Chapter Text
“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Tommy called with a sigh, hearing the pounding on the door. When he opened it, he wasn’t expecting to see his most recent ex holding a box of baked goods and looking on the verge of either bawling or panicking. The next words out of his mouth were the easiest he’d ever said. “Come in.” He stepped back, letting Evan in. He ached to wrap the man in a hug, to kiss him again, but that wasn’t his right. He’d broken up with Evan, he didn’t deserve to do any of that.
Buck marched into Tommy’s house, heading right for the kitchen. He dropped the box of baked goods on the island, bracing his hands on it as he took a deep breath. “I’m gonna start, and I need you to listen to me, Tommy. Really, actually listen.”
“Okay.” Evan deserved this at the very least, and Tommy would let him get it out before falling over himself to apologize. Instead, he got them each a glass of water, then sat on a stool and looked at the younger man. “Floor’s yours.”
“You were wrong, and I get that you were protecting yourself, but it was really shitty of you to tell me how I feel. I’ve spent my entire life having my own feelings minimized and ignored, I know myself. Did I jump into asking you to live with me? Yeah, probably. What I should have said was I love you. And I do, even now, weeks later. Do you know what I did to try to get over you? I started baking. Every time I wanted to call you, I baked. Bread, cookies, cake, cupcakes, brownies, I can confidently make some amazing puff pastry from scratch now. And it hasn’t helped at all. Because I still want to call you. I still want to see you and kiss you. I want to watch romcoms with you and see you crying over the emotional moments. I want to roll over when I wake up and see you drooling on the pillow. You think I have this glamorized idea of you, but I think you’re just afraid that I really do see you. And that I still love you with all of that. I still want you, and it hurts that you threw that away.” Buck wiped at his cheeks furiously, his hands shaking as he reached for his glass of water, sipping at it.
Tommy had to force himself to release his glass so it didn’t shatter. “I own this house. It’s a lot more house than I need, but I own it. I have a mortgage, I have a whole yard that I landscape. And yeah, I was terrified, Evan. Because I thought that…I’ve had my heart broken before by guys like you. When I was their first, and things were amazing, and then they’d wake up one day and it was like a switch was flipped. Suddenly, they wanted to date around, try other men, go back to women, it never mattered. But they left me and tore my heart out. So, stupidly, I did the same to you. Every time I wanted to call you? I planted something. I researched native plants, and pollinator friendly plants. The flower bed is four feet wide now and I have vegetables growing in containers. I hate myself for leaving you, I love you so much. And it terrifies me, because I’ve never loved anyone so much before.”
Tears were rolling down Buck’s cheeks as he slowly moved around the island. “Can we un-break up? Can we be back together then, since we both want it? Tommy, everything’s been going to shit since that night and I really need you. I need my strong, sweet, loving boyfriend to lean on. Maddie was abducted by a serial killer, only barely got rescued. You know she’s pregnant again? She’s on bed rest now, she almost lost the baby from going through that. Bobby and Athena are trying to deal with the process of rebuilding their house, and Hen and Karen are working on all the adoption shit for Mara. And Eddie? He sold his house and moved to Texas.”
“What?” Tommy’s jaw dropped, his arms immediately winding around Evan’s waist and pulling him close. “Why did he do that?”
Something about being wrapped in Tommy’s arms settled a deep part of Buck, his own arms wrapping around the pilot’s shoulders. “He doesn’t want to miss more of Chris’ life. Which, y’know, I get it. But…I’ve trusted him to have my back for years, and now I don’t have that. And I wasn’t even sure how tonight was gonna go, but I just needed to see you and try . ‘Cause I got some shocking news myself and I just don’t know how to handle it.”
“Can I kiss you?” Tommy’s voice was soft, a hand coming up to cup Evan’s cheek. “We can move to the living room, sit on the couch and you can tell me about this news.”
Rather than answering the question, Buck just leaned in and kissed Tommy softly. It was sweet, heartbreakingly so, but it was also perfect. “Couch sounds good. I, god, Tommy, I really want you to just hold me. But we should probably be face to face, since this is gonna be a big thing for us getting back together.” As much as he didn’t want to, Buck pulled away from Tommy. He offered the man a hand as he headed for the living room, grabbing the tissues from next to the TV on the way.
As they settled on the couch, face to face with their knees pressed together, Tommy couldn’t help worrying. He reached for Evan’s hand to give it a squeeze. “What’s wrong, Evan?”
