Work Text:
Anger Management
by xkatjafx
"Listen to me, you've gotta prepare yourself. I mean this search could take a while. And all that anger - you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you."
Dean to Sam.
Yes, Sam is angry.
Angry with his family. With his father. With Dean.
There's a reason he wants to get over with this quickly. Once they find their father, he can turn his back on all this and walk away again. Away from the hunting, the constant pressure, the killing, the nightmares, the fear, the darkness.
All the reasons he left the first time? They haven't changed one bit, even though he wanted them to. They made him leave behind the family business, made him seek refuge with Jessica. His anchor.
Sam had been content then, living the normal life. No need for constant lying and pretending, because everyone would be horrified by the truth.
Dean doesn't seem to mind lying through his teeth. He's enjoying himself way too much for Sam's taste. Just thinking about it is getting Sam angry again. Dean, who's not able to take anything seriously. Who's jumping headfirst into the most fucked-up situations. Killing first, asking questions later. All the time thoughtlessly involving other people. Risking their lives and not giving a shit about his own in the process.
Dean doesn't really seem to care for anything, least of all for the feelings of the people around him. All those girls he picked up along the way. The constant pattern of sweet talking, fucking and discarding them the next day. Sam is incredibly tired of standing by and watching the repeats.
But even the girls and the hunting aside, Dean's constant presence is driving him nuts. The joking, the teasing, the needling. The way Dean just ignores the existence of private space. Sam can't stand it. He couldn't stand it then, and he can't now.
But he's telling himself that under no circumstances is he allowed to give in to the urge and beat the shit out of his brother.
Though Sam knows he could if he really wanted to.
Dean may be the older and more experienced one of them, but Sam has the advantage in height and reach, something he learned to use way back when they still trained together on a daily basis.
Before he decided it was all too much and left. He had already reached that well-known level of impending breakdown again yesterday evening. He has no clue how to get through the next days. Weeks, even.
So yeah, next time Dean pushes too far, Sam might simply crack. Maybe Dean wants him to.
Maybe he will not keep himself from smashing his fist into Dean's face. Maybe he will simply grab him by his lapels, draw him close and tell him to shut the fuck up and leave him alone!
But he fears the closeness will make the urge to shove his tongue into Dean's mouth more powerful.
There's only a thin line holding him back from spreading his brother's legs and simply fucking him into the ground. Right here, right now.
He knows he could.
So yes, Sam is angry.
But mostly with himself.
end.