Chapter Text
That rainy day on a bloodstained field, the day he lost everything and gained everything, no matter how hard it was to admit to himself, Levi became enthralled by Erwin Smith.
But that was apparently what Erwin Smith did to people – made them willingly jump into titan's mouth while thanking him for the opportunity. Made kids serve a purpose most of them didn't have the capacity to understand. He made a thug, wannabe assassin become one of the finest soldiers in the history of humanity.
After a start like this – shouting Levi back from the depths of despair, while on his knees with a blade up his neck? Well, after a start like that Levi imagined a brisk, raging revolution! A coup d'etat, with Erwin taking the rains and bringing them to victory over the oppression! With Levi by his side and titans at their feet. Imagine his surprise when after the passionate display he got from Erwin during the expedition, Levi found himself sweeping horseshit with other cadets, while Erwin run errands for his useless Commander, not even for a second breaking his obedient, goody two-shoes role. Not sparing Levi a minute of his busy, Squad Leader regimen.
A disappointed and bored Levi had, as it turned out, one hell of a temper to tame. Yes, Levi agreed to stay in the Corps; yes, he wanted to kill the titans with Smith. But hell if he is going to yield to some so called superiors with laughable titan-slaying skills.
So he talked back, misbehaved and fought. And that became Levi's little revenge for Smith's disregard. It seemed perfect – who wanted Levi in the Corps? Erwin Smith. Who was blamed for his insubordination? You guessed right. The only flaw in Levi's wicked little plan was that... Smith didn't seem to mind much. He always listened to all the complaints patiently, gave Levi a long, dull reprimand and then sent him to do some additional crappy chores as punishment. Every time, no matter what kind of shit Levi pulled off.
He couldn’t stand it, the constant ‘Please, Levi.’, ‘Thank you, Levi.’, ‘Of course, Sir’, the silently raised eyebrows, the fake polite smiles. Levi hated them.
Yet even enormous amounts of patience eventually run out and finally, on a day no different from any others, Erwin Smith caved. Unsurprisingly, Levi didn't enjoy it the way he believed he would.
That morning Erwin comes back after an all-night ride from Sina. Feasting and drinking with all the pigs in the capital left Smith looking slightly tired and smiling maybe a little less politely than usual; that makes Levi agitated and even more set on sabotaging his mundane routine. Levi sees him a few times during the day, walking with stacks of papers to Commander's office and back to his own. Focused and businesslike, he doesn't even notice Levi who tries to catch his attention by arguing with a few soldiers in front of the canteen. Levi doesn't give up so easily, though.
And finally after a few arguments and a fist in Kowalski’s face later, Levi finds himself standing in front of Erwin's huge oak desk. The dim, orange oil lamp lightning Smith's collected face as he reprimands Levi. No distress, no concern just calm, smooth baritone. The escort who brought Levi to Erwin’s office starts leaving, apparently satisfied by the way things are going, he stops only once before the door sending Smith a meaningful look.
Not even interrupting his own monologue Erwin slowly blinks back at Zacharius and that’s apparently enough of an answer. The man shuts the door behind himself and Levi can feel his jaw tightening. It's bordering pathetic, Levi thinks, how Erwin looks almost small behind the stacks of handwritten pages, bags under his eyes, nothing like the man Levi saw in the field.
“Disappointing,” Levi cuts Erwin short.
Smith looks at him slightly abashed, collects himself after a second and stays silent. Levi scoffs and starts leaving.
“I haven't finished with you yet, Levi.” Erwin's brittle tone stops Levi halfway to the door.
He swirls around and slowly closes the distance between them. He crosses his hands, rim of the desk pushing into the front of his thighs, he looks down at Smith.
“And what are you going t–”
A loud bang! almost makes Levi jump as two large hands slam onto the desk. Levi has to force himself not to take a step back with Erwin suddenly looming over him.
This is it. Levi made him snap. He hardens his expression and doesn't break the eye contact, Smith's cold reflection stays unmoved only inches from his face.
“You still don't understand, Levi.” Erwin's voice becomes alarmingly bitter. “I do not have the time to babysit you.
“The future of the Corps hangs by a thread. Another expedition is out of question right now.” Smith is not shouting but Levi can't recall a voice that ever made his spine chill just by being spoken in such manner.
