Chapter Text
The ringing of someone’s phone is what finally jostled Buck awake. He screwed his eyes shut tightly, willing the noise to just go away, but it persisted. After a full minute the noise finally stopped, but the room felt like it was spinning anyways and Buck knew he wouldn't fall back asleep. Stupid hangovers. The relief from the noise was short lived, and soon came back with a vengeance, searing into Buck’s brain through his rattling skull.
“Shut up!” Someone groaned from the other side of the bed, probably River or Lucas. It took another moment for Buck to realize the sound was so piercing because his phone was directly beside his head. He peeled a sticky eye open and swiped at the screen, finally answering and putting it on speaker.
“Go for Buck,” he cringed at how gravelly his voice was as it crawled up his throat.
“Is this Evan Buckley?” A clipped tone responded, which finally made him look up. Not many people who had his number knew his full name, other than superiors or whatever, but he had their numbers saved already.
“Yeah I am,” he sat up, bracing his hand against his forehead, “I’m sorry, who is this?”
“My name is Olivia Drew, I’m a social worker for the state of Louisiana… Are you somewhere private Mr. Buckley?” Buck looked down at three of his teammates who were just waking up or still passed out around the floor.
“Uh yeah, give me one second,” he crept his way to the hotel balcony, quietly sliding the door shut behind him before turning back to his phone. The late morning sun wasn’t doing anything good for his headache, but currently he was preoccupied with the strange feeling of uncertainty crawling over his skin, “Alright, go ahead.”
Olivia gives a soft, almost sad sigh before continuing, “Do you know a woman by the name of Victoria Johnson?”
“Uh,” The name scratched the back of Buck’s brain, but nobody immediately came to mind.
“I believe she went by Vicky? She’s from Leesville, Louisiana.” And suddenly Buck remembers. Vicky J. Wild red hair, a scratchy laugh, freckles splashed across her face. Buck and her had been “friends” for a while when he was stationed for training in Leesville. Never quite dating, but definitely more than a hookup.
Buck scratched his head, “Oh. Yeah- I mean- I haven’t seen her in over a year though,” he really hoped this wasn’t like a missing persons case or something, but she’d said social services…
“Oh,” The woman stumbles momentarily, “Mr Buckley, I have documentation here saying that you’re the father of her child, do you know anything about that?”
The world felt as though it was beginning to spin under his feet.
Father of her child?
“No! No, I don’t know anything about that!” He was trying to keep his voice quiet, he really was, but what was happening? Dan, one of the poor souls he must have woken with his ringer and now his shouting, opened the sliding door and gave him an are you okay look. Buck waved him off for now, unable to handle facing his team before he knew what was actually happening.
“I’m so sorry for you to find out this way Mr Buckley, but Ms Johnson has passed away and the court is offering you full custody as she has no other family.” Full custody of a child he didn’t even know he had? His heart clenched painfully at the thought of Vicky being gone. They hadn’t stayed in touch or anything, but in the moment he had really really liked her, felt like she’d been one of the first people in a long time to really see him.
Buck choked, “How- I don’t… How did she pass away?”
“She and Evelyn were involved in a car accident. We’re still currently treating Evelyn and we’d like to encourage you to make your way to the hospital as soon as possible.” Olivia’s steady voice almost made him angry, how could she be this calm?
“Evelyn?” He asked, unable to recognize that name from anywhere.
“Your daughter, Mr Buckley.”
Oh.
“My daughter…” Buck sucked in a deep breath that stuttered in his chest, “I’m sorry I’m just trying to process this… Uhm, how old is she?”
“She’s four months old, and I can see here that you haven’t signed the birth certificate, so we’ll run a DNA test when you get here just to be sure.” She assures, “But Ms Johnson has you written into her will as guardian and father…”
“Okay, yes- I’m- I’m gonna need to get a flight there, I just got back from- I’m in the SEALS, I don’t know if I can just leave but- How long do I have to get there?” Buck thinks, for just a moment, that he should get a pat on the back for how quickly his brain is shaking off this hangover, because his mind is already formulating a plan for his next steps.
