Chapter Text
Mother, Father, Grandma
Alone
Takasugi, Gintoki, Shouyou-Sensei
Alone
All good things must come to an end. It's just natural, nothing in this life's a sure thing with the exception of death.
****
Katsura Kotaro is not a wealthy man, he never has been and probably never will. He purchases low cost fabric from a random merchant on a questionable back alley. Not the latest in fashion nor the fanciest material but durable.
A plain white yukata under his blue one adorned with a yellow obi and a light grey haori to bring it all together. Katsura appreciates the simplicity of his outfit, nothing flashy and no skin exposed.
To the untrained eye it’s just clothes but they mean something to him. Some may say he is imitating his late teacher but the truth is he’s honoring him. Feeling as if he can keep a part of Shoyou alive within himself. It's how he grieves the person who made the biggest impact in his life.
Katsura, at times, is suspicious that even though Gintoki doesn't say anything it upsets him.
****
As he goes up the stairs to the Yorozuya household every step beneath his feet feels excruciating. He has been there many times before. Whether it was hiding from the Shinsengumi, visiting its residents or leaving in the middle of the night after making love to Gintoki, avoiding a certain -relationship defining- conversation.
The night before disappearing Gintoki stopped by to reminisce about the old days despite the nature of their relationship not being that of lovers anymore. Was it ever?
His already terrible mood worsens when the first thing he sees as he enters Gintoki’s home it’s him. The chain smoker Bakufu dog with whom Gintoki had absurdly started a relationship with. If you could even call it that, how that snake managed to entrap Gintoki is beyond him.
After placing his shoes on the entrance but keeping his sword close, he clears his throat to gather the attention of the other man currently smoking near a window.
“Thank you for meeting with me Hijikata-dono” He bows despite everything they’ve been through. Katsura wants to make it a point that he is the most educated one here “And for not bringing your men”
“Dont get too comfortable Katsura, I might just change my mind” Hijikata states with eyes closed after blowing smoke dangling the radio intercom with his hand.
“We are meeting today as individuals, you are nothing other than Hijikata Toshiro and I am nothing more than Katsura Kotaro”
“Mhmm, so what is it?” The vice commander almost cuts him short and takes another drag of his cigarette.
“Gintoki had something in his possession that I wanted,” Katsura states after walking closer to the cop.
“Had?” Stern blue eyes meeting empty yellow ones “He isn't dead Katsura and even if he was, why would you think you have a claim to anything he owned?”
Hijikata’s glare continues to intensify making Katsura visually locate any points of exit from where he stands.
“I have no interest for anything that belonged to him, not his worn down clothes, his debt or you”
Katsura does not miss the immediate scoff his last word elicited out of Hijikata.
“It is a sword hilt that belonged to our dead teacher. If Gintoki isn't around anymore I would like to hold on to it until he returns”
Hijikata raises an eyebrow.
“And what, you want me to look for it and return it to you? Who do you think you are?”
“Hijikata-dono whatever squabble you are trying to start with me, don't. I am not here to exchange quips about your relationship” An accidental sarcastic tone slipping at the word “I hope you have been enjoying my sloppy-seconds”
Hijikata’s eyes widen as he parts his lips in a silent gasp. Katsura can imagine how he feels after all, it's not like him to speak that way but he has been doing many things out of character lately, what’s one more?
“I know you have been acting like a rebellious child lately Katsura but I never would have imagined you referring to Gintoki in such a manner”
Katsura’s eyes go blank as he feels his own breath hitch. He was so caught up in wanting to disrespect the person he hates that he forgot to respect the one he loves.
“If I find it I’ll make sure you get it, unlike you I wont be cruel for petty reasons” Hijikata diverts his eyes back to outside the window as he lights a new cigarette.
Katsura feels ashamed, he was supposed to be the bigger person here.
“Also, did he really visit you the night before disappearing?” Hijikata’s voice brings him back from his dreadful thoughts, he makes no eye contact with him as he takes a drag of his cigarette.
