Chapter Text
“Oi Hijikata-san…”
“Hn?”
“You might actually poison yourself today.”
“What?”
“How many cigarettes is that now?”
“Mind your own business,” Hijikata rasped around his now… ‘?th’ cigarette because nah, he didn’t want to count how many it had been today either.
“I would but seeing as we are patrolling together the whole day it’s not just you who is affected. The smell is starting to make me dizzy here,” said Sougo while holding onto his nose. “I like the idea of you killing yourself but don’t take other innocent people with you.”
Hijikata wanted to argue at him about how there was no world in which Sougo should use the word ‘innocent’ while referring to himself among other things… but he figured this might be Sougo’s only way in which he was subtly telling him that he was concerned about him, and even if that wasn’t the case (there was a fairly high chance) even Hijikata could admit that he had a point overall.
“Fine fine,” he said as he put out his cigarette in the ashtray inside the police car. His eyebrows furrowed in contemplation as he walked across the street along with Sougo. Why was he so damn anxious today? It’s not like anything special was happening, sure, he was working way too much but that was a normal occurrence. Maybe he was finally forced to take out one of his rest days – something he hadn’t done pretty much ever.
He remembered then what had happened the last time he had a day off, and how it had been anything but relaxing. That Yorozuya had just ruined all of his plans the whole day by showing up wherever he went.
“Oh hey, it’s boss!” Sougo suddenly said with uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
Wasn’t it meant to be ‘Speak of the devil’ instead of ‘Think of the devil’?! Ahh right, was this why he had been feeling completely off the whole day? His body had been trying to warn him this entire time that he was going to meet these idiots, because he couldn’t remember the last time he had met them and something ridiculous hadn’t happened.
He looked up ahead and sure enough, there was the pair of glasses looking rather worried, the China girl with her umbrella looking rather upset and the permanent perm looking rather… weird?
“Ah, Okita-kun, Hijikata-san…” Shinpachi said in a pathetic voice as they approached them. He then looked with a pleading look towards that guy next to him, who Hijikata now noticed had bandages wrapped around his head.
“Oi boss, what’s up?” Sougo asked as the so called ‘boss’ looked at them listlessly.
“C’mon, Gin-chan… you know these guys… right-aru?” Kagura begged him. The perm looked at their faces one by one, and Hijikata was fairly unsettled by the empty look in his eyes. Sure, it was always sort of empty due to how stupid he was, but there was definitely something odd about it now.
“Is he alri—” Hijikata started asking the two kids but then was interrupted by the perm—
“His eyes… there’s something…” he suddenly said and trailed off, staring at Hijikata intensely.
“You-you remember him Gin-san?!” Shinpachi shouted and wait wait wait… wait a damn minute, what the hell was even going on?
“I… I don’t know. There’s something about him that I… that’s familiar.”
“Have you finally lost your mind perm-head? What the hell are you saying?”
“Pe-perm head? Is that how he calls me?” he said in a sort of shy voice, well, at least for him and Hijikata almost felt bad all of a sudden.
“Never mind that, this is amazing! Hijikata-san, Okita-kun, Gin-san lost his memories in an accident a week ago and hasn’t been able to recall a single thing, the doctors said he has amnesia. He has not recognized anything but now he is saying—” the glasses guy rattled off in a manic sort of way before Hijikata cut him off—
“Why the fuck would he remember me out of all people?!” he shot, angrily looking back at that slightly weird gaze still staring at him.
“Eeeh? Did you guys do something we don’t know about?” Sougo asked as he looked between them.
“Wha-what? What the fuck, we haven’t spent any time together, why would we?!”
“Ah but Hijikata-san, he was muttering about something to do with you a few weeks ago…”
“That-that was just a coincidence! I had a day off and he started showing up fucking everywhere I went by chance, like the cinema, the restaurant, the sauna—“
“The sauna Hijikata-san? You guys are a lot closer than we all thought—”
“It wasn’t by choice! It was pure coincidence!”
“Well the fact that he remembers ‘your eyes’ must also be a pure coincidence,” Sougo said in a weirdly suggestive tone and Hijikata was about to pop a blood-vessel.
“I don’t damn know why—”
“Please Hijikata-san! We have been trying this whole week to get him to remember anything at all…”
The three of them looked at him with the intense energy of depression like he was supposed to do something about that.
“What please, what the heck can I do about that?! So this bastard remembers my eye colour for some reason, so what?” It’s not like he didn’t have enough stress on him right now, just as he feared, interacting with this trio only brought the worst outcomes.
“Maybe you can do stuff with him-aru, maybe it will help him remember-aru!”
“Yes! Just do the things you two always used to do!” Shinpachi encouraged.
“Hell no! I’m not gonna become some sort of a babysitter for this fucker, I have lots of work to do!”
Shinpachi and Kagura looked all crestfallen while the perm seemed rather intimidated by his aggression.
“He seems really not friendly with me… but it doesn’t make sense… I just have this feeling like…” the perm said all timidly and it wasn’t helping at all.
