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The Officers Academy at Garreg Mach Monastery – there’s barely a soul alive who hasn’t imagined themselves attending this veritable crown jewel of Fódlan. This statement might be more true than ever this year, with a whopping three rulers-to-be taking up residence in the Academy dorms. And, of course, with high-profile students come high-profile scandals - what shameless antics might be taking place behind those cobblestone bulwarks and sky-high spires?
Our crew has gotten an exclusive, once-in-a-lifetime chance to spend a morning within the monastery walls, and we’ll be taking you on a wild behind-the-scenes tour of the luxurious day-to-day life (and juicy gossip) only found at Garreg Mach. What’s more, our tour guide for the morning is none other than Crown Prince Dimitri Blaiddyd himself, the dashing heir to the throne of Faerghus! That’s right - His Highness has graciously agreed to give you, our dear reader, a first-hand look into how the very uppermost echelons of Fódlanese nobility eat, sleep, study - and, naturally, love - at the boarding school that’s on everyone’s lips.
The crown prince meets our crew at the imposing front gates, greeting us with a smile so dreamy it nearly knocks your humble reporter out cold. As he leads us through the sprawling courtyards and winding hallways towards the dormitories, we marvel at his almost godlike physique - standing at what must be nearly seven foot tall, with the biceps of a Nabatean and a waist so small it boggles the mind, it's no wonder he's turning the heads of every student we pass. We naturally ask about his training regimen, to which he bashfully chuckles and brings up his daily spars - a routine meticulously designed by the Blaiddyds' vast array of personal trainers, one must assume.
Dimitri’s dormitory room is almost as modest as the prince himself, with functional decor and furniture tastefully arranged. It isn't roomy by any means, but the gorgeous, royal blue carpet covering the floor creates a spacious and inviting ambience. This, if nothing else, feels truly worthy of a crown prince’s living quarters. The large teak desk standing against the wall looks tidy and well organized – if rumours are to be believed, the prince is just as studious as he is stunning. His (appropriately) king-sized bed, fitted with an intricate spread that matches the carpet, is well made but doesn’t look very well used . One might presume His Highness enjoys spending his nights at the academy in other ways than sleeping…
With Dimitri’s approval, we take a seat at the edge of his bed – the perfect firmness for a good night’s rest, among other activities – and your ever-watchful reporter’s eyes land on a small hole near the bottom of the opposite wall, seemingly leading through to the dorm room next door. Nothing out of the ordinary in an older building, perhaps, but we find it strange that a blemish like this should go unaddressed at such a prestigious school. Then again, Dimitri seems to pay it no mind, and it's no secret that the dorms at Garreg Mach are co-ed – perhaps the lucky girl in the room next door, whoever she might be, enjoys sneaking a peek at the prince as he's dressing?
This thought sparks our curiosity, of course, and we start discreetly searching for other glimpses into His Highness’s amorous pursuits. As neat as he clearly likes to keep his space, frequent readers will know that even just an empty tube of makeup or a tucked-away scrap of scented paper can tell an enticing story. At first, we come up empty-handed – evidently, Dimitri takes great care to avoid scandal – but finally, jackpot! Hidden away under the bed, our eagle-eyed illustrator-in-residence finds a stray, silver-sparkling hair tie. Of course, this discovery begs the question that no doubt is running through your mind, dear reader – who might be the fortune-favoured owner of this left-behind memento?
Could it be Dorothea Arnault herself, the drop-dead gorgeous Mystical Songstress of the Mittelfrank Opera Company? She's reported to be quite a player in the Garreg Mach dating circles, and the student rumor mill says she's been seen leaving the second-floor dorms with strands of blonde tangled in her hair… And speaking of blondes, what of Count Galatea's daughter Ingrid? She's been close – some might say inseparable – with the crown prince since childhood. Maybe romance could finally be blossoming between the two nobles here at the academy?
To make matters even saucier, the two bachelorettes are reportedly often seen together around the monastery, drinking tea and enjoying each other's company. Could it be that these close friends are about to turn into bitter rivals for the prince's affection? A classic triangle drama between the girl-next-door and the primadonna from afar - one thing's for sure, we definitely don't envy His Highness's position!
Just as expected, the prince flusters and loses his usual composure when we show him the hair tie. He looks almost bewildered when we ask about his two would-be suitors, but quickly changes the subject and starts leading our crew out of the room. Don't worry, Your Highness, your escapades are safe with us!
“Boar. You’re late for our spar.”
