Chapter Text
At first, it was innocent.
Yeon Sieun that is. Seongje would never associate himself with that word. Thinking about it makes him laugh. Innocent, ha.
But Sieun is innocent. Or was.
He tried. He did. To never engage in Seongje's suggestive antics, determined to keep his loyalty to his prince charming, Ahn Suho.
Seongje had met Yeon Sieun through his step-brother, Suho. Seongje’s dad had recently remarried a woman who already had a son from her previous husband.
Ahn Suho who kept his father’s name.
Seongje isn’t thrilled to have a new brother but he’s not jumping off a cliff at the idea of having one either. He just didn’t care. It’s whatever.
Seongje isn’t desperate for a connection with Suho.
But Suho doesn’t seem to get the memo and still talks like they have known each other their whole lives. Bright smiles, loud laughs and a never ending session of him talking about literally anything.
Seongje just lets him and just tunes him out most of the time.
However, every now and then, a name gets mentioned, which makes Seongje’s ears perk up.
Yeon Sieun.
From the bits and pieces, and from the parts that Seongje paid attention to, Seongje can tell that Suho is in love. Singing in the shower. Ice cream dates. Flowers just because. Type of in love. It’s nauseating.
But Suho is in love.
In love or invested enough to bring Yeon Sieun home to meet the family.
Seongje had watched from the corner room, as his parents dotes and coos over Sieun, like a shiny new toy, telling him how pretty he is and how lucky Suho is that he managed to snag such a boy while Sieun ducks down his face in embarrassment.
When it was Seongje’s turn to meet him face to face, eyes landing on Sieun, Sieun’s landing on his.
Seongje plastered the most magnetic smile he could fake, offers a handshake and says, “Finally in the flesh.”
Sieun blinked at him, “Sorry?”
“Suho doesn’t shut up about you so I’m just happy I finally put a face to a name.”
Sieun’s ears go pink. Just a little. Turning to Suho with wide eyes, as wide as they can be, “You talk about me?”
Suho beams at him, emanating the same light that blinds Seongje. “How could I not?”
Seongje had to agree. How could he not?
Sieun meets Seongje’s eyes again.
It was just a split second. Blink and you’ll miss it but it was there.
Seongje doesn't have a name for it but Seongje did not miss it. The way the air shifted.
Seongje couldn’t help the smile curving on his lips, as he watches Sieun walk away with Suho, promising him a tour of their house.
From that moment on, Seongje wants to play, and Sieun as his prize.
Seongje finds the word, curious.
The second time Sieun comes over.
Seongje had just got out of the shower, skin damp, only a towel wrapped around his hips. Wet hair dripping, beads of water down his shoulders all the way to his chest.
That’s exactly how Sieun found him the moment Seongje had opened the door.
Sieun immediately went still.
And Seongje watched in marvel, Sieun immediately averted his gaze to the floor, but it did nothing to hide the deep, beet-red color blooming on his cheeks, as stumbles over himself nearly losing his balance.
Luckily, Seongje was there, extending an arm, not letting Sieun fall.
Sieun is staring up at him underneath his lashes, breathing shallow, way too afraid to make a sound, way too afraid to breathe. Like there’s something he doesn’t want shattering.
Whatever it was, Seongje breaks it instead.
“Suho isn’t home,” Seongje says, voice steady.
It’s as if Seongje’s voice had broken an illusion, Sieun quickly pulls away. It’s weird. Seongje already misses his warmth.
Sieun clears his throat, shaking himself off from the moment they shared, “I know, he told me to wait for him here.”
Seongje stared at him in silence. Sieun not meeting his eyes. “Come in then,” Seongje gestures inside, making way for Sieun to walk in.
Sieun hesitates, hands absentmindedly tightening on the strap of his backpack, “I think I’d rather just wait out here.”
Seongje rolls his eyes and wraps his fingers on Sieun’s delicate wrist, firmly pulling him all the way inside.
“Wait—”, Sieun tried to protest but the force Seongje used on him had him stumbling inside the house.
Door slammed shut behind Sieun, Seongje creeps closer, until Sieun’s back rests against the door.
Seongje is close—way too close to be innocent. Sieun flushes red, eyes darting everywhere while Seongje looms over him.
He’s so cute. Seongje tilts his head, eyes dancing over Sieun’s face, “You thirsty?”
Sieun shook his head vigorously. “No.”
Seongje steps away from Sieun space, and lets him breathe.
“Okay,” Seongje resigns, “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” As soon as Seongje turns around, he clenches his fist, trying to map out the warmth of Sieun’s skin against his.
That night, dinner was louder. There's the sound of cutlery and Suho's laughter whenever Sieun says something quietly in between them.
Sieun had stayed over, sitting side by side with Seongje's brother, knees pressed close together, fingers intertwined under the table.
Sieun doesn’t smile a lot, but his eyes are bright, watching Suho talk animatedly about his day, and his hand never leaves his.
Seongje stared at him the whole time.
When Sieun had bid his goodbyes, Seongje swears Sieun eyes linger at him, not much but enough.
And the warmth of his flesh and its memory burned into Seongje’s eyelids before he drifts off to sleep.
The third time Sieun sees Seongje, he is preoccupied with someone else.
Sieun found them in the hallway, the boy had just emerged from Suho’s room, probably there to sleep over, with him wearing Suho’s clothes.
And Seongje’s is wearing the marks of someone else, courtesy of his guest, Gyujin who had left blooming bruises all over his neck while they were still in their ride back to Seongje’s.
Seongje spares him a glance, their eyes meet, causing him to smile against Gyujin’s neck at the image of Sieun's face flushing hot like he was scalded. Embarrassed, shocked.
Sieun turns on his heel and runs back to Suho’s room, door slamming shut, echoing across the hall.
“Who’s that?” Gyujin asks, looking at the space where Sieun's body disappeared, mouth agape, breathless, while Seongje presses kisses on his neck.
Without missing a beat, Seongje responds, “The one I’m trying to replace.” The thought had Seongje subconsciously digging his fingers harder onto Gyujin’s hips.
"You got a type, huh?" Gyujin sighs under his weight, a hint of amusement playing in his voice, “What’s he doing here?”
“He’s my brother’s boyfriend.”
Gyujin gasps dramatically, before letting out a full-belly laugh, “I thought my life was a mess.”
Seongje chuckles at him, eyes playful, “Seongjun still being an asshole?
“Yep,” The last syllable ended with a pop, “What can I say?” Seongje slides his palms underneath Gyujin’s thighs, carrying him inside his room, “I have horrible taste in men.”
That night, Seongje fucked Gyujin hard, bed-creaking, walls-thumping and headboard-slamming kind of hard. Hard enough for his filthy moans to make its way to Suho’s room, where Sieun is.
And if it didn’t, Seongje had left the door slightly ajar, in case Sieun walks past his room, maybe the sounds Seongje is ripping off of Gyujin is enough for Sieun to know.
He wishes it was Sieun instead.
A few days later, fate brings them together again.
Seongje’s phone had lit up with a notification, Hyung, can you pick up Sieun from school? I have to extend my shift. Co-worker got the flu.
If Seongje is being honest, he only read the first part before his fingers had already found his car keys and drove to Sieun’s school.
He stood outside the school gates, earphones in place, a lollipop in his mouth, leaning against his car, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. He feels the curious glances being thrown at him, but he pays them no mind.
Seongje sees the footsteps moving closer and then, “What are you doing here?”
Sieun’s brows are drawn together, thoroughly puzzled that Seongje is standing outside his school.
“Suho sent me to pick you up,” Seongje shrugs, removing the wired earbuds, fingers unlocking the door with the key in his hand.
Sieun doesn’t move, doesn’t make a beeline for the passenger seat, and just stands on his ground. “I’ll just take the bus.”
“Don’t be rude, doll,” Seongje coos at him, condescending. “Your boyfriend’s brother came all the way here for you and you’re just going to ditch him? How are you going to marry into the family with an attitude like that?”
It came in an instant, like he’s been waiting for the right moment to say the words, “I’d rather be rude than be alone with you.”
Seongje’s skin prickles with heat, “You’re fucking adorable,” He grins, wild eyes underneath his glasses, focused on Sieun. “Are you scared?”
Sieun’s nostrils flared, eyes laser sharp, “What, pray tell, should I be scared about?”