“Nicotine poisoning! Did you already forget who was ‘babysitting’ Tosshi back then? It was the three of us-aru!”
“Ah… Kagura, he did ask for our help but it’s not fair to just…” Oh that manipulative pair of glasses! Even acting all humble about it, knowing that Hijikata couldn’t just simply refuse now that they had brought this whole ordeal up. It was true… they had done everything they could to help him and the Shinsengumi before, whether it had been for him specifically or not, the fact remained that what they were asking now was not very extreme compared to all that…
“…Fucking hell. What are we supposed to do then? All we did all the time was argue, he doesn’t look like he wants to do that right now!” he said as he stared back at the Yorozuya dude again and his stupid face was all scrunched up probably trying to remember something more than just ‘yoUr EyEs’ about him.
“Maybe you guys need to be around each other for a while for that to happen, I guess you can’t force it,” Shinpachi reasoned.
Hijikata sighed. What a damn nightmare.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the patrol here while you help boss. It’s on you to bring his memories back Hijikata-san.”
“Stop putting this all on me! This is insane!”
“We are really tired-aru of trying to look for his memories this whole time, so do your best-aru!” Kagura said and Shinpachi gave him a sad smile and a wave as the two of them too went their own way after Sougo.
“WHAT THE HELL! WHY ARE ALL OF YOU JUST LEAVING?!”
But it was already too late as they didn’t even look back while he was stuck standing there with a lobotomized perm staring at him.
“Quit staring! Now come on!” he growled at him. He turned around and walked towards the police car which luckily Sougo had the decency to leave for him to use.
“Well, get in,” he commanded him and he was already talking to him in a much less angry tone because it didn’t feel nearly as good shouting at this husk of a human being as it had always felt shouting at the Yorozuya. Seeing that he really had amnesia he could barely be considered the same person anyway.
“So, what kind of a relationship did we even have?” the perm asked him then while scratching the back of his head and it was truly uncanny because that gesture did make him seem like the real deal for a second.
“Eh well… we didn’t like each other,” he said bluntly as he drove and even though his nicotine levels had reached heights they never should have today, he lit another cigarette. It was an emergency. Yeah it really was an emergency because he almost swerved into the river when the Yorozuya suddenly leaned over to him from the passenger seat, so close that he could hear him breathe in for a millisecond.
“What the fuck are you doing!?”
“S-sorry I just, I think I remember that smell—”
“—Wha-what?!”
“I remember that smell… of… of you?”
This whole thing must’ve been a joke, a really bad Gintama episode where it all turned out to be some stupid, twisted lie. Hijikata wiped a bit of cold sweat from his forehead and adjusted his scarf. As much as this guy technically wasn’t ‘Gintoki’ right now, his body was still exactly the same so it felt really bizarre having him do stuff like that, and say things about his ‘smell’ with that same voice.
“What the—I mean… don’t say things like that please. Fucking hell.”
“Sorry again. But can’t you think at all why I would remember something like that? You said we hated each other.”
“Well… well even though we dislike each other I suppose we were often in close proximity… y’know… fighting and all.” And why did he have to analyze these kinds of things about the Yorozuya now? Why did he have to realize that he was also completely familiar with the distinct scent of this bastard’s hair purely because they tended to do stuff like grab each other and punch each other, for some reason they had been touching each other and just been physically close way more than he had ever cared to think about – not in a good way of course but still.
“I see…”
They then arrived in front of the restaurant that they had previously eaten at. Hijikata wasn’t sure where else he was meant to bring him and he was hungry, so he supposed this was the best bet for now.
As they sat down he noticed the bastard wrinkle his nose when Hijikata received his bowl of rice topped with a heap of mayonnaise.
“What’s that, do you remember now that your foolish self hates the ‘Hijikata special’?” he asked snidely, though this might’ve been a good thing, maybe his memories were really coming back already.
“It’s natural that anyone would find that disgusting, amnesia or not,” he said and Hijikata would’ve swung at him if he wasn’t afraid that such a swing would remove the little brainpower he had left. He watched as the other man ate his bowl with sweetened red beans and while it was absolutely gross, the fact that he was able to stomach it must’ve meant that he did have some memory of himself liking sweet things. Maybe it was just something his body remembered in a weird way, perhaps some tastes and sounds and… smells were something that his physical body still held memories of even if these didn’t even occur in his mind at all. It still didn’t make sense why he remembered Hijikata this much out of all people though.
“Well how does it taste?”
“It’s ok.”
Hijikata sighed. He had to admit to himself that even though the guy wasn’t nearly as annoying in this state, he sure was a lot more boring. It seemed that the lunch didn’t jog any big memories for him.
“Can you… can you explain a bit more about us? Why are we even here? Why do we hate each other?” he then asked with a sincere look in his eyes. Hijikata kind of wanted to take a photo of him just so that he had proof that this guy’s face could look so innocent.