As we step back out into the corridor, our chat with the prince is sharply interrupted by a voice from behind. We peek over Dimitri’s shoulder to see a grouchy-looking blue-haired boy, who we later come to understand is the son of Duke Fraldarius, emerging from the room next door. We’re surprised to see him approach Dimitri at all – as our sources report it, these childhood companions have had something of a falling-out, and despite the prince’s gracious efforts to repair their friendship, Felix has allegedly remained stubbornly cold. One would be justified in wondering, dear reader, how one’s heart could be so icy as to reject the stretched-out hand of such an angelic figure? Your dutiful reporter, of course, leads by example and eagerly accepts the prince’s generous invite to spectate the two nobles’ sparring session from the sidelines. Felix, a nonplussed expression adorning his unremarkable visage, at least doesn’t seem to object, “as long as they don’t get in our way.”
As Dimitri walks on ahead towards the courtyard, we take the opportunity to do our journalistic duty and query Felix about the rumours surrounding His Highness's love life.
He plainly replies, " Ingrid!? And Dorothea? Don't be ridiculous," with a look of sheer discontent. Maybe he was hoping to snag one of them for himself?
"That's so off the mark it's almost disgusting. If the boar had an… acquaintance like that, I would know about it."
It seems Felix still fancies himself a confidante to the prince, after all! We try to ask if there's any raunchy tales behind that "boar" nickname, but in the middle of our question he hastily turns away and gives chase to Dimitri, leaving our crew rushing to catch up to the pair.
Once we arrive at the extravagant courtyard, breath caught in our throats, we are treated to a front-row view of the Blaiddyd and Fraldarius heirs preparing for battle – a scene which many of our journalistic compatriots throughout history (not to mention those from the various, less prestigious publications with which we might be thought to compete!) would surely have killed to witness. Dimitri flips the solid-wood training sword in his hand with feather-light motions, while Felix undoes the shimmering, silver hair tie that has been keeping his hair messily bunched up and gathers it back into a tight and tidy bun. In the gleam of natural light, and framing a battle-ready look of determination, Felix’s features start to look more and more handsome – perhaps the future Duke of Fraldarius could have an in with the ladies of Garreg Mach after all?
The two nobles begin their spar unceremoniously, darting around the courtyard with unfathomable focus. (Seeing the grace with which they’re moving together, rapidly twirling in tandem, it’s hard not to start thinking of the famous ballroom scene in Loog and the Maiden of Wind .) Spectators slowly start gathering as the action heats up - our reporter spots some famous faces joining the crowd, including Margrave Gautier’s son Sylvain, childhood friend to the two combatants and notorious Garreg Mach skirt-chaser. Our reporter’s jotted-down notes seem to catch his eye, as he laughs and tries to explain something about the prince’s tastes – or the lack thereof? Unfortunately, his remarks cannot be reproduced in any greater detail in this column, as our crew’s attention was entirely fixed on the positively titillating duel unfolding before us. Our apologies, margrave-to-be!
We’re lucky our crew is watching closely, because the spar suddenly heats up tenfold in the blink of an eye. Although Felix has been solidly pressing forward on the offense, it is Dimitri who finds the first significant opening, breaking their deadlock with a customarily Nabatean show of strength. His wooden sword only just grazes Felix's head and sends a strand of raven hair loose from his neat bun, which falls to perfectly frame his battle-flushed face. Something about this sequence of events seems to stun Dimitri for a moment, and he takes a stumbling step backwards, his own face turning a shade redder still.
Taking advantage of this brief lapse in concentration, Felix outmanoeuvres Dimitri and knocks him down to the ground, pinning him down with the training sword against his throat! The crowd (your faithful reporter included) erupts into a cacophony of assorted cheers and hollers, then slowly starts to disperse towards their respective classrooms as the academy bells ring out. Dimitri and Felix, meanwhile, do not seem to be in any hurry to leave their current position whatsoever.
After what seems like an eternity of the two of them just staring at each other, dead silent yet eyes locked with inexplicable intensity, Sylvain steps right in between our crew and the scene in front of us. Without even uttering a single word, his expression makes it clear that our time at the monastery ought to be nearing an end. Of course, we’d like nothing more than to stick around and try to uncover more gossip, but who are we to disobey the wishes of Crest-bearing nobility?
As we’re shown back towards the imposing gates we entered through, we turn to take one last peek at the courtyard - and it’s lucky we do, because we manage to catch a glimpse of the defeated prince grabbing ahold of Felix’s wrists and unceremoniously pulling him down on top of him! Who knew our ever-humble Dimitri, the very picture of modest serenity, could be such a sore loser?