Seongje shrugs, steps closer and bends down, just a little, to hold Sieun’s unwavering gaze in a closer proximity, “That I’m making you feel things you don’t want to feel.”
Sieun inhales, voice low and cutting, “I don’t feel anything for you.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Seongje says, amused, as if he’s on a secret that Sieun doesn’t know.
Seongje watches as Sieun forces himself to relax his shoulders, and wears a mask of indifference and formality, that pisses Seongje off, “I’m sorry you had to come here but I’d rather take the bus.”
His response got cut off when Sieun gave him a small bow, polite and distant before turning on his heel and walking away.
Seongje doesn’t chase after him, only watches Sieun until his silhouette disappears. He threw the lollipop away, and lit up a cigarette in between his lips. “Stubborn little thing,” Seongje exhales to himself.
Sieun comes over again, Seongje isn't around this time.
He should be relieved that Seongje isn't there to torment him. Looking at him like he knows something that Sieun doesn't.
Sieun doesn't care about the space where Seongje should be.
This is fine. Everything's fine.
When Suho corners him on the kitchen counter, lips on his, familiar, and akin to home. Sieun returns them with the same enthusiasm, one that should only be reserved for Suho.
Sieun closes his eyes. This is what he wants. Suho, that is.
Everything is fine.
Even when Suho gets on his knees and rips an orgasm out of him, someone else's name is threatening past his lips.
Everything is fine. Nothing is missing.
Sieun misses no one.
“Suho-yah, this is embarrassing.”
The bedroom door cracked open, Sieun’s small voice drifted through, stopping Seongje dead in his tracks, right there in the hall.
Expectedly, Suho responds, voice muffled— farther from the door than Sieun is but the awe in his voice is unmistakable. “No. Don’t be embarrassed, Sieun. You look amazing.”
Seongje swallows hard, bristling with the need to burst through the door and be let in on whatever show is Sieun putting up for Suho. For Suho and not for him. Not one breath, not a hair on Sieun's head is meant for Seongje, but there is no fiber in Seongje's wretched being cares.
Seongje continues to listen in, “Lace looks good on you," Suho praises, with all the right to do so. " I’m so lucky.”
Seongje’s legs nearly gave in, heart catching on his throat. Sieun is wearing lace?
Pulse hammering underneath his skin, Seongje found himself in a tightrope of envy and desire. Threatening to snap with every moment he stands in the truth of Sieun wearing lace, but not for him. Will never be for him. For someone else.
That same night, Sieun finds Seongje in the living room. Seongje is shirtless again, sprawled on the couch, naked chest illuminated by the dim lights.
“Are you allergic to wearing clothes?” Sieun asks quietly.
“First of all, this is my house," Seongje gestures to the air lazily. "I can wear whatever I want or none if I choose to." Mouth morphing into a grin, "And second of all, yes. I think I am. It really acts up bad when I’m around you. Will you kiss it better? You can start with my mouth."
Sieun looks at him, stunned, “You’re shameless.”
Seongje smirks at him, brows rising to his hairline, “I think that’s you, doll. Lace?”
“Shut up,” Sieun bites back, cheeks stained red.
“What color was it? I didn’t know you’d get down like that.”
“I said shut up. You can’t talk to me like that.”
Seongje licks his lips, eyeing Sieun's clothes like he wants to tear it off and see what's underneath, “Are you still wearing it? Would you let me see?”
“No," Sieun snaps at him, "and no.”
Seongje lets out a low rumble of a laugh, rising from the couch, taking slow, deliberate strides towards Sieun, “Shame. But you know what’s more shameful?"
Sieun backs up with every step that Seongje takes forward, until a wooden flower table digs into his back, leaving him nowhere else to go.
Seongje leans directly to his hear, dark and inhuman and whispers, "That you’re here and you’re still able to walk after you wore lace for him. If that were me…" Seongje's devilish eyes raked across Sieun's body with a heavy sigh, like it's taking everything in him not to go completely out of control, "I’ll be all over you all night, and you’ll have to be bedridden for days.”
Sieun looks up at him with sharp eyes, with all the intention to not let the heat between them affect him.
But the tremble in his voice was a dead giveaway, “Good thing," Sieun shot back, "It would never be you.”
Seongje eyed him like a spectacle, amused, “We’ll see about that.”
Sieun's voice comes out pained, and lost, "Why are you doing this? Why do you look at me like that? Why do you say such things?”
Just to be a little shit, he says. “Guess.”
Sieun rolls his eyes, and shakes his head—resigning to the idea that he'll ever get proper answers from Seongje. He walks past him but Seongje's voice calls him out.
“I want you.”
The air shifts again.
Sieun looks back at him, in a frown. His voice came out quiet, and curious, baffled at Seongje's revelation, trying to make sense why, “Even when I belong to someone else?”
Seongje's just cruel. There's no why. “Especially then.”
Agitation creeps up on Sieun's pretty face, hands curled into fists at his sides, “He’s your brother.”
“Step-brother," Seongje points out, "And I should care, why?”
“I’m not gonna hurt him," Sieun mutters. I refuse to.”
Seongje fights the urge to ask, are you telling me or are you telling yourself?
“That’s cute," He says, "Thinking you’re not well on your way to doing so."
Their shoulders brush, Seongje walks away first. Leaving Sieun in the dark to mull over his thoughts and how final Seongje's words were.
Obviously, if Seongje chooses to flirt with him, he'll have to keep it subtle. But to Sieun, it was an outright message. Sieun is smart. Sieun pays attention.
For weeks, Seongje is determined to break Sieun's resolve.
Staring at him shamelessly, standing too close for comfort, flirting incessantly when Suho isn't paying attention, whispering mundane words that never required such intimate proximity, bringing more twinks home that reminds him of Sieun, asking them to scream loud enough for Sieun to hear.
Then came the pictures. Vivid, flushed, and thoroughly wrecked. It came with a daunting message, Wish this was you.
Seongje enjoyed it far too much. Sieun is beautiful when's mad. Glaring at him, lips bitten red, eyes shining.
Seongje didn't need to touch him to provoke him. Sieun is already hanging on a fragile thread. He's ready to snap.
Sieun has had enough.
The two of them had another rendezvous when Sieun had called out his name, from where he was waiting for him on the couch where they shared one of their first moments.
Seongje dropped his bag to the floor and plopped right next to Sieun.
The house is quiet before Sieun breaks the silence, "This situation is getting out of hand," Sieun continues, hands curled tight on his thighs.
"Is it? I don't think it's even close. We haven't even done anything." That's a lie.
Sieun doesn't rise to the bait.
“If I let you touch me," Sieun swallows audibly, eyes fixed on the coffee table right in front of them, using every millisecond to go over the words he's about to say, and its consequences. "just one time, will you stop? All of it? For good?”
Seongje has been waiting for this.
A slow, deliberate smile spreads across Seongje's face, "What happened to not hurting him? You always change your mind this quick?"
“No," Sieun shakes his head, jaw tight. "I just want you to stop.”
Seongje watches Sieun's chest heave, eyes gleaming, Sieun looks at him as he says, “I want you to fuck me out of your system so you can stop looking at me like you want to own me.”
Seongje should have bent over the couch as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
But instead, Seongje snorts.
He tried to hold it back. Sieun looks so serious. Spiraling over his decision.
But Seongje couldn't help it. Sieun is too funny.
It's hilarious that Sieun seems to be under the impression that Seongje will ever want to stop. That he could let Seongje fuck him and quit him just like that.
Seongje has many bad habits in his life. He doesn't think he's learned to quit any one of them.
"Whatever you say, doll," Seongje says when the joke has finally landed.
Sieun's gaze is hard towards him, sharp and unflinching, "I mean it, Seongje. One time and then it's over. Everything. You will not look at me, you will not touch me, you will not talk to me. I do not fucking exist in your world. You don't show up to places where I am even if Suho asks you to."
Seongje tilts his head lazily. Mesmerized with the determination in Sieun's eyes. "Do you think this will work out for you? If we cross the line, do you think you can forget it just like that? Like it never happened?"
Sieun's mouth is sealed shut, shoulders tense.
"I'm family," Seongje points out as a reminder. Heat radiating off of him as he moves closer to Sieun's space, Sieun doesn't move this time. Doesn't back down. Seongje is in awe.
He licks his lips, Sieun watches them move as Seongje continues on, "As long as you're with my brother, you will always see me. And I will always make you remember what we did. How I made you feel. Can you live with that?"
