Chapter Text
Christine poured the drink the man had ordered with practiced ease.
She had been working at the bar about half a year now, but she had managed to rather quickly settle in. It didn't pay as well as her previous job, but the tips tend to make up for that.
She had quit her other job rather abruptly, the second she had rolled her chair underneath her desk her eyes had gotten unfocused. Her fingers had trembled over the keyboard of her computer and instead of typing out the correct numbers from the forms she had messed up, typed codes that were unfamiliar even to herself.
When Christine had fallen behind with her work for the supermarket chain her boss had questioned her, but he had written it off as her merely being sick and feeling unwell, she had been fine the day prior so that was the only reason why she could be acting off naturally... It had felt much longer than a day to her though—it was odd, but she didn't mention it, any of it.
It had simply been a long, long night.
It was when she signed an email with Pomni that she realized she had to get out, when the pixels on her screen started looking like the eyes which had covered Ragatha shortly before she had woken up.
The conversations at the bar kept her grounded, in touch with reality and occupied enough to avoid her mind slipping back there.
Her therapist claimed the circus was a creation of her mind, a place to escape to, to avoid stress. It made sense, she enjoyed the thrill of different things, exploring and experiencing. Her mind had simply indulged her guilty pleasure.
The only thing about her stressless reality that she had created that did not add up was that it had been anything but stressless.
She could still feel the water filling her lungs, the bullets hitting her and at night she would hear the demon scream like it had done to her and Kinger. It was never ending and unlike any other dream she had ever had, it was so clear and she remembered it all so well.
She did not go into detail about things like that to her therapist though because she was sane, she wasn't crazy but feared they might claim otherwise if spoke of it.
She could not even blame them if they would lock her up in a psych ward and never let her out again. It was similar enough to what Caine had made her endure, except his intentions had been anything but good.
She was tying her brown hair up in a bun when the bell above the door alarmed her of the new arrival to the bar. It was a slow afternoon, so she was able to instantly make her way over to the costumer. It was a guy seemingly similar to her age and like her looking absolutely exhausted as he dropped his head down on the bar, sighing as he got comfortable on one of the stools. He had a tan skin and darker brown hair than Christines and much messier too.
He didn't look like most customers that dropped in at this time of day, usually it was suited businessman that came here after work before heading home.
This guy was dressed in a light purple hoodie and jeans instead.
wen Christine approached him, he did not even look up. “A whisky sour.”
A whisky sour, hold the egg white, since I'm a vegan now.
All she could do was blink. Perhaps she was really losing her mind.
I hate this! How is this even possible—
The glass she had held in her hands slipped from her grip, her reflexes had never been fast so she could not catch it before it hit the ground. The crash made her wince as she stared down at the shattered glass around her feet. “Fuck.” The sigh forced its way down her throat as she rubbed at the bridge of her nose.
It seemed that had gotten the guy his attention, his gaze lifted, and light brown eyes locked onto her defeated frame. In the light of the bar his eyes looked near yellow Christine her mind unhelpfully supplied. “Rough day?” His voice sounded so very familiar. No man could look like a bunny but her mind was searching for impossible resemblances.
“You could say that.” Christine muttered, ducking down to pick up the big shards and toss them in the trash bin. She pushed the last bits together with a broom and shoved it to the side. No one was walking here with bare feet anyway, so the job didn't need to be very precise. Another sigh. “A whisky sour, no egg white.” She recited out loud, more to herself than anyone else but the guy was still looking at her and he was frowning now.
“I'm not a vegan. With egg white.” He huffed and as Christine was preparing the drink her hands momentarily shook, eyes flickering from him to the bottles she had been working with. The silence was filled by a manic laugh that tore its way up from deep down her throat.
Was she really about to fuck up another job for herself for the same bullshit reason?
Perhaps she really was losing her mind.
“You alright, kid?” The guy asked, blinking somewhat concernedly at her as he fidgeted with the sleeves of his shirt.