“Hate is—I suppose hate is a bit of a strong word.” What was he saying, was it really? He took another bite of his ‘Hijikata special’ as he contemplated – it really was too strong of a word. Sure, on an individual level they were very irritated by each other due to numerous things but… he didn’t feel any real hate in himself for Gintoki, not hate.
“He just pisses me off, that’s all… he’s annoying, bothersome… the reason I brought you here is because on my day off from work it turned out that our minds work quite similarly in some ways. We both ended up going to the same places the whole day, first one was this restaurant so I thought that maybe you’ll remember it for some reason.”
“Hmm I see. Sadly I don’t recall any of this specifically but it’s… not unpleasant.” What the fuck was he even talking about, who was this guy? Who are you!? What do you want!?
“You two are getting along rather well today I see! Will you boys come again next week?” the shop owner said over the counter.
“No-no, this is a special circumstance,” Hijikata said because no he wasn’t planning to start visiting here every week with the Yorozuya in tow.
“One more question mister Mayo—I mean Hijikata-san that is,” the perm then said after having finished his bowl of rice.
“What’s that, you were about to call me mister what?” Hijikata asked and was also weirded out by hearing Gintoki’s voice calling him ‘Hijikata-san’ since the dude never gave him that respect in reality.
“Why would I remember your eyes and not anyone else’s?” And it seemed that this bastard was still a natural at ignoring his words – he tended to do that sometimes and even with amnesia it was still the case. More importantly, what was with these embarrassing-ass questions?!
“Hell I don’t know! Don’t ask me such—well let me damn think about it,” he cut himself off midsentence. True enough, now that he thought about it there wasn’t really anyone else in his life that he had shared just that many staring matches with.
“We uh… we tended to have arguments right, and then well what do you do when you are arguing with someone? When you’re angry?” The non-Gintoki narrowed his eyes at him in response. Eh?
“You say that people who are angry with each other stare deeply into one another’s eyes?”
“Don’t make it sound so weird! I don’t fucking know just—”
“Can you give me an example? Like demonstrate it?”
“What?”
“Just show how you would act when you’re angry at me.”
Hijikata stared at those maroon eyes and it really seemed like he was only trying his best to get his memories back by trying random things but… how fucking awkward was this?! He wasn’t angry at him right now, how could he be? He wasn’t really even there, just his damn body was. What could he do, just grab his collar right now like he used to do?
“It doesn’t work like that! I have to be angry at you first!”
“I still look the same right so is it that hard to do?” And he was right, wasn’t only the sight of the Yorozuya supposed to piss him off enough? That stupid curly hair and lazy eyes… but he had a totally different demeanor right now, not to mention there were no insults or annoyed looks to get pissed off at.
“I’m sure you’ll manage to piss me off soon enough… but let’s go for now,” he simply said because hanging around the damn restaurant clearly wasn’t working.
“How did you lose your memories in the first place?” he asked him once they were in the car again.
“I crashed with the scooter.”
“Hah, what an idio—I mean damn, that sucks.”
“Yeah he really sounds like a bit of an idiot… in fact I have barely heard anything good about him… or well, me,” he then said all depressed and Hijikata suddenly felt that energy in him too. Damn, when he called the dude an idiot this was not the sort of response that made it feel good.
“Really? I mean it’s… he’s not only an—well…” Hijikata sputtered because damn it was hard to formulate his words on this topic, but it didn’t matter right? It’s not like this guy would remember what he was going to say now anyway.
“He can be quite… brave and stuff… and he’s really skilled with a sword. He’s not all bad and such…” Hijikata blabbered. Why did he have to make this fake ass Yorozuya feel better by talking the real one up?! Something was going severely wrong in the world, this was so off!
“But people say that I was always carefree and lazy. I didn’t even pay rent or do proper work…”
“Eh carefree for sure but not careless, he always made sure to protect people and all.”
“Hm, you don’t really sound like you actually hate this guy.”
“I said I didn’t! I mean, he’s just annoying! Now come, we need to get those damn memories back and fast! I can imagine the mountain of paperwork piling up on my desk already,” Hijikata said as he got out of the car. The perm was dawdling around so slowly that he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the cinema ticket booth.
“Two tickets for ‘My Neighbour Pedoro 2’,” he said and didn’t bother to ask the Yorozuya for his share – there was a 99% chance that he didn’t have any money. He supposed that he would ask for it after this whole ordeal was over if he remembered.
“We watched the first Pedoro movie here, again by accident, but I do remember that you really liked it so this might help,” he explained as they sat into their seats.
Now it was very weird sitting right next to this guy in the cinema, it’s like they were two pals on an outing. The two of them should’ve never been in such close proximity in such a calm manner; it simply wasn’t how the universe was arranged.
He supposed that as much as he was very annoyed that he had to look after him, he had wanted to see this movie for a long time but hadn’t really found time for it so far. So it was like hitting two flies with… ehh one hit? Who knows how that saying goes.
