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"Again," Sloane commanded.
A fireball engulfed the Drifter's right hand.
"Ow! Fuck! Have some mercy, sister!"
He beat out smaller flames off his arm ten feet from Sloane on a rocky ledge in the Kell's Grave retired Gambit map.
"It's not supposed to hurt," Sloane said dryly, frowning at him, her arms crossed.
"Feels like my skin's corroding!"
Sloane sighed and shook her head. "All right, let's take a break and then we can try again."
"Damn!"
They sat down next to each other on a set of mostly intact rusted metal steps leading up from one platform to the abandoned husk of a former Eliksni home.
Sloane looked over at Drifter's impressively burned arm. "I know you're not going to, and I'm not trying to convince you, but this would be so much easier if you'd just pick a class."
"Nope. Not gonna."
"I know," she tried to keep her exasperation with him out of her voice but it still crept in occasionally. "It's pretty interesting how you use the Light though. It's unlike anything I've ever seen. You really did just ditch all the frameworks and figure it out yourself."
"Yeah," he picked some half-melted rope and part of his gauntlet off of his arm with a wince and flung it into a nearby sulfur pit. "Never been into the dogma. Drifter's more of a self-taught kinda guy." He pulled a knife out of thin air and used it to slice his glove along the palm of his hand from his wrist up along his middle finger so he could peel the smoking leather off before it fused to his burnt flesh. His skin was cracked all over and oozing blood. He tossed the remains of his glove down into the pit and reached down to a backpack near his feet, pulling out a small canteen of water.
"You're not going to get your Ghost to heal that?" she asked.
"It'll be a good test of whether or not it works when I get it right, no?"
Sloane raised an eyebrow. "That's... got to hurt."
"Experience is a hell of a teacher," Drifter said, pouring water over his burnt hand and arm.
"It's certainly an experience trying to teach you how to use Light when you just refuse to do it the way anyone else does."
"I'll get it," he tossed the empty canteen off into the pit as well and cracked his neck. "Just gotta bleed it out. I need this."
Sloane chewed her lip, thinking, remembering Zavala's voice telling her to stand down when she was momentarily overcome by Xivu Arath on Titan and had her sword at his throat. Sometimes the battle is stepping away from the battle. Drifter sure seemed like he was fighting against himself right now.
"Drifter... when you channel Solar normally, what are you thinking?"
"Uh… not sure how to answer that. Usually I'm either in a firefight or I can't see, so I'm generally pretty pissed off, plus I just hate using it in general."
Sloane nodded, still thinking. "And Stasis?"
"Different pissed off." He shrugged next to her on the stairs. This was the first time she'd ever asked him about wielding the Darkness. Titan had been gone before he and Eris were learning Stasis on Europa and then by the time Sloane had come back half the guardians in the tower were using it. "Stasis is all about control. Keepin' a cool head - hehehe."
Sloane rolled her eyes.
"And now when you're trying to do the Solar healing ‘nades?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I'm a bit pissed." He held up his hand. "These burns fuckin' hurt. You think emotions are the problem?"
"Not exactly but but maybe we're approaching this from the wrong direction. The reason you're wanting to learn this… when you're trying to manifest a healing grenade, are you thinking of Eris being hurt and dying in the Nether?"
Drifter seemed to deflate in front of her. He became very quiet.
"Hard not to," he said flatly, looking away. "Intrusive thoughts, she calls it. Can't unsee that shit."
"Ok, I want you to try something."
"What?" He chewed his cheek and his eyes looked worried.
"Go stand over there again and when you try to manifest the grenade I want you to close your eyes and imagine Eris alive. Think of her how she is now… stubborn… impulsive… acting and then everyone else has to react…"
"Heh." His face had split into a grin.
"What?"
"You really do have a problem with her."
It was Sloane's turn to shrug. "Eris and I have never fully seen eye to eye… to... eye."
"Ha! You know she says that too?" The amusement had returned to his voice.
"I guess it's an easy joke to make."
"Yeah," he looked away, his smile softer. "She says it more gloomy though. I love listenin' to her talk. That woman could read me a dictionary and I'd enjoy it." He nodded to himself. "I should ask her to do that, actually."
"Read you the dictionary?" Sloane asked, incredulous.
"Nah just… read to me. She likes readin'… An' I like listenin' to her talk." He looked back at Sloane and she could see the sparkle had returned in his eyes. "Might be nice."
"Ok… that thought you've got right now…" Sloane leaned one arm on her knee and pointed her finger at him.
