what Ragatha did to herself. She remembers when she tried to kill herself too. Caine stopped her, so why hasn't he stopped Ragatha?
Caine begins another adventure, this one even more dangerous than the last. As Caine explains the adventure, Gangle's eyes dart to Ragatha.
"Hey, Ragatha?" Gangle half whispered to the doll.
"Hmm? What's up Gangle?" Ragatha replied, her tone less energetic than usual.
"You should sit this one out. It seems really dangerous."
"What?" Ragatha nearly snapped. "I'm perfectly capable of going on this adventure. I will be going on this adventure. " her gaze hard as she looks at Gangle. She walks towards the portal, glances back at Gangle, glaring, & enters.
Gangle hesitates & then follows behind. She will make sure Ragatha doesn't kill herself if it is the last thing she does.
The adventure has ended, everyone goes to their rooms, except for Gangle & Ragatha.
"Look," Ragatha says, some guilt bubbles in her tone, "I'm sorry for snapping at you, Gangle. It is just, I'm fully capable going on rough adventures like that, I'm not some weak doll. I can see you are trying to look out for me, but I don't need your help." She said bluntly near the end of her sentence.
Gangle simply sighs & walks to her room. Did she do the right thing? Guilt pang in her ribbons.
Gangle isn't the only one witnessing Ragatha's distant demeanor. Pomni had noticed how reckless Ragatha has gotten. Is it because of the whole thing with Jax? Does she really hate him that much to where she is distancing herself from everyone? No. Something is wrong.
Pomni leaves her room, searching for an answer. She stops at Ragatha's door. Her hand lifts to knock, there is no answer, she knocks again, harder, still no answer. 'Maybe Ragatha is somewhere else?' She thought.
As Pomni started to walk away, the door unlocks, Ragatha peeks out, a wet spot slightly visable under her real eye.
"... Pomni?" Ragatha whispers, "what are you doing out here?"
"Ragatha!" Pomni squeaks, Ragatha startled her. She faces Ragatha, & sees the wet spot under her eye. "Hey, are you okay?" She asks, softly.
"I'm okay Pomni!" She says, sounding like she is not only trying to convice Pomni, but also herself.
"... are you sure?"
"I'm a-okay!! Just tired." Ragatha says, masking her hurt.
Pomni sighs, Ragatha doesn't seem like she wants to open up. "Okay. Rest up, Ragatha." She turns, now fidgeting with her thumbs as she walks back to her room. She knows Ragatha is not okay.
Ragatha quickly shuts the door again with a small slam. She begins to spiral again. 'Is it that [f@&#;ing] obvious that i am not okay? Why does she care so much? She was just fine with Jax.' As she spirals, she scratches & pulls at her stitches on her wrist & thigh. Some become loose & stuffing pushes to the surface. "[SH%T]" she yells, her hand rushes to her mouth after she realizes what she had done. She rushes to her sewing box & realizes she is out of thread. '[SH%T] HOW AM I OUT?' She panicks, she can't tell Caine, then he would... he would... whatever he would do, it cannot happen. She frantically searches her room for something to close her open wounds. She finds nothing.
Someone knocks on Ragatha's door. A meek voice calls out her name. "Ragatha? Are you okay in there?"
"[Sh%t]! I'm okay!! I'm okay, Gangle!!" Her tone is unconvincing.
"... I am coming in."
Ragatha rushes to hid the open gashes on her wrist, she yanks her dress down & grabs her wrist, pulling it close so that Gangle can't see. It doesn't do much because Gangle already knows.
"I heard some noises, & i thought I would come check on you" Gangles states as she shuts the door behind her.
"I'm okay, I'm okay" Ragatha breathes out.
"Uncover your wrist." Gangle demands, her concern showing. She stored away a small sewing kit just in case Ragatha does something stupid on an adventure.
"....what..?" Ragatha froze, still clutching her wrist.
"Uncover your wrist." Gangle repeated, pulling out the sewing kit. "I am not [f&#&ing] stupid Ragatha. Now let me sew you up."
Ragatha slowly uncovers her wrist, lowering it for Gangle, a scared look is clouding her eye. 'How did she know..?'-
Gangle winces, seeing the damage, she barely knows how to sew, but anything is better than this. She begins sewing her up.
"Any where else?"
"Huh?" Ragatha snaps back to reality. Guilt is eating her alive at this point, no one should have seen her like this, let alone Gangle.
"Any more open wounds?" Gangle asks again.
Ragatha lifts her dress just enough to see her thighs.
