Chapter Text
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Behind Law's bedroom door were two things: the first and most important, his boyfriend of a year and a half. One Monkey D. Luffy, an at first annoying pain in Law's neck which quickly pricked his skin and infected him with some kind of brain numbing poison because he otherwise had no explanation as to why he was so attracted to the younger man... is what he lied to himself about. When he was being honest with himself, it was easy to understand. Luffy was kind and determined, never let anything keep him down and in turn was always encouraging Law to never give up on his dreams. Luffy was a force to be reckoned with and used that same energy to stay by Law's side like glue. And he was very handsome, which was a bonus.
Now for the second thing behind Law's bedroom door, that... that was more complicated and uncomfortable. Perhaps not as uncomfortable as he currently was, but who was to say? He was to say that he was scared to find out, depending on the conversation that hadn't started for the past five horrible minutes.
He should maybe rewind to about half an hour ago...
----
Law was... trying to enjoy an evening alone with his wonderful boyfriend. Both had stressful jobs, what with Law being an ER surgeon and Luffy a firefighter, that also kept them apart more than they would like. So to have an evening together on a random Thursday was wonderful and honestly unexpected.
It would be more wonderful if Luffy's friend, Zoro, hadn't wondered in unannounced.
Apparently his own boyfriend was out with his brothers and this was what Zoro normally did when that happened. Hang out with Luffy.
"He's always done this," Luffy had said in the kitchen to a very not pissed off Law. "Before him and Sanji got together he'd hang around here all the time."
"That's because he LIVED here," Law pointed out. "Can't he go to Ussop or Nami's place?"
"Nuh uh. Ussop's got a live stream going tonight and Nami's out with Vivi."
"That doesn't mean he can't go there and just be a blob on the wall!"
"Yes it does! Nami's got her place booby trapped and Ussop's too loud during his streams for Zoro to sleep."
Law was trying, really REALLY trying to not loose his cool. He would not allow this night to be ruined just because one of Luffy's best friends didn't want to be alone. Admittedly Law wasn't sure the guy understood that about himself or not. From what Law had observed, the tough guy turned into a bit of a needy puppy with Sanji. It was cute, except when it interfered with his own plans with his own boyfriend.
"Can't he go to the gym?" Law tried one last time.
Luffy shook his head. "Last time he went alone he ended up on a plane. I'd go with him, but it's really far and I wanna spend as much time with you as I can! I know we're not gonna be alone like you wanted, and I wanted that too, but... we're at least together?"
The surgeon looked at his boyfriend, the younger man gazing up at him with those big, earnest eyes of his, and he caved. He didn't even need to say anything, it was written all over his face. Luffy smiled that big grin of his and managed to plant something like fifty kisses all over Law's face and neck before flouncing out to the living room while balancing three bowls of popcorn and a six pack.
Opening the freezer, Law stuck his head in for about a minute. He needed to chill, quite literally. Luffy and him were far enough into their relationship to where they didn't always want to tear each other's clothes off every time they made eye contact, but it had still been a super long time since any tearing of clothes had happened. And yeah, Zoro could sleep through a nuclear war, but his snoring was not sexy background music.
Maybe he'll be gone by the morning? Law thought. It would depend on if his handler/boyfriend came looking for him. Luffy had the next five days off and Law didn't have to go in until the night shift tomorrow, so they could maybe have sexy brunch. Yeah, Law could deal with this. Luffy's friends were all maniacs who Law was still trying to get used to, but that's what you did in relationships. Compromise. And Zoro wasn't hurting anybody, he was just lonely whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Mental pep talk finished, Law closed the freezer and went around the corner to the living where Zoro and Luffy were getting a movie started. Law sat on the couch, Luffy happily jumping to be beside him, while Zoro stayed on the floor like a kid. Well, they may have one more person in their apartment than initially wanted for the evening, but, as Luffy said, they were still together. Law let his head fall onto Luffy's much shorter shoulder, Luffy wrapping his arm about his waist, and the couple simply enjoying being together as the movie started.
Then Law's phone rang.
The other two didn't seem to care that he was being unintentionally rude, so Law took advantage to check it wasn't Bepo having an emergency. It wasn't, but, well, it was still strange. Because it was Sanji. Zoro's boyfriend. Who was calling Law. Glancing at the other two, Law decided he should maybe take the call, given it was rather bizarre. He only had Sanji's number for emergencies, anyway. He didn't expect Sanji to call him for an emergency when his boyfriend and one of their fellow best friends was clearly available, but he supposed it was better to be safe than sorry.
"Hello?" Law whispered, leaning away from Luffy.