Seongje eyes are locked on Sieun's neck, how it moves as he swallows.
"It's this," Sieun says. "Or nothing."
Obviously, Seongje picks this.
The moment they both accepted their doom, Seongje practically threw Sieun onto the mattress and started devouring his mouth. Seongje kisses him like he's starved. Like Sieun's mouth is meant to be his to consume.
Sieun's cheeks are held hostage by Seongje's rough hands. Keeping him in place and controlling the pace as he deepens their kiss. Seongje bites and pulls Sieun's lip between his teeth before shoving his tongue inside his mouth. Sieun moans from the intrusion, Seongje buries his tongue deeper.
“Are your sheets clean?” Sieun asks, sighs falling from his lips, as Seongje leaves a trail of wet kisses on the column of his neck.
Seongje smirks against his neck, "Why do you ask?"
“You like to bring me people here. Don’t— " Sieun's voice gets cut off sucks when Seongje sucks a deeper bruise on his chest, one that already has the shape of Suho's mouth, "Don't wanna catch anything.”
“You keeping tabs on me?" Seongje leans back, eyeing Sieun like he's a meal about to be devoured, while Sieun laid beneath him. Palms resting on either side of the smaller boy's head, "Did you like it when I put on a show for you the other night? I made sure Gyujin—”
Without a warning, Sieun's hand shoots out and slaps him across the face. Harsh and cutting. One that stings and will leave an imprint of Sieun's fingers.
Seongje blinked, head jerked to the side from the impact. Slowly, he looks back at Sieun, whose face isn't wearing any sort of anger, no fury, no disbelief. Seongje would mistake it for indifference but the heat of Sieun's fiery gaze burns a lot like rage.
Seongje's cock impossibly harder against his jeans.
He doesn't speak. Only lets Sieun seize his jaw in a tight grasp, mouths only inches apart, Sieun hisses, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that." Sieun rises from the cage of Seongje's arms, and flips them over.
With a hard shove to Seongje's chest, Sieun forces him to drop onto the mattress, "I’m on your bed," Sieun continues, planting each knee beside Seongje's hips, and curls a hand around his throat again, "You will say no one’s name but mine.”
Seongje zones out for a second. He's well aware of much a spitfire Sieun can be but to witness it in this particular light. It's better than all his filthy imaginations can combine.
His limbs should be working, his hands should be grabbing fistfuls of Sieun's ass currently cradled by his hips, his tongue should work tirelessly on every inch of Sieun's skin, but instead, they lay useless. Like Sieun has paralyzed him and turned off his brain's ability to send signals to his body.
Like a dog, he just lays pliant, “Yes, of course," He nods dumbly. Eyes begging."I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby. Only you.”
Sieun trails his eyes over him, unimpressed. Fingernails rough against Seongje's chest. "Look at you. Are you the same asshole who keeps bringing strangers here just to spite me?"
"I'm sorry," Seongje's voice trembled, and Sieun's eyes widened a bit. Taken by surprise with how pliant Seongje can be after he has been antagonizing Sieun for weeks.
Seongje chokes out another confession, "It drives me crazy, seeing you here, so close but not mine. Can't fucking breathe knowing you're not mine." He sounds so helpless, he might as well cry.
Sieun doesn't yield, doesn't offer him sympathy. His words came out ice cold, pricking Seongje's skin, "I'll never be yours. You'd do well to remember that. "
Seongje's throat bobs as he swallows, in full despair, he says, "Yes, I know. Just tonight. Just tonight. I promise."
Sieun doesn't speak. Just let the truth of Seongje's words settle into the air. Like he wants them to sink in, and remind Seongje not to cling to something he's never going to have.
Sieun removes himself from Seongje lap. And rests his back against the headboard, he orders, "Take off your clothes."
Seongje moves faster than the speed of light. Peeling off his windbreaker, his shirt, his jeans. Everything. While Sieun watched him still not impressed, bored even. Seongje chest constricts, his legs threaten to give out and beg for Sieun to touch him.
Sieun laid his hands on the mattress, but it landed on an object underneath the sheets. He inspects it, to find a bottle of lube, already halfway used. Sieun arches his brows at Seongje, "Seriously?"
"I wanted to be ready," Seongje crawled his way to Sieun, pressing a small kiss on the sliver of skin showing underneath his hoodie. Until he moves closer so he can nuzzle his nose on the crook of Sieun's pale neck, "In case you change your mind," He whispers before dragging his tongue against bruises that are left on Sieun's flesh.
Sieun indulges him, tilting his head so he can have more space. But his kindness did not come without an insult, "You're pathetic," He says it, like a fact.
It is.
"I can't help it." Seongje murmurs, as he continues to memorize the way Sieun smells. Nose still deep in the curve of his neck. Seongje's eyes are closed, like he's in pain or in heaven. It's hard to tell the difference. Sieun feels like both.
Sieun hums, before threading his delicate fingers through the hair at the base of Seongje's neck, thumb rubbing smooth, antagonizing circles along his nape, and yanks his head back to meet Sieun's eyes, "Do you wanna finger me?"
"Yes, please. Baby, please," Seongje nods eagerly, torn and desperate. "Wanna eat you out too. Make you come on my tongue. Fuck, I'll make it so good. Just let me."
"I don't know," Sieun says, voice calm and dismissive but his gaze drifts down to Seongje's lips. "I don't know where else your mouth has been."
Seongje whines.
Sieun ignores him while taking off his own clothes, Seongje's fingers itch to tear it off himself. But he's currently working on Sieun's borrowed mercy, he doesn't want to push his luck. So he only watches patiently while every bit of his fantasy reveals itself in the form of Sieun's perfect body.
"Get your fingers in me first," Sieun sits astride Seongje's lap again, palms flat on his shoulders, while his bare chest is only inches away from Seongje's mouth. "Then we'll see."
Seongje obeys, blindly looks for the bottle of lube, before squirting a generous amount in his fingers. He reaches behind, and prods a finger onto Sieun's rim. Sieun doesn't move. Doesn't push back against it. He lets Seongje sink them deeper until Sieun lets out a soft sigh.
"What's going to happen to you? After I let you fuck me?" Sieun asks, voice dripping with mockery. Like Seongje doesn't have his finger knuckle-deep buried in his ass. Sieun digs his fingernails roughly against Seongje's chest. Slowly, letting himself fall apart. "How are you going to fuck anyone else after knowing what it feels like inside me?"
Seongje looks up at him in haze, words tumbling out of his mouth, as if Sieun has casted a spell that made him disgustingly honest, "I'll waste away." Sieun feeds him the tip of his thumb, around the same time Seongje slips in a second finger. Seongje accepts his thumb eagerly, darting out his tongue to meet the rough pad, never breaking his stare from Sieun. "Waiting for you to come back.
Sieun gives him a cruel smile, Seongje falls a little bit more. "I won't come back."
"I'll waste away," Seongje vows even though Sieun doesn't need it.
Sieun doesn't respond. Seongje goes on with his fingers, in and out, crooking them while mouthing Sieun's chest, what he can reach. Seongje can taste the salty sweat and heat. The image of Sieun on top of him, fingers deep inside him, encourages him to fuck his fingers a little bit faster, less finesse.
Sieun lets him with an encouraging grasp on his head while his lithe body is beginning to tremble, meeting the thrusts of his finger with a slow roll of his hips.
Sieun feels unbelievably warm inside, sucking Seongje's fingers in, letting out small noises that sound a lot like wrecked whimpers while Seongje continues to open him up, stretching his walls so it can learn the shape of Seongje's cock.
Sieun breathes against his mouth, "One more, go on, impress me."
The ghost of his breath is hot. His voice, his warmth, all sounds like a promise that's destined to break. Seongje shoves down whatever that entails, and what will become of him.
He focuses on pleasing Sieun, wiggling a third finger inside, Sieun starts to get louder now, gasping, leaking cock twitching in between them, his navel shines with precome.
Seongje picks up the pace, while scissoring Sieun's hole open, getting him loose and wet enough. He can tell his fingers catches on Sieun’s bundle of nerves when his body jolts every now and then, along with a small plea.
Right there. Come on.
Seongje prods at his spot with an unwavering vigor, eyes focused on Sieun's cock now smearing Seongje's chest, whenever his hips rolls in towards him. Sieun repeatedly, practically thrusting his face towards Seongje's chest, Seongje had no choice but to close his mouth around Sieun's nipple.