Soon the whole movie theater got dark and all he could hear was the Yorozuya munching onto his sweetened popcorn – again he was trying to make it exactly like it had been before just to see if it helped him to regain his memories. The sound was really annoying, he didn’t know why but he almost felt relieved to feel that towards the guy again. Feeling empty or ambivalent towards him had been quite unsettling thus far.
“Please, Pedoro!” the child in the movie begged and Hijikata could feel his eyes sting. It was similar to the first movie except the circumstances were a bit different, but damn he had no idea the sequel was going to be just as heart-tugging. He let his tears flow then because what the hell, who wouldn’t cry after seeing this masterpiece? He vaguely noticed the Yorozuya staring at him.
“W-what is it?” he asked through tears and he wiped his eyes. The flickering screen was making the Yorozuya’s face look all glowy and tranquil. It was odd but he felt like he had never really seen him like that, never truly looked at his face in such detail. He was always just shouting at him or grabbing him or in general running his mouth, to watch him so closely just sitting there not saying anything like a statue was—
“You know you're quite good-looking,” the Yorozuya then said.
“Wha-WHAT?!” Hijikata barked out of sheer shock, of course getting a chorus of ‘shh’ from the other cinemagoers.
“Sorry, just stating the obvious.” And again, this brainless ‘Gintoki’ had no right saying these kinds of things through that guy’s body, Hijikata couldn’t even imagine what that dude would want to do to himself if he knew that he’d said such things to him… maybe he would hang himself?
“Y-you—don’t just say shit like that!” he hissed at him and for better or for worse he grabbed a fistful of popcorn and shoved it into the Yorozuya’s mouth.
“Mpf! Calm down! Even though I don’t have his memories I still have the same eyes, I’m sure he already thought the same.”
Hijikata sat there frozen now; it was his turn to play a statue.
So what you’re saying is.
If the Yorozuya lost all his memories.
He becomes gay as fuck?!
What was the other explanation here?! Then again, a guy can acknowledge that another guy is handsome without being gay but… to say it like that outright. Just obscene!
“Stop with this nonsense and watch the movie!” he then whispered angrily. Yes he was quite angry now, not only was this dead-eyed fucker not gaining back any of his memories, he was making Hijikata miss out on the best movie of the decade!
“Huh. The fact that your face is red means you do have some kind of reaction towards his wor—” Hijikata slammed his permed head into the popcorn bucket.
“Clearly this is not working. I need to return you to your children caretakers,” Hijikata said robotically and sniffled, his face felt warm and sticky with dried tears and the mood had just been completely ruined.
The two of them exited the cinema quite crestfallen after the movie had ended.
“It is starting to feel quite hopeless… I still have no idea who I am,” the guy lamented and god fucking damn it. It’s not like Hijikata could just leave him like that, blame it on Pedoro for making him feel all wistful. But for that Yorozuya to look so damn pathetic simply wasn’t right… he supposed this is how that guy had felt about him when he had been taken over by ‘Tosshi’.
“Fine. Get in, there’s one more place we went on that day.”
Now how in god’s name would sitting with him in a sauna bring back his memories? Hijikata didn’t know.
Once they were sitting there with their towels on, sweating like pigs, he still didn’t know.
“Damn, so warm… do people really do this for fun?”
“It’s nowhere near as warm as back then, pull yourself together dude…” Hijikata said and thought about how it had been considerably easier to bear the heat in a craze of competitiveness back then. The lame atmosphere currently wasn’t helping at all.
“Wait… did we have a fight here?”
“Ah, do you remember?!” Hijikata asked all hopeful. He felt beads of sweat drop down from his nose by now and the faster that this perm got his head straight the better.
“Isn’t it a bit…” the guy said then and his voice trailed off, for some reason his face looked crimson, a bit too much to be only from the heat.
“What?”
“You’re saying that we just sat here together even though we dislike each other?”
“We were having a stupid contest about who could stand the heat longer.”
“All half-naked and sweaty…and had a fight?” he asked as he looked at Hijikata up and down all puzzled. Hijikata wished he had another towel right now to cover up his body.
“WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT SOUND LIKE THAT!” he barked and sincerely eyed the bucket of water wanting to throw it at this dude, but in his pathetic state he might’ve died from shock on impact.
“Calm down calm down! So you guarantee that the ‘fight’ was not—”
“If you keep talking I’ll make sure you lose your latest memories from today as well, all of them,” Hijikata said with his tone dead serious: he was.
For a few minutes no-one uttered a word. The heat was starting to get unbearable.
“I’ve learnt one thing though.”
“Hm?”
“I can see why he likes pissing you off.”
“Huh…”
“It’s rather entertaining.”
“It seems that you can take the memories out of the perm, but not the sadism.”
“Also it’s getting stupid talking about ‘him’ like it’s some sort of other person. It’s YOU! Maybe this the reason that you can’t regain your memories. Realize that all we are talking about here is still you, you are the same person except without all the stupid memories! There’s gotta be something in you that still makes you the same person even without all that!” Hijikata ranted at him.
