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Dess Holiday never considered herself to be the festive type. Despite the fact that she grew up with a festive name and house, though, that’s probably part of the reason she wasn’t extremely festive.
However, the same could not be said for her brother Nick, who would remind her that it was Christmas day every single year the same way, by running into her room and shouting “Merry Christmas!” and proceeding to drag her to the kitchen to make hot chocolate together. Nick would always treat other holidays such as new years eve with a similar vigor as well.
Yet, she never understood why Nick just started to become less and less excited for his birthday as time went on. At first she assumed that was because it was just a couple days after Christmas, and all of the holiday cheer had worn him out, but then why would it return so quickly for new years? On his 10th birthday she decided to observe his reactions and determine what exactly didn’t sit well with him. At the end of the day she had a slight inkling.
Nick seemed to wince at the giant banner hanging in the kitchen, and Dess noticed that he was staring directly at his name. Later on, when he received his gifts, he seemed unenthused by the quality clothes given to him. Including one Designer Tween Boy Jacket that everyone was sure he would love, he stared at it for a few seconds, before donning a light smile that seemed to convince his parents the gift was well chosen, but Dess knew to look for the pain hidden behind her siblings eyes. Finally the last thing she noticed that didn’t sit right with Nick was something her dad would say whenever he tried to hide for the day: “Hey son! Don’t forget to have a good time, its all about the birthday boy!” Dess was desperately trying to figure out how she could get him to enjoy his birthday the way he made her enjoy Christmas, to bring some of that love back.
She thought back to all of the events that Nick seemed not to enjoy and tried to find a missing link between them, until she found something she didn’t quite understand. Nick didn’t seem to like anything calling them a boy. Dess remembers a conversation that Asriel and herself had a month or two after Kris came out as nonbinary. She had never really thought about gender roles in detail before that time, and while she still considered herself cis, she started wearing boys clothing, and doing activities that were considered ‘boyish’, and it just became second nature to her, so she stopped thinking about it. She never considered that Nick might have had internal questions that they weren’t able to solve as easily as she did.
The night was slowly coming to an end. The family had watched a movie together and their parents went off to bed, leaving Dess in charge of ensuring that she and Nick go to bed at a reasonable time. The older sister had an idea, and she turned to face her sibling.
“Hey, are you down to talk a little bit before bed? Maybe play some Mario Kart or something in my room too?”
“Yeah, sure, sounds fun I guess.”
Dess quickly led the way to her room, where she already had everything set up. She picked the green dinosaur as her racer, and she saw Nick hover over the Princess for a good minute before slowly moving over to the red plumber instead. Dess decided to intervene.
“Hey, you can pick anyone you want you know, I won’t judge.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah of course.” Dess found herself not able to say her siblings name to them, and she was starting to get nervous. Maybe she was reading into things, and if she was right, she had no clue what the next steps would be.
The two continued to play a couple rounds until Dess decided to pause right before the final round, partially because she couldn’t concentrate anymore, and partially because she wanted to leave plenty of time left in the night in case her sibling had a lot to get off their chest.
“Hey so, I’ve noticed that you aren’t the biggest fan of your birthday.”
The younger deer looked away.
“It’s ok I guess, getting gifts and spending time with you, mom, and dad is nice but, something feels off, and I don’t know what.”
“Does your name have something to do with it, maybe?”
A look of fear was painted on the face of the younger sibling. “I don’t think so! I mean Mom helped pick that name so I should just accept it…”
“Let’s forget about Mom and Dad for a second, and just focus on you, would you have chosen the name?”
“No…” The voice was barely above a whisper. Dess was 90% certain of what was going on now, she figured she might as well keep going.
“Why do you think that Nic- um, why do you think that’s not the name for you.”
“It’s too boyish.” Again, if it wasn’t for the lack of noise in the house, Dess would not be able to hear them.
“Would you like to try some other names, ones less boyish? Maybe in the Middle?”
“Some… girlish ones too?”
Dess beamed. “Yeah of course, give me a sec, I have a list somewhere.” Dess scrambled through her desk until she found an old assignment she had to do for school about Family. She had written down a list of potential future Holiday members to show everyone how festive the family was. She selected three from the list to read to her sibling.
“Alright, I have some to try, are you ready?” She received a nod in response.
“Gingerbread.” No reaction.
“Winter.” A head tilt with consideration but hesitance.
“Noelle.” Their siblings eyes lit up brighter than all of those Christmas mornings, Dess had to stop herself from crying.
“Yeah, Noelle, I really like that name, could you use it again?”
Dess took a deep breath, she had read a little bit about what to do if you have a trans family member, but she still worried, about her mother’s reaction, hometown’s reaction, and the sheer amount of work that would follow, but Dess knew if she could see that radiant smile on her siblings face again it would all be worth it.
“Noelle, do you want to be my sister?”
Tears started to flow out of Noelle’s eyes as they processed the words Dess had just uttered, as well as the whole conversation so far. They had done their best to avoid thinking about gender because it made them uncomfortable, but every year, all eyes were on them, and they would receive clothes that would remind them of gifts their sister and friends received that they would much rather receive instead, such as a skirt or makeup. They started to piece everything together, and looked up at Dess with determination.
“Yes, more than anything, it would be the best birthday gift!” She happily exclaimed.
Dess pulled her into a hug.
“Well good news Noelle, you already are.”
Both sisters shed tears of acceptance and love, and embraced each other in the warmest hug either had experienced. They enjoyed each others company a little longer until Dess had to send Noelle to bed for the night, promising she’d help her with anything that came next.
4 years later:
Noelle woke up on Christmas day with a much slower pace than her child days, but she was still festive. She walked down to the Kitchen and made four cups of hot chocolate, putting two of them in a thermos and the other two in matching mugs. She left the Thermoses by the entrance as she walked up to Dess’s room.
The room had been kept the same for years. Noelle only stepped into the room twice a year, and Christmas was the first of those two visits. She placed one of the mugs on her sisters nightstand, and sat down on her bed to drink the other one. She opened the window and observed the snow and people passing by, it was oddly calming. She finished her drink and started to leave the room to go deliver the remaining two to her parents. She stopped just before closing the door.
“Merry Christmas Dess.”
Two days later, Noelle had her birthday, and she again had the same festive cheer from Christmas, especially when she received a pretty new top and skirt combo from her family. She spent the whole day celebrating with her family, and she ended the night by going to her sisters room with a handwritten letter, she had a spot on Dess’s desk where she had been leaving them each year.
Dear Dess,
My birthday was even more fun than last years. I got a really cute new skirt that I kind of want to wear everyday, good thing my family bought me a few pairs of it Fahaha. I’m also getting really good at baking, Mom let me make my own cake this year, and it was delicious, I hope you can try it one year.
Love you,
Noelle
The young deer once again made her way out of the room, but stopping just short of closing the door.
“Good Night Sis”