“I would talk to your commanding officer and explain your situation. I’m assigned to Evelyn’s case right now, so depending on your time frame I’ll either stay with her in the hospital or get her situated into temporary foster care.” She explains calmly, “I know this is a lot to take in.”
“Yeah uhm,” Buck swallowed, “I’ll go find my officer now, can I call you back after I figure out what to do?”
“Absolutely. I’m a call or text away,” She assures again, “Take a breath Mr Buckley, this is a lot of information to be given. I can call you back tonight if I haven’t heard anything as well.”
Buck nodded his head vigorously before remembering the woman couldn’t see him, “Yeah that sounds good, thank you.” He said his goodbyes and hung up, letting his phone chatter to the floor as he buried his head in his hands. He couldn’t and wouldn’t let himself fall apart though, he had too much to get done.
First things first he had to face the room of teammates who, when he turned his head to glance, were all upright and very unsubtly looking at him through the window. When he finally makes himself walk through the door, all their hushed conversations go silent and they stare at Buck expectantly.
“Well?” River prompts from his spot on the floor.
“Do you guys remember Vicky?” Buck asks, scrubbing a hand over his face.
“Is that the hot red head you were fucking in Louisiana?” Leave it to Dan to have zero tact at all. Ever.
Buck sighed, “Yeah well apparently she just died.” His voice was definitely sharper than he meant it to be because Dan muttered an apology.
The boys continue to watch him with confusion as he starts packing up his few meager belongings into his duffle bag, “Okayy,” Lucas draws out, “That really sucks, but why are you packing up so quick? You know they probably aren’t gonna give you time off for an ex-situationships funeral.”
“Yeah well, she also apparently gave birth to my daughter that she never told me about,” He doesn’t look up at his friends' silent and shocked faces, instead focusing on pulling on his uniform. A uniform because he doesn’t have much else to wear right now and he wants to look somewhat presentable, “And now I’ve gotta get down there and claim custody or whatever before they put her into foster care.”
Nobody said a word. Instead, they watched with bated breath as he called their LPO to ask for an urgent meeting, as he went to the bathroom to wash his face, and as he laced up his boots to run out the door.
“Evan, hang on,” Dan leapt up just as Buck was reaching for the door. It was a rare occurrence that they used Buck’s full name, and it almost brought tears to his eyes, but he couldn’t afford that just yet. Dan, who’d become Buck’s best friend over the past two years, enveloped him in a hug so tight that it felt like good-bye. Buck squeezed his eyes shut for a moment but refused to let the severity of the situation wash over him. He couldn’t yet think about just how life altering this news was. Maybe he’d start thinking about it when there was a baby in front of him, but that was a big maybe.
“We’ll see you soon, yeah?” Dan choked, stepping back to give the other two a chance to hug their friend good-bye.
“Totally,” Buck sniffed and finally opened the door once everyone had given him a hug and firm squeeze on the shoulder. His mind was on auto pilot as he left the hotel and took an Uber to his LPO’s office. Once he got there and explained his situation, words like Dependency and Hardship and Discharge were tossed around. His LPO, a usually stern and strict man, was shockingly understanding of his situation. He too gave Buck a firm hug before sending him off on his way.
By the time he was on his way to the airport, all he knew was that his entire future depended on the DNA test between him and a baby girl he had yet to even meet.
•-☀︎-⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆- ☀︎-•
“You’re beautiful y’know,” Vicky said as she rested her chin on Buck’s bare chest. He huffed a laugh, tracing slow circles on her naked back, between her shoulder blades. The sunlight coming in through the window caught on Vicky’s auburn hair, making it glow like a halo. She looked like a painting like this, or a Greek goddess, her bare breasts pressed against his skin and linen sheets tangled loosely around their legs. She was heavenly.
“Aw shucks,” He snickered, “Think I should quit and go into modeling or something?”