The perm didn’t really answer him then but seemed deep in thought. Hijikata wondered what ‘thought’ he could’ve even had in that damn head.
When they were out of the sauna his body did feel amazingly relaxed. There had been no progress made on the real issue but Hijikata suddenly realized he was no longer anxious at all like he had been earlier. It’s like he had had a true vacation day (besides a few hitches here and there), who knew that all it took for him to have a calm-ish day was to hang around with a listless, useless perm.
“Hijikata-san,” ‘Gintoki’ then said as they stood near the police car.
“Can I just say my honest thoughts about today?”
“And why would I need to hear that? Tell me if you remembered anything at all today, come on. And nothing useless like how I smell or something.”
“There were flashes here and there… I just felt kind of at ease the whole day when I was around you, it felt like something familiar.”
“A-and it hadn’t felt like that when you were with those kids?”
“I learnt to feel safe around them too, but not right away… Honestly, this whole day you took me to lunch, then cinema and then to the spa… no matter how I look at it, it had kind of felt…”
“Do not finish that thought,” Hijikata threatened him.
“…like a date.”
“Are you not listening?! Am I talking to myself?! WHO IS WRITING THIS SHIT, STOP IT NOW!”
“And since you said that what’s in my head right now is still ‘me’, even if I don’t have any memories besides the recent ones from this whole week… does it mean I can do what I am thinking in my head right now?”
“What the fuck are you about to do, go for a piss?”
“Because if I have this impulse in me, wouldn’t he agree with it, the past me? It’s in my body, the body that held all these past memories…”
“You sound insane.”
“Do I have your permission?”
“Sure? Whatever the fu—” The husk of the Yorozuya then leaned forward and put his lips on Hijikata’s. Hijikata thought that he might just lose his own memories right then as he felt his soft lips on his, the air smelled so heavily of his hair, like strawberries, but also something masculine. His stomach felt sick and weird like he was on a roller-coaster.
The next thing he knew was that something connected with his face, very hard, and then he felt the back of his head hit something – possibly metal. Then darkness.
---
“—had he done? But your memories are back!”
“Yes yes, very well!”
“So what did you guys do-aru?”
“That—it—y’know this and that!”
“…Are you ok Gin-san, you don’t sound well, the doctor—”
“I’m great!”
“How did he end up like this again?”
“I don’t know!”
“What did you do before that, what happened?”
“We were—he did—it was—you know—he—”
Hijikata gritted his teeth. To hear that stupid perm's voice the first thing when he woke up was a special kind of torture.
“I-I didn’t—he just—”
“SHUT UP!! My head hurts like crazy!” he had to groan.
“Hijikata-san! I’ll call the nurse right away!”
He opened his eyes slowly and it was so bright that it rather felt like he had died and woken up in heaven. Then he saw bright red hair and bright silver hair swim into view and he could confirm instantly that this was far from that holy place.
“Mayora-san-aru, you’re awake! Do you still remember us?”
“Yeah…”
“We were scared that you now lost your memories too, ha-ha, that would really be typical for a Gintama episode wouldn’t it?” the dim-witted perm said and it was clear as day that he was now fixed. Hijikata froze. Fixed by what… fixed by what... fixed by…
“Please out of the room everyone, I need to examine him.” Thankfully the doctor had arrived and the three were out of there.
It turned out that he had hit the back of his head pretty hard, there was still a gauze there that he had to wear for a few days but luckily the hit had only resulted in a minor concussion. The dizziness was still quite heavy though. He also had a black eye…
After his examination there was an even bigger flurry of people in his room as both Kondo-san and Sougo had also arrived.
“Oh Toshi! I am so happy you are awake!” Kondo-san bawled as he hugged him tightly. Hijikata patted his back gently.
“Please, please Kondo-san. I’m happy to see you but my head really hurts—”
“Ah, sorry Toshi, I’ll keep it low from now on!”
“Hijikata-san how did you get that black eye?” Sougo then asked as he looked over his injuries with his blank gaze. Hijikata’s eyes without even thinking flittered over Kondo-san’s back to the Yorozuya standing a few meters away, looking suspiciously fidgety.
“Boss hit you? Didn’t you help him get his memories back?”
Hijikata’s and that bastard’s eyes met then. There was a certain understanding there, a memory as well, at least for him, many of them, but also an understanding.
“I-it was an accident… right Hijikata-kun?” the perm said in a shaky sort of voice. Like hell it was! But he supposed that the best course right now would be playing dumb.
“…Yeah…”
“How did you get your memories back boss?”
“That’s what we have been asking too.”
“He doesn’t really answer-aru.”
“Huh. Curious,” Sougo said and the sound of that just was not very good. Not at all. He was already suspecting something… sus.
“I-I don’t really remember that day too well… I only remember a lit-little,” Gintoki stuttered apologetically. All of them then stared at Hijikata and how dare they gang up on an injured person!
