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Something was wrong with Ahsoka. That much Anakin could see.
What it was though, he had no clue. He could see that she has been struggling a lot lately and seemingly tired of life in a way she never has been before.
He wasn’t the only one who noticed either. Rex had come to him one day explaining that not only him- but the rest of the 501st battalion had noticed an unhealthy change in Ahsoka. That something wasn’t right with her and it was starting to become dangerous for her.
~If only they had really known the extent of it all~
— — — — —
Anakin had come back to his and Ahsoka’s shared apartment hoping to find her there.
When he entered he did not see her- yet he could feel her presence there- so he knew she was in the apartment somewhere.
As he knocked on her door, he waited for a response but didn’t get one. So he put in the override code and walked in to find her asleep.
He tucked the blanket around her tighter and moved to leave the room.However, something flashing on her desk caught his attention.
Her personal datapad. Her diary in reality.
He shouldn’t open it. He knows this. Yet as he sees it open and unlocked he can’t help himself- maybe this will give him insight to what is going on.
— — — — —
Anakin sat frozen with the diary open in his hands, eyes dragging over the shaky scrawl of words that carved deeper into him with every line.
“I don’t know why I do it. I think maybe I hate myself.”
His throat tightened, and still he read on, helpless against the raw honesty bleeding through the ink.
She wrote of standing on rooftops, as close to the edge as she could get.
Of hurting herself and pretending its an accident.
Of starving herself.
Of dreaming of parents she never had.
She wrote of wishing he were her father, of sneaking into the meditation gardens at night just to cry where no one could see.
By the time his gaze reached the bottom of the page, his chest ached with a pain he could barely contain. He closed his eyes, clutching the fragile little book like it might break apart in his grip.
His sweet little Ahsoka, who was still only fourteen, was hurting so badly that she resorted to self harm and starvation.
And then, from behind him, a sound so soft he thought he imagined it. He turned, heart lurching, and saw her shifting in her sleep, small and trembling. Lips parting to whisper one word that cut through him sharper than any blade.
“Daddy.” She whimpered.
And with that, his heart broke all over again.
— — — — —
The next day he woke up bright and early, long before his padawan was up. The first thing he set to do was to go to the Jedi council.
As he walked into the morning meeting they were having, silence fell upon the group.
“Something to say, you have?” Yoda said “Urgent I sense, this is.”
“Yes Master,” Anakin said whilst bowing before the elders. “I am requesting that my padawan Ahsoka Tano be formally taken off the front lines for quite some time and be taken to a mind healer for psychological healing.”
A curious air was present in the room.
“Is everything alright with Ahsoka? It is quite unusual for you to request time off for my grand-padawan” Obi-wan said, worry coloring his voice.
“I’ve discovered some… destructive changed in her that need to be addressed.” He said, “I do not want to say too much out of respect for her privacy, but her behavior has become extremely self-destructive.”
As Anakin ended his sentence, the council put the pieces together in a mournful silence for the once bright and energetic girl.
Master Plo stood, and walked closer to Anakin.
“We as the council, grant little Soka the time off she needs. We understand and are here to help the two of you as your elders if needed.”
“Thank you Masters.” Anakin said, relief coating his words.
— — — — —
Next, Anakin went to the barracks to visit his battalion.
He entered and saw Rex, playing sabacc with his brothers.
“Rex” He called, “Can I talk to you for a second”
“Yes sir,” Rex answered- with a grin to his brothers for trying to get him to leave his cards so they could cheat. “Is everything alright General?”
At first Anakin could only answer with a horrified silence. “No its not, Ahsoka isn’t okay and for now we are on leave, not on the front lines until further notice.”
“What’s wrong with vod’ika?” Rex questioned, worry lines visible on his face.
“To keep it short until she decides to tell you, she is dealing with an intense mental health crisis.” Anakin answered. “For now that is all I will say, please break this gently to the rest of the men and explain they cannot ask or pester her with questions because they are worried.”
“Understood sir.”... “Permission to speak freely?”
“Always Rex” Anakin responded with a slight curious lit to his words.
“Commander Tano is our vod’ika, we would do anything for her. So when she is ready, the men will be there to help and support her.”
Anakin smiled, a grim, sad sort of smile. “Thank you, Captain. I will let you know when visitors are welcome.”
As Anakin left the barracks, his heart jumped to his throat. Now it was time to find Ahsoka, and tell her that he knew of her struggles.
— — — — —
Using their bond, he found her in the training room. As he walked up, he took the time to observe her.
She was running through forms, sweating and shaking. Clearly too skinny to be healthy, with dark circles under eyes.
He doesn’t understand how he hadn’t noticed these details before. He knew she was good at hiding things, but he was her Master. Her father in everything but blood. He should have figured this out faster.
“Ahsoka!” he called, getting her attention.
“Oh, hey Master! Goodmorning!” She said in what was now a obviously fake cheery tone.
Ahsoka had no idea what he had seen in her room. Had no clue his heart and soul was hurting for her.
She hadn’t slept well and was a little disappointed when her Master wasn’t in their rooms when she awoke, but decided not to worry about it because she figured he was with Padme.
However, as she looked at him now, she could tell something was wrong and started worrying about him.
Is he hurt? Is Padme? Obi-wan?
He had no idea about her self-harm or eating habits, so there is no way he is worried about her.
“Ahsoka? Hey!”