"You picked up!" Sanji cheered. Loudly. Enough to gain Luffy's ear, at least. "Oh, thank GOD, he picked up, you guys!" A few cheers were heard, and before Law could ask for details Sanji hurriedly asked, "Where are you?"
"Um... at home?"
"Even better! We're coming over."
"Hold on! Sanji, what are you talking about, who's 'we' and why are you all coming over?"
"Wait..." Zoro grunted, slowing turning his head to Law, clearly catching his boyfriend's name and so now caring. "Sanji? Why are you talking to Sanji?!"
"Because he called me-!"
"Marimo?! How'd you end up at Luffy's, I told you to stay!"
"He got lonely and I had to go find him!" Luffy yelled from the other side of the couch.
"I'm not your dog, Curly!"
"Whatever I'm not talking to you right now! LAW, you still there?"
"Yeah-"
"We're coming over, got it? We as in me and my three brothers, we got ourselves a situation that needs a, and I cannot stress this enough, delicate hand in more ways than one. You got blood bags?"
"No?"
"Fuck, CHICHI stop bleeding for like five more minutes, he doesn't have blood bags!"
"Cheapskate," was heard in the background. Law would have been offended, but the confusion was currently winning.
"Get your supplies or whatever, we got a busted ass on your way, stat! See you in five!"
And Sanji hung up.
Law sat stunned, trying to process that quick conversation, Luffy leaning in expecting details and Zoro fuming over imaginary problems.
"What are you doing with Sanji's phone number?!" Zoro raged. "You two didn't even meet until you started dating Luffy, what's that about?! Did you harass him for it?!"
"Wha-Why would I harass him for his number?" Law asked, his confusion rising. Either way, he stood up and got his technically not supposed to have medical supplies. When dating someone like Luffy, it was best to be prepared. "He gave it to me in case I had any questions regarding Luffy and food, it's not a big deal."
"It kinda is, though?" Zoro was continuing as he followed Law. "You're not trying to cheat on Luffy, are you?!"
Okay, Law may not have known Zoro nearly as long as Luffy, but he could say for a fact that Zoro was acting weirdly possessive over Sanji. Had Law ever expressed an interest in the guy? Well, maybe. But in a sense of just him looking like a character from an old TV show he likes a lot. Other than that, all he was to Law was a nice guy who was great a cooking.
And fuck Zoro for thinking Law would cheat on Luffy.
"Tarou wouldn't do that!" Luffy defended from the living room. "He's not good at lying." Defended poorly, that is.
"Yeah, and if you're so freaked out," Law tried to calmly say as he retrieved the special medicine box, "you can ask Sanji when he comes over, which should be pretty soon."
"Whoa, wait!" Zoro sputtered. "He's coming here? WITH HIS BROTHERS?!"
"Yes? It sounds like one of them is hurt, so I guess I'm helping him out."
"No you're not."
That gave Law pause. What...?
"Why's that?" Luffy asked, learning around the corner with a full mouth of popcorn.
That seemed to give Zoro pause, too, as Law turned around curious about this answer. He appeared to be looking at Law's shirt for some reason, then to the side as he bit his lip. Clearly it was to avoid eye contact. Something was fishy, and it was something Zoro knew but Law, and most probably also Luffy because let's be real, did not know.
Just when Law was about to reiterate Luffy's question of 'why?', a series of furious knocking and what sounded like kicks assaulted the front door. Luffy jumped into action and ran over while Zoro got really sweaty and still.
"WOW, GROSS!" gleeful cheering rang out through the apartment.
"Luffy," Law sighed, side stepping Zoro to turn the corner for the living room. "That's not an appropriate response to someone's trau-"
Law froze.
And then nearly screamed at Luffy because he KNEW that his friend Sanji Schwarz had one too many coincidences related to one Sanji Vinsmoke. Seriously, there were only so many people on this planet who had curly eyebrows! And there were eight, EIGHT, curly eyebrows in his living room. Could this really be truly happening to Law?!
"Hey, Law," Sanji greeted. "Thanks for helping my brother out, I'll make sure to give you free meals at the Baratie for at least a month. You just gotta make sure the geezer doesn't find ou-YONJI, let him down gently!"
"I am!" the tallest of the blondes protested. "It's just a long way down, I'm trying to balance him, I swear!"
"Ichiji, careful! Put your weight on your right foot," the blonde with glasses said to the blonde being put on the ground. Law could just bet that the one who spoke's name was Niji...
"Yeah, yeah," Ichiji mumbled, flipping his hair temporarily out of his face before it gracefully fell back into place. "Help me take off my pants."