“And stup–stubborn Shadis won't let me help properly, afraid for his life? Afraid of everything! Keeping me busy with this endless paperwork–” Erwin grabs a handful of pages with his bandaged right hand. His voice higher, more desperate. “Doesn't leave me any time to think! And expects me to put a face for him in the capital! This–”
Erwin squeezes his eyes shut and exhales, then looks straight back at Levi.
“And you.” Erwin points at him with the rolled pages. “You are not helping! You might be special to me but all the superiors see is a thug I dragged from the sewers! To piss the command off or scare them! Or both! I know that you're lonely. I know that you're bored! Alright?”
Levi inhales sharply. Erwin’s words getting more fervent.
“But your every next action brings them closer to the conclusion I lost my mind! And that I want to take over the command... and maybe I should! But with this amount of paperwork and you pulling all that shit is not going to happen!”
Rugged papers hit Levi's face as Erwin throws a handful of notes at him. Both man look at each other in minor shock as the papers land on the floor in slow motion. Erwin breathing heavily through his nose, Levi not breathing at all.
Erwin closes his eyes with a sigh the same moment Levi looks down at the mess of papers at his feet. Smith straightens up and takes a step from behind the desk to pick them up.
“I'll do it.” Levi's words sound confident, he's glad his tone doesn't betray how shaken he is inside.
“Thank you,” Erwin replies quietly sounding more like his usual self. He sits back behind the desk, deflated and for a moment watches Levi sort the documents neatly.
When Levi chances a glance something in Smith’s expression shifts. There’s a shade in his eyes Levi has never seen before and he cannot look away.
I know you’re lonely.
He lets out a long breath and maybe something in him changes too.
Erwin stands, startling Levi, and heads towards a small cabinet in the far corner of the room. He comes back with a flask full of amber liquid and two glasses. From over the floor Levi watches him pour one glass and hover over the other. He gives a quick nod so Smith can fill the other glass as well.
Erwin downs half of his drink before sitting again.
“So,” Levi starts putting two straight piles of papers in front of Smith. “Am I helping you with those or? As punishment, of course.”
“Of course.” Erwin sighs, he doesn't look at Levi as he goes through the documents rearranging them in a desired order. “Can you read?”
An insult? A joke? Levi never knows with Erwin Smith.
“Moderately,” he answers truthfully. “I've always been better with numbers than words.”
Smith looks at him with something akin to surprise mixed with regret.
“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“'s fine,” Levi mutters, shifting under Erwin's sudden scrutiny. “valid question. I could barely read until I met Farlan, I got much better since then. But reading's not something I'm good at or enjoy much. Maybe just didn't have time, I guess.”
When Levi finally looks up, Erwin’s not quick enough to hide the look of surprise from his face. A pleased expression takes it’s place and his lips turn into a small smile. Not mocking though, a gentle one, the one Levi later learns to discern from the ones Smith gives others.
Erwin nudges Levi's glass with a finger so he takes a long sip – the drink tastes almost like the moonshine they brewed in the Underground, just maybe slightly weaker and with more taste to it? – and he frowns. Smith seems to look smug and Levi can't help himself.
“T'hell are you smiling at?”
Smith’s polite smile grows wider, but this time Levi doesn’t mind.
“Nothing. You I guess, I'm smiling to you.”
Levi makes a face and rolls his eyes for good measure.
“Would you like to practice?” Erwin suddenly asks.
“Practice?”
“Reading. You can't really help me much with the replies and reports that go to the capital. But to tell you the truth, I've been doing this since morning–”
That Levi is aware of and just now realizes how much of a toll the visit to Sina took on Erwin. This is probably the reason he looks so small and weary behind the desk.
“–and my eyes are killing me. Maybe you could read some out loud for me?”
Levi considers the proposition and hesitates. How much would he embarrass himself by trying to read to Erwin; considering the difference in their education? Levi examines the pages and then looks back at Erwin who seems utterly convinced it's a good idea.
Eventually Levi picks up a spare chair and carefully places it next to Erwin's. He downs the rest of his drink and picks up the first page.
“What the fuck?” Levi scowls. “My eyes hurt just by looking at this fucking scribbles.”
Erwin utters a short laugh but looks apologetic when Levi glances up; and so he starts reading.