“Yes” It’s all Katsura muster to answer.
“Something happened?” Cigarette ashes start falling down as it sits still on the demon’s hand.
“That is between me and him, Hijikata-dono”
Katsura’s feelings of guilt and empathy towards the man in front of him immediately dissipate as he gives a vague answer, almost taunting.
While absolutely nothing of romantic or sexual nature happened between them that night, he wants to leave Hijikata wondering if it did. So that it looms over his head whether or not the man he loves was loyal at the end.
****
Hijikata did end up finding the hilt and had one of his goons deliver it to Katsura. They aren't really playing cat and mouse these days. They have bigger issues at hand with Kondo apprehended by the government and the white plague.
Katsura finds it funny how fast the Shinsengumi turned on their beloved government, not that he expected them to be loyal and have strong convictions but it makes him think perhaps they see Kondo Isao as an individual not a collective.
They either have zero loyalty or they have the strongest sense of loyalty he has seen. It’s just not to a collective or an organization, it’s to him. In a way Katsura admires and understands this but he won't acknowledge it.
Katsura does lend a hand to Hijikata and his men despite once being enemies and now doing so as allies. He supports them after all they are the hardheaded stubborn ones clinging around earth.
They all ditch their uniforms and Hijikata’s look is particularly interesting. Hair parted in the middle exposing his forehead which surprisingly is his best feature. A regency type suit with a vest inside that accentuates his great figure previously covered by the uniform.
Whose attention is he trying to catch with that ridiculous get up?
Time, unforgiving as usual, marches on and it’s not just the vice captain who changes his look.
It starts slowly. An injury in his left eye requiring him to cover it for a few weeks becomes comforting. Stress caused by the loss of his beloved and the end of life as he knew it incite him to light a kiseru and smoke. The taste of refined kizami tobacco with a sweet undertone easing his anxiety.
The bandages wrapped around his head and left eye in combination with the taste of smoke reminiscent of how Takasugi’s tongue tasted makes Katsura feel as if Takasugi was still with him.
Seeking that feeling of comfort again he ends up picking up a shamisen, which he hadn't in years, his knowledge was too basic but he sharpens his skills. The next time he finds that back alley merchant he picks up the color closest to Takasugi’s yukata.
Having already joined forces with extremist rebels had also made him feel closer to his fallen childhood friend. It felt like coming up for air as he was drowning, the only thing missing to feel closer to Takasugi was Gintoki.
Giving the vice-captain bitchy quips was always a given, trying to get a rise out of him was Katsura’s mission. It surprises him how laid back he has been lately even smiling, that low life was kind of handsome.
-They truly chose you to lead them in Kondo’s absence, good for you Hijikata-dono, being the first choice in at least one aspect of your life.
-Leader and Shinpachi-Kun dont speak to you either, guess we are the same after all, nothing but easy fucks.
And whatever other witty and cruel comment he can come up with on the spot to remind him that no he was not special in Gintoki’s life, just another warm body in his bed.
At least this is Katsura’s perception. He will tell himself these things over and over again, he will verbalize them to Hijikata so many times that perhaps they will become true and silence the voice in the back of his mind. Ignoring that deep down he knows Gintoki’s feelings for Hijikata were genuine.
The worst part is that on occasion Hijikata Toshiro reminded him of Gintoki. He can't really pinpoint what it is but it’s there.
Whether it's the fact that Shinpachi and Kagura didn't want to speak to either or that they both share the same feelings for him, Katsura found himself involuntarily drawn to the former vice-captain, it’s absolutely infuriating.
****
The warm taste of tobacco going down Katsura’s throat serves its purpose of temporarily calming his anxiety in addition to feeling close to the memory of Takasugi. The cold afternoon breeze caressing his face momentarily gives him the illusion that everything is fine.