Law passed out.
...
When he came to, he was on the couch, Zoro staring down at him with a rag covered in blood.
"You okay, man?" he asked. "Your nose is gushing almost like you broke it."
"WHERE ARE THEY?!" the doctor asked, not bothering to do a mental self check over as he scrambled off of the couch.
Zoro looked constipated as he answered, "Luffy took them to y'all's room to use the bed."
The bed.
In the bedroom.
With all of Law's-NO!
Law nearly ran over Zoro in his attempt to get to the others, hoping that there was some miracle where Luffy took a wrong turn and put the four in their bathroom and not their BEDROOM. But no. Law knew better. And sure enough, barely ten steps to getting to his goal, Law was met with four of his five idols standing in the middle of Luffy and his' bedroom, aka, Law's shrine to all that is ASG-66.
Winch Green had his eyes on the body pillow of himself displayed in the corner.
Stealth Black had locked onto the cosplay hanging up with the half done black wig next to it.
Dengeki Blue couldn't turn away from the plushie of himself as a pickachu on the night stand.
And Sparking Red, who had been placed back over Winch Green's shoulder, sans pants... was face to face with his adult bunny suit figurine.
It was at that point Law remembered he was wearing his favorite chibi Poison Pink T-shirt.
Oooooh, that was why Zoro was staring at it earlier.
He knew.
It was probably also why Zoro got so mad so quickly about Law having Sanji's number, the overprotective lug.
----
"Law," Sanji hummed as he stood next to Law in front of the bedroom door. The two looked like guards protecting a fare princess. Law took this to heart, but kept silent on the subject.
"Yes?" Law coughed. Literally. Sanji had lit up a cigarette. This was a practice normally banned in Law and Luffy's apartment, however given the circumstances Law understood that he was on very, VERY thin ice. The best course of action was to allow Sanji his cancer stick or face a dangerous combination of the man going into nicotine withdrawal coupled with his brother complex.
"Let me tell you a few things," he continued, smoke hissing out from his clenched teeth. "My brother's butt? It is LITERALLY worth somewhere around one hundred fucking dollars. Now, had I known prior about your..."
"Hobby-"
"Obsession over children's media from over a decade ago depicting my siblings and I from the most HORRIBLY traumatic time of our childhood... I would have never brought him here. Obviously. But it was either get his hip stitched up by a trusted and skilled friend, or take him to a busy hospital where everybody can see the world's top underwear model need medical assistance unintentionally related to his career, then also read all about it the next morning. I believe you can understand our choice here?"
"... Uh huh."
"Then fucking... act like it."
Oh, that was certainly easier said than done. I mean, it wasn't everyday Law had THE Ichiji Vinsmoke (apparently Schwarz, now?), aka, Sparking Red from the greatest show of all time, Adventures of Sora and Germa 66. Even if it was canceled after only one season and also was on something like... fourteen years ago. That only added to it's greatness! To think, Ichiji and his brothers and sister, Sanji included, had been part of one of the most important and iconic shows to ever grace the world of television! Countless spin off comics, fanfics, art, blogs, podcasts, stage plays, conventions dedicated solely to Adventure of Sora and Germa 66, had spawned because of it's awe inspiring message, it's deep emotional connections between the characters and it's mysterious cliff hanger of a first season ending! Denying it's impact on the culture of the entire planet would be blasphemous!
However, there is a massive asterisk on that.
It was exactly as Sanji had said: it was an incredibly traumatic experience for the Vinsmoke, now Schwarz, siblings. It came out that they had been abused to a horrifying degree by their own father who was a producer of the show. Reports of being overworked and/or starved to the point of passing out, only to be drugged to keep going to 'stay on schedule', denied basic things like coats when the set was too cold for fear of messing up their costumes, water when it was too hot for fear of ruining their make up, punished by being put in a dog kennel if they acted out, told they weren't allowed to see their sick mother if they didn't do exactly as the director said, questionable safety measures regarding filming the action scenes particularly with how close the children were to the many, many explosions, the list went on probably longer than what the news reported. What put a stop to it was said sick mother had made a surprise visit to the set to see her babies on their first day of filming for season two. Seeing her babies crying and having needles stuck into their arms while being yelled at, well... Law had used this example during medical school for a paper on the effects of adrenaline as one Sora Vinsmoke, now Sora Schwarz, quite famously beat her now ex husband Judge Vinsmoke with her own metal wheelchair while dealing with stage three liver cancer. For the record, she made a 100% recovery with no relapse in the over ten years since. She even more famously stated that she credited her incredible recovery to, "never allowing that shit stain of a man anywhere CLOSE to my babies ever fucking again, motherfucker, FUCKING BURN IN HELL!!"