"Yeah?"
"Hold on to it." Sloane pointed back to the outcropping. "And go try the grenade."
He took a deep breath, stood, walked over to the spot they'd been working from and did as she asked. He closed his eyes and willed a Solar grenade into his hand.
Fire engulfed him. He fell down and rolled on the metal plating until the flames went out before coming to his knees, coughing.
"Ha! It's just comedy at this point. How many times can a man light himself on fire? Fuck this hurts."
"Damn." Sloane sighed, both elbows on her knees, fingers in her hair. "I really thought that would work."
"Actually, I think it did a little… " He limped back to the steps where she was sitting, pulling off his other burnt glove, tossing it and brushing ash out of his remaining hair. "Not in the way you were talkin' about…but it came easier and faster. I think maybe it's because I was more relaxed? She does have that effect on me." He plunked back down on the stairs next to her, reached into the backpack, and pulled out a bottle of some of his rotgut moonshine. Harsh, bitter, mean and strong, just like Sloane. The Titan stared as he handed her the bottle.
"Drifter."
"What?"
"Your hand."
He looked down at his hand holding the bottle. The same hand he'd poured water on just moments before. It was now the only part of him that wasn't burnt.
"What the hell?"
Sloane took the bottle from him. "I think you're somehow doing both at once."
Drifter blinked with only half his usual eyelashes. "Well that's impractical and hilarious. Here ya go, lover! Let me heal ya up and also light you on fire! Actually, that's horrifying… but also funny."
"The unorthodox way you wield the Light is definitely… interesting." Sloane unscrewed the cap of the bottle, took a swig, and made a face before handing it back to him.
"All right, all right, all right… " He raised the bottle in a toast to her, swallowed some of the liquid, and handed it back. "Just gotta turn off the fire."
"And then figure out how to remember which one you're using. I can't tell you how many Blueberries have thrown healing ‘nades at hostiles or Solar Flares at their friends."
"Oh yeah, I see that shit in Gambit all the time. Good job, Hotshot! Heal the Taken! Way to stick it to the other team!"
Sloane snorted and drank from the bottle, wincing as she did so. Appropriate for the occasion, the liquid burned going down.
Drifter stood. "All right. Gonna try this shit again. Think of happy alive Eris readin' me the dictionary…"
He resumed his position and firebombed himself once more, healing the parts he'd just burnt and burning the parts that were just healed.
"Shit." He stumbled, coughing. "Still fire. Dammit."
Sloane shook her head and took another unpleasant sip from the bottle. "You need to figure out how to focus it. If you were a Titan it would already be focused by your class and subclass." She pointed at him with the mouth of the bottle for emphasis and moved it around as though she were using it to illustrate an invisible chart in the air. "Your grenades would feel mentally like you were picking from a different set of options. Your melee and super would be shaped into some form of weapon…"
"Weapon, huh?" Drifter squinted his eyes, thinking.
He snapped the fingers of the hand that wasn't burnt. A coin appeared in his hand.
He flicked the coin to bounce it off of the ground a few feet away. Fire flickered around it as it tumbled through the air and in addition to the metallic 'ding' it made when it landed, the area a few feet around it was engulfed in fire.
The Drifter caught the coin as it bounced back to his hand and tumbled it across his knuckles, putting out the flame. Sloane had seen him do it before, but it was impressive how he was able to almost store the Solar energy in his coin before it hit something. It was unlike anything else she'd ever seen.
The Drifter snapped his fingers again, flicking his wrist. The coin changed from his usual Gambit snakes to Eris' Bane of the Swarm symbol.
His expression softened and he rubbed his thumb over the surface in a gentle caress before shutting his eyes tight, biting his lips, and flinging the coin at his feet.
Sloane raised both her eyebrows.
A familiar high-pitched chime rang out at the same time as the metallic 'ding.' The Drifter was enveloped in a bright white glow.
Sloane sat up.
A no-longer charred Drifter grinned widely at her.
"You got it." Sloane said, her voice impressed.
"I got it."
His eyes sparkled and he flicked his wrist again, swapping the coin. He flung it behind himself this time. An incandescent fire sphere immolated a patch of corrugated metal wreckage. Drifter caught the coin when it bounced back, twisted his hand to swap it to the one with Eris' symbol, and then turned to Sloane.
Before she could react, he sent the coin sailing toward the Deputy Commander's feet.
The high-pitched chime rang out again and Sloane, wide-eyed, was engulfed in a healing white glow.