Said temporary pleasure it’s interrupted by one of his men;
“Katsura-san, I found the leads on that government agent we have been tailing”
Katsura nods in gratitude with his eye closed before he takes another drag of his kiseru.
“I will make sure to hand deliver these to Hijikata-san personally” His underling announced.
“Wait-” Katsura opens his eye and almost chokes on smoke. “I will take care of that, you go get some rest” He gestures a hand towards his underling to provide him the envelope.
Proceeding to put his burning tobacco out he places the pipe along with the envelope in his chest pocket, putting his lighter down on the table and -accidentally- forgetting it.
After arriving at the *former* Shinsengumi hideout location, an old warehouse, he finds the *former* vice-captain smoking near a window. Is he posing like that on purpose? He never really seems to be aware nor care about his surroundings when he smokes.
Katsura does not speak but simply hands over the envelope to Hijikata who quickly examines the content and nods, this is as much gratitude as Katsura can expect from him.
“May I have a light, Hijikata-dono?” He speaks after clearing his throat as he pulls out his kiseru.
“Ah? Oh sure” Hijikata reaches into his jacket and pulls the lighter, bringing this close to the chamber and lighting the -already burned from earlier- tobacco as Katsura takes gentles puffs to help the ignition process, raising up his eye to meet Hijikata’s piercing blue.
“Thank you” Katsura speaks after blowing smoke.
“I didn't take you for a smoker, Katsura” He says before lighting up a new cigarette “But then again, purple doesn't really suit you and those melancholic tunes you have been playing on the shamisen give me a headache” Hijikata continues smoking towards the open window without facing him.
“You have been listening” Katsura takes a drag of his kiseru and keeps his gaze fixated on the clear sky outside before he laughs “Hijikata, you have no right to tell me anything about how I choose to deal with things, not everyone can be attachment avoidant style like you”
“Excuse me, what is that supposed to mean?” Hijikata turns to look at Katsura staring intently as cigarette ashes fall.
“You walk around pretending you are doing great with your new fancy hair but really you are just ignoring the fact that the two loves of your life died, doesn't it make you wonder, if it’s your fault somehow?”
“Huh? How do you-” Hijikata lets the cigarette on his hand fall into the ashtray on the window sill, hopefully it puts itself out.
“That woman you loved died and now Gintoki is dead. Is it really just a coincidence?” Katsura takes another drag before blowing the smoke “Gintoki talks”
Hijikata grits his teeth and rips the kiseru from Katsura’s hand aggressively slamming it by the ashtray.
“I am so tired of you trying to provoke me at any given moment. I wont fall for your games Katsura” His voice broke as if trying to keep his new ‘cool’ facade but for a moment going back to the short fuse screaming vice-captain he has always been.
Katsura feels Hijikata’s hands forcefully grab the collar of his yukata, dragging him to the nearest wall and slamming his back against it.
“You really have some nerve Katsura, acting so angry at me as if I took something from you” Hands shaking and fisting into the fabric harder “You rejected him”
Hijikata’s words take Katsura by surprise; that was an intimate moment no one knew about.
“Gintoki talks” Hijikata tilts his head to the side as he offers a devilish smirk “And you still have the nerve to act as if he didn't have the right to move on with his life, as if it was something I did to you”
You being punctuated by Hijikata slamming Katsura against the wall again.
Katsura feels the air taken out of his lungs, he never expected his words to actually have any effect on the other man much less to hear all of this. All that big talk and now that he had finally managed to get a reaction from Hijikata he didn't know how to proceed.
Hijikata tsks as if upset that there are no more words coming out of Katsura. He lets go of him and takes a step back fixing his jacket.
“Let’s make sure from now on we don't communicate at all, there is no need for this we have men that can handle it”
Katsura’s chest tightens up and his breathing quickens. Out of all the possible outcomes he had been expecting from his incessant teasing of Hijikata, going no-contact was absolutely the last thing he wanted.