“I-I might have a mild memory loss too you know, con-concussion and all,” he said while rubbing his head for good measure. Rather than injury his mind was full of questions… why the fuck had that stupid perm done that and why the fuck had that brought his memories back?
“Well Toshi, we should leave you for now to have a bit of rest. Call me soon ok? I brought your cell phone and some mayonnaise right here!”
“Thanks Kondo-san.”
All of them started pouring out of the room afterward but Hijikata then said:
“Wait. I need to talk to you.”
“Not me right?”
“Yes you.”
He had to make 100% sure that Sougo had left before he opened his mouth because there was something sadistically curious burning in his eyes.
“What the fuck did you—”
“I should be the one asking that!” the perm interrupted him.
“Stop shouting!”
“Sorry. I should be the one asking that, why did you do that?” the Yorozuya then started the same sentence again this time in an angry whisper and Hijikata thought that maybe his brain wasn’t truly fixed yet.
“First off, it had been you, well, the lobotomized version of you—”
“What the—really? I don’t believe you—”
“—Don’t then, but why did that bring your damn memories back?”
“I don’t damn know?”
“Why did you remember me and wanted to damn hang around with me?”
“Why are you asking me? Ask that dude without memories.”
“He doesn’t exist anymore!”
“Don’t shout.”
“… What’s your damn deal with me, I thought you didn’t like me.”
“Of course I don’t, mayonnaise freakazoid.”
“Permanent perm idiot.”
“Constipated-ass lookin—”
“—Just get out. I miss that other version of you now.”
“I don’t miss any version of you.”
“Get. Out.”
Well, that had been completely useless. In fact this whole ordeal had been. Hijikata felt something sting inside his chest… he had tried to help this guy the whole day, never did anything bad to him either beyond shoving his head in a box of popcorn even though he could have, he somehow even managed to help him get his memories back. And then here he was being called a constipated freak by him after he had also punched him straight in the face so he had hit the back of his head on the police car. Because of him he was all bedridden and his head hurt and swam. Oh and ‘I don’t miss any version of you’ echoed in his head. What, would he have been happy if Hijikata never woke up at all?
It had almost started feeling like they weren’t in very bad terms as he had talked to that memoryless version of Gintoki. He had started to realize all kinds of things about them, the things they did, why they did them… well it turned out it had all been untrue. Perhaps they did hate each other, truly. Perhaps there was nothing that great about this Yorozuya as he had started somehow thinking during that day. ‘Hate is a bit of a strong word’ – fuck no, no it wasn’t! He could now fully confirm that he did hate this dude, he must’ve been completely out of his mind earlier! That ungrateful-ass shitty perm!
And with those uneasy thoughts he eventually fell into a restless sleep.
---
“Gin-san, please pick up those magazines…” Shinpachi groaned as he tried to vacuum the areas around the couch.
“Oi stop with this cleaning stuff late in the evening! No-one wants to hear the wailing of a vacuum right now—”
“What does it matter if it’s the evening! Someone has to keep this place looking humane!”
“Nothing inhumane ‘bout this,” he said and Shinpachi sighed.
“You were actually a bit more orderly before you gained back your memori—”
“—Don’t start guilt tripping me for getting my memories back again! Are you guys planning to make me lose them again or what!? How great was it?! The Gintoki without memories was suuuuuch a good guy, what an angel! I’m starting to really hate him!!”
“Calm down! And how can you hate ‘him’, it was you the whole time!”
Gintoki angrily grabbed a few things from the floor and put them on the table. See? The memory owning Gintoki was so clean and helpful!
“Also, before you ask, Hijikata-san is—”
“I didn’t ask.”
“…Anyway I met Kondo-san earlier when I was at the store and he was a bit stressed out since Hijikata-san hasn’t really recovered that well.”
“What do you mean? He seemed pretty ok before, already running his damn mouth as always.”
“He’s alright but it can take a while to heal from a concussion you know… and it can be made worse by emotional distress. But I’m sure you didn’t say anything disturbing to him did you and just thanked him for helping you?”
“…”
“Right?”
“Shit. I think I forgot the oven on…”
“What oven?! Where are you going? It’s pretty late so I don’t think you can get in the hospital Gin-san—”
“But I have to turn the oven off!!”
“He’s probably asleep right now, you can’t just go and barge in there!”
“I never said where I’m going!”
Shinpachi sighed again as he watched Gintoki’s retreating back. He at least hoped that he wasn’t going to make the situation worse somehow.
---
“Yamazaki… bring that here… y’idiot…” Hijikata mumbled as he felt something poke his shoulder.
“…I meannnt… the mayonnaise… sstupid…” And why was that fucking idiot Yamazaki not following his orders properly! Bring me the fucking mayonnaise before I fucking cut your head off for real!!
His dream was then shattered however when something shook him, he slowly opened his eyes and there was a shadowy figure standing right there next to him.
“Are you really—OW!”
“What the—who—I’m gonna press that red button!”
