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It’s been eight months since they lost their baby and Scott still blames himself as much as he did when they first got the call. He swears up and down that there’s something wrong with his body and his genetics that caused Kate to have a miscarriage. Derek tries to convince him that it’s not his fault — that it’s no one’s fault — but Scott won’t listen.
So when they decide to try again, Scott insists that Derek be the donor instead of him. He can’t handle going through another miscarriage and he’s convinced that his sperm is cursed, so Derek agrees without putting up much of an argument.
When everything is done, they anxiously wait the day of Kate’s doctor’s appointment to see whether or not they’re going to be parents. Time passes by slowly and neither of them think about it until she reminds them, the day before, that she’s going to the doctor.
That night, Scott can’t sleep. He tosses and turns, knocking his knees against the backs of Derek’s legs until his husband wraps both arms around him, holding Scott tightly. Neither of them really sleep, only catching a couple of hours between the two of them, and the next day is worse.
*
Scott wakes up when the birds start singing outside the window and blinks the last remnants of sleep from his eyes He stretches and yawns, slipping out of bed quietly, not wanting to wake Derek up. Once he’s out of bed and standing, Scott pads across the room, stepping into the bathroom.
When he looks at himself in the mirror, Scott makes a face and turns the faucet on, cupping his hands under the stream before splashing water onto his face. The cold water jolts him awake and he turns the sink off, blindly groping for a towel on the rack beside him. He grabs it and dabs at his face, drying it off before putting it back, sighing.
Today’s the day, he reminds himself, and his heart kicks up behind his ribs, beating wildly. Scott swallows and uses the bathroom, washing his hands on his way out of the room, blinking when he sees the bed is empty. The sheets are rumpled and going two different ways, the sight making him smile.
Derek is already downstairs when Scott makes his way to the kitchen and he hums, kissing his husband’s lips before moving to the coffee table. His phone is sitting on the counter, where he left it the night before, and he unlocks it.
No new messages. No missed calls; no voicemails.
“She goes to the doctor at two,” Derek says, his voice heavy and rough with sleep, and Scott hums again, nodding. “Don’t obsess over it.”
Scott turns and looks at Derek, scoffing. “Obsess? Who’s obsessing? Not me.”
“Uh-huh.” Smiling, Derek comes over and wraps his arms around Scott’s waist, kissing his cheekbone, dragging his lips down his skin slowly. “She said she’ll call the moment she gets out of the doctor’s office.”
“I was just hoping maybe she took a home pregnancy test during the night and sent us a text, you know, to tell us what it said.” Scott sighs and loops his arms around Derek’s neck, turning to slot their lips together in a lazy kiss.
The kiss lasts a few minutes and ends with Derek biting Scott’s lower lip, growling playfully at him. He pulls away and laughs, rubbing his husband’s hip slowly before moving away to start breakfast.
Once Derek is gone from his arms, Scott pouts and grabs his phone, pushing into the pocket of his pajama bottoms. He flits around the kitchen, cleaning things that had been scrubbed a few days ago and don’t really need to be cleaned. It’s something to keep his mind off of what’s going to happen later in the afternoon but Scott founds out soon enough that it doesn’t help. He’s still thinking about Kate’s voice when she called them eight months ago, at four in the morning, to tell them the bad news.
Breakfast is a nice distraction and Scott focuses on Derek’s voice as he talks about something that happened at work earlier that week. It’s Friday and neither of them are working; Derek’s law firm gives him more time off because he’s a partner (and can do most of his work from home) and Scott gets every other weekend off at the hospital.
“What happened at work this week for you?” Derek asks, taking a sip of his coffee as he looks at Scott, gulping. He sets the mug back down and licks his lips, laughing when Scott shrugs his shoulders.
Scott looks up and blushes. “Nothing, really,” he answers and sighs, running a fingertip along the rim of his coffee mug. “We did have this guy come in with a piece of Barbie somewhere Barbie shouldn’tbe.”