Sieun thrashes above him, while Seongje rolls the other nipple between his clean fingers. He keeps up the ministrations until Sieun is tugging on hair, asking him to stop. Seongje doesn't want to stop, he switches to the other nipple, licking and sucking on the bud until Seongje is positive Sieun will come from just his fingers and his mouth on his chest.
Seongje dreams of that.
Seongje wants to make Sieun come over and over again, wants to take him apart until he forgets anything else, until he forgets the reality that he belongs to someone else, until he realizes that his place is where Seongje is.
But alas, Sieun doesn't want that.
Roughly, Sieun yanks his head away from his chest, voice in a wreck, sweat clinging to his forehead, "You should fuck me now."
Seongje pulls out his fingers gingerly, not missing how Sieun fights back a whine. He splays his hands on Sieun's ass, giving them a rough squeeze, "How do you want it?"
There's a million different positions Seongje wants to see Sieun in, but the ones he wants the most are those that will let him look at Sieun. Watch his face succumb to pleasure, watch his mouth fall open to moan for Seongje, and watch his pretty cock until he comes all over himself.
"Behind me."
Seongje watches as Sieun disentangles himself from him again, before he kneels to the mattress, and brings his face down while he gets his ass up in the air.
And Seongje.
Seongje is not breathing, his mouth is dry, and his cock so hard it hurts. Sieun walked out of his fantasy and into his bed, practically presenting himself, his hole for Seongje to use, but, "I want to look at you," Seongje pleads.
He has been begging all night, he'll beg more if he has to.
"No," Sieun snaps. "It's easier like this."
"For who?" Seongje didn't mean to ask but the Sieun still has him in a fucking truth serum.
"For the both of us," Voice muffled against the pillow but they were clear enough to prick Seongje's heart, "We need to help each other forget. Come on now. Don't keep waiting."
As if Seongje needs more convincing, Sieun reaches behind himself to pull one of his cheeks, showing off his wet, shiny hole. Slick with lube, loose from Seongje fingers.
Entranced, Seongje kneels behind him, dragging his palm at the expanse of Sieun's back. Noticing the faint finger-shaped bruises that were not made by him. Reminding him where he stands, Seongje's stomach churns with anger, and envy.
*******
"Sieun-ah," Seongje groans, sliding his cock against Sieun's ass, "does Suho fuck you raw?"
"No," Sieun says, but it almost came like a question, like he's wondering why Seongje is asking in the first place.
"Have you ever fucked anyone raw?" Seongje pumps himself slowly, eyes trained on Sieun's wet hole, and briefly wonders how such a tiny ring of muscle can fit all of him.
"No." Sieun twists his neck, frowning at Seongje, "Why are you asking?"
Seongje, with a hand around himself, positions the head of his cock on Sieun's hole, hovering just the tip, "Neither have I."
Realization hits Sieun but it was too late. "Wait, what are you—"
Seongje shoves it all in, bare, all at once, "Until now."
Sieun chokes out a surprised sound, fingers fisting at the pillow underneath him.
Seongje doesn't wait until Sieun adjusts to him, judging by the state of his hips, and the bruises around his body, this is a feat that he has always done.
Taking cock, that is.
Just not Seongje's.
Sieun slaps a hand on Seongje's thighs blindly, while his body is being jostled against the mattress, "Seongje, stop. Stop, get it out. get it out now—"
Seongje ignores him, seizes his wrist, pins it on his lower back, right before the swell of his ass, and forces him to take Seongje's cock in pace that feels a lot like punishment. More for Sieun than it is for Seongje.
It's already punishment enough that Sieun isn't his.
Sieun cries and trembles underneath him, "Stop, you can't. Can't, fuck."
A sick, hot pleasure runs through Seongje, thinking about how he took something from Sieun, and now no one else can have it. Only him.
Seongje keeps a steady hand on the back of Sieun's neck, as he slams into him. Admiring how his cock disappears every time Sieun's ass swallows him.
Fucking what little breath Sieun still has and force him to do nothing but bite into his pillow and cry. Seongje gets lost in the loop of unintelligible whines.
It's a bit difficult to focus, difficult to find a steady rhythm, Sieun is tight around him, but his small body takes and yields to every forceful thrust that Seongje gives him.
Seongje can feel every single drag of his walls against his cock, every time he pulls out, the way Sieun clenches around him, it feels like Sieun doesn't want him to go.
Seongje bends over Sieun's back, the angle changes a little, the head of his cock nudging on the spot that makes Sieun scream so loud that Seongje has to feed him his fingers. His chest against Sieun's back, he scrapes his canine teeth along Sieun's sweaty neck, while his head is hanging forward, mouth letting out heavy pants.
Then he moves his hands engulf smaller ones' wrists, and forces him to plant both of them on the bed, slipping his fingers in between the spaces while Seongje repeats the motions with hips, driving them forward relentlessly.
His thighs are starting to strain, but he doesn't care. Seongje drags his teeth on Sieun's bony shoulder, and groans against his ear, "Sieun-ah, you're so tight around me. You feel so good. How can I let you go after this?"
The pillow underneath Sieun is slick with tears and spit, he was gasping into the crook of his arm, before he turns to Seongje with tear-stained cheeks, and red-bitten lips, and seizes his mouth with his. Taking Seongje by surprise.
Seongje ignores the feeling that Sieun might be distracting him, and himself. So none of them confront what shouldn't be. Seongje hates it.
Seongje fucks him faster, unhinged, and utterly starved, mouth still connected to Sieun's. His rhythm starts to get erratic, to the point that they end up gasping at each other's mouth. He tells his brain and his heart to shut the fuck up, and focus on giving it to Sieun, make him feel needed, make him feel Seongje will fall apart if he leaves, maybe he can convince Sieun to stay.
Maybe he can.
Seongje wraps a hand on Sieun's throat, forcing him to look at Seongje while he thrusts into him, "Tell me. How do I breathe after this?"
*******
Sieun lets out a broken sob, "I don't know. Seongje, I don't know." He gasps when Seongje's fingers wrap around his cock. "Just keep—keep going." He encourages, no longer fighting against Seongje, and finally succumbing to how good he makes him feel.
Pleasure building up Seongje's spine, coil threatening to snap, "Yeah? Am I doing good?"
"Good. So fucking good," Sieun moans, letting himself go, rolling his hips back to meet Seongje's thrusts. "Come on, you're so big."
"Bigger than him?"
Seongje's voice came out unrecognizable to him, not because of the registers it dropped. But how soft he sounded, how small. Sieun has turned him into a wuss, but Seongje couldn't bring himself to care.
He'll be in a perpetual state of begging on his knees if that means Sieun will just look at him.
Sieun holds his stare. Seongje couldn't tell if it's one of his tricks, "Bigger than anyone," Sieun whispers.
The invisible leash around Seongje's neck goes tighter. So does his hand around Sieun's cock, jerking him off closer to an orgasm.
Seongje helps him get there.
"It killed me, you know? Fucking someone else," Seongje grunts, fucks Sieun like he needs him to breathe. "Hearing someone else underneath me, when I wanted it to be you."
Sieun sobs, cock twitching in Seongje's hand, angry and leaking. "Sometimes, I can't even come. Not if I don't picture your face in theirs. Have to, fuck- Have to stop myself from breaking their necks when I realize they're not you," Seongje recalls.
"Stop—stop talking."
"I want you to know." Seonge kisses the base of his neck, "You've ruined me for anyone else."
Sieun comes back arching, cock spurting in Seongje's hand. Mouth falling open into a silent scream, ribbons of come landing onto the mattress.
Seongje isn't too far behind. The pressure of Sieun's clamping around him makes him lose it. Body seizing as he comes, shooting inside Sieun, without his permission, making him choke out a sob and feel downright filthy. But even then Sieun runs into Seongje's hand helplessly until he spills everything he can give.
Seongje buries his face into Sieun's neck while they both ride out their highs.
It's bad enough that he went behind Suho's back, it makes it even worse that he let Seongje come inside of him.
Two strangers that don't owe each other such intimacy, and yet here they are.
Once both of their breaths have even, neither of them move. Seongje doesn't move away from Sieun, Sieun doesn't ask him to.
As if the weight of their actions are settling on his shoulders that he can't think of anything else.