As Ahsoka snapped out of her thoughts, she realized her Master has been trying to get her attention.
“Oh sorry Master. Is everything alright?”
“I need you to come with me Snips, back to our rooms please.” He said. “We need to discuss something”
“Yes Master” Ahsoka said, “Ill get cleaned up quickly so then we can talk.”
— — — — —
Anakin sat on the sofa while Ahsoka was in the fresher cleaning up, debating how he should bring this conversation up.
He decided to go grab the datapad he had found and figured that would be the best way to introduce the conversation.
— — — — —
Ahsoka came out to the main room, ready to see what Anakin was worried about when she sees a datapad on the table.
Not just any datapad.
Her personal one, with every shameful secret she was hiding from him and the 501st.
“Where did you get that” She demanded.
“Snips” Anakin started, “I’m sorry for reading this, but I know about everything. The self harm. The suicidal thoughts. The standing on the roof. The not eating. Everything.”
As she heard what he said, the world starting spinning. She suddenly couldn’t breathe. It hurt too bad. She was crying. Shaking. Wishing that the world would just swallow her up.
He knew.
He knew every shameful thought of hers. Including calling him her dad in the pages.
Anakin slowly got up and walked to the girl he would do anything for.
She expected him to yell at her, and tell her that was not the jedi way.
Instead, he hugged her.
He hugged her and that was when she started fighting.
Fighting against his grip trying to escape and run away from it all. Trying get away from her thoughts and his unconditional love.
She didn’t think she deserved it.
She was disgusting. Revolting.
She was spiraling and she couldn’t stop.
“Snips” His voice cut through. “Im here, baby girl. You mean everything to me and I won’t let you continue doing this to yourself.”
And with that, the world paused and all that was happening was a father supporting his daughter.
— — — — —
Once she started to calm down, Anakin brought them to the couch.
Still holding her close, wanting to keep her safe and remind himself that she was still here.
“I need you to talk to me Snips. When did this start and what brought you to do this to yourself?”
“It’s nothing” She whispered. “Not important enough for you to worry about”
“Ahsoka. You are my daughter. In everything but blood. You said so yourself that Im your dad. So when you are hurting yourself, its a big deal.”
— — — — —
She didn’t remember a time before she was a warrior. Childhood wasn’t something she’d been given so much as something quietly stripped from her — traded for robes, discipline, and lightsaber drills before she even understood what war meant. The Jedi called it peacekeeping. She knew better now.
From the moment she held her first training saber, she had been taught that her worth was tied to what she could do — not who she was. Execute orders. Protect the Republic. Lead troops. Be calm. Be strong. Be selfless. It was all she had ever known. And when she did it well, she was praised. When she hesitated — when she let her feelings in — people died.
She didn't know how to live without a mission. Without armor. Without someone to protect. Every breath felt unearned. Every quiet moment, undeserved. The silence wasn’t peace. It was a void that made her skin crawl. And in that silence, she turned inward — and found only a gnawing, insistent voice that said: You are nothing now.
Food became a strange thing. She controlled it not out of vanity, but out of desperation. Some days she wouldn’t eat for hours simply to feel the ache — because at least that was real. At least that was something she could choose. Hunger became a measure of discipline. A punishment. A silent protest against the self she hated becoming.
And still, she kept her face calm. Jedi don’t feel fear. Jedi don’t feel pain. Jedi don’t need comfort.
The code had been burned into her bones.
She had learned to make the cuts where no one would see — not always with a blade, but in the way she threw herself into training until her limbs gave out. In the way she never let herself rest. Because to feel was to fracture.
And if she fractured, there would be nothing left.
She was weak and she knew it.
— — — — —
As Anakin listened, heard what brought her to cause herself so much hurt- his soul began to wilt in sorrow.
His little girl, was feeling so much, and he didn’t know the full extent of it until now.
He gathered his resolve and told her under no circumstances was she allowed to continue with this self destruction. And if she slipped up, then she had her brothers to help her.
— — — — —
It was a couple more hours of sitting there and cuddling before they got up.
Obi-wan was coming over and Ahsoka knew she had to explain at least a little.
So they pulled themselves together and waiting for their loving Master.
— — — — —
Once he got there, Anakin began his part of the story explaining what he found.
He explained finding out about this and working to get her the help she needed.
When it became Ahsoka's turn, she told Obi-wan the same thing she told to Anakin. How this was about control and the only way she thought she could survive without breaking.
When she finished talking, Obi-wan got up and embraced her.
“Oh dear one. I am so sorry for everything that has happened and any part the council has caused in this.” He said. “You my grand-padawan, deserve the world and you have the support of not only I, but my battalion as well.”
He used the bond between that they technically shouldn’t have to push feelings of warmth, love, and safety to her. Along with the words ~you are not alone~
And with that, she drifted off to sleep feeling loved and safe for the first time in so long.
— — — — —
It was 0200 at night when she was awoken by movement.
As she turns to look who it is, Rex, Jesse, Fives, Echo, Tup, Kix and Hardcase are curled up next to her with Anakin giving them all blankets.
Her brothers came. She needed them and they came for her.
He noticed she was awake and scooted in next to her- dragging her so she was cuddling with him- and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
“Go back to sleep Snips. I’m here and we all love you”
“Thank you daddy, I love you all as well.” She said with a watery smile.
She once again drifted, this time feeling the warmth from her dad and big brothers who would burn the world just for her.