“No wait—wait it’s me!” And Hijikata’s eyes finally focused best they could on said figure before him only illuminated by the moonlight from the window. He was now clutching onto his cheek, his silvery perm making him look all mysterious at that moment due to the light hitting it in a certain way.
“Even more reason to press the button!”
“Ha-ha, very funny. Anyway, I guess we are even now.”
“I did that by reflex because there was a random person waking me up from sleep!”
“Keep your voice down, this is a hospital ward—”
“And how in the fuck are you even in here?”
“I dunno, I snuck in.”
“You can’t just sneak into a hospital, that’s illegal!” Hijikata hissed at him. But now that this dude had regained his memories he was perfectly capable of giving him that lazy, mocking stare, letting him know full well just how little he cared about things that were ‘illegal’ or whatever.
“Besides, why on earth did you come here? Just to wake me up? Haven’t you done enough?!” And his tone was very aggressive at that moment, because yes he was still quite sore about how this fucker had treated him after all this.
Gintoki for some reason closed his eyes, and Hijikata could tell one of them sort of twitched in an effort to calm himself down.
“Relax… everyone relax… yes he did something for you… you just have to say…”
“What the fuck are you muttering now, how about you get out and let me sleep!”
“…God you’re annoying!”
“What?! YOU are the one who came to my hospital room to wake me up in the middle of the fucking night!”
“I was trying so damn hard to just say what I wanted to say and now you are making it impossible!”
“What did you damn want to say just spit it out!”
And when Gintoki’s eyes slowly opened, Hijikata was weirdly glad to see that intense look in them again as they stared at each other. That unspoken tension between them was back in full force.
He walked slowly closer to him again and Hijikata felt almost scared at how intensely red his eyes were, it must have been due to the weird light from outside. That together with the fact that he was still all dizzy and confused from his injury he supposed.
“You know… I have been thinking…” Gintoki trailed off as he stopped right next to him and looked down.
“Really, you actually have? What a miracle.” Hijikata could see the Yorozuya’s fist clench in response to his sarcasm. He didn’t know why but he really wanted to keep pushing him at that moment. It’s not like he could just hit him again when he was in this state. What would he do? What would he possibly do if he kept pushing?
“You were a lot nicer a few days ago.”
“What? So you do remember everything from that day?”
“Not everything… just some parts.”
“Ah,” Hijikata said and suddenly didn’t feel like he had the upper hand anymore. Surely he wasn’t going to bring up—
“I’m happy to be such a brave, skilled with a sword guy that protects everyone!” Gintoki emphasized and what the fuck, this asshole!
“T-that was just—dude I don’t know! I was just trying to make yo—him feel better!”
“You were just trying to make me feel better, I get that.” And now Hijikata looked up to see a dumb smile on his face. Fine! let’s see what he had to say about this then—
“Y-you said much worse things like—like—”
“Oh that part about you being ‘good-looking’? I mean what the hell, he had a point.”
“Eh?”
“Don’t give me that ‘eh’! Yeah let’s all act like the most popular guy in the Shinsengumi has no idea that he is sort of attractive!”
“I don’t—what? I never think about those kinda things!”
“So fuckin’ oblivious and humble, are you like a Disney princess or some shit?! Get it together!” Gintoki said and crossed his arms angrily. What. The. Fuck.
“I don’t get what you’re saying! We-weirdo!”
“Oh and now look, he had another point there, you are getting all red!”
“How the fuck can I control that, I just don’t like talking about—”
“So how did it feel?” Gintoki instead interrupted and for some reason leaned down close to his face, it reminded Hijikata heavily of the time that the memoryless Gintoki had done the same. He tried to lean away from him but it was not easy to do so on that cramped bed.
“W-what? Can you not—”
“The kiss of course, I get that you’re slow in the head right now but that part I actually don’t remember so help me out here.”
“I-I don’t fucking know—it was weird?”
“It seems you didn’t punch me on reflex like I had though.”
“You’re the one who kissed me in the first place! And you’re the one who was acting all weird towards me after having lost your memories, explain that!” he challenged him and for fuck sake, could he truly not give him some space? What’s next, was he going to climb into the bed with him?!
“I’m trying to figure it out. Y’know at first I thought about apologizing to you and all that, giving you my thanks for your gracious help and all, but I don’t really care about that anymore…” he said as his maroon red eyes searched Hijikata’s face closely like he was some kind of zoo specimen. He then leaned close to his hair and took a sniff. Yeah. Whatever was happening was a sick hallucination due to the concussion wasn’t it?
“W-what the hell are you—”
“I do remember that smell—”
“—What the—what’s the big deal with that, so do I!” Hijikata shot at that idiot and then clamped his mouth shut because why had he just given that up!
“Whoa ok, no need to get heated about that. I never accused you of not remembering mine.” Hijikata had no idea how to respond to such a thing so he decided not to.
“There must be a reason why I remembered you… maybe it’s because I don’t really have anyone else I feel such—um… intense emotion towards?”
“Really.”