He begins to cry. His body is used, and trembling, heart completely shattered.
Sieun is in despair.
But all Seongje can focus on is how pretty he is. And how much he wants to lick Sieun's tears.
So he did.
But even with weak limbs, Sieun pushes him away, like he's burned. "I need to go," He exhales, eyes darting everywhere.
"Looking like that?"
"I can't sleep here," Sieun argues, weakly.
"You smell like my sheets, Like me. You think he won't figure that out? You think the come leaking out of your ass wouldn't rat you out?"
Sieun glares at him with red-rimmed eyes, before they get washed away with despair, "I ruined everything."
Seongje stills and pulls out.
He maneuvers Sieun to lie on his side, so he can snake an arm underneath his neck, and have him bury his face on his chest. Seongje feels Sieun's pulse hammer against his arm, he wants to kiss them, ease them into a quiet.
But a few seconds later, there's something wet on Seongje's skin.
Sieun is crying. Out of guilt, out of shame.
Suho has never done anything wrong. Not to Seongje.
But without any hesitation, he pulls Sieun closer to him, their immoral bodies flushed against each other. Seongje kisses the crown of Sieun's head and closes his eyes.
"What am I going to do? How—how am I going to face him?" His broken voice is muffled by Seongje's chest. Knuckles trembling in between their bodies.
Seongje can't offer anything helpful that'll ease his worries. God knows, they're beyond saving.
He smooths his fingers through Sieun's hair, "I don't know."
Sieun cries harder. Removes himself from Seongje's grasp to meet his eyes, "You don't care, do you?"
"I really don't," Seongje responds, devoid of any type of morality.
Sieun's mouth falls open, stunned on how disconnected Seongje is. "You're insane."
Seongje laughs because he is. He's insane because Sieun is spiralling over Suho but Seongje's eyes are only fixed on the tear tracks on Sieun's cheeks, and how for some reason, he's more beautiful while he's in pain.
"You're really pretty when you cry," Seongje replies in dumb sort of haze. "I can't focus on anything else right now. I'm sorry."
Sieun glares at him one more time before yanking the sheets on his shoulders, and turns away from Seongje, huffing how stupid he is and how useless it is to have a conversation with him.
Seongje couldn't help the smile curving on his lips.
Then Seongje stares and waits.
Wait until Sieun's sniffles have died down into even breaths, until he's off to dreamland. Until Seongje can wrap an arm around his waist, and breathe him in.
He might lose everything tomorrow.
But tonight he has this.
The following morning when Seongje runs into Suho in the hallway. Seongje had just gotten back from the kitchen after he retrieved a bottle of water that he's determined to make Sieun chug once he wakes up.
When Suho called out his name, "Hyung."
The marks of Sieun's fingernails on his bare chest burn hotter.
But it's crazy how he doesn't feel a little bit guilty. How could he? Suho has everything he's ever wanted. He's not going to feel a tiny bit of something that resembles remorse.
Sieun will probably say Seongje needs to be exorcised, which is ridiculous. Seongje can't lose his charm. It's how he was able to coerce Sieun in the first place.
"Did you see Sieun leave?"
Seongje's brow rises to his hairline, before he puts on a mask of all the indifference he can muster, and says, "No."
"He didn't even text me that he left." Suho mutters to himself while checking on his phone, before looking back up at Seongje with a frown.
"Did something happen to your…" Suho gestures to his cheek, hand hovering in the air.
Seongje blinks, before bringing up a hand to his cheek, and flinches lightly when his touch stings his skin. Something akin to pleasure churns on his stomach, when the memory of Sieun striking him flashes behind his eyes.
"Got into a fight," Seongje explains vaguely, plastering a proud smile at the knowledge of how it really happened.
Suho laughs at him knowingly, eyes crinkling. Seongje almost feels bad. "You sure do know how to pick them." Almost.
"You have no idea."
Suho's eyes are fixed on the blooming bruise, "You should put some ice on that. It looks nasty."
Jaw tight, Seongje upholds the fake smile, until Suho's attention is somewhere else.
He would rather die than put ice on a bruise that Sieun had graciously given him, but Suho doesn't need to know that.
"Will do," Seongje says.
He doesn't wait for Suho to walk away, before he turns on his heel and run back to his room.
Where Sieun awaits.
Seongje slips back inside his room like a criminal. Opening his door with just enough space so he can squeeze through. The moment he's standing inside, he uses the heel of his foot to shut it gently behind him, before twisting the lock into place with a click.
He places the water bottle onto the nightstand, as he stares at Sieun's sleeping figure.
Sieun is bathed under the sunlight spilling through the curtains of Seongje's room. The smaller boy's hair falls around him like a halo. One arm splayed on his chest, while the other was swung over a pillow. Mouth slightly parted, soft breaths spilling out. Seongje watches the rise and fall of his naked chest, covered in purple.
Seongje does a great deal of staring whenever Sieun is on his sight. But not like this. He has never seen Sieun like this.
Peaceful.
Since whenever their eyes are in the daylight, it's always in disdain. Not that Seongje's complaining. He'll take whatever names, whatever sharp, cutting glares Sieun throws at him, if it means Sieun is looking at him.
Seongje can spend the entire morning just looking at him.
But Sieun shifts in his sleep, jostling the sheets covering his chest, sending them lower until they're pooling around his hips.
Sieun is on his back, bare chest-nipples on display under golden light. Seongje's mouth goes dry, as his cock twitches underneath his pants.
Seongje goes on all fours, yanking off the sheets from Sieun's body, goosebumps rising on his skin as soon as it's exposed to air.
Eyes drifting down to Sieun's length, laying softly against his thigh. Seongje's mouth waters but he wants to bury his tongue somewhere else.
Gently, Seongje pries Sieun's thighs open, spreading them enough that Seongje sees Sieun's hole, wet, shiny with come that he didn’t even bother cleaning up, and slightly gaping.
Heat creeps up Seongje's spine as he hooks one of Sieun's thighs over his shoulder, pulling apart his cheeks until it reveals more of the puckered skin.
Soft hums are coming out of Sieun's mouth, still asleep, involuntarily closing his legs when Seongje breathes against his hole, and presses soft skin surrounding it before he drags a fat stripe of wet tongue across the entrance.
Sieun gasps as he stirs awake, while Seongje continues to prods his tongue at his hole. His gaze immediately drifts down to the man in between his legs. The filthy sounds of Seongje slurping him up fills the room.
Seongje kept a strong grip on him while Sieun tried to push him away with a firm hand against his shoulder. But it was a useless feat, sleep hasn't completely left him yet and he's still boneless from being treated like a ragdoll the night before.
He barely has the force to move away from Seongje's tight grasp.
"Seongje, I don't remember telling you, you could do that," Sieun squirms.
Seongje hikes up Sieun's thigh higher, biting on the flesh of his inner thigh, "You said I did good last night. Can't I have this as a reward?"
"You're impossible," Sieun sighs, resting his arm over his eyes, cock stirring, laying flushed against his belly.
"You're hard. I wanna make you come," Seongje moans, before licking over Sieun's rim again, slow and deliberate.
"I told you just one time," Sieun argues, but Seongje still feels him pushing his ass back against his face which he welcomes with an open jaw, sticking his tongue inside. Tasting the lube, come, and Sieun, as he circles his tongue around the walls of Sieun's ass, fingers kneading his meaty flesh.
"I know. But we already did it once. What difference will it make if we do it the second time?" Or third or fourth or twentieth.
Sieun whines, when Seongje slips the tip of finger right next to his tongue, "You wouldn't know when to stop."
"Neither do you."
"I have something to lose, and you don't."
Seongje doesn't say anything. Just gets back to fucking Sieun with his tongue in a torturous pace, until he can slips a whole finger inside. Get him wet enough until he can pull him open with another, while Sieun sobs above him.
Seongje continues to eat him out, three fingers nestled inside, scissoring Sieun open with his tongue. Sieun returns the enthusiasm by arching his back, pushing his ass against Seongje's tongue, rolling his hips and thrusting into the hand now curled around his cock.
Seeing Sieun under golden sunlight positively sinful is what made Seongje lean away, shrug off his pants, just enough to reveal his cock. Sieun's thigh is still over his shoulder as he gets closer, wraps a hand around the base of his cock, and guides himself again to Sieun's entrance.
