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To be or not to be, that was never a question for Gao Tu. His mother begged the secret into him. His father baked the fear into him. And Shen Wenlang—well, he couldn't be Gao Tu's white knight, not so much.
And for ten whole years, Gao Tu was fine with that. He could suppress his wants, his needs, his very self. Mostly. Adequately. Enough.
Until that night. Until his very self burst into being like a siren blaring: I'm here. Omega, Omega, Omega!
And apparently also: take me.
Gao Tu's cheeks flushed as fragments of that night crawled back like smoke, rendering him breathless. Shen Wenlang was here, and also here, and there, there, there.
Gao Tu bit his lips and recalled the rugged sighs that shuddered out of Wenlang's mouth. Those were kisses but only just in the shape of them, the bite and the slide. They were mostly Wenlang's desperation to smother his moans. Because Wenlang didn't want it, didn't want him, couldn't. Not as an Omega. Never.
Gao Tu's hand shook as he looked at his photo again, the one Hua Yong sent him from that night. Or, well, that morning after. He looked dazed, barely steady. His hair-! Not to mention the state of his shirt collar. But at least his face was obscured. Not that Wenlang couldn't make out who it was if he saw. Wenlang would know by his jacket alone. Wenlang helped him pick out that jacket.
Gao Tu gulped. Hua Yong won't tell. Probably. Secretary Hua was really so strange. Gao Tu didn't know how he could have Wenlang in the palm of his hands like that and not care a wisp. Didn't he know he was the only exception for Wenlang? The only Omega Wenlang let stay, knowingly, in his orbit?
Jealousy flared hot in his stomach, and Gao Tu hated it. Secretary Hua was sick and here he was, being petty. He pushed his phone into his pocket and took a long inhale. And almost choked.
Irises. Wenlang—he was everywhere. Gao Tu couldn't escape him if he tried (not that he tried very hard). In fact, everything inside him wanted to confess. Hey, found your Omega. Oh, would you look at that silhouette. Wonder who that could be? Wenlang, I've loved you for ten long years. I'm sorry.
But Shen Wenlang threatened murder. Not that Gao Tu believed it would be actual murder. But it would be as good as. It would be contempt. It would be hurt. It would be banishment. Gao Tu's heart squeezed. None of the multiple choices worked for him. None of the above.
And tomorrow he had to go back to work. He had to see Wenlang again and smell him and want him and not have him. Same as it ever was. Only, now he would know what it was like to have Wenlang's arms around him, to have Wenlang's weight on top of him, to have Wenlang's lips and teeth and those desperate moans that almost sounded like his name, the broken tips of them: "Ga—" and "T—hah."
Or maybe he was delusional. Shen Wenlang was visiting his one and only Omega Hua Yong. Who was Gao Tu but an afterthought?
Still—Wenlang did say he wanted to see him, didn't he? Even if it was a mistake. Gao Tu looked to the sky and started the long walk home. After all, he had to get ready for tomorrow, for the next time Shen Wenlang asked about that Omega, about that photo, about the state of his investigation.
To be or not to be, Gao Tu contemplated it now. Would it do to be known? Would he survive?