“Are you saying he put Barbie up his…”
“Yes,” Scott interrupts and laughs, nodding quickly. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Whistling, Derek shakes his head and smirks, leaning on his arms on the table. “That’s fucked up. I’ve heard of people put some weird things up their asses but a Barbie doll part? Wait — which part?”
“The leg.”
“Oh, that’s better than what I thought,” Derek murmurs.
“What’d you think?” Scott asks and, judging by the look on his husband’s face, he doesn’t want to know, so he shakes his head. “Don’t tell me.”
Derek laughs and gathers his dishes, taking them into the kitchen before setting them in the sink. Scott joins him a moment later and they wash the dishes together, which doesn’t help keep Scott’s mind quiet. As he dries each dish Derek hands him, he can’t help but wonder if this pregnancy is going to stick.
When the dishes are done, Derek suggests they go back to bed and lay down for a while, to which Scott eagerly agrees, thinking that maybe being in bed with Derek will help calm him. He follows his husband up the stairs and falls onto the mattress with him once they’re in the bedroom, sighing heavily.
“What are you thinking about?” Derek asks, wrapping his arms around Scott’s waist, kissing his shoulder lightly.
A sigh escapes Scott’s lips as he answers, “The baby.”
Silence fills the room and Scott swallows, knowing he shouldn’t have said anything. Even though it happened nearly a year ago, the miscarriage is still fresh in their minds, especially now that they’re attempting again, and Scott lifts a hand, running his fingers through Derek’s hair.
Time passes and Scott drops his hand. Turns. Turns again, throwing a leg over Derek’s, his hands flitting around his husband’s chest. He groans in frustration and eventually gets out of bed, mumbling something about going to clean the living room when Derek asks where he’s going.
When Derek doesn’t follow him, Scott swallows and goes downstairs, checking the time before moving around the living room. He has a few hours to kill and decides he wants to move the furniture around, pushing Derek’s recliner to one corner, dragging the couch where the chair was before.
Scott gets the furniture rearranged by himself and it takes a couple of hours. Time in which Derek stays away, hiding upstairs in their bedroom, probably thinking that Scott is crazy but he doesn’t care. He needs a distraction, needs something to keep his mind and body busy so he isn’t sitting, thinking about what could go wrong.
It’s one o’clock when Scott finally gets done with the living room and he moves back upstairs, crawling onto Derek’s lap. He sits on his legs and presses both hands against his chest, biting his lip.
“What’s the matter with you?” Derek asks quietly, moving his hands to Scott’s hips, brushing his thumbs along his hipbones.
“I’m afraid this time is going to end up like the last,” he answers and sighs softly, closing his eyes as he drags his fingers down Derek’s stomach. “And I don’t want to sit around, waiting for the call because my mind won’t stop moving and I can’t stop thinking about what could happen to this baby.”
Derek sighs and sits up, wrapping his arms around Scott’s waist, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Everything is going to be fine,” he whispers.
“You don’t know that.”
“I have faith,” Derek says, squeezing Scott’s waist, “and so should you. Kate is doing everything right, just like before, and things like that happen all the time.”
Scott’s quiet for a moment before mumbling, “What if it happens again? What if this means we’re not meant to have a baby?”
“Then we’ll adopt a baby.”
“I want a little Derek running around, though,” Scott replies, his voice thick with emotion and cracking underneath the weight of the words.
Swallowing hard, Derek moves his hands to either side of Scott’s face and pulls back to look at him. “And I want a little Scott running around the house, getting into trouble, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s okay.”
A broken noise leaves Scott’s throat and he slumps forward, pressing his face against the crook of Derek’s neck, breathing hard against it. He stays still for a while, keeping his hands curled between them, his fingers moving along Derek’s stomach slowly. It isn’t until his husband suggests taking a bath that Scott moves, shrugging his shoulders slowly.
“Come on,” Derek says, patting Scott’s back. “We’ll take a bath and I’ll give you a back rub, maybe a blowjob, and that’ll get your mind off of things.”
Scott shudders and nods, sliding off Derek’s lap. “Okay,” he agrees and pulls his phone out of his pocket, turning the volume all the way up. He sets it down on the nightstand and pulls his pajama bottoms off, kicking them away. When Derek whistles at him, Scott blushes and turns, walking to their en suite bathroom.