"No," Sieun unhooks his thigh from Seongje's shoulder and uses the ball of his foot to shove Seongje on his back. Pants are only halfway removed, he quickly makes a move to shrug them off completely, kicking them away so Sieun can climb on top of him.
Sieun announces, "I'm gonna ride you and I'm leaving."
Sieun doesn't break his stare, as he spits on his palm, and brings it down to lubricate Seongje's bare cock, eliciting a deep groan that has his eyes closing shut when Sieun gave him a few tugs.
"No condom?" Seongje couldn't help but smirk as he pulled himself up, both of their bare chest, flushed against each other, when he realizes. Like it'll make a difference, wearing a condom now. Seong opens his eyes to find Sieun glaring at him and says nothing.
Seongje kept a tight grip on Sieun's hip, while Sieun guided Seongje's cock to his hole, Seongje seized Sieun's nipple with his mouth, startling Sieun into yelp, as he sinks himself down.
"God. No one should be walking around with this thing," Sieun pants, struggling to take Seongje all the way in, occasionally taking slight pauses to breathe before continuing to lower himself further.
It's not like Seongje isn't affected, Sieun is engulfing his cock with his tight heat for the second time, squeezing him, practically cutting his dick off. Seongje would probably let him, probably. Sieun can help himself with whatever Seongje has, especially his dick.
"Need to have a big one, so I can please you, doll," Seongje grunts when he feels Sieun clench around him.
"Shut up," Sieun gasps, eyes screwing shut as he slowly sinks all the way down, until he's fully seated on Seongje's cock.
"Please make me." It was meant to be a taunt, but it came out as a plea.
Either way, Sieun grabs him by the neck and sticks his tongue in his mouth, hard and filthy, like he means it. Like he wants to. Just to shut Seongje up.
Seongje hands immediately went down to grab his ass, following the movement when Sieun begins to swivel his hips, Sieun moans when Seongje instinctively dug his fingernails onto his ass, willing his dick not to come in just mere two seconds.
Sieun pulls away gasping, lips swollen, tears pricking his eyes, leg shaking. Seongje's cock must have been nudging right on his spot with the way his body is convulsing like a few thrusts will send him straight to the edge.
Seongje yanks him for another kiss, open-mouthed, more breathing against each other's mouths but Seongje still chases Sieun's tongue with his. Sieun is circling his hips in a steady rhythm, letting out soft pants, every time he rolls his hips down.
Seongje couldn't help but close his eyes, when Sieun lifts himself up off his cock, then slams it back down. Makes him a little angry that he's doing this with way too much ease like been doing this all his life.
"Yah, Seongje," Sieun slaps him awake. "Don't be rude. Look at me." Seongje does, eyes wide open now and obeys. Cataloguing every single twitch on Sieun's muscles every time he sinks back down. "Look at me when I'm riding you."
"What happened to making it easier to forget?"
"Your cock is so big, it hurts," Sieun moans, head falling backwards, revealing the column on his neck, sweat beading against his skin. Seongje wants to lick them all up. "I will feel you when you're gone. I couldn't forget it even if I tried."
Then Sieun fixes his eyes on Seongje, and mutters against his mouth, "You fucking like that, don't you?"
"I do," Seongje sobs, thrusting his hips up, to prove his point, making Sieun yelp. "Fuck, I do. Want you to feel me every time you walk, every time you breathe."
Sieun continues to grinds down, fucking himself open with Seongje's cock, "Want me to be yours?"
"The same way that I am to you," Seongje gasps, in awe, imprisoned by the look on Sieun's eyes like Seongje belongs on the bottom of his foot. God, he's gonna come soon.
Sieun's fingers yanks his hair, "Are you gonna cry when I leave?"
Seongje nods, mouth open, eyes worshipping Sieun like he's a goddamn savior, "Gonna jerk off to your smell on my sheets too."
"Gonna fuck more twinks that look like me?" Sieun is breathing heavily now, body shaking, thighs on fire, fingernails digging on Seongje's shoulders so hard, his skin might break.
Like the mere idea pains him, he winces, "No. I don't want to. Only you, baby. Fuck, doll, you feel incredible." Seongje grabs a handful of Sieun's ass, spreads the cheeks lightly, the obscene sounds of skin slapping echoes around the room.
Seongje couldn't even have the decency to care who could hear them.
Seongje rasps, "You can have me too. Fuck—whenever you want, when you're not satisfied, when you're upset, when you're happy, when—when you want to punch someone, you can have me. Hurt me, use me. Push me around. Whatever you want. Just. Need you—Need you to touch me."
The confession might have turned Sieun on even more, his bounces began to speed up, face twisted into pleasure, cock leaking when he has now wrapped his hand around it.
Seongje catches his wrist gently, pulling him away from getting himself off, "Sieun-ah, can you—want you come from my cock. Please? Wanna see you. Wanna make you feel good, make a mess of yourself."
Sieun hums, "Okay. Make me come."
Seongje wraps his arms around Sieun, without pulling himself out and threw him on his back. Both thighs now over Seongje's shoulders, he buries himself deeper, to the hilt, letting his cock massage Sieun's sweet spot.
Sieun is way too lost in pleasure, brings his own fingers to twist and tug his own nipples, eyes closed, tears on his cheeks, mouth spilling out whines.
Seongje thrusts, deep, hard and possessive. Hands using Sieun's small waist to anchor himself, leaving Sieun no choice but to take everything Seongje is giving him.
Sieun's gasps come out throaty, "Seongje—Fuck me, come on, fuck me."
Seongje does. Fucks him like a game he's intented to win.
The bed slams against the wall, shaking beneath them, headboard slamming against the well. Sieun's cock, lays hard and thoroughly flushed, almost purple as precome continuously dribbles from his slit.
Seongje ducks down to chase his mouth with his. Causing his cock bury itself in Sieun's ass, impossibly deeper. Sieun's cock trapped in between their bellies. Their distance makes Seongje's thrusts shorter but harder, "Like this, Sieunie?"
"Yes—yes. Fuck, yes. You're fucking me so good. So fucking good."
Seongje pounds into him, hips speeding up, spurred by Sieun's praises, "So close, so close. Gonna—fuck, gonna come in you."
Sieun slams his head back to the pillow underneath his head, brows drawn together, as Seongje frantically fucks Sieun, his own orgasm threatening to snap. Sieun's ass cradling his hips in every roll of his hips.
Seongje feels Sieun asks him for another kiss, thighs trembling over Seongje's shoulders, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth, panting directly to Seongje's mouth, "Make me forget any name that isn't yours."
Seongje came with a pathetic sob, buried deep inside Sieun, emptying himself. Also sending Sieun's come squelching in between them, moaning and squeezing around Seongje's cock, milking him for every single drop.
Seongje gives everything to him.
Sieun doesn't cry this time.
He only lets Seongje kiss him. Like he's the only one.
Seongje kisses him until he's breathless. Until Sieun is pushing him away, "I really need to go."
"Let me clean you up first."
Sieun is way too exhausted to argue, when Seongie hands him the water bottle that he was supposed to give him before he got side-tracked.
Seongje cleans him up, carefully, a courtesy, he would never be caught doing with anyone else.
Sieun reaches out for his clothes, but Seongje snatched them up before Sieun could.
Sieun gives him an unimpressed look, and sighs, "Seongje."
Seongje hid his clothes behind his back. Sieun is too sore to fight him, "Suho thinks you already left. Why not stay until we know the coast is clear?" Seongje suggests, too aggressive but he doesn't care.
Sieun raises his brows, arms crossed on his chest, and says, "You just want me to keep me in here."
"That too."
Sieun does stay.
Even lets Seongje fuck him from behind, lying on their sides. Add one more to the pile of sins they're both guilty of committing.
For good measure.
One last time.
Who were they kidding?
Of course, it wasn't just one time. The last time isn't the last time. Seongje knew, Sieun did too. And now they’re both accomplices of such an abhorrent act, but neither one of them knows how to stop or even want to.
Every time they fall in bed together. The same words echo in the room.
This is the last time. I mean it this time.
Mostly it was Sieun who seems to be under the impression that his words still hold weight. Or tries to convince himself that they still do. Seongje just indulges him, letting him think that both of them are still capable of being saved.
Okay, baby. If this is the last time, come sit on my face.
"Was I too rough on you?" Suho had asked him one night, both of them laying side by side, in bed together.
