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She was safe. Alive...but shit...it looked so damned bad.
He's thankful that its over, and he's not even above being noble in spite of everything, because he's pretty satisfied that he got to beat the shit out of her kidnappers.
Still, the reality of the situation pulls him under its crushing weight. He knows that it's thanks to the suit he built - the one just for her - that she's even here right now. But he still blames himself for not getting there sooner. Fuck, he even blames himself that her suit couldn't get there sooner.
It's just surface blame though. To cover up the true reason and depth of his guilt. A guilt he's been denying for as long as he's known her. A guilt that has grown stronger with every ounce that he loves her. That makes him wish she'd never come into his life, because it would be easier.
But he's selfish. Always has been. And he can't even bear the thought of not having her there. Not having her smile at him one minute and yell at him for being a complete idiot the next.
Knowing that...that its his own admitted selfishness that has gotten her into this mess, makes the guilt fester...deep, dark, and dangerous.
He has to drown those thoughts though, before they drown him, because they are in the Tower's hospital ward.
He had one put in after a few months of owning the name Ironman, and he's the only one that's ever had to use it - SHIELD usually patches up the other Avengers. But he's damn grateful for it right now. Because the media would have a field day with news about Pepper being hospitalized.
And he's glad for the privacy, and the fact that he can be by her side all the fuck he wants - visiting hours whenever.
The doctors are taking care of her now, while he's in the hall outside her room still in armor.
He could've stayed with her through the examination, and he was determined to...but after he got her suit off - because she couldn't give the command unconscious, and he was the only one else that could - he had to leave the room.
She was mostly naked...her breasts were exposed...but he couldn't stand to look. Her skin was riddled with scratches and tarnished by bruises, and it made him feel like he was assaulting her just by looking at her...all vulnerable. It also made him feel like he could turn as green and ragey as Bruce, but he knew that wouldn't solve anything.
So he took himself out. Though not far, just on the other side of the wall where he could blast the fuck through if he really needed to.
He staring ahead, wondering why it was taking so long, and he's looked at the the read out display on his suit far too many times in the last fifteen minutes. Even when he knows that it will take a little longer. But he hates the time it gives him to think. About things that he really shouldn't think about. Things that'll only make him hole up in himself and drown the rest in a bottle.
That point was right there in front of him, and he was just about to call someone to bring whatever was closest, just so he could numb the shitty thoughts, but a voice interrupted.
"Mr. Stark?"
The doctor is standing there now, looking solemn, and Tony felt his heart speed up painfully.
White coat must've seen the look of panic that made the color drain from his face, because he's rushing to reassure him.
"Oh, no sir! She's just resting now. We gave her a sedative to let her sleep through the night, as well as a substantial painkiller."
He lets the breath he's been holding escape, and it's shaky from his nerves. But in his relief he doesn't care.
"So..."
The Doc nods a subtle nod, and it's clear the man fears for his job.
"Most of the visible wounds are superficial, they should heal in time, none of them needed stitches. It looks like she may have several fractured ribs and her left arm is probably broken. We're prepping for an X-ray to determine for sure."
Tony can't find the words at first, so he's silent for a moment, letting the list of injuries sink in. She had certainly looked worse than what the doctor described. But then again she'd been nearly naked, where he could see every little wound.
"Did they..."
His grim tone would have been hard for anyone to miss, and the doctor takes a deep breath, steeling himself.
"I can't determine for certain unless I have her consent, but outwardly I don't think so."
He can only nod.
"Can I stay with her?"
"Of course."
***********************************
He's still with her after the X-ray, and several people have come and gone.
Mostly medical staff, but Rhodey stopped by to check up on her. Even Darcy and Steve showed up. And normally he would be pissed off and tell everyone to fuck off because he wouldn't want them to see her like that. It was kind of nice though. Inside he was a mess, and having people there helped take his mind off of, well, his mind.
It's quiet now, and she's breathing peacefully. Which lulls him into thinking that this is just any night where she's gone to bed while he sits up late, working on something. But whenever he looks at her - at the scratches and bruises that mar her perfect skin and hide all her freckles - he can only think how none of this would have happened if...
"I know what you're thinking. Stop it."
Her voice is raspy and she's looking at him, all stern and annoyed like she usually is. Like she hasn't gone through hell at his expense.
"Pep..."
"No. I'm not hearing it Tony, because its bullshit."
He can't help but sigh, because he knows once she's made up her mind, there really wasn't much he could do to change it.
He wants to hug her, hold her, kiss her, tell her in all the ways he knows without talking, how sorry he is. But he's afraid he'll hurt her. And instead, he reaches for her hand, and strokes the smooth skin there.
Their eyes met again, and he knows she understands what he's trying to convey. Although she just raised her brows, and communicates her version of 'you're wrong, but I love you'.
So he'll let her have that round.
"Well?"
"Well?"
She scoffed then, and pulls on his hand.
"Aren't you supposed to climb in bed and hold me till we fall asleep?"
"I..."
"You won't hurt me."
"But you..."
"I'll be fine. Better with you here with me...I need you, Tony."
He sighs again, because he doesn't want to hurt her, but he really wants to to what she said.
She hissed through her teeth a little, as she scoots over so he can fit, and he instantly freezes. He's about to back out, to just pull up another chair for his feet...but she's glaring at him. So he doesn't. He's still careful a few minutes later, when he stretched out next to her.
"Hold me, Tony. You're barely touching me."
It took a few minutes, but he pulled her close to him, careful of her injuries, and focuses on letting the tension fade.
Soon, their breathing is steady, and it's quiet. She threaded the fingers from her good hand with his, and he thought she'd drifted off to sleep, until she spoke quietly.
"They didn't."
He knew what she was talking about, and while he's definitely and monumentally relieved, he still wasn't expecting her to bring it up. So she continued, obviously feeling the need at his silence.
"Because of the suit you made for me."
He could feel her hand squeeze his, holding him closer.
"Just stop it, Tony, goddammit. I'm going to be fine."
He couldn't say anything then. Couldn't find the words. So he just kissed her temple, and gently squeezed back.