A moment later, Derek joins him and leans over the bathtub, turning the water on before stopping the drain. He pours some bubble bath under the stream and stands, stripping his own pants off, nudging them to the side with his foot.
“Bubbles?” Scott asks, incredulous, and quirks a brow. “Really?”
Derek shrugs and smirks, looking at Scott over his shoulder. “Bubbles are relaxing and don’t act like you don’t love taking bubble baths,” he answers and winks before stepping into the tub. He sinks down into the water, the foam moving around his body. “Come in.”
It takes Scott a moment to move but he joins Derek in the tub, fitting himself between the other man’s legs. He leans back against his husband’s chest and sighs, feeling a warm, wet hand moving along his chest.
The bath is relaxing and Scott closes his eyes, moving his hand up, tangling his fingers with Derek’s. “I’m sorry I’m so paranoid,” he mumbles.
“It’s alright; I’m paranoid, too.” Derek kisses the side of Scott’s head and leans them forward, turning the water off when there’s enough in the tub.
“Yeah but I’m being crazy about it.”
Derek pulls Scott back against his chest and sighs. “You have every right to be crazy, Scott — no one’s going to blame you for it. Just have a little faith, okay, and stop thinking that the worst is going to happen.”
“Okay.” Scott huffs out a sigh and takes Derek’s hand, dropping it under the water, resting it on his cock. “Distract me,” he says and Derek doesn’t even have to look to know that Scott’s grinning.
Licking his lips, Derek moves his hand along Scott’s cock and moves the other along his chest, tweaking a nipple between his fingers. He drops his head down and presses kisses to the other’s shoulder, gently biting here and there.
Scott bucks his hips forward, sloshing the water around. “Derek,” he moans, lifting a shaky hand to the back of his husband’s head, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Haven’t done this in a while,” Derek murmurs, lips brushing along Scott’s skin as he speaks, stroking him until he’s fully hard. He squeezes his husband’s shaft lightly and thumbs across the head, sliding his hand down to the base.
The only reply Derek gets is in the form of a strangled moan and he grins, biting at the hollow of Scott’s throat. He laves over the mark, bites again, and sucks hard, the hand on Scott’s cock moving languidly. Water moves around them and sloshes over the top of the tub as Scott writhes, fucking up and into Derek’s hand.
Scott’s hand tightens in his husband’s hair and he tugs, his mind still working but the thoughts slowly going away with every stroke. He focuses on Derek’s hand, on the teeth and mouth on his neck, and the way the other’s cock hardens against him.
A moan escapes and Scott tips his head back. “Fuck, Derek,” he breathes, scratching the older man’s scalp. “Feels good, keep going.”
“You don’t want me to blow you?” Derek asks, smirking as he strokes a little harder, thumbing across the head on every upstroke.
“Yeah, yeah — later.”
Derek laughs and leans up, kissing Scott’s ear, biting the lobe. “Get you close to coming and then out of the tub so I can get my mouth around you,” he whispers, breath hot against the other’s skin.
“Yeah….”
“Wrap my lips around the head, looking up at you from where I am on my knees, silently begging for you to come.”
Whimpering, Scott lifts his hips and arches. “Yeah, shit, I want that. I wanna — wanna come in your mouth,” he whispers.
“God, I love when you’re like this.” Derek starts stroking Scott a little quicker, squeezing his cock and twisting his wrist as he strokes down. “I love when you fuck my mouth and come down my throat.”
Scott lets out another whimper and moans Derek’s name.
“And I’ll fuck you later, when we get the call.”
“Oh god,” Scott groans, screwing his eyes shut.
Derek smirks and moves his other hand down the expanse of Scott’s stomach, slipping it between his legs. He brushes his fingertips over his husband’s balls and then squeezes them gently, rolling them between his fingers.
“Shit, oh my god, Derek. That — that feels so fucking good.” Scott’s words are breathless and he’s fucking into Derek’s hand quickly, causing more water to spill out onto the tiles. “Want your mouth on me now.”