Vicky smacked his cheek lightly, teasingly, and laughed, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” She continued to gaze up at him with amber-brown eyes that were practically glowing in the morning sunshine, “But I mean… I think you’ve got a beautiful soul too.” And geez if that didn’t send a bolt of something straight to his heart. Buck hadn’t meant for things to get so serious between him and Vic, not that they were “serious” by any means, but he usually didn’t see someone for more than a night or two. But it’s been two months and Vicky was still there.
“No one’s ever said that before,” Buck says quietly and shifts his hand up into her fiery hair, “I don’t know if you’re right about that, but I feel like you kinda see the beauty in everyone’s soul, Vic.”
Pink blush crept along her cheeks and she grinned at him so brightly and genuinely that his chest stuttered, “Thanks, Bucky.” She pressed a kiss onto the skin of his chest, and another at the base of his neck.
Buck had been open with Vicky from the beginning that he couldn’t keep anything permanent. That his time in Louisiana was going to be short before he was sent overseas for missions he might not come back from, but that didn’t stop her from getting to know Buck. She still wanted to spend her time with him and kiss him softly, even though it was temporary. He’d never had that kind of affection before, but she had no problems with sharing it. Vicky was the type of girl to love everyone and love them all deeply.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Buck confesses in a whisper, “When I leave.”
“You can keep me in here,” She says tapping on the side of his head, “and in here,” she taps his chest. He smiles again, something he just can’t help doing around her. He cups a gentle hand around her jaw and tilts her mouth to his, kissing her slowly and deeply.
A week after that quiet morning, Buck was shipped off to Afghanistan. He never did see or hear from Vicky while he was there, but he thought of her every now and again, mostly when he saw something especially beautiful about another person's soul.
•-☀︎-⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆- ☀︎-•
Buck had let his body move itself and kept his mind blank for the entirety of his flight and uber drive, only coming to clarity once he was standing in front of the hospital. The brick and glass building loomed over him in a way that no hospital ever had before, and he’d been to a lot of hospitals in his life. He broke from his fearful trance and managed to make his way into the front doors, his fingers feeling vaguely numb.
“Can I help you sir?” A receptionist with thin glasses perched upon her nose looked up at Buck, clearly seeing his confusion.
“Yeah, I’m Evan Buckley,” He explained, “I’m here for my… Daughter.”
She nodded up at him and grabbed the phone beside her, “One moment please.” He tapped his fingers against the counter and took a glance around. The hospital was nothing special, all old tiles and uncomfortable furniture. The air carried a scent of disinfectant so strong that it stung his nose a bit, and he wondered briefly if the smell was bothering the baby. His baby. Evelyn.
“Mr Buckley?” A voice behind him called and he spun around, “Olivia Drew, we spoke on the phone earlier.” Olivia was a short woman with long black hair that was woven into a neat braid down her back. She looked very professional, but carried a sad smile on her tired face.
“Hi yes,” He shook her hand quickly, “Where is-” He started but snapped his jaw shut when Olivia held up her hand.
“I’m not trying to be unkind Mr Buckley, but I think it’d be best if we did the DNA test first,” She seemed to clock his tense shoulders and continued, “I’d hate for you to grow attached and us to be wrong about the parentage.”
Buck nodded slowly, “Yeah, that makes sense,” but the knot of anticipation only grew tighter in his chest, “How long does that take?”
“Usually it takes a couple days, but because of the situation they’re making it a priority and you should have a result in a couple hours.” Buck let himself be led to an examination room where they swabbed the inside of cheek quickly and released him back into the waiting room. He can’t seem to stop his leg from bouncing up and down, the uncertainty of the whole situation making him sweat profusely.
He’d give anything to call Maddie right now, desperate for his sister's advice or even just her voice, but her number had been discontinued about a year ago and he hadn’t found her new one. He used to send postcards to the hospital where she worked, because he really didn’t want Doug to get his stupid grubby hands on them, but his last one was sent back with a note saying she no longer worked there. The postcard telling his sister that he had enlisted in the Navy SEALS.