He had already lost Takasugi, he had already lost Gintoki. The kids don't speak to him and now this empty shell of a man who he’s been subconsciously projecting Gintoki unto was also going to leave him.
“No, how dare you, Hijikata!” Katsura’s voice gets louder and punctuates his sentence by punching the wall behind him with the side of his fist “You do not get to throw me away that easily!”
Hijikata stares at him with eyes wide open as Katsura feels his chest getting heavier, he prays that he doesn't get a panic attack in front of him.
“Everything he left behind belongs to you, right? So, what are you going to do about this!?” Katsura is screaming at this point as he brings one hand to his own chest and twists the fabric of his yukata “This mess he left” Tears start welling up in his eye.
Hijikata continues to stare at him, slaw jacked, his hands gently but promptly reach out to the top of Katsura’s head. They hover above it as if not daring to reach before sinking down undoing his bandages and ripping them off.
As if removing the life vest from someone who can't swim Katsura gasps and desperately reaches to where Hijikata had thrown these. He quickly places them back so he can breathe again.
Tears are rolling down his face as he gets up and meets Hijikata’s eyes which have sheer disappointment.
Arms reach again and Katsura lets it happen despite having ripped off his bandages and violated his intimacy. He lets Hijikata’s arms surround him, one grabs his lower back and the other surrounds his shoulders.
Hijikata brings him closer and embraces him. Katsura dislikes his scent and yet buries his face in his vest. Hijikata doesn't allow him to bask in his warmth for long as he pushes him back to where they can face one another.
Katsura is taken by surprise when Hijikata presses his hot tongue on his jawline all the way up to under his eye as he licks his tears. He brings his mouth over Katsura’s ear and speaks, hot breath tickling as he whispers;
“It pains me that you're all I got left of him”
Katsura knows that he should be hurt or perhaps argue but he finds himself feeling nothing other than a painful strain below his robes. Feeling dizzy as his arousal starts to cloud his judgement.
His thoughts are interrupted when Hijikata buries his hands on his hair pulling hard, eliciting a moan from him. Hijikata forces him closer to his face with the intention of kissing him but Katsura puts a stop to it covering the other man’s mouth with his hand.
“No kissing” He sternly establishes a boundary for whatever is about to happen next.
“Tsk whatever, I dont care”
Katsura nearly bites his lip at that tsundere charm before he grabs Hijikata’s shoulders pushing him against the wall. Turning the tables from earlier.
“What are you going to do Katsura, suck my dick? stab me? Both?” There it was that shit eating grin again, this was certainly going to haunt Katsura’s nightmares moving forward.
“Who knows?” Katsura replies dryly as he slides one finger from Hijikata’s chest all the way down to his belt buckle proceeding to open it.
Katsura sinks into his knees, shameful he thinks, kneeling for a Bakufu dog.
And even though all titles were left behind, to their core they are who they are: one is a patriot who opposed the government and the other a slave to it.
He takes out Hijikata’s already dripping cock, it’s much nicer and bigger than he had imagined. After giving it a few strokes Katsura brings the tip to his mouth and quickly sucks before pulling back.
“Oi bastard, don't tease me and get it over with!”
Katsura looks up to see Hijikata staring down at him intently as he is lighting up a cigarette. The insults and degrading glare are doing it for him, not that he will ever admit this. He brings his tongue to the underside of Hijikata’s hard dick and languidly runs it from the shaft all the way back to the wet tip.
Ignoring the fact the other man said no teasing, this is how he used to do it to Gintoki. Knees on the creaky floor of the Yorozuya home, the kids and Sadaharu with Otae for the night. This is the only way he knows how.
Opening his mouth widely he moves his head forward taking him completely, he fights his instinct to gag after all he is good at this. Bobbing his head back slowly as he hollows his cheeks, he takes the opportunity to get to know the other man intimately and runs his tongue around his throbbing cock to learn any veins and curvatures.