The small lamp beside the bed, illuminating both their bodies. Suho’s eyes are trained on the finger-shaped bruises on Sieun's hips when his hoodie has ridden up to reveal the marks underneath.
Dark, purple and angry-looking.
Sieun's pulse stutters. His mouth goes dry. The air feels suffocating.
Suho wasn't rough. Never rough on him.
Seongje definitely is.
Sieun wills all the truth he can fake. "I don't know. Maybe?"
Suho frowns, huffs at himself, sounding completely displeased, "You should have told me. Last thing I wanna do is hurt you."
Sieun's heart breaks for him.
"I know," He begins to offer, "It's okay. I can take it." Sieun encourages.
Maybe if Suho does get rough on him and has the darkness within him to mark him as deep the way Seongje does, maybe he'll have the strength to leave Seongje in just his memory. And no longer seek his rough hands that felt like worship.
"But you don't have to," Suho urges. Brows still drawn together. "It…bothers me. Knowing I'm hurting you."
Sieun fights back the tears, "I'm okay. I promise."
It kills him, how honest Suho looks.
"I don't want to hurt you because I—"
Suho doesn't get the chance to continue when Sieun interrupts him by sealing his lips on Suho's.
Sieun doesn't want to hear it. He couldn't let Suho twist the knife. It's not fair that Suho looks at him like the sun shines out of his ass when Sieun spends all his time, waiting for the sun to set, to meet Seongje in the dark.
He doesn't deserve those words.
Suho looks at him, puzzled. Sieun doesn't bother explaining himself and snuggles into him closer. Maybe the heat of Suho wrapping his arms around him will make Sieun forget that his body burns for someone else.
Whenever Sieun is over at their place, it doesn’t always end in sex—to Seongje’s dismay and delusion. It wouldn’t always end up in sex or they’re caught by now.
But the heat and the tension is there. Completely undeniable.
It’s in the air buzzing in between the knowing looks, eyes lingering for far too long when no one else is paying attention and Sieun looking away first.
It’s in the foot sliding under the table, toe brushing against Sieun’s leg and the deliberate kick in the shin that Sieun returns him with.
It’s the touches masked under accidents, standing close enough that Sieun feels Seongje’s breath against his neck
It’s fingers grazing each other whenever they happen to sit together during dinner
It’s the electricity shooting down their spines when their shoulders brush in the hallway.
It’s in the sheer willpower of pretending that neither of their skin prickles with desperation of wanting to be near each other.
It was their secret.
It looked perfect.
Nothing was out of place.
Suho still smiles brightly at Sieun like he isn’t someone capable of breaking his heart into a million pieces. Seongje waits for him like a dog as soon as Suho is dead to the world. Sieun makes sounds that Seongje wants to believe that's only meant for him.
It was perfect.
Seongje is no saint. He deserves no blessings.
But it still came to him in the form of Suho going away for days. Something about visiting his grandmother in the countryside.
Like heaven's gate opened for him when he should belong in hell.
Seongje heard them talking about it in the kitchen, unaware of his intrusion. Unaware of his ear listening in and scheming what he can do during Suho’s absence.
“How long will you stay there?” Sieun asks softly, like he always is, when he’s around Suho.
“Just a week,” Suho responds. Seongje can hear the teasing from his voice, “Don’t miss me too much.”
Then there was silence before Sieun said, “I’ll try my best. Come back soon, okay?”
Seongje couldn’t breathe.
He leaves before he hears them kiss.
Seongje was ready to rot in his bed.
He has no classes today.
And it’s been days since he’s seen Sieun, not since Suho left. Suho not being home, means Sieun wouldn’t have a reason to come over.
Naturally, Seongje is miserable. He wasn’t kidding about wasting away when Sieun isn’t around.
Then his phone vibrates, somewhere in his bed, he reaches for it blindly, without getting up, and brings it to his face.
Suho texts reads,
I had flowers arranged for Sieun but the shop said they’re short on delivery people.
Can you pick it up and bring it to Sieun’s place? I’ll send you his address.
Tell him I miss him.
First of all, Seongje doesn’t appreciate how Suho seems to think that Seongje is at liberty to run his errands for him.
But he hasn’t seen Sieun in a while.
Seongje couldn’t help the wicked smile forming on his lips.
Will do. Seongje replies.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Sieun shrieks at Seongje, suddenly appearing on his door.
Seongje smiles at him, bringing up the dedication card on one hand, where a message from Suho is written out, while a bouquet of red roses on the other, “Your boyfriend misses you,”
Eyes raking over Sieun, in his casual clothes, threadbare shirt, and sleep shorts. “And I do too,” Seongje continues, snapping the card shut.
“Are you crazy?” Sieun grabs him by the collar, jerks him inside, nervously looking at the hallway, before slamming the door shut, “What if someone heard you?”
“I don’t care,” Seongje shrugs. Throwing the bouquet and the card on the floor with no care. “It’s been a while. I need my fill now.”
Sieun’s eyes are fixed on the discarded flowers, petals spilling out on the floor. And like the lover he is, he bends down to pick them up but Seongje backs him up against the wall before he could do so.
And buries his face on the crook of his neck, Sieun tries to move away from him, “No,” he says but he melts in Seongje’s arms, while the taller boy sucks on his earlobe, “Suho said he’ll call later. I can’t. You can’t be here.”
“I’ll be quick I promise.” Hands already finding Sieun’s ass in a possessive grab.
Sieun pushes him away, with palms against his chest, and glares, “I don’t believe you.”
Seongje begs, lip jutted out into a pout, “Please? I miss you. Don’t you feel the same?” To convince him, Seongje sneaks a hand beneath his shorts, and rubs a dry finger on his hole. Sieun whimpers in his arms, “You haven’t been fucked in days, right? Since he left? Why don’t I give it to you instead?”
Sieun rolls his eyes, “Right, because all of this is for me.”
Seongje kisses the corner of his mouth, “Everything is for you.” Then Seongje gives him a wicked grin.
The next Sieun knows is he’s on his back, completely naked, while Seongje pummels into him like a starved man. Didn’t even bother taking off his jeans and his windbreaker. Just tore off his clothes, knelt in front of him and opened him up with his tongue and then his fingers, something he likes doing way too much. He spent a good thirty minutes opening Sieun up, saying something about wanting to take his time before Seongje decides he’s open enough for his cock.
They didn’t even make it to the bedroom. Seongje thought the couch is a good place to pull his cock out and fuck Sieun to death. One foot on the floor, while his knee is digging into the cushions. Sieun’s head is laid down on the armrest, ankles locked behind Seongje’s back.
“Seongje, wait—Slow. Slow down.”
Sieun is already shaking, voice wrecked, while Seongje buries his cock inside him at a relentless pace.
Though, it’s no use trying to ask mercy from a famished beast.
Seongje groans, snapping his his hips hard and fast, “Fucking missed you.” Mouth finding Sieun’s collarbones, tonguing on the drip where sweat is pooling. “Missed fucking you.”
Sieun moans breathlessly, not only with how hard Seongje pounds into him but with how honest he is, like he’s in pain being away from Sieun. Something inside him stirs, the thought of Seongje missing him is bringing him closer to an orgasm.
It’s appalling how Seongje’s devotion feels a lot like something Sieun wants to cling to for the rest of his life. Sieun wants it. Needs it. Seongje’s attention. He wants every praise and every spite. Because he knows one of these days, in their borrowed time, Seongje will actually want to choose someone who can choose him.
But Sieun is so selfish. He doesn’t know how to let go. Seongje is his. Even when he doesn’t have the right to claim him, even when Sieun can’t offer him the same courtesy. No matter how wrong he is and what they’re doing. He will always let Seongje in. Always commit the same act of sin. Not thinking of the life that awaits them for acting on them. Because the world fades away as soon as Seongje touches him.
And with every touch, Sieun says a little prayer, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I want to keep him.
Seongje grazes his teeth on his shoulder, and mutters, “You zoning out on me, doll?”
Sieun's body is on fire. Eyes felt heavy with tears, “Shut up. Hurry up. Suho will—fuck, he might call any minute now.”
On cue, Sieun’s phone does ring and Suho’s name is bright and vivid on the screen.
His eyes meet Seongje’s and he watches in horror as his mouth pulls into a grin. Sieun couldn’t even attempt to reach for his phone, laying on the table on their left. Seongje snatches his phone up and swipes the call to be answered, quickly putting it on a loud speaker, and throwing it next to Sieun’s head.
