Chapter Text
It’s been a year and six months. Nicole should be used to her absence by now, but she wasn’t. Every time she received word from Waverly, she felt even more isolated. Missing her wife had evolved into something more complex, tearing at her insecurities. Managing her multitude of emotions seemed impossible, so the Sheriff subsequently immersed herself in her work. Helping other people with their issues proved to be more rewarding than facing her own.
“Get inside already,” Nicole called to the nervous pacing outside her door. The pacing stopped for a moment, then the door creaked open, revealing Cleo Clanton. She had joined the police force a few months ago, attempting to rebuild her life in Purgatory. At first, Wynonna and Nicole rejected the idea, but Rachel and Billy vouched for her reformation. Cleo came to terms with her family's wrongdoings. She was a kid indoctrinated into her family's blood feud, and Nicole was a sucker for forgiveness.
Cleo shuffled her feet, “Sheriff Haught, there’s been an incident.. With Wynonna-”
“Is she okay?! Where is she?! What happened?” Nicole rambled, ready to dart out the door.
“Officer Earp has no major injuries, but she’s outside being questioned,” Cleo said, staring at her toes. “She started a fight at Pussy Willows; it's looking like three charges of assault.”
“I’ll talk to them,” Nicole said. Heading for the door, but Cleo stood unbudging. “You said that the last time, and all the other times before that. Sheriff Haught, Wynonna has a problem; if you continue to let her off the hook like this, it’s going to reflect poorly on the entire department. I think we should-”
“Fire her?” Nicole finished. “Wynonna has done more for this town than anyone else. While
they all denied the supernatural, she was the only one who fought it. So no, I will not be firing my best employee... I can handle this. Now, if you are done criticizing your superiors, I have a job to do-” Nicole pushed past Cleo. Her hands were clenched and her jaw tight. She thought Nicole was a great Sheriff, aside from her blatant biases.
═══ ⋆★⋆ ═══
Nicole ran outside. The midnight sky was a harsh contrast to the indoor fluorescents. She saw two of her officers standing idly by a cruiser. After receiving their update, she dismissed them and opened the back door.
“If it isn’t my favorite redhead!” Wynonna waved her arms behind her back. “Unless we are about to do some freaky role play right about now, can you uncuff me?”
Nicole hopped inside the car and closed the door. She turned to Wynonna with a serious expression, unresponsive to her playful demeanor. “Wynonna, you know I worry about you. Your drinking and impulsivity have gotten out of hand.”
Wynonna threw her head back and sighed, “Save me the lecture, Ms. Frizzle. Everyone drinks. Nedley drinks, I don’t see you giving him shit.”
“Nedley didn’t pick up barfights as a pastime,” Nicole said, grabbing Wynonna’s hand and uncuffing her. “I wish you’d pick up knitting or something.”
Wynonna rubbed her wrists; the handcuffs left a mark. “I swear I didn’t start this one. I admit, morally I'm a grey person, but this was self-defense.”
“Tonight was, but Wynonna, most of the reports from this month include you,” Nicole sighed.
“Be grateful! Without me, you’d be out of a job,” Wynonna laughed as she sank deeper into her seat.
“Wynonna, I’m fighting for your job. Maybe you have forgotten, but you’re an officer now, not a vigilante or Black Badge; we have certain expectations to uphold.” Nicole’s voice was stern; she was trying to reason with Wynonna, but the drunk didn’t seem to care.
“Does that mean I can charge all those people with assaulting a police officer? That’s at least six months in the slammer,” Wynonna recalled. Of course, the only time she remembered anything about the law was when it benefited her.
Nicole reached over Wynonna’s body and buckled her seatbelt. “I’m begging you to please take this seriously.”
“You and I both know that this is the most action you’ve seen in weeks. We passed our prime crime-fighting days; there’s nothing to fight, no one to fuck, nothing to do. Let loose, have a bit of fun at least, Sheriff Buzzkill.” Each vowel that left her mouth was slurred; she talked as if her tongue weighed ten pounds.
The sheriff slammed the door and left for the driver's seat. “If not participating in alcoholism, bar fights, and sex addiction makes me a buzz kill, then I’ll wear my Sheriff Buzzkill badge with pride,” Nicole said, sticking her key in the ignition.
“I knew it!” Wynonna pointed, “You’ve been judging me all this time… You can’t help but look down on me from your high horse.” She said bitterly.
“Wynonna, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I care about you.” The car pulled onto the road. Not a single soul was outside this late.
Wynonna had been taking her life for granted by brazenly marching into danger. To others, she looked like her normal party-goer self, but Nicole knew better. She stood at the edge of life and death, waiting for a gust of wind to push her in either direction.
Wynonna held her tongue; she had so many feelings, but never had the right words to express them, so she sat on it. All her frustration, anger, and sadness were building up. One shitty day piling onto the next. The hum of the engine filled the car. Neither of the women talked; it was just them and the quiet road. But the calm ambiance drove Wynonna crazy. Silence meant thinking, and thinking meant dealing with her emotional turmoil. She broke.
“No need to lie, everyone knows I'm a fuck-up. Can you believe she's a mother?” Wynonna laughs dryly. “That’s what people say behind my back. I guess I prove the fuck-up allegations right when I sock them in the face. I wish I were a better person for Alice, but that’s just not who I am. I’m not a good person, and certainly not a good mother. All I was good for was shooting revenants, but now, without Peacemaker, without revenants, I have nothing. I am nothing.” Wynonna rambled, her silly facade slipped a few miles back.
Nicole shook her head. “Beneath all that angst and sarcasm, you’re a good person, Wynonna. You experienced a major loss; it’s okay to take time to heal. You don’t owe anyone perfection.”