All of this to say that the situation at hand was complicated at best. Law was thrilled and terrified. Sanji he had at least known longer, despite not knowing that he was THAT Sanji (the children had taken on a new last name in secret, so Sanji was introduced to Law as Sanji Schwarz), but that was also a bad thing as he knew how protective he was to a smothering degree. Probably came with his habitual need to feed everybody. He needed reassurance that his brother was in good hands and holy fucking shit Law was going to be putting his hands on Sparking Re-ICHIJI SCHWARZ's coveted rear end! Ignore that. He was a patient, and the brother of one of his boyfriend's best friends.
Law could handle it.
And make Sanji and his other brothers happy by being the greatest host ever to them.
They deserved everything.
Alright.
"You mean," Law tried to clarify to Sanji after clearing his throat, "act as a professional?"
Sanji's nostrils flared, possibly taking his question for sass. Law held his hands up in surrender as an attempt to placate the twitching man. The guy was way too on edge, yet another reason Law lifted his no smoking rule. Law would do anything to make sure that Stealth Blac-SANJI SCHWARZ was happy and provided for, he deserved all of the good things in life!
"I would assume that professionalism would be your default!" Sanji thundered.
"It is!" Law assured. "It is, and I'm telling you, s-sir-!"
"Sir?"
"-that you don't have to worry because of HOW professional I am! I have a reputation to keep, so I fully understand Spaaaaaaar-MISTER ICHIJI'S delicate situation with his... ahem... situation. As in I will make sure to keep things under wraps and that he is taken care of to the best of my abilities so he may continue his good service to the world!"
"... He poses mostly naked in front of cameras. I'm sure he's prevented many a suicide with his work, but you're laying it on kinda thick, man. Just give me your diagnoses."
Law decided it best to ignore any questions he had about the specifics of Sanji's statement and began, "It's a laceration wound, fairly deep and will need thorough cleaning as well as about twenty stitches."
Sanji pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.
"It's not terrible," Law reassured, "though obviously quite painful and he will need rest from work. It will be about ten days until the stitches can come out, which he can remove at home with help and clean clippers. I can write a prescription tomorrow at work for the antibiotics and send it over to either you or him. Over the counter pain medication should be enough for anything else, since once I numb the... area, that will last a few hours and give his body time to begin the healing process itself. I also recommend he sit on a donut."
A look of WTF? was tossed his way, making Law clarify a donut to be basically a small inner-tube so his butt wouldn't be directly on a surface when sitting.
"Ugh, he's going to be so pissed," Sanji sighed. Then, "Well, more so than he already is..."
(Sanji should maybe rewind to about half an hour ago...)
----
It was Thursday, aka, Sanji's hang out with his brothers day/evening. The four managed to make it work out with their busy jobs, mind of course if Ichiji had to be overseas for a shoot, and were glad to still stay close even as adults.
"Put more effort into it, Niji, I wanna throw up!" Yonji was yelling from the playground's mini merry go round.
"Tell your fat ass that!" Niji snapped back. The skinniest of the quadruplets stood no chance getting any sort of speed for the largest of them. Yonji would have to find another way to barf, Sanji observed from his upside down position on the monkey bars.
"Is it legal to vomit in a public park?" Ichiji asked as he slid down the slide next to Sanji. "On purpose?"
"Maybe if you can prove intent in court," Sanji mused.
"So video footage of the planning would have to be presented as evidence."
"As well as an arrest made, which could be called for in regards to unruly conduct."
"Potentially drunk in public?"
"A good argument!"
"We sure don't know prior what the gentleman was up to."
"And he's making quite the scene, very questionable behavior I'd say."
"Absolutely."
"..."
"..."
Sanji and Ichiji got out their phones to begin recording, only for their fun to be ruined when Niji collapsed face first onto the ground, panting. Well, at least it would be funny to show Reiju.
"Boo, you whore!" Yonji complained as he skipped off of the merry go round.
"You're HEAVY!" Niji reiterated, jumping up to yell and point at the youngest. "I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but you weigh something like twice as much as me! Hell, I'm shocked you didn't break that thing from standing on it!"
"Heavy with Grade A Prime Beef!" Yonji proudly declared while flexing his muscles. "But, like... surely playground equipment makers account for heavier kids, right? Or high schoolers messing around."
"Yeah, kids and teens! Not overly grown adults. We better leave before you break everything here with your freakish mass. Chichi, weren't we getting ice cream?! I want ice cream!"
"I won't break anything just by being on it! Chichi, tell Nini he's full of shit!"