After a while Levi feels himself slump down and relax, Erwin places his arm over the backrest of Levi's chair and leans in to hear better. The room gets considerably warmer and Levi blames his blush on the alcohol.
–
Erwin Smith has always been able to annoy Levi in more ways than one however. It even seemed that the longer they knew each other, the more ways Erwin found to irritate him.
That evening Levi checks on Erwin to make sure he doesn't forget about dinner again and finds him in an exceptionally good mood. Likely a new scouting formation or a fundraising idea on his mind.
“Oh, Levi, good you're here,” Erwin says pushing his formal uniform into a small suitcase laying on the desk. Levi's eye twitches as he watches Erwin throw in a handful of underwear without any apparent order and then add a shirt that gets wrinkled the instant it hits the bag. “Since I'll be gone for the next couple of days, I thought you might need something to keep you, uh, engaged–“
Levi tears his eyes from the crumpled clothing. Did Erwin Smith just stater?
“–during the long evenings. Give me a second.”
Erwin walks over to his bed and swiftly removes the covers, and then the mattress. Between the bed planks there is a quite large wooden box screwed to them.
Levi raises an eyebrow.
“If that's supposed to be a hiding place, you've picked a fuckin' obvious one.”
Deciding to use the moment Erwin is occupied with going through the box, Levi precedes to unpack the suitcase and then folds all the garments before putting them back in a meticulous order.
“Well true, some of those things are what you might call illegal,” Erwin says, “but, on the other hand, not important enough for someone to look for them.”
“I didn't know Squad Leaders had to hide their porn.” Levi mocks as Erwin hands him an old hard-covered book.
Erwin doesn't bother to roll his eyes, just gives Levi a pointed look.
“This is a fantasy book, I thought maybe you'd like to work on your reading with something lighter than death reports.”
“You want me to read a book for kids? I know I was kind off a brat to you, but I thought we were past that.”
“Levi.” Erwin sighs. “It's a very interesting book. With lots of elaborate vocabulary, so you can practice.”
Levi still doesn't feel convinced about it but takes the book nevertheless.
“I'm still gonna find you a less obvious place to hide those things, no need to risk your ass over a book or two.” Levi says and handles Erwin his now neatly packed suitcase.
“Thank you, Levi.”
It catches with Levi then, that a person like Erwin, who thinks ten steps ahead of everyone probably has a proper stash for the things he really needs to hide, things that matter. Yet Erwin still accepts the offer and smiles, the smile Levi hates for annoying him so much. The one that makes his stomach twist lightly, like he's just taken a dump but weirder.
“Oh, and Levi,” Erwin starts right before they leave the room. “Please don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone?”
Levi sighs at that, thinking Smith worries over nothing. Since Levi started spending most of his days – and evenings to be honest – with Erwin, he doesn't have the time to put up any fights with the superiors, doesn't really feel like it.
“If anything happens, just keep close to Squad Leader Zacharius, alright? Mike will take good care of you.”
Levi shoots Erwin a vexed look.
“Don’t make me spend more time with him,” he says. “That weirdo keeps on smelling me.”
Erwin huffs at that but Levi's tone grows a bit darker.
“Besides, I don't think he trusts me yet.” Out of the corner of his eye he glances at Erwin's neck where a small pink scar is still visible. Levi's stomach twists again, unpleasantly this time.
“He's just being cautious,” Erwin says, then adds with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Besides, he told me you smell very good.”
“Oh for fuck's sake!”
Erwin chuckles, Levi shoots him an unimpressed look and the men clears his throat.
They slowly proceed to leave but as Levi is about to exit Erwin stops the door with a hand over his shoulder. He turns his head surprised just to find Erwin's face right next to his ear. Levi's pupils blow wide, his hand squeezes painfully on the handle. His stomach feels like all his insides suddenly disappeared.
Erwin closes his eyes and inhales deeply.
“Well, Mike was right–”
Levi tenses and stares wide-eyed at Erwin’s face, he can feel his cheeks heating up before realizing what is really happening.
“–is that a new soap I'm smelling?”
Levi blinks once, twice.
“You're both fuckin' mental!” he hisses and forces the door open almost smashing them into Erwin's face. He has to force himself not to run hearing Erwin's warm chuckle behind.