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SO Stiles is Lena cuz they both bad bitches. Derek is Ethan but without all the nice cute patooti shit. Isaac is Link cuz of reasons. Erica is ridley because they both bad bitches. Stiles’s mom isn’t that evil ho, I can’t remember her name because she doesn’t exist in my head! SARAFINE I THINK. THAT’S KATE CUZ I DON’T LIKE HER. I’m pretty sure she possessed his real momma and she like used his dad. OH WELL. His dad is alive, pretty much the uncle but like he doesn’t die because NO ONE DIES NOPE I’M NOT LISTENING. STOP
THE hELl with the rest of the characters. For now
So STILES MOVE IN
DEREK IS ALL LIKE WHOA THAT BITCH IS FINE
MUST HAVE IT
THEN everyone is like SATANIST
OMG NO!
Stiles is like I SO SAD
WHY YOU JUDGE MEH
Judgmental lies
Judgmental thighs
Ugly ass guys
BUT ANYWAYS
HE BLOWS UP DA WINDOWS AND DEREK IS LIKE DAYMN THIS HO HAS PROBLEMS
But I still want dat ass
He like ‘r u ok?”
Stiles is like ‘Bitch I blew out da windo what do u think?’
Isaac is like yo Derek leave him alone
Dearbear like Y I DO WHAT I WANT
Isaac is like, did u forget /SATANIST/
Derek is like I DON’T CARE DO U SEE THOSE LUSCIOUS LIPS AND THAT PERKY ASS
Isaac is like whatever man when u gets gonorrhea not my problem.
Stiles is like IM STD FREE U ASSHAT GTFO
DEREK IS LIKE B WIT MEH
STILES IS LIKE *LOUD ASS MOTHERFUCKING SIGH* NO BOY IMMA BE CLAIMED IN 10 DAYS OR whateva
DEREK IS LIKE, I’LL SHOW U HOW TO BE CLAIMED
Then he starts furiously twerking
Isaac starts crying and holding himself in fetal position because he never wanted to see Derek do that with his body
ever
SWOON
AT SCHOOL DEREK’S EX, AKA JACKSON, SAYS UR GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL
AND HE’S LIKE
NO, I’m gonna stop in New York first.
HOT DAYM SHIT IS INSTENSE
THEN KATE IS SNEEKING INTO LINK/ISAACS MOTHER AKA LYDIA. IdK I did it. Shut up.
MEANWHILE
ERICA COME UP TO DEREK AT GYM OR TRACK OR SOME SHIT AND KISSES HIM.*GASP* DEREK THEN THROWS HER ACROSS THE FIELD AND INTO THE SCHOOL’S BRICK WALL.
HE WIPES HIS MOUTH LIKE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER
AND IS LIKE BITCH
NO
U IS BE GROSS AS HELL
I also have a boyfriend
SHES LIKE
IM EVERYBODYS TYPE b/c she becomes Jackson apparently
HE’S LIKE NOT MY TYPE cuz he formed into danny I guess
BUT WAIT THEIRS MORE
DEATON IS THAT LYBRARIAN LADY
YEAH
CLAIMING DAY
KATE IS LIKE JOIN ME STILES MY SON
STILES IS LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH
KATE IS LIKE JOIN ME MY BOO
STILES IS LIKE, no /seriously/ who is she/IDEK U
THEN BOOB DEREK STABBS KATE
THEN KILLS LYDIA
BUT SHE COMES BACK TO LIFE
THEN STILES IS BOUT TO BE CLAIMED
moon man walks down to earth and he’s peter in this fic, so deal with it.
THEN DEREK SLITS HIS THROAT AND IS LIKE HIS ASS IS ALL MINE
WHO DA ALPHA NOW.
MOTHERFUCKING DEREK THAT’S WHO
THEN HE STARTS licking stiles’s face and everyone leaves cuz no one wants to see that shit.
Cept Erica
Who stays and watches from the bushes
GENERIC HAPPY ENDING
THE END