"I'm not getting involved," Ichiji hummed.
"I am," Sanji chuckled, twisting off of the bars to a perfect ground landing.
"Sanji..." Ichiji warned from beside him.
The third quadruplet could only grin at the oldest, mischief clear on his face. Sanji was typically deemed 'The Mom Friend' in his group, but with his brothers? Yeah, no, that title was no where to be found. It was actually why the four tended to hang out with each other alone as opposed to combining friend groups. In addition to their parents encouraging they not spend every waking moment together socially to help with their separation anxiety with each other triggered by The Time Which Shall Not Be Mentioned, it was also best to allow each to flourish in a different way they might not if they kept being with only each other. Sora had read this prior to giving birth about multiples' tendency to be overly attached to one another in childhood, and had had a very convincing speech and argument prepared to where even Ichiji couldn't find a flaw in her logic. So, the boys branched out away from each other in high school. And did great!
Case in point, Sanji being the most reliable and responsible of his friends in school versus seen as shy (well, unless it mattered. Judge had many a bite scars from Sanji standing up to defend Ichiji during their TV days before Mom put a stop to everything). It was nice helping people and knowing that he had people who were happy to rely on him. The same was for his brothers.
Ichiji flourished academically, happy to be in a book club where things were a bit (read: a LOT) more quiet than at the house. While it didn't pan into a career for him, what with being scouted for modeling nearly right out of high school, it was good he simply had a hobby he didn't feel a need to monetize. Niji found himself in music of all things, both in playing instruments and also in editing. Neither of those things he said himself he would have even considered until he was forced to join a club separate from his brothers, which would have drastically changed his career path in music composition and editing. Yonji more predictably joined the robotics club, also predictably got into battle bots, and not so predictably got into doll crafting? The youngest wasn't sure how it happened either, but they all agreed he was good at it and he seemed to like doing small things with his hands.
His family doll set was a permanent fixture in their parents' house, the two thrilled with each new outfit he brought over.
All of that to say, that Sanji was as much a little shit stirrer as his brothers, even if he was 'the quiet one' amongst them. It made him all the more dangerous. Ichiji, meanwhile, stayed the least troublesome simply because he felt it was too much of a hassle to get reprimanded. That didn't stop his double speak encouraging comments. He was a natural at bending conversations his way, something that threw off his agents during pay negotiations.
"I'm with Niji," Sanji smugly said to his two brothers. "There's no way something like, say... that swing set over there could hold Yonji's weight."
Bingo.
The two took the bate like hungry piranhas to a cow carcass.
"Oh, it so could!" Yonji protested, already making his way over to the swings with Sanji and Niji on his heels.
"No way!" Niji laughed. "You'd sit on that thing and ruin all the kids' fun come tomorrow morning, making the children cry!"
"Shut up!"
"It's the truth!"
"You're full of it!"
Now, Sanji wasn't counting on anything in particular happening, no. But things tended to go in interesting directions when Yonji and Niji started arguing about something. The two had a tendency to challenge each other, verbally or physically, for the sole purpose of being the one to claim the coveted status of being right about something. Niji and Sanji had a similar dynamic of fighting, their family saying because they're the most alike (and how dare they), but their fighting was always verbal with the occasional slapping match. Ichiji managed to avoid all fighting with his brothers as he was always right/bossy as hell. Yonji and Niji, meanwhile, had broken many a bones, TVs, furniture, public property, you name it, in the quest for proof of being right.
And Sanji was counting on this for his evening entertainment.
Yonji beat Niji to the swings, nearly throwing himself into one of the saddles and proudly looking over his shoulder at the other two.
"HA!" he crowed. "Look what's still standing! That's right, swing set's intact even with so much high quality beef on it!"
"No, no, no, no," Niji said, waving his hands around. "You gotta actually swing on it! It's too balanced out, once it starts rocking it's sure to break. Right, Sanji?"
"Of course, Niji."
Huffing, Yonji righted himself on the seat and pulled back before letting go to start pumping his legs and gain momentum. The swing set was groaning and creaking for sure, now.
"Still not breaking!" Yonji cheered. "Hang on, lemme see how high I can go before it starts to shake!"
Oh, Yonji was sure to get hurt now, Niji and Sanji mentally exchanged with a thrilled side eye to each other.
"How did this go from simply testing the structural integrity of playground equipment, to actively trying to destroy it?" Ichiji asked after regretfully making his way over to the rest of his brothers.
"Imma scientist!" Yonji declared, increasing the force of his swinging. "I gotta test this stuff, it's in my blood to make things better!"
"By first purposefully trying to break it?"