“I am twenty-five years old.” She deadpanned, not greatly appreciating the way the costumer had chosen to address her. The second the words left her lips felt like dejavu though, except everything was in color and she was the one serving the drinks now.
It was when she focused once more that she corrected herself. “Twenty-seven... Not that it matters.” The last two years had felt hazy to the point she occasionally managed to forget they had even taken place.
The guy his eyes momentarily seemed to widen and then narrow. “Noted.”
She placed his drink before him, turning away to busy herself elsewhere but he clearly wasn't very keen on letting her walk off as he spoke up once more.
“You have a name?”
“Doesn't everyone?” Christine raised an eyebrow at him, stalling.
He merely gestured with his hand for her to continue, clearly not eager to ask again.
She rolled her eyes. “Christine.”
“I'm Felix.” His hands closed around the glass, finger tracing over the edge of it as he tilted his head to the side. “Worked here long?” His interest seemed minimal so Christine couldn't figure out why he was keeping the conversation going.
She brushed her hand over her forehead, imagining her bangs must look like a mess. She was just trying her best to make sense of it, but she never had been granted with Zooble their gift, she couldn't read the costumers or be a casual talker. She wasn't meant to be a bartender but now that she was, she was left to figure it out as she went.
“Half a year.” Christine shrugged.
“What did you do before that?” He had sat up a little straighter after having sipped his drink. Was this an interrogation?
“An accountant for a supermarket chain.” She didn't know what he wanted to do with that information, but it wasn't a secret or anything she held close to heart so she had no issue with sharing it. He seemed to stiffen, eyes widening as he looked her up and down.
“No better chance than now to try something new, I guess.” He replied, voice more quiet as he finished his drink, blinking down at the bottom of the empty glass with a frown on his face.
Words in a voice that once again felt so oddly familiar. “Felix, have we... met?” She knew they had not. At least not here, not like this. But she couldn't help but wonder despite it.
“Honestly? you tell me...” He said, voice a little defeated before his eyes flickered up to her dark brown ones. He held it with a certain confidence she had always lacked, a grin growing on lips and suddenly she felt as that it was weirder to see him without it, as if it was always there. His teeth were white though.
“Do you play games, Christine?” He asked.
“Sometimes...” She answered.
The tension of the conversation seemed to be growing and she couldn't even be sure why, their eyes locked as Felix nodded his head.
“Give me a little more to work with.” He pressed on.
Christine wasn't sure what he wanted from her, how long or how often, what games.
“I sort of stopped...” Stopped when the dream had. Every headset and controller never quite felt the same in her hands again, fearing they would take her back but also fearing they wouldn't and that she was actually crazy. “I used to play a lot more.”
“Fair enough.” He said, drumming his fingers over the counter. “I was never really into it, but there was one game I liked—basically couldn't stop playing it.” He said with a chuckle, a hand running through his hair and make it more off a mess than it was.
“It was about this c—”
“Circus?” Christine didn't mean to interrupt but her mouth had worked faster than the sensible part of her brain. “I-... Yeah, I've heard of it.” She swallowed, adverting her own gaze as the gaze of Felix seemed to grow much more intense at that.
There was a silence, one that made her think the conversation was over and quite honestly, she wasn't sure how much more she would be able to take of all of this.
A random costumer was feeding into her delusions and he simply wanted to get a drink after a long day, some small talk as minor distraction from whatever it was he had going on for himself outside these walls and she was severely reading into it. Maybe her therapist would be free for an extra session this week, she could certainly try to check. She herself had tomorrow off after all so-
“You remind me of a friend...” He said and his voice had grown quiet enough for her to question rather he was even talking to her. His smile had grown more sincere in a way, it had softened around the edges. “She was..." His eyes blinked as if snapping out of his thoughts "Yeah—sorry.” Felix looked at her and clearly something in his mind that he didn't share out loud happened because he quickly got up then, placing some crumbled up cash from his pocket down besides his glass and getting ready to leave.
