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I looked at myself in the mirror and dragged a hand across my face. Same blue eyes, same black hair that looks disgustingly similar to Randy's, same kid who can't deal with his own shit without begging for help. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate myself. I want, need change.
I look at the piercing gun in my hand, the metal weighing down in my hand. I got with Kenny a few weeks ago, at some random house party. I feel the grin creep up my face- God, he was so drunk, I think he drank a whole bottle of tequila that day. I'll remember that for sure.
I raise it up to my left brow. Click. The bead of blood drips onto my eyelid. It stings.
Click. My lip has a horseshoe in it. Click. I have a nose stud. Click. My helix has a hoop. Click. I have a stud to my other nostril now.
It's not much, but it's change. I need that now more than anything.
I look back at myself, staring at my own reflection. I feel nothing.
I'm still the same kid who can't keep his head above water. I'm still the same person who can't stop shaking when someone gets too close, the one who cries if you raise your voice at him. He just has jewelry in his face.
My knees buckle in on themselves. My back slides against the wall as my vision gets blurry with tears. They fall ugly and silent before I even realize what's happening. My skin feels like it's crawling. My own nails are scratching at my arms, leaving trails of red on my flesh.
I'm still the same.