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Tony was no stranger to threesomes. He’d taken part in a few at some of his wilder parties, always waking up a bit confused in the mornings until he realized he was sharing his bed with two others and they were in positions that gave new meaning to the phrase “limbs tangled together”. This morning was just a little bit different from those.
He was pretty sure that he’d been awakened by the sheer force of his splitting headache. Was that possible? It had to be, because he didn’t think you could sleep with what felt like Thor’s hammer playing a drumbeat in your skull. And the small stream of light coming through the curtains was most definitely not helping.
Also, he couldn’t help but notice that he was completely naked.
“Jarvis!” He tried to speak loudly, but his hangover wouldn’t let him. “Do something about the sun, will you?”
Nothing happened.
Fucking useless AI. Looks like he’ll have to do this himself. He rolled over on his side to reach over and close the curtains, only to roll a little bit too far. He fell to the floor and god, that was just going to make his headache worse.
He heard Jarvis after a second or two. “I heard your moans of pain, sir. Is everything alright?”
“God, Jarvis, where were you when I asked you to fix the curtains?” he grumbled.
“You temporarily put me in sleep mode when you…went to bed last night. If you know what I mean, sir. You accidentally pressed a few buttons while making out with the girl. I wasn’t able to identify her.”
Well, he figured something along those lines had happened last night.
“Would you like me to fill you in on some of the details, sir?” Jarvis not-so-helpfully asked.
Tony closed his eyes. “I think I’ll find that out on my own.”
“I’ll leave you to it, sir. By the way, in case you’ve forgotten, your curtains are too far away to reach from your bed.”
Tony mumbled something about it being too early for Jarvis’ sarcasm and slowly raised himself to a standing position. He shuffled back under the sheets, trying not to wake up his new bedmate.
He was able to see her face from the little bit of light coming in (which reminded him that no one had fixed the fucking curtains yet) and ID-ed her as Darcy, the new girl at SHIELD. If memory served right, she’d been involved with Jane Foster and Thor before joining the agency. She was good with computers but didn’t actually have any formal training apart from a political science degree. Nice girl, very flirty with some of the Avengers, although Tony didn’t know her all that well.
He stretched his legs and heard a yawn by his side. Darcy must be waking up—wait, that yawn wasn’t Darcy. He’d been looking at her face, and her lips had definitely not moved.
Unless he had somehow yawned himself without noticing it, there was only one answer to this.
Bedmate? Make that bedmates, plural.
Before he could figure out who it was, a familiar face appeared next to him. A man kneeled at the side of the bed, also very unclothed.
“How are you this morning, Stark?”
He knew that voice. That voice had been threatening to kill him not too long ago. It had also been crying out in pleasure last night.
Tony found that he wasn’t as freaked out about this as he probably should be.
“I just woke up the morning after a drunken threesome,” he replied. “What do you think?”
Loki smirked. “I believe there are many possible ways to feel after such an act. For one, you appear to be very satisfied with it.”
“Don’t get overconfident in your sexual abilities, mister. And how are you up and walking already? You probably drank an entire fridgeful of alcohol.”
Before Loki could answer, Darcy began stirring.
“My head, oh my god. How drunk was I last night?” she muttered. “Loki, come fix this.”
Loki walked over to the other side of the bed. Don’t stare at his ass, Tony. He lightly put his fingertips on her forehead and took a deep breath. Darcy slowly relaxed, then Loki took his hand away.
“Much better,” Darcy sighed.
Tony stared at the god wide-eyed. “Hold up. Did you just breathe in her headache? Through your fingers?”
“That is not what happened,” he explained. “I just did some simple magic to rid her of her hangover. I did the same to myself right after I woke up. Would you like me to cure yours?”
He was already extending his hand towards Tony, but the playboy slapped it away.
“Don’t even think about it. Keep your magic fingers far away from me.”
Darcy laughed. “That’s not what you told him last night.”
Tony just felt like shoving his face in the pillow and going back to sleep. And he would have, but there were way too many unanswered questions about last night to be asked.
“Let’s get this sorted out,” he said while trying to sit up. “I’m fairly certain there was a party involved. But I know I didn’t invite you.” Tony pointed an accusing finger at Loki.
Loki grinned. “Darcy texted me telling me she was bored and wanted ‘entertainment’. So I came and entertained her.”
“And entertain me he did,” Darcy added.
Tony could tell when two people were obviously screwing each other. This was one of those times, but his brain was a little slow on the uptake today.
“Wait, so…the two of you…how long has this been…I’m confused.”
“What are you trying to say, Stark?” Loki teased.
“You know what I mean. Don’t make me break out the hand gestures to explain.”
Darcy flipped over on her side. Sure, of course she can do that without falling off the bed. “Since you asked, and since you definitely got an eyeful of it last night. Yes, me and Loki are together. We have been for a month now.”
This morning was just full of surprises. Tony was starting to regret turning down Loki’s magical headache cure.
Loki sat down on the bed at Tony’s feet. “While we were ‘entertaining’ each other in a closet, you opened the door. Things escalated from there, and here we are now.”
“How do you remember so much?” Tony asked.
“Midgardian alcohol doesn’t affect me the way it would you or Darcy,” the god said while playing with the edge of the sheets. “So, while I still ended up hungover, I can recall all the things that happened.”
“I remember a few things,” Darcy spoke. “Like that Loki isn’t the only one who should be called Silvertongue.” She winked.
“Would you like me to show you something, Stark?” Loki asked.
Tony groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you have pictures of last night. That’s the last thing I need getting out.”
“More like mental pictures.”
Tony received the images in his mind. His eyes grew wider as he saw them.
“That is…a very interesting position. Do you have more?”
Loki smiled suggestively. “Oh, I have no shortage of positions to show you. That’s how we like things in Asgard.”
Darcy propped herself up with her elbows. “Hey, don’t leave me out of the fun here!”
Loki nodded, and Darcy smiled at her own mental image. “Oh, so we showed that move to Tony? He must have loved that.”
“He most certainly did,” Loki responded.
Tony fell back against the pillows. “You know what I think would be great? If we did this again sober.”
“Sounds good to me!” Darcy said. “What do you think, Loki?”
“It’s like you read my mind, Stark.” Loki reached down and placed his hand between Tony’s legs.
Well, he didn’t think they would do it now, but he was fine with that.