"I'm not 'purposefully' trying, I'm TESTING! It's different!"
"Then if your test fails, it'll be YOUR ASS who has to deal with the consequences, you stupid-!"
SNAP!
It all happened in slow motion.
The snap was heard.
Yonji fell forward onto his face.
Niji and Sanji jumped away from one side of the swing.
Ichiji jumped away from the other side.
But was unlucky...
As the chain that broke was on his side and had a longer reach.
Which was quicker than Ichiji could possibly run.
And quite literally whipped his butt.
There was a pause as the dust settled and Ichiji writhed on the ground in near silent agony. All four were trying to place what on earth just happened before Niji, Sanji and Yonji all ran over to the oldest quadruplet to see what was wrong. There, right on Ichiji's left butt cheek, blood was literally pouring into his very expensive and tight pants, the three men making out the open laceration in their brother's rear and stepping back with similar faces of grossed out-ness. Ichiji looked behind himself to assess the damage, his own eyes nearly bulging out of his skull as he paled.
They all looked at each other then, as if opening their quadruplet psychic link to one another to quietly come up with a plan. A firm group nod. Niji took off his jacket to wrap around Ichiji's hips and left leg, Yonji lifted him over his shoulder to try and elevate the wound from the heart, and Sanji called up Luffy's boyfriend.
With that, the four made their way in single file lock step through the back streets of town to smuggle their world famous underwear model brother's broken ass to secretly have it attended to.
----
Sanji lit up a second cigarette, the last embers of his first stubbed out under his shoe. Law kept quiet about the possible floor damage, instead waiting for Sanji to continue.
"You promise you have actual medical supplies here?" the blond finally asked, keeping a gruff tone to mask his concern for his brother. "Nothing questionable or you just using a sewing kit, right?"
"Of course," Law affirmed.
"And real drugs, not black market shit? A-And no reused needles?"
"I assure you, Sanji, your brother is in good hands. You can ask Luffy, I have to stitch him up something like every other month."
Sanji hunched his shoulders and puffed on his cigarette a few more times before nodding. "Alright. Weird creepy kids show shit aside, I trust you. So don't fuck it up."
It was probably a good thing that a loud BANG! of somebody falling into a wall was heard after Sanji's statement. Otherwise, Law would have probably gone into a kneeling position in thanks of Stealth Bl-SANJI giving his trust to take care of his brother. It was an honor not many people on the planet could claim, and Law would not dare to tarnish it.
But what was that noise from...?
Oh, yes. Their other unexpected evening guest.
One Roronoa Zoro.
The muscular green haired man lumbered from around the corner of the kitchen, doing an impressive job of keeping his balance given he had a two hundred plus pound gorilla forcing a piggy back ride on him in addition to a yappy dog wrapped around one of his legs. Perhaps in another world Law would also find Yonji and Niji, the final two of the Vinsmoke, er, Schwarz Quadruplets, annoying. BUT NOT THIS WORLD. No, Law was fully prepared to jump to their defense at the drop of a hat, they weren't annoying they were charming scoundrels! Their antics were adorable, and Zoro was just a stick in the mud!
"Sanjiiiiii," the man in question growled. "Get. Them. Off."
"Hmmmm." Sanji took another drag of his cigarette. Then, "No. We've had a rough night, humor our poor hearts."
"YEAH!" Yonji cheered, kicking his feet. Zoro's core strength was clearly going a long way to keep him only swaying with the action. "Get us ice cream, we want ice cream!"
"That's what we were doing before Chichi got hurt," Niji explained, tightening his grip on Zoro's leg. "It's the only way to save this night, Sani's Boyfriend, get us ice cream! Good ice cream, too, not that store brand crap."
Chichi.
Sani.
Oh, Law's heart. To be privy to the nicknames of Sparking Red and Stealth Black! Law hoped he could hear what Winch Green and Dengeki Blue were called by their brothers. It would be torture to not share this information with his fellow Sora Soldiers, but he would sooner die than betray their trust!
"COOK," Zoro hissed out.
"You heard them," Sanji calmly said, yet with an extra pout and fluttered eyelashes. "Yoyo and Nini want ice cream. Don't deprive them when they're in such a state."
YOYO.
NINI.
Law was dead. But he couldn't! He had to stitch up Chichi's, he meant Sparking Red's, no, ICHIJI'S hip before he bleed out or else the world would never be able to enjoy his wonderful rear end again! Law would gladly give himself up to the police if he were to fail so horribly. He would be such a fake fan...
"If I go get ice cream," Zoro seethed, "will you two finally GET OFF OF ME?!"