“You are obligated to say that because you’re banging my sister. I don’t need advice from Miss Congeniality. You’re practically suffering from success. You have your dream job, dream girl, and a perfect marriage. I have nothing, so please save your advice. You couldn’t possibly understand even a fraction of what I’m going through.” Wynonna choked back tears.
The cruiser had passed city limits. It was only them and the trees for miles. The road was isolated and dark; the only visible objects were those illuminated by the headlights.
Nicole gazed through the rearview mirror, searching for her eyes, but Wynonna was focused on the trees outside. “Do you remember the week before Waverly left?” Nicole asked cautiously. “You said that I was holding her back…You were right.” Admittedly, Wynonna thought she was too harsh on her back then, but that didn’t mean there was any less truth to her words.
Nicole continued, “Waverly is putting so much good back into the world, she’s an angel for Christ's sake! But she’s tied down to Purgatory because of me…” Her voice grew weaker. “Who am I to deny the world an angel? To deny Waverly from her calling?” Nicole hesitated, “For as long as we are married, she's going to be held back. She’s too kind to say it, but I know that she belongs out there. It’s her destiny. And mine is here.” Nicole stared at the road ahead, avoiding the weight of her words.
“And you gave me shit about self-loathing… Nicole, you just need to have a conversation with her.” Wynonna said.
Nicole tightened her grip on the wheel. “We did have a conversation. She wanted to give up her job for me.”
“She can’t do that; she loves her job,” Wynonna said.
“Exactly”
“So, what after that?” Wynonna asked.
Nicole stared blankly. “So I left her.”
“You what?!” Wynonna kicked the back of Nicole’s seat. The car simultaneously swerved into the forest. Luckily, Nicole was able to regain control. The car screeched to a dramatic stop only a few centimeters from a head-on collision with a tree.
“What the fuck, Wynonna! We could’ve died!” Nicole yelled, leaving the vehicle. The car was far from the road, and the homestead was still miles out. If the cruiser sustained any damage, they’d be forced to walk.
Wynonna opened the door and stumbled out after Nicole, grabbing her collar and pinning her against the cruiser. “You left Waverly?!”
“A few months ago. I didn’t tell you because you had enough on your plate.” Nicole said. She could smell the alcohol on Wynonna’s breath.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” With her free hand, Wynonna wound up her fist and threw a punch; her knuckles connected with Nicole’s chin. The impact had Nicole leaning against the car for support. “You had everything, and you gave it up like that? She loves you!”
Nicole wiped the blood from her lip. The punch had split her lip against her teeth. “You know Waverly as well as I do. She spent her entire life in Purgatory studying about revenants and the Earp curse. She can’t sit idly when there’s a way to help; it’s in her DNA. Now that Purgatory is cleansed, her work here is done!” Nicole stood up, looking Wynonna dead in the eye. “I didn’t give it up, I let it go. I love Waverly, so that’s why I had to do this. It’s like you said, ‘If I loved her, I have to let her go’.”
“To Egypt! Not from your entire life! When have you ever taken my advice seriously?” Wynonna landed a punch straight to Nicole’s gut. She keeled over. “I told you if you ever hurt my sister, I’d kill you.”
Nicole regained her balance, “You’re a hypocrite, Wynonna.” With her entire weight, she laid a punch directly into Wynonna’s cheek, knocking her to the ground. “The same reason you left Alice with Gus is the same reason I left Waverly, but there’s still a chance for you to be a mother if you weren’t such a drunk!”
“I don’t want to be a mother!” Wynonna yelled. She had never admitted this out loud. She hated the idea of raising something so pure and delicate. She felt disturbed with herself for having such a thought, but she couldn’t hide from the truth. “I’m no better than my own mother.”
Nicole stared at Wynonna. She was sprawled out on the dirt, her eyes watery and red, jaw clenched, and her knuckles peppered with her blood. She was a mess, but this wasn’t the first time Nicole had seen her like this. Wynonna had hit rock bottom more times than any person she’s ever known, but every time she was down on her luck, she had gotten back up. Wynonna was the strongest person she’s ever known.
“Sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone is to leave them. I don’t know what the future holds for you and Alice, but I trust your judgment. So please trust mine.” Nicole said.
Wynonna laughed. She held her bruised cheek in her hand while Nicole looked at her with confusion. “I didn’t give you a concussion, did I?” Nicole kneeled next to Wynonna. The grass around them was torn out, and the police cruiser had left a massive skid mark across the road into the forest. Both of the women were damp with sweat and blood.
“Everything around me is changing, but I’m still the same selfish person I’ve always been. ” Wynonna cackled in defeat. She was bloodied, bruised, and delirious. Her laughter shifted into sobs. Nicole pulled her into a hug. At first, she tried to fight Nicole off, but Nicole held on tighter, her arms wrapped around Wynonna’s tense body, pulling the brunette into her chest. She held on tight until Wynonna melted into the embrace. Nicole would always be there for Wynonna, no matter how much she pushed her away. “You're many things, Wynonna, but you're not selfish. You’ve traveled to hell and conquered a land full of demons. It’s okay to put yourself first now.” Nicole said sincerely.
Wynonna looked up at the night sky. The moon was fully waxed, and the stars shone by its side. She was unsure if the sky was normally this pretty or if it was just for today. “I’m sorry, I’m a bitch when I’m drunk.”
“Luckily for you, I’m used to it,” Nicole joked, releasing her embrace. Her dark brown eyes met Wynonna’s green. Nicole gave her a soft smile and stood up, extending her a hand. “Let’s go home already.”
Wynonna wiped her face, hopping into the passenger seat as Nicole stuck the key in the ignition. Nicole paused for a moment, then looked over to Wynonna with a frown. “The car won’t start.”