Drifter caught the coin on the rebound and sauntered back to sit with her on the steps as Sloane relaxed with a smile.
"You got it." She repeated, handing him the bottle.
"That feels good."
"Wielding the Light usually does."
Drifter stiffened next to her and frowned. His jaw clenched and he stared off into nothing with his eyes unfocused. He gripped the bottle tightly.
Sloane cursed internally at the shift in his emotions. Before the Dreadnaught she'd never realized how intensely volatile the Drifter was. He'd always masked it so well... Eerily well considering how strong she now understood his mood swings could be. How did Eris deal with this? Had she always known he was like this? She must have. He trusted Eris more than anyone or anything. Then again, perhaps letting Sloane see his shifts in mood now was itself a sign of trust. Like his asking her for help. Rebuilding what they both had damaged. The Titan took a deep breath and willed the frustration out of her body. Knocking sense into him with fists did not work. Eris used words. So could she.
"Hey now… Look... Drifter… whatever you saw in the Dark Age… whatever you did… whatever was done to you… it's not how things are now."
His eyes flickered and he stared her down. A chill ran up her spine at how snake-like and cold they had become.
"Easy enough for you to say, sister." The hand holding the bottle began to shake. Sloane wondered if he was going to break it with how tight he was gripping it. "You don't know the smell a toddler makes when she fries."
Sloane met his stare with her own. "You know damn well I've seen a lot of combat."
"Wasn't combat." His voice was quiet but cold. Flat. "Tied up civilians don't fight back."
They stared at each other for a few moments longer before Sloane broke the silence, choosing her words carefully.
"The Light is a tool," she reminded him. "You can use it to kill or to heal. It has no intent of its own."
She watched his jaw clench even tighter.
"You asked me to teach you so you can help Eris," she continued. "What's more important to you? Hating your past, or protecting your future?"
He broke eye contact with her.
"I got nothing to say I ain't said before. Some shit you can never let go of. You know that."
"Do you remember when you told me that Eris keeps her Nightmares on the Moon even though she helped so many people deal with theirs?" Sloane asked him.
"Yeah." The mention of Eris seemed to shift his mood slightly.
"It didn't make sense to me at the time when you told me," Sloane continued. "It seemed hypocritical, her helping others let go but refusing to release her own but… I think I get it… and I think you get it probably more than anyone else."
Drifter looked down at the bottle and then back to Sloane.
"She's living now," Sloane said. "She's talking about the future. She's got her relationship with you, but… she still keeps her ghosts… keeps them close… never lets them go. They're part of her, but she's changed. She's living in the present, and they don't dictate everything she does any more. They matter. They always will. But they aren't the only things she has. You, specifically, are someone she has now… someone who matters… someone she sees a future with - although why, I have no idea."
Drifter gave a soft chuckle and took a swig from the bottle. His hands were shaking less now.
"…But she does," Sloane continued. "That's why you asked me for this, right? You want to support her without holding her back."
"Yeah. That's… That's accurate." He handed the bottle back to her.
Sloane took it from him and stared into his face when she did so. "Doing that should feel good."
Drifter squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. "I guess." He opened his eyes again, his face less strained. "Gonna take some gettin' used to." He stood up, grabbing the backpack and slinging it over his shoulder, before looking back to her. "Thanks."
Sloane stood as well, taking one last sip and handing him the bottle. "Thanks for doing all my paperwork. I didn't think you'd actually get it done on time."
Drifter tipped his head back and held the bottle over his open mouth to catch the last few drops before throwing it away, off into the sulfur pit. "Yeah well… that's the last time I offer to do 'anything you want' ever. On the plus side, I've started dreamin' about never ending ammunition requisition reports sometimes instead of Eris dyin'… so I guess it kinda... helped..." He told her as they walked toward the transmat area.
"Huh."
"Don't ever make me do that again."
Sloane laughed. "Never say never."
"Fuck you."
"That's Eris' department."
Drifter blanched slightly at her comment and coughed while laughing. Sloane smirked.
"Don't ever let her hear you say that. I don't know what she'd do but I do not think either of us want to find out."
"Pfft," Sloane rolled her eyes. "Bring it. I have a sword too."
Drifter stopped walking and licked his lips, swallowing hard as his brain caught up with the conversation, envisioning a sword fight between Sloane and Eris. His face was overtaken with a mixture of attraction and fear. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again, blinking at her.
Sloane snorted and transmatted away.