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One beautiful night, there is a slayer with yellow hair and golden honey eyes sitting under a tree, looking up at the starry night sky. His name is Agastuma Zenitsu. With his knees hugged close to his chest, he listens to the leaves rustling, a gentle breeze blowing through his hair. Zenitsu and his friends are staying at a wisteria household to recover from their last mission.
Nights like these could be peaceful to him, but they could also be very difficult. His head could be empty or full. Tonight is one of those difficult nights. He can’t stop thinking.
Zenitsu would think about himself. About how useless he is and how much of a crybaby he can be, but he also thinks about his friends. How Tanjiro and Inosuke would some day get tired of him and leave him for good.
"They won't stick around, like everyone else did.” “They'll eventually get tired of me.” “They'll hate me like how I hate myself.” Those thoughts haunt him. He doesn't want to be a burden, but all he does is whine and cry like the crybaby he is.
Zenitsu sighs, his breathing a bit shaky. He really hates nights like these. He hates it. Zenitsu runs his trembling fingers through his hair, when he suddenly hears someone approach from the distance. He tenses a little.
Zenitsu has a keen sense of hearing. It's so good that he can recognize someone by only hearing their heartbeat.
As the figure approaches closer to him, Zenitsu could recognize the sound. It was Tanjiro's sound.
Kamado Tanjiro has one of the most beautiful sounds he’s ever heard. It sounds so gentle and peaceful, like you're snuggling under a warm blanket on a cold winter day. The first time he heard Tanjiro's gentle sound, it actually made him tear up.
"Zenitsu? Are you here somewhere?” He could hear Tanjiro call out for him in the distance. Zenitsu didn't answer his call and looked back up to the starry night sky. He's already overwhelmed by his thoughts alone. Zenitsu really didn't want someone seeing him in this state. It's pathetic.
The rustling came closer and closer, when Tanjiro eventually emerges in front of Zenitsu. "There you are! I was looking for you all over the place. The host wanted me to tell you that dinners ready.” Tanjiro smiled gently at him. Zenitsu hums in response, still looking at the night sky, hugging his knees close.
A small frown appears on Tanjiro's face. “hey, what's wrong? I can smell sadness from you.” Tanjiro crouches down, sitting on his knees with his hands on top of them. “Are you okey?” he asks gently. Zenitsu forgot how good Tanjiro's sense of smell is. Damn it.
“I'm fine Tanjiro, don't worry about me.” was all Zenitsu could manage to say. He's in fact not fine. His head is still a mess. He can't get those thoughts out of him. “you and Inosuke can eat without me. I'm not hungry anyway.”
Tanjiro just looks at him, eyes full of worry. He has never seen Zenitsu this genuinely upset. Sure, he has seen Zenitsu cry and heard him complain plenty of times before, but this is totally different. He's silent, keeps to himself and doesn't complain at all. It worries Tanjiro even more. People would say that Zenitsu looks peaceful right now, but not him. Tanjiro knows him well enough to know that this isn't normal for Zenitsu.
They both sit on the grass quietly, one looking up at the sky while the other looked at the person right in front of him. Tanjiro didn't know what to do. He wanted to cheer Zenitsu up, but he also didn’t want to scare him off. Zenitsu could feel Tanjiro's eyes on him. It was a bit nerve-wrecking.
“Tanjiro? You’re staring..” Zenitsu suddenly said, still looking up at the stars. That snapped Tanjiro out of his train of thoughts. “Oh, right.. Sorry about that.” he said quietly. Tanjiro shuffles closer to Zenitsu, now sitting besides him against the tree he's leaning on.
It was silent between them. The only sounds Zenitsu could hear are the leaves, the wind and Tanjiro's heartbeat besides him. It was kind of comforting hearing his friends sound right now. It didn't drown all his thoughts, but it still helped. Even if it's a little bit.
“you don't have to tell me what's going on, but just know that Inosuke and I are here for you. We always will be. Don’t forget that, alright?” Tanjiro said all of a sudden. That’s when Zenitsu finally looks at him. He saw the worry on his friends face. “Did I worry him this much?” was all Zenitsu could think.
He really can't do anything right. Even if Zenitsu doesn't want to be a burden, he still worries Tanjiro. This is stupid, he is stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
So incredibly stupid.
"Hey Zenitsu! Zenitsu! Snap out of it!” he suddenly heard Tanjiro's worried voice through his thoughts. Zenitsu looked up and saw Tanjiro's eyes full with worry and sympathy. “It's okey, you're alright. Just try to breath slowly, can you do that for me?”
Huh? Zenitsu was breathing just fine, right? Then he noticed the little gasps of air he takes, the tears streaming down his face and his trembling hands gripping his yellow haori tight. When did this happen? When did he start crying? Tanjiro’s hand is gently placed on his shoulder, grounding him to reality.
“Are you with me?” Tanjiro asks softly, getting a nod in response. “Okey.. That's good.” he sighs from relief. “Try to calm down first, then you have to tell me what is bothering you so much. Is that okey with you, Zenitsu?” He asked, getting another shaky nod.
Zenitsu tried to calm down his breathing, he really didn't want to bother anyone. He just needs to suck it up and get a grip. Tanjiro squeezed his shoulder gently, supporting