"Of course!" Yonji chirped, an extra squeeze to Zoro as his slid off. "I don't want to slow you down since it'll take all night for you to wander back here."
"You-!"
"Stop dawdling!" Niji said with a push to the back of Zoro's knee as he stood, then helpfully catching Zoro as he stumbled. "Our hearts are breaking, you heard Sani! So get to goin', Niji need ice cream."
Zoro's face was so red it rivaled Sparking Red's Shining Finger Attack with it's brightness. His cheeks puffed as he closed his eyes, possibly counting to ten in his head. They suddenly snapped open, the man becoming a hurricane as he whirled around and nearly flew out the door, leaving a rage cloud behind. Law didn't think Zoro was such a push over. But Law would have also gotten ice cream for his guests, just without any protest, so he understood.
"Now that he's gone," Niji started, turning his attention to Law (squea!), "you got any limes?"
"Yes," Law said very clearly, not at all sounding like he was a balloon losing helium.
"Great. Alcohol?"
"Mm hm."
"Fantastic, come on Yoyo, Sani. We can save this night!"
The three went to move into the kitchen, but were stopped by the slow creaking of the bedroom door. Glancing back, eyes wide with worry it was Ichiji, the brothers deflated when it was just Luffy draped dramatically over the doorway.
"Sanjiiiiii!" Luffy whined. He seemed to have a moment of thought and closed the door more so Sanji and his brothers wouldn't be able to see so much of... everything. "Stop distracting Law! Your brother's butt is bleeding EVERYWHERE! And I'm hungry!"
Sanji sputtered, nearly swallowing his cigarette and objected, "It's his hip!"
"No, it's definitely his butt."
"It just looks like it's on the cheek, but it's really-!"
"SANJI. I'm looking at his pantsless glory right now! I know I'm not a doctor, but anybody with eyes would say he is definitely bleeding from his butt cheek, the gauze pad is smack dab on the top of it!"
"It's true, Sanji," Ichiji's dull, melodic voice filtered from the room. "My ass is grass and it's been mowed."
"Don't..." Sanji sighed. "Don't phrase it like... that. Christ."
Law cleared his throat to break up their little tiff. "I will be in soon. I just need to get the supplies prepped and cleaned. I'll be in the bathroom."
"Shit," he heard Sanji gag as Law walked away and Luffy went back inside to act as nurse. "How do you and Luffy have sex in there?"
----
"How do you and Law have sex in here?" Ichiji asked Luffy.
"With the lights off," Luffy answered. "Jerky?"
"No."
Luffy shrugged and gnawed at the dried meat absentmindedly. Tarou sure was taking a long time. How hard was it to get needles and thread? Luffy wasn't sure they had a sewing kit, but he also wasn't sure you used the same stuff you would to fix a button the same way with somebody's butt. Sanji had said hip, but it was definitely Ichiji's butt. Again, Luffy was looking right at it. The gauze pad had soaked through and blood was dripping down his left cheek.
"Like the view?" Ichiji asked. "I'd tell you to take a picture, but you could probably just buy a magazine or look online. Whichever."
"I'm wondering if I should get more towels," Luffy said.
"So long as they don't have mine or my siblings child faces on them, I'm cool with whatever."
"Nah, we don't got anything like that."
"Good-"
"But the bed sheets have some sort of design related to ASG-66."
Ichiji paused in his texting to look over his shoulder at Luffy with disgust. "My God. He's got you so deep you're using an acronym for the show."
Luffy huffed and yanked off more of the jerky with his canines. "S'Just what he calls it all the time! It's the only thing outside of work Tarou really, really likes so Imma be a supportive boyfriend for him."
Ichiji made to sit up but flinched and went back to laying on his stomach. The judgement was still burning in his eyes and normally Luffy would be angry at someone for being mean about his boyfriend. Tarou was great! Nobody had any business saying mean or nasty things about him when he just had something he enjoyed! Especially the guy who was waiting to get his ass sewn up by him as a free favor! And Luffy was super tempted to tell Ichiji off before he even got started, but...!
But...
But then Luffy's eye caught sight of the custom made Adult Sparking Red Bunny Suit figurine. The resemblance to the real Ichiji bleeding on their bed was incredible. The artist probably looked at Ichiji's photo shoots, social media and ads a lot. Like, a LOT a lot. Like, probably had them all over his walls a lot.
Eugh.
Ichiji was given a pass for his disgust. Luffy understood. Maybe he should commission a bunny suit figurine of himself for Tarou? OH, maybe Luffy could commission a bunny suit figurine of Tarou! They could put the two side by side on their mantel thing and they could have battles, it would be great!
