Chapter Text
Life had felt like a blur for a really, really long time.
Craig stuffed his earbuds into his ears, pulled his blue beanie's ear pieces down to secure his hat and shovelled his bag into his locker. He slammed it shut with force and spun on his heels, making his way toward the cafeteria.
Upon arrival, he grabbed his tray and found his table with a few familiar faces. He flung his lanky limbs over the seat and placed his tray down.
He was greeted with a smile from one of the kids already sitting there — his friend of many years, Tolkien.
Clyde and the two girls on either side of him mostly ignored him. There were also a couple of new faces that Craig hadn't known since elementary but had quickly become friends with in freshman year, Max and Toby.
Tolkien's mouth moved as if he said something but Craig just threw him an empty look in return, blinking and beginning to poke at his food.
He grasped the soggy cafeteria pizza and held it up to his mouth before he was rudely interrupted by the feeling of someone's warm, sweaty arm strewn around his shoulders and a chaotic presence buzzed at his right. Craig let out a groan, taking out one of his earbuds.
Cartman.
He snapped his head up to glare at the overweight troll, his icy blues engaging with two completely separate color eyes; one brown and one blue. Perhaps that was the only attractive trait about the lardass.
He noticed Cartman's expectant expression and begrudgingly took out his earbud.
"What?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me," Cartman snarked, "I asked if it was true that all gay people sit funny. You know, because you're gay."
Craig Tucker felt all of the blood in his body heat up like a magma pool. In spite of this, he kept his face mostly relaxed, although his eyebrows threaded into a bit of a scowl.
"I'm not gay so I wouldn't know."
Cartman proceeded to put his fingers up against his chin as if this was innocent curiosity. The true intent was clear behind his eyes.
That's when Craig noticed a figure standing mere inches away from him, trying to lean over his shoulder, a delighted smile on her face. Heidi. He turned his head away to continue picking at his pizza.
"Oh, so I guess Tweek was just a phase then? Just a really long, two year phase?" Cartman jeered. It was evident that Heidi saw this a genuine inquiry, her eyes twinkling in wonder as she put her hand on Cartman's shoulder and peered over.
"Knock it off, Cartman. You do this every month and it's becoming insufferable," Tolkien cut in. His eyes were dark and scary for such a gentle giant that he had become as a teenager.
Cartman's eyes met the other's challengingly. He gripped Heidi's free hand.
He had become especially insufferable since around one week ago, when he announced to the whole cafeteria that he and Heidi were back together. It was like some endless bragging rights in his fucked up little mind.
"Yes, I suppose you're right, Tolkien. It's none of my business or concern what goes on in someone's gay journey; we just have to be there and support it, right, Heidi?"
Heidi's concerned expression from the confrontation dissipated, and she gave a harmonious giggle, nodding her head enthusiastically.
"We're here for you, Craig! Seriously, any time you wanna talk about it, we're both here."
Craig slammed both of his fists on the table at either side of his food tray. Cartman flinched and the table whipped their heads over to look at him.
"I'm not fucking gay, alright!? Now kindly, fuck off and die." Craig stood up in a huff, whacking his pocket with his hand and then stormed off to the courtyard. He could feel the individual stares of everyone in that room as he absconded. They burned holes into his conscience like matches.
The outside air immediately began to lower his core temperature as he found himself pressing up against a brick wall. He dove a hand into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, flipping the top, grasping one out with his spindly fingers and placed it between his lips. The packet disappeared back into his pocket and out came his lighter, adorned with stickers of stars and Saturn. He drew it to the end of the cigarette and flicked it to life, inhaling a breath of the smoke like he would die without it.
Relief washed over him like heavy rain. He exhaled the cloud of cancer and slumped further against the brick, feeling the way the material caught to the fabric of his hat and tugged on it. It didn't matter; the smoke's buzz warmed him comfortably so.
Tweek Tweak, Craig finally allowed himself to think. That prick.
He took another long drag of his cigarette. He closed his eyes and winced as the memories came pooling back, holding the lit stick at his side.
It wasn't his fault that things ended the way they did, so uneventfully. Besides, it was just an artificial, kiddy-school relationship. They were just two kids randomly thrust into dating by a whole town's weird obsession. There was nothing really between them.
His grip on the smoke tightened. His lip quivered as he remembered the words said.
"Craig?"
Craig's eyes snapped open. He turned his head to the source of the call.
"Sup, dude. You know you're gonna get caught out here one of these days." Stan Marsh approached the boy, still donning his backpack.
"Yeah, well, they can suck my dick. I can't do eight hours without it and most of the teachers here can't either." Craig found himself moving over and fixing his hat as Stan slid in beside him, his backpack scratching against the bricks.
"That's true," Stan hummed, grappling the cigarette out of his hand and taking a drag himself. Craig watched as the other's blue eyes met with the sunlight and lit up like a running stream. He admired the way his face eased as smoke flared from either of his nostrils.
Stan had always been a friend to Craig, even during the separation that such an event like moving up in school years brought. Especially, becoming kinder and more tolerable as they got older. To be fair to that entire group, they all had. Well, all of them except Cartman, of course.
"You look tense. Cartman again?"
Craig swallowed. He had completely forgotten why he had come out here after letting his mind roam back to Tweek, or why he was so desperate to get a nicotine hit in him in the first place.
"Yeah." That was all he had to say. Stan took another deep drag and handed it back to Craig, who followed. They each let out clouds of smoke as they stared at the partly cloudy sky. Craig noted that those clouds looked to be full of snow this late in fall.
"I don't understand why Heidi got with him again. She's smarter than that and already saw his dark sides," Stan mused.
Craig threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped it out with his boot.
"I don't exactly blame her," he sighed, "we all know Cartman's not exactly a bad manipulator."
Stan turned his body to face his.
"But come on... it's Cartman."
"Then why do you hang out with him still?"
Craig bit his lip. He didn't mean to snap like that and the look on Stan's face — guilty and mild — made him begin to regret it.
"Sorry. He really got on my last nerve today. I'm not sure if I can survive putting up with his bullshit if it's like it was today for the rest of junior year."
The Marsh boy gave a slow nod but his eyes continued to search Craig's face with attention. He tried to stonewall harder, to look flat, but there was this hint, for just a brief moment, of recognition in the other's gaze. Craig rolled his eyes.
"I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, you can find Kyle and I or Wendy and I-"
"I don't need to talk about anything," Craig hissed. He gave Stan the middle finger as he began walking back to the facilities, but Stan offered nothing but a smile in return.
"Later then, asshole." Stan began walking the opposite way toward the administration building.
The bell rang out as he sauntered into the cafeteria. Craig stuffed back in his earbud. Tolkien quietly joined by his side until the two got to the lockers. He grabbed his stuff carelessly and jammed his locker shut once again, beginning the long walk to art class with his friend trailing beside him.
The same as every other Wednesday afternoon.