“Oi! Yes there are many people I feel strongly about or whateverthefuck, but no-one I quite so just want to…”
“What, to kill?”
“Are you stupid? Believe me, things wouldn’t be like this if that was the case. Hell, you would’ve been dead long ago—”
“Like hell! I’m not that easily killed you know!”
“Relax! I’m just saying I never actually tried or would try to kill you!”
“Amazing, that means we must be the best of friends!”
“No! Clearly there’s something else here that’s—”
“Just why were you so weird towards me after losing your memories, it’s like you were…”
“Well finish the sentence!”
“It’s like you were… like… into me damn it!”
“Interesting choice of words there—”
“Fuck off!” And Hijikata felt a sort of heat within him that he knew, always had known that he would never truly feel towards anyone else but him. Gintoki grabbed onto the collar of his hospital gown then and leaned even further down, and he could tell that he was feeling the exact same thing.
“Hijikata-kun, listen well, I don't like you in any way. Do you get that?”
“Then l-let go—”
“But there have been times that I physically wanted to just—” And though he didn’t finish his sentence Hijikata had an inkling of what he meant by that ravenous look in his eyes. He really didn’t think all this was good for his head, in fact it was probably too late to worry about all that since the next thing he did was blurt out—
“Closer.”
It seemed that the Yorozuya was suddenly good at following orders as he did exactly what Hijikata had asked. He didn’t know where the comparison was coming from but this kiss was nowhere near as soft and tender like the one only a few days ago – not to mention if someone told him a week ago that he was going to kiss the same perm headed bastard a whole two times within just a span of a few days he would have shot the messenger straight in the head (he didn’t have a gun but that was beside the point).
It was like Gintoki was trying to eat him alive as his lips moved insistently across his, there was tongue even – Hijikata had no idea what to do with that just exploring his mouth like it now suddenly belonged to him! He could hear a low sound emitting from his own throat and it stuck out so annoyingly loud in the quiet hospital room.
Gintoki abruptly pulled back and Hijikata saw, even if his vision was blurry form lack of oxygen, the state of him totally flushed and his lips were all pink. Never in his life had he thought he would see such a picture before him.
“Wait, shit. You aren’t dying right? Maybe if we keep doing this you will pass out dude, can you breathe?”
Great observation. Hijikata couldn’t exactly confirm that he could as he took in heavy breaths with his chest heaving. He felt madly dizzy and the brain fog was only getting worse.
“S-shut up, I-I’m ok! It’s just my head!”
“Glasses said that emotional distress is not good for a concussion… err… I don’t think this is helping?”
“You knew that but still did all this?!”
“Calm down, calm down! If you die it will be on me, I don’t want to spend my youth in jail!”
“Aren’t you fucking getting old these days?!”
“I’m only 27, so are you! Now don’t shout anymore or I will… I will shut you up somehow.”
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him. Was he seriously threatening to kiss him again just to shut his mouth up?!
“Not that it will actually shut you up, seeing as you started all moaning alread—”
“—I feel very dizzy! I think I’m going to pass out! Emotional distress!”
“Okay okay, relax dude.”
“Fuck… any—any other bright ideas? Or can I finally get some sleep here?”
“You’re asking if there was anything else I wanted to do with you? I don’t think that’s a great topic of conversation right now.”
“What the—are you actually that much of a freak, no wonder you acted all strange with your memory loss…”
“You want me to tell you in detail?”
“Couldn’t possibly be that much crazier than—than what we just did…”
“Hahahaha—”
“—Can I please punch you until you also get a concussion?”
“You know it’s only because of that concussion that I didn’t do more to you right now. As I said, can’t just kill an injured person,” Gintoki said with a leer and Hijikata absolutely couldn’t look him in the eyes any longer.
“God… what... what would you…” was all that he managed to blabber like he was completely brain damaged, well he mildly was anyway. But wasn’t the Yorozuya implying that if Hijikata was healthy enough he would’ve just fucked him right now in this hospital bed?!
“Judging by that look on your face you already figured out some of it… so anyway,” He watched as the Yorozuya heaved a huge yawn. “I’m real tired here too, need to get home and hit the hay.”
“…”
“Oh and sure, you can maybe call me tomorrow night if you are feeling well enough to—”
“—Go!!”
The perm then shrugged and went towards the window.
“You-you came through there?! You’re just way more insane than I imagined!”
“Oh lay off, when you do ‘odd-jobs’ you learn all kinda tricks. Anyway, don’t be scared, I won’t just climb into your bed in the middle of the nigh—”
“—Fall down! Just fall down, please!”
And he did hear some sort of ‘thud’ outside a few minutes later, though sadly his hospital ward was not very high up in the building so there was no possible way that this guy actually hurt himself.
He covered his face with his hands then and thought about the fact that this fucking dude had just come in here, shoved his tongue down his throat and then left – that was literally all that had happened and for what reason?! What was the fucking reason?! How did this help anyone?! This guy was still a total asshole!
He fell asleep quite quickly after though as he was thoroughly exhausted.