He continues his movements bobbing his head at a faster pace, his hands finding balance around Hijikata’s waist. Obscene noises fill the room as Hijikata tilts his head back against the wall and moans escape his lips.
One of Hijikata’s hands grabs Katsura's hair while the other is occupied by his cigarette, his pulls motion him to go faster. Hijikata suddenly pulls him back, a string of spit connecting between Katsura’s lips and his dick. Taking this opportunity to come up for air he is interrupted as Hijikata slaps him.
The action elicits a moan of him as he bites his bottom lip, his long hair partially covering that side of his face.
Katsura can't really tell if it's a sex thing or if he is genuinely upset at him. I mean why is he even wondering of course he is upset at him given their earlier conversation. One thing Katsura does know is that he really is enjoying this.
Hijikata grabs the hair on the back of his head and pulls on it before prompting him forward to get back to the task at hand. Katsura closes his eye and continues his feat, he tries to ignore the smell of nicotine the other man emits and focuses his thoughts on memories.
The smell of cheap strawberry shower gel instead of nicotine, scarred hands that have protected instead of those that served his sworn enemy.
Zura…
His reminiscing comes to an abrupt end when Hijikata buries both hands on his hair, lit cigarette too close for comfort, ashes falling onto his bandages and hair.
Hijikata jerks his hips forward hitting the back of his throat and spills warm inside his mouth. He comes with a hard cry closing his eyes tightly as if his mind is elsewhere.
Didn't take much effort either, Katsura makes an accurate assumption that this is both their first time doing something of sexual nature since Gintoki.
Katsura takes a step back and opens his mouth for air. There is cum dribbling down to his chin, he spits any excess and wipes himself with his sleeve before standing up as Hijikata dresses himself back up.
Katsura clears his throat before speaking;
“Well I supposed that’s all for tod-” His words are interrupted as Hijikata grabs his wrist tightly and brings their faces closer.
“What? Are you not going to ask for the favor back?” He spits as if upset Katsura had the nerve of wanting to leave.
“Im not interested in your mouth, Hijikata-dono” He tries to pull his arm back but Hijikata’s stronger.
“I dont care, I wont owe you any debts”
“Consider it a gift” Katsura says as he gently tilts his head up imposing authority.
“You do not have the last word here” Hijikata argues, grabbing Katsura by his shoulders, turning him around and pushing him against an old sink fitting of the abandoned warehouse currently serving as base.
Facing forward while Hijikata presses his chest against Katsura’s back, Hijikata sneaks a hand to grab his face while the other hurriedly runs down to untie his obi. He presses his tongue against Katsura’s ear as he finally manages to take Katsura’s neglected cock in hand.
One of Katsura’s hands finds itself grabbing the edge of the sink for balance while the other covers his own mouth. Feeling his cheeks grow warm as if overwhelmed by his feelings, as if he hadn't just sucked dick a minute ago.
Hijikata lets go of his face and grabs his neck instead, firm but not constricting.
Thumb teasing his wet slit makes him gasp in surprise as he feels this rounding the head further coating it, moving his hand lower he starts stroking Katsura. Twisting his wrist a particular way that he has no other choice to uncover his mouth and use both hands to grip at the sink.
Embarrassing moans leaving his mouth as Hijikata’s pumps quicken. Katsura can tell he has experience. He wonders if there were other men before Gintoki in Hijikata’s life. There certainly were others before Gintoki for him.
Not the most shameful thing Katsura has done today but he definitely didn't expect to be there on such a beautiful day. Standing in an old warehouse, in his hair a mixture of cum, blood and cigarette ashes while getting jerked off by his enemy.
Katsura thinks this isn't a good idea, in fact he knows it isn't and even though this ordeal hasn't ended he finds himself hoping there is a next time. It’s the first time he has felt alive in a long time.
Feeling the heat pooling in his stomach he spills all over Hijikata’s hand, he can't really contain himself anymore.
“Gintoki”