Gangle inhales hard. It is worse than she thought. 'How long has Ragatha been doing this? How long has she been hurting?' Tears stung her porcelain eyes, but she wiped them away before Ragatha noticed, she doesn't need to feel worse than she already does. As she finishes up, her eyes look for Ragatha's, but she is looking away.
The scars are still visible, but not as noticeable as if they were open, just more visible than Ragatha's sewing due to the different color thread Gangle used. Ragatha mutters a thank you to Gangle before pulling away.
It has been a few days since Gangle patched Ragatha up, Gangle still glances at Ragatha's wrists. But now she is almost certain Pomni knows too. The Jester looks so worried for the Doll. Ragatha sees it. Is she really that pathetic?
Ragatha goes to her room, she has since covered her mirror. Her own reflection disgusts her. She doesn't bother closing the door. Ragatha sits on her bed, knees to her chin.
"Hey, Ragatha?" Pomni peeks in Ragatha's room. "You know I am here for you, right?" She states before entering.
Ragatha looks up to see Pomni, tears forming in her eye. She hesitates for a second before patting the bed next to her. "I know." She wanted to say more, to confess everything, to tell her that she was jealous of Jax, to tell her about her cuts, but nothing comes out. Tears well in her eye.
Pomni joins her but keeps some distance between them, her legs dangle off the bed. Her big eyes scan Ragatha's face. She can see that the doll is hurting. She hesitates before reaching for the dolls arm. Since Ragatha's hand is on her knee, she grabs her wrist. She freezes.
Both of them freeze. Ragatha is the first to speak. "I'm so sorry." She looks away. Tears sting her cheek.
Pomni is snapped back to reality by her words. "Wait. Why are you apologizing?" She tries to remain calm. Her hand is still on her wrist. She can clearly feel the rough stitches.
Ragatha faces Pomni, tears are streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry for everything. For being so distant. For snapping at Jax. For being so cold. For cutting myself. For worrying you. For trying to die-"
Ragatha gets cut off by Pomni, Ragatha didn't even notice that pomni moved. She was now behind the doll, pulling her in for a hug. As much as she hated touch, she couldn't see her friend like this. "Hey, shh." Pomni whispered in her ear. "Let's calm down bit. I forgive you. Just please, don't, like, do any of that [sh%t] again." Pomni is now crying too.
Ragatha pulls Pomni to the front so she can hug the Jester back. She buries her head in Pomni's neck. The digital world stops for a moment, or atleast it feels like it. "Thank you, Pomni." Ragatha breaks the silence again.
Pomni pulls away slightly, to check on Ragatha, before sliding off her lap & sitting next to her again, this time closer. "Of course."
A few more days have past, & Ragatha is seemingly back to normal. Seemingly...
"Hey! Ragatha!" Pomni chirps as she enters Ragatha's room. "Are you ready-"
Ragatha is lying on the floor. She doesn't respond.
"Ragatha...?"
Ragatha stirs a little, slightly opening her eye. "Hey, p-p o- m ni." Ragatha is glitching.
No.
She is abstracting.
"No. Ragatha! Let me get Caine &, & we can fix this!" Pomni panicks. Her eyes darting around. Her room is normal. Not like Kaufmo's room... pomni turns to leave.
"Ppp-om-ni!" Ragatha attempts to shout. "Don't le-ave!"
Pomni freezes, she wants to save Ragatha, but she also doesn't want to make her further upset. "W-Why?!" Pomni is very much panicking now.
After a pause, pomni swiftly left after she received no answer from Ragatha.
"Caine!! Caine!!! CAINE!!" Pomni screams. She screams hard. After no response from Caine After what feels like an hour (it was only 3 minutes), she rushes back to Ragatha. "I am sorry. I couldn't find him" she is sobbing now.
"C-om-e he-re." Ragatha pushes herself up against the wall.
Pomni hesitates but she obeys.
"I'm s-oor-ry you had to s-eee me like th-is, Pom-ni." Ragatha sighs. "Again." A weak smile creeps on her face.
Pomni can only bare to look at Ragatha so long, 'She is so obviously in pain, & she cares what I think?' It hurt her to see the doll like that. "I am going to get Caine, please, just, like, hang on." Pomni ran off again, this time telling others to help find Caine.
Ragatha, yet again, alone with her thoughts. Her mind could only think about Pomni.
Pomni returns with Caine. But she is too late. "NO. NO. NO. NO. NO." She screams out. "NO!" She yelled between sobs.
A familiar voice reached out to her. "Please take care of yourself."
It was Ragatha.
Now she is gone.
Only a black beast, covered in brightly colored eyes lay where the doll once was.