“Felix?” He turned back, eyebrows raised.
“What was her name?” Christine asked. She tried to convince herself it was out of politeness, customer service manners and nothing else. Her voice was too hopeful to actually pass it off as such though but if he wouldn't comment on it neither would she.
“Who's?” His head tilted once more, his movements somewhat animated.
“Of your friend.” She wasn't sure what she was hoping for, wasn't sure what to expect.
“Pomni.” Felix turned once more after that, his voice cracking as the name left his lips. His proud demeanor seemed to fray, back hunching slightly over and sleeves getting pulled over his hands as he took a step in the direction of the door. The exit both of them had desperately been looking for in another life.
Every carefully crafted brick that she had begun building her life on trembled below her.
No one had ever said that name outside the circus, no one beyond her and even she avoided it at all costs now.
“Jax?” It was Christines voice who was softer now, quieter as she stared at his back.
He turned around once more expression the same as when she had called him Felix. He didn't seem surprised, didn't seem to process the change as his expression shifted into a frown.
“What is it?” He asked, sounding slightly annoyed as he felt like he was just being stared at now.
Christine couldn't move fast enough, moving out from the bar.
I am not crazy. I am not crazy. IamnotcrazyIamnotcrazyIamnotcrazy.
Her arms threw themselves around his shoulders, their heights close enough to one another now to be able to do so comfortably. He did have to slightly lean over still, and he momentarily did before he pushed her off, his hands pressing her shoulders to put distance between them. “Hey, get off—What the fu—”
“Jax.” She repeated and it seemed to click then.
His eyes widened, then narrowed and then widened once more as his eyes did a one over once more.
“ Pom..?” It was his turn now, arms reaching out and pulling her in a tighter hug before she had even been granted the time to actually answer him. “ Holy shit. ” His nose burrowed itself in her hair, eyes squeezing shut as her arms wrapped around him as well once more.
“I thought I was going crazy.” She mumbled, her eyes tearing up as she inhaled the soft scent attached to his sweater.
“Caine probably ensured we did.” He sighed, choked up in a breathy chuckle.
“The others—” She started and Jax-- felix now used his arms to put distance between them again then, not as much though, keeping his hands on her shoulders.
“No clue.” He shook his head. His hand moved up and his fingers were soft, Christine could feel them ungloved for once against the side of her cheek as he cradled her face with a gentleness he never really had showed anyone before as far as she had seen in the Circus. “I can't believe you're real .” He shook his head, smiling in disbelief.
“Very much so.” She softly giggled, pressing her face into his hand and looking up into his eyes. “Bunny boy .” It earned her an eyeroll, it seemed fond enough though as he squeezed her cheek between his fingers before softly patting it and extracting his hand once more.
“I think I liked you better as a little Jester, clown thing.” He huffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“You're full of shit.” She chuckled, bumping their shoulders together.
He returned the gesture, frowning. “It feels weird to hear you swear, PomPom.”
“A lot of things feel weird right now.” Christine said, shrugging because she wasn't sure what else to do.
If she would wake up tomorrow and Felix turned out to be fake, she would know she had gone finally officially crazy. She hoped it was real though. That he was real.
“Huh... Yeah, okay, I guess that is true.” He grinned. “When does your shift end?”
Christine did a one over of the bar, she was the only employee in right now and she would remain the only one until closing. It was a Monday, so it wasn't going to be a busy evening. Her boss wouldn't be happy if she ended her shift early, but she also doubted they would miss out on a lot of customers. Besides her boss was not as manic as Gangle had been during their fast-food adventure.
“I'll close up.”
Felix moved back over, this time taking place in a booth in the bar, which was a good choice because if she had to guess this was going to be a long evening and the couches would be much more comfortable than the hard stools on which he had sat prior.
“I think we have a lot of catching up to do.” She said softly as she lowered herself in the opposite side.
“Yeah, I think we do.” He said fondly, tousling her hair and suddenly things felt slightly normal again.