“I’m sorry, are you Buck?” A voice spoke suddenly from above him. A woman, probably around Buck’s age, with dark skin and many little braids that were tied up into a ponytail was standing before him, her eyes red and tired. Given the fact that she called him Buck and is wearing sweats, Buck’s inclined to believe she isn’t a nurse or doctor.
“Yeah,” He squinted, “I’m sorry, who are you?”
“I’m Lola, Vicky’s best friend,” She sits down in the chair beside him, studying his face intently, “I only recognized you cause she had a polaroid of you on her vanity.”
“Oh,” Buck breathes and swallows thickly, “I’m- I am so sorry for your loss.” Lola squeezes her eyes shut and a tear slips down her cheek that she quickly wipes away.
“Thank you,” She sighs, “And thank you for, y’know, showing up. I wasn’t sure if you would, or if you were even in the country.” Clearly Vic had talked about Buck to Lola a decent amount if she knew about him being gone, and if she saw the picture enough to recognize him.
“Can I ask you something?” He asked brokenly and Lola nodded, “Why didn’t she tell me? I could’ve- I would have- I dunno...” His hair was probably looking crazy with how often he was running his hand through it.
Lola heaved a deep sigh and seemed to mull his question over, “To be honest Buck, I don’t know why she didn’t tell you. I kept telling her to and I think she was going to eventually, but…” Her chin twitched like she was trying not to cry.
“I mean I know we weren’t like dating or anything but I thought, you know, that maybe there was some trust or something.” He said mournfully.
“She did trust you, but she… I think she was so caught up in the excitement of being pregnant, she kept coming up with excuses for not contacting you. Maybe she was afraid, maybe she was just being aloof,” Lola shrugged, “But she didn’t just not think of you.”
Buck scoffed, “It really feels that way.”
Lola nodded slowly, “I know. Trust me I know.” They sat in silence for a while longer and Buck turned his gaze to the wall.
What had Vic been thinking? She went through an entire pregnancy and four months of their baby's life and didn’t work up the nerve to at least let him know. She’d had over a year. A year that Buck had been gone for, literally fighting for his life, and he’d had a child at home the whole time. He’s suddenly sick with the thought of what would have happened if he had died overseas and Vicky had died here, leaving the baby all alone.
After a long fifteen minutes of silence, Lola spoke up from the spot she hadn’t moved from, “She named her after you. Evelyn. Said it sounded kinda like Evan.” That finally brings tears to Buck’s eyes that roll slowly down his face. No hitching sobs or blubbering wails, just a few hot tears leaving tracks down his face. Lola placed a firm hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry that this is all so messed up.”
He nodded his thanks and swallowed a few times before speaking up, “I’m assuming she had a crib and toys and all that… stuff…” His chest tightened, “Fuck, what am I doing? I don’t know anything about kids. Or parenting.”
“I’m by no means a mom or anything, but I’ve watched Vicky enough these past few months to give you some pointers, and I’m sure the nurses can help you too. And yeah, she has a whole bunch of stuff but I’ve already been by her house and packed most of it up in boxes.” Lola assured, “They’re in my car. I wasn’t sure if she was gonna go with you or into foster but I wanted her to have her stuff.”
Buck groaned, “I don’t even have a car here. It’s back on base in Virginia.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
•-☀︎-⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆- ☀︎-•
Evan Buckley is in fact Evelyn’s father.
Olivia shared the news to him with a bright smile on his face that he couldn’t really return. His anxiety spiked so sharply that he wonders distantly if he should be admitted for a heart attack, because that’s gotta be what’s happening inside his chest right now. The amount of sweat on his palms has to be bad for the baby, she might slip right out of his grip. He’ll probably wake her with how loud his heart is pounding, if she"s even sleeping in the first place.
All the fear that’s been coiling tight like a vice inside his chest and gut and mind suddenly eases the moment he sees her. A nurse is unclasping a little heart monitor from her wrist when they walk in, and she quickly steps back to give Buck some room. Evelyn is just a little head poking out of a swaddle, but she’s perfect. She’s got impossibly round cheeks, a perfect little button nose, and hair sticking up in every direction like she’d been electrocuted.