Seongje wiggles his eyebrows and goes back to slamming his hips into him causing Sieun to let out a loud yelp that he immediately tried to cover with his hands. Heart threatening to leap out of his ribs.
“Sieun-ah?” Suho’s voice asks, over the speaker. “Are you there?”
“Yes.” The last syllable ends with a hiss when Seongje starts stroking his cock, spreading the precome that's been leaking from the slit.
“Is this a bad time? You sound a little weird.”
Sieun’s mouth falls open, when he feels Seongje’s cock on his prostate, while jerking him off the same time, “Sieun-ah?”
They’re gonna get themselves caught. Sieun has to think of something.
“Suho-yah,” Sieun, no longer biting back the whines. He can see Seongje’s eyes widening with surprise. But says nothing. Watching how Sieun plans to explain the sounds he’s making.
Suho’s voice came out worried, “What’s wrong?”
Sieun’s mind scrambles for an answer, “I miss you, I’m sorry.” Sorry that Sieun's body sings for someone else.
“Oh.” Suho’s voice drops a bit. “Are you—are you touching yourself, beautiful?”
Seongje’s tip is nudged right at his prostate, making him choke. His thrusts are less frantic now, they've slowed down, not wanting the sound of their skin-slapping against each other give themselves away. But slower doesn't mean it still wouldn't knock out the breath from Sieun's lungs. Seongje makes it a point to drag his cock in a pace that Sieun's walls can be feel every ridge of his cock.
“I’m sorry,” Sieun repeats, and hopefully Suho takes the bait.
“Don’t be sorry. God. I miss you too, ” Suho groans over the speaker. “What are you doing? Tell me.”
Then there’s a faint sound of sheets rustling, probably from the weight of Suho’s body, sprawled across the bed, phone against his ear while he wraps a hand around himself.
Seongje thrusts into Sieun, brows raised in a silent command, mouthing the words, answer him.
Breathing ragged, he tries to answer, never breaking his stare from Seongje, “I have—Have something big inside me.”
Seongje eyes him as if to say, Do you now?
“Like a toy?” Suho asks.
Seongje whispers, dark and dirty against Sieun’s ear, loud enough to be heard by only him, and quiet enough to leave Suho completely oblivious. “Fuck, yes. I’m your toy. Come on. Move your hips. Use me. Use me while your boyfriend listens.”
Tears welled up in Sieun’s eyes over guilt and pleasure. He cries, while he obeys, grinding his hips down to meet Seongje’s thrusts, “Yes.”
“How does it feel? I didn’t know you had a toy," Suho says, voice deep.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry—” Sieun's back arches when Seongje mouths on his nipple.
Suho coos at him, “Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me, love." Seongje squeezes the base of his cock as soon he hears the word, love. "Wanna hear you make yourself feel good.”
“It’s so big. I—I think I’ll come any second. I feel so full.”
Seongje bites back a growl so he settles with digging his fingers on Sieun’s hips. Sieun feels Seongje's cock throb inside him.
“Like you’re full of me?” The way he asked, it was so sweet. Sieun wants care. But he doesn’t.
Seongje snorts, and fucks him harder. Sieun scrambles for purchase in Seongje's arms, body jerking, crying out with every thrust, “Yes—yes.”
Seongje breathes directly to his ear, “Rude. That’s okay. We both know who you’re really full of. Who you’re gonna come for.”
Sieun doesn't correct him, doesn't tell him that it's been a while since he's made any sounds that's not meant for Seongje, sounds that only him that can rip out from his mouth.
Seongje unknowingly owns him so much that sometimes the silences are for him too.
But it's better to keep those thoughts trapped. Seongje shouldn't be kept on a false pretense. More than he already is. Sieun has already been cruel enough to keep Seongje tethered to only just a half of him.
Sieun puts on a show. For Suho.
Say what he wants to hear. Make the noises he thinks are for him. Until he hears Suho groans over the speaker, speaking sonnets about how much he misses him, and how he can't wait to come home to Sieun's arms.
But Sieun's world is narrowed down to where only Seongje matters.
It ends the way it always does, him spilling on Seongje's hand, nails digging to Seongje's bicep, head thrown back in pleasure. The image sends him into a frenzy until he feels Seongje muffles his groans on his neck while Seongje empties himself inside him.
The warmth inside him feels dirty but Sieun receives it like an act of love.
It's wrong.
It is beyond wrong that his soul finds salvation when Seongje is dragging him to hell with him.
It is beyond insane that every time they commit an act of sin, it feels nowhere near condemnation.
Sieun doesn't bother saying goodbye to Suho. When he asks, he'll mask it under embarrassment. Just held the power button long enough for his phone to turn completely off.
And turn his attention to Seongje who was watching him cut the phone call.
“That’s not nice," Seongje observes, voice dripping with a concern that's not actually there. "Hanging up on him. What is this, wham, bam, thank you, sir?”
Sieun asks, eyes blazing, “Do you want to get caught?”
This is not a conversation he needs to be having while completely naked and there's literally come dripping out of him and making a mess on his couch. But Sieun's mind is all over the place, and his heart is racing.
Later he will file this under conversations he made out of anger, and not something else he can't absolutely name.
Seongje catches on the hard look on Sieun's face, and sits on his calves, "Can I please clean you up first? Before you start tearing me a new one?"
Sieun doesn't argue when Seongje took him in his arms, and later places him under the shower, which he later joins Sieun with. Seongje doesn't touch him, not like how he did earlier.
Sieun doesn't speak. Neither does Seongje.
"You can't do that again." Sieun's voice breaks the silence.
They finally made it to the bedroom. But the only thing getting ripped apart is Sieun's heart.
Sieun is sitting on the mattress, shoulders hunched. Wet hair, fully clothed, a towel draped on his head.
Seongje leans on his doorway, dressed in his clothes, composed and perfect, like he didn't share a moment where he tore off Sieun's clothes off from his body, "And why not?"
"Do you want to get caught?" Sieun repeats his earlier statement, lips trembling, cheeks flushed.
“Maybe.” Seongje shrugs.
“You can’t be serious,” Sieun frowns at him.
Seongje's mouth twitched, “What if I am? What if I’m sick of this? Sneaking around. I’m starting to hate it. How other people can lo— " Seongje's voice breaks. Sieun's heart stops, Seongje isn't just about to say what he thinks he will.
Sieun watches Seongje try to compose himself, before saying, "It’s not fun anymore, being kept as a secret.”
“Seongje,” Sieun’s throat bobs as he swallows, fingers gripping on his sheets, trying to hold himself together. He continues, “If—If I end things with Suho, do you really think we can be together? Even if I wanted to—”
“That’s it," Seongje cuts him off, pushing himself off the doorway, stepping closer to Sieun. The shortened distance making Sieun flinch, "If you wanted to. Isn’t that enough? Do you not want me enough?”
Sieun does. Of course, he does.
There's a sharp burn on Sieun's throat, “But you’re family. You said it yourself. How can I live being with you after breaking your brother’s heart?”
Seongje urges him to answer, eyes sharp, “Do you want me enough?”
Sieun shakes his head, “I can’t answer that.” Desperately trying not to look at Seongje or he'll say things he definitely should not say.
Seongje lets out a laugh, but there's no humor, “All this time? Are they just wasted? Is it gonna be just that? You don't see this ending with you and I, together?”
The silence spoke for Sieun.
Sieun hears Seongje sigh, even if his shoulders are tense with all the repressed rage.
Sieun watches Seongje turn on his heel and start walking away from him.
"Wait—"
For what Sieun doesn't know, he just thinks leaving things from where they're at right now feels a lot like goodbye.
Sieun doesn't want to say goodbye.
Seongje pauses, at the doorway, doesn't bother looking back, when he says, “If you chase me after me, I won’t let you go. I wouldn’t care who sees. You’re going to be mine. Everyone’s going to hate you and you’ll only have me. I wouldn’t have a single problem with that, I wouldn’t have any problems with you only having me.”
Sieun's breath hitches.
Seongje continues, “I’ll see you around.”
Then slams the door shut. So hard the picture frame on Sieun's nightstand shatters to the ground.
One that bears a photo of him and Suho. He doesn't delude himself into wanting to clean it up.
Sieun cries himself to sleep that night.