A growl settles in Derek’s chest and he nods, pulling his hands away. “You have to get out and sit on the edge,” he says and watches Scott nod his head, pushing himself onto shaky legs.
Scott’s skin is shiny with water and there are bubbles here and there, the sight making Derek shudder. He waits until his husband is sitting on the edge of the tub before getting out, grabbing a towel. When he falls to his knees on the floor, Derek dries Scott’s thighs and cock off before immediately taking him into his mouth.
The second Derek’s lips are around him, Scott tips his head back and moans, a guttural noise in the back of his throat. “Fuck, Derek…”
Derek hums around Scott’s cock and bobs his head, relaxing his throat before deepthroating him. He gags a little and closes his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose as he sucks as hard as he can. As he does, he pulls off and teases the head with the tip of his tongue, smirking when Scott’s breath hitches.
Before Scott can complain about him not sucking, Derek takes the length of his cock into his mouth again and hollows his cheeks out, sucking as hard as he possibly can. Precome coats his tongue and Derek swallows greedily, growling around Scott, which causes him to buck his hips forward.
“I’m… I’m getting so close,” Scott warns, his hand going to the back of Derek’s head while he grips the edge of the tub with the other. He shudders violently when Derek moans around him, sucking harder and faster.
It doesn’t take long for him to come and Scott doesn’t have any time to warn Derek before his orgasm hits. He gasps and slams his hips forward, shoving his cock down Derek’s throat, his legs trembling from the intensity of his orgasm.
Derek swallows everything Scott has to give him and hums in approval as he pulls away, licking his lips. He looks up at his husband and smiles, moving to unstop the tub, listening to the water go down the drain.
“Let’s take a shower,” he suggests, his voice broken slightly, and he laughs when Scott shakes his head, mumbling about falling over and breaking his neck on the edge of the tub. “You aren’t going to fall or break your neck.”
Groaning, Scott opens his eyes and looks at Derek. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Kay,” Scott says and yawns, standing up after Derek does, gripping his arms tightly to steady himself. He holds onto his husband as he steps into the tub and pulls him in after, shivering the moment the water is turned on.
The shower lasts for another forty-five minutes and Derek ends up jerking himself off while Scott talks dirty to him. He comes and they clean each other up before getting out, wrapping towels around their waists.
Scott pads into the bedroom before Derek and checks his phone, eyes widening when he saw that he had two missed calls from Kate. He swallows hard and picks the phone up, dialing her back.
“What?” Derek asks and purses his lips together when Scott shushes him.
The phone rings three times before Kate answers: “Hello?”
“Hey! Sorry I missed your call; we were in the shower,” Scott replies and blushes, listening to her laugh on the other line before saying it’s okay. He pulls the phone away from his ear and hits the speakerphone button, looking at Derek, chewing his lip nervously.
“Is Derek there with you?” Kate asks.
“Right here,” Derek says, moving to wrap his arms around Scott’s waist, taking in a deep breath. “Okay, tell us. We’re ready.”
There’s a moment of silence before she says, “I’m pregnant. Congratulations.”
Scott and Derek look at each other, both wearing a surprised expression, before they laugh and kiss. When they ease apart, Derek rests his head against Scott’s shoulder and listens to him talk to Kate, thanking her before promising to call her back.
When they hang up, Scott turns around in Derek’s arms. “We’re going to have a baby,” he whispers in awe.
“Or two,” Derek teases and laughs, kissing Scott’s lips when he glares at him.
“I’m sorry I was so crazy,” Scott whispers when Derek pulls back.
Shrugging his shoulder, Derek smiles and mumbles, “It’s fine, Scott. You had every right, remember? But aren’t you glad you were worrying for nothing?”
Scott just nods his head and pushes Derek onto the bed, climbing on top of him. He kisses his husband until he’s breathless and then Derek rolls them over, pressing Scott against the mattress.
All of his worries are gone, for the moment, but Scott knows that they’re not out of the woods yet; they have two months to endure before he’ll stop worrying so much.
But, for now, all Scott can focus on is Derek and their celebration.