Evelyn.
There’s a tiny cut on her cheek that makes him physically sick, a reminder of the horrible accident she was in, but she’s sleeping peacefully nonetheless.
“Can I touch her?” He asks, glancing back at the nurse and Olivia.
“You can pick her up if you’d like! Just make sure to support her neck, like so,” The nurse helps Buck figure out the safest way to lift and hold her, and he feels something in his chest slide into place. Like a piece of his heart that he hadn’t known was missing is finally here, making him whole for the very first time. Evelyn coos a little bit and squirms, nestling her face against his shoulder.
When he looks up, Olivia has her phone pointed at him and the nurse excuses herself, wiping at her eyes, “First picture of you and Evelyn,” Olivia explains, flipping her phone to show him. It’s startling just how tiny Evelyn looks compared to him.
“I have so many questions,” He whispers, “but first, can you send me that?”
•-☀︎-⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆- ☀︎-•
Buck scratched his head, looking over the paperwork in front of him. Who knew gaining sole custody of a kid you didn’t know existed would be so much work. It was grueling and boring and stressful, but Olivia was beyond patient with him over the past few days. Buck couldn’t exactly leave the state before everything was finalized, so he’d been staying at a hotel, which wasn’t ideal for his bank account, but apparently Victoria had left her savings to Buck and Evelyn. It’s been a whole huge complicated mess, but Buck doesn’t care so long as he ends up with his daughter.
“This is our last form,” Olivia says, sliding it across the desk.
“Name change form? I- I wasn’t really planning on changing her name, I like Evelyn, and I know she’s young but that could confuse-” He started to get all rambly, something that isn’t uncommon for him, but more so in these past few days.
“I was thinking of her last name. You’re gonna find that a lot of things will be easier if you share a last name.” She explains softly.
“Oh,” Buck nods, “Yeah that makes sense…” He chews on his lip, “You said she doesn't have a middle name either, right?”
“Correct,” Olivia confirmed, smiling at Evelyn as she starts blowing spit bubbles from her place on Buck’s lap. She couldn’t sit up on her own, but she loved being propped on her dad’s lap, with one of his big hands supporting her tummy.
“What about, Evelyn Victoria Buckley?” He asked softly, “Something to connect her to her mom?”
Olivia looked choked up for a moment before nodding, “I think that’s beautiful.”
•-☀︎-⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆- ☀︎-•
“So you’re officially discharged and officially a dad?” Lola asks Buck over coffee. She’d been insistent on staying in touch while he was in town and after a late night of talking, she’d somehow convinced him that they should road trip together to get him to his car. All Buck had done was share his worries over flying with a baby (it could be stressful and was like flying in a pressurized petri dish) and Lola had immediately insisted. He’d been reluctant, thinking it was too much to ask of someone he’d just met, but she hadn’t backed down.
“Listen. You need to get there somehow and… And maybe I wanna spend more time with Evelyn before you go,” She’d started tearing up then and Buck had felt a heavy guilt, finally caving in.
“Offically honorably discharged, legally her father now,” He confirmed with a bright smile and unbuckled Evelyn from her seat to hold her again. He’d missed out on four whole months of holding, so he had to make up for it somehow, “And she’s officially, Evelyn Victoria Buckley.”
Buck jumped in his skin with how quickly Lola started crying, apologies already spilling from his mouth, but Lola shook her head, “No no, don’t apologize, I love her name.” She looked at him then, really staring into his eyes, “I can not thank you enough. For stepping up, and for loving her.”
“She’s easy to love, just like Vic,” He says quietly, pressing a kiss onto Evelyn’s fuzzy little head. She didn’t have much hair yet, but the hair that was there was a wispy strawberry blond.
“Uhg okay,” Lola shook her head, “Let’s stop being sappy and let’s hit the road.”
Buck wasn’t sure what his next move was, he didn’t exactly have any family he could easily turn to, but he was determined to make a beautiful life for his beautiful girl.