Buck took a deep breath before squeezing Tommy’s hand in return. “So, um, about this time last year, Chris had a family tree project for school. He decided that he wanted to try to learn more about his mom’s family, and wanted to do a DNA kit to see what his heritage is from her side. He knows Eddie’s side really well, even on Eddie’s mom’s side. And Ancestry had a BOGO deal. Well, Eddie knows his family tree, he wasn’t interested in doing the other kit, and it would’ve been a waste to just toss it, so I took it. I didn’t expect anything out of it, y’know? But, um, I got a message on the site the other day. I. Tommy, I have a daughter. She’s twelve, almost thirteen. I remember her mom from when I was in North Carolina. I remember her deleting my number when she dumped me, two days later I left the state. She, her name is Rhya, like rye bread, y’know? After she was born, Angela fell into drugs, self medicating for her PPD. She wasn’t, I mean, the men she had around Rhya? I’m not sure PTSD is a strong enough term. Kid lost her left leg below the knee the exact same day I got crushed by the truck. Her maternal grandparents are raising her, but their health is going. She, she has a service dog for the PTSD and her ADHD, she sent me a picture of herself and she looks so much like me. The accident that cost her her foot? She has a scar in the same spot as my birthmark. I want to be in her life, I want to bring her out here so she can live with me. Hell, I want her grandparents to come out here to move into care so she can visit them. I want to get her on my insurance so she can get a new prosthetic, and make sure her crutches and chair are well maintained.”
That was a huge thing, and Tommy didn’t react at first. But that was fine, Evan was blowing his nose and trying not to cry. It gave him a chance to think, scratching his chin idly. “Well, is she okay with stairs? If she is, one of the upstairs bedrooms would work for her. If not, I can move my painting studio upstairs and we can revamp the room down here to be a bedroom for her. Carla works as a home health aid, right? I’m sure she knows which places are actually good and which ones aren’t if they’re willing to come out here. Are you hoping for it to happen at her semester break or try to wait her out to the end of the school year? Evan, I want my future to have you in it, at my side and in my arms for as long as you want to be. I can be whatever you and she want me to be to her, but if you let me I’ll be in this with you.”
Buck sniffled, crying all over again. “You do?”
“Yes, Evan, I do. We can do couples counseling if you would feel better about it, whatever you want. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with you, and I will do anything and everything I can to make it up to you. It’s been hell, learning to sleep again without you next to me. I don’t want to have to do that any longer than I have to. I’ve been going back to therapy myself, just started a couple weeks ago. I, uh, I honestly was gonna reach out to you tomorrow morning.” Grabbing a tissue, Tommy daubed at Evan’s eyes to dry his tears. “I just want you in my life and I want to make you see how amazing you are to me.”
Turning into Tommy’s touch, Buck couldn’t help smiling softly. “We’re gonna have our first call tomorrow when she gets home from school. I’ve already arranged with Bobby to be man behind, and I’m hoping he’ll let me use his office for the call. It’s gonna be a video call, too. So I’ll get to see her and hear her voice. I’m so excited that I can tell her about you, too. I’m sure you’re gonna get along amazingly.”
“I’m so happy for you, Evan. I hope it’s a good call, and that you two can start a plan for her to move out here. I’ve got a lot of time off banked, if you wanna take a trip back east to meet her in person. Gotta make sure her service dog likes us, y’know?” Tommy moved the tissues to the coffee table and scooted closer to Evan. “You’re gonna be a fantastic dad.”
“So’re you.” Buck leaned toward Tommy, soaking in the man’s warmth and strength. “Would…is it bad that I don’t want to leave and go back to my loft? Like, even if we just sleep, just to have you with me? I can always get up and over to the loft in time to take a quick shower and change and still get to work on time.”
The smile on Tommy’s face was so wide, the muscles in his cheeks complained. “I would love that, Evan. I would love to snuggle with you tonight, I’ve missed holding you and waking up with you in my arms. I’ve even missed your morning breath.”
Hearing that had Buck laughing as he leaned forward to hug Tommy. So what if it ended up with them sprawled awkwardly on the couch? “I promise to text you after I talk to her. Let you know how it goes.”
“Good. Tell her all you want to about me, so we know how she feels about potentially living with her dad and his boyfriend.” Stretching out his legs, Tommy was more than happy to hold Evan close. To feel the comfortable weight of the other man above him, weighing him down. “You should find out about the dog, too. So anyone we know with allergies can be prepared.”
“Mm, Athena and May can start the allergy medication now and maybe by June they’ll have it built up enough in their systems.” Buck grinned, laying his head on Tommy’s chest. “I know it’s not that late, but would you hate it if we went to bed? It’ll be a lot more comfortable to cuddle there.”
“I wouldn’t hate that at all. You put the baked goods away, whatever needs to be chilled in the fridge and all that, and I’ll make sure we’re all locked up. And since tomorrow is the start of my four off, I’ll go around the house and measure to make sure every doorway down here is wide enough to fit a wheelchair and hands comfortably.” As much as he hated to, Tommy did urge Evan to get up and off of him so they could prepare for bed. “You can borrow one of my shirts to sleep in.”
Buck’s shoulders sagged, like a weight had been lifted from him at just that simple offer. “That sounds amazing, the few you left behind at the loft stopped smelling like you a while ago.”