"How stand up of a doctor is Law?" Ichiji groaned as he fisted the sheets. It resembled something Tarou did on this same bed from a similar viewpoint Luffy had. Man did Luffy wish that that was happening right now, it had been way too long.
"He stands up a lot," Luffy said "He really needs better shoes."
"Great. Now tell me how good of a guy he is as in... would he keep any GOOD pain killers here? Ones that will make me loopy? Or better yet, black out?"
"Nah, he wouldn't. Says it's bad to rely on pain meds too much. You could get addicted, ya' know!"
"Then do you got any booze here?"
"Yeah!"
"Then why are you still sitting there?!"
"Because Sanji said your butt needs to be guarded at all times."
"Sanji, I swear... Alright, fine, could you at LEAST take a picture for me of the damage? I need to inform a few people of my current predicament."
"Yeah!"
Taking the offered phone, which Luffy noted was super nice, nicer even than Tarou's, Luffy aimed it directly at Ichiji's bared and bloody bottom. Then took a step back. Then tried to get the right angle so it would focus. Then took a picture. Then deleted that because his hand shook making it blurry and so took a second picture. Then handed it back to Ichiji. Then after two seconds was handed the phone right back.
"Take another, that's crap. I have a reputation to up hold."
"It's not my fault," Luffy grumbled. "It's the lighting, it's all yellow and makes you look like you got a liver disease!" (Tarou told him that that was a thing)
"Then get one of the little lights that are literally in every corner of this room and set something better up. They're more clear and don't look nasty."
"Can't. Tarou put those in really specific places to, huh, what'd he say? Something like, 'illuminate my babies' or whatever. I don't know, but he got mad at me for bumping into one once and still brings it up, so I'm not touching anything."
Ichiji groaned again and kicked his legs in frustration, which made him yell out in pain from his butt jiggling. It also made some blood literally spurt out and that was really concerning, where was Tarou?! And could he bring some pudding with him because Luffy for some strange reason really wanted some pudding now!
----
Zoro found himself at a grocery store. He wasn't sure which, but whatever, he'd worry about that later. What was important was that this place's ice cream aisle was easy to find. And they had good quality stuff like Sanji and his fellow demons demanded of him.
And then didn't give him any money to pay for so he'd have to use his own card.
That's what they did when all four were together, they ganged up on Zoro! Oh, sure, individually they were little angels (Niji was the outlier and should not be counted (unless you were talking to Sora who's opinion was soaked in bias and her hands would catch you HARD)), but get them all together and their brains morphed into one who's sole purpose was to torture poor, innocent swordsmen! Taunt him and poke at him over and over until he caved just to get them to shut up, which would then leave Zoro up shit creek without a paddle.
Part of Zoro wanted to be petty and get the store brand ice cream that Niji was supposedly too good for. But the other part of Zoro admittedly felt bad for the brothers. Sanji he knew like the back of his hand so it was confirmed on sight that his boyfriend was more than upset, with the other two following his lead of hiding feelings and instead opting to climb all over Zoro as if he were a jungle gym in order to mimic a hug.
... Wow. Had Zoro really spent that much time with these four? Whatever. The mushy side of Zoro won out and with bananas in hand, because he knew Yonji probably wanted to make a banana split (he didn't want to reflect why he knew this), the best boyfriend on the planet grabbed the largest carton of ice cream he saw.
Ichiji wanted strawberry, Niji wanted chocolate, Sanji wanted vanilla and Yonji didn't care so long as he got bananas.
So Neapolitan should be fine, right?
----
Saline solution? Check.
Sanitized instruments? Check.
Sutures? Check.
Bandages? Check.
Nose plugs? Check.
Gloves? Check.
His sanity? He'd come back to that since everything else was good to go.
Law looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, glaring at his reflection to get it together and mentally clock in as if he were at work. Because there was no way he'd have passed out seeing four out of five of his idols if this were at the hospital. He was a different man at work than he was at home. He needed to be that man, not the ASG-66 fanboy his heart was.
It would be difficult given the fate of the world may rest on his shoulders and the pressure was crushing. But being brave wasn't about being comfortable.
No.
It was about doing the right thing. Like stitching up Sparking Red's butt to make sure it keeps it's glorious perfection for the masses to continue to worship.
As God intended.
And he also must ignore Sanji, Niji and Yonji singing 'you put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up' while they cut up limes and raided his fridge for alcohol. Whatever made them happy made him happy. It was an honor.
All of this was an honor to which he wished to fall to his knees in thanks for.
But Law had work to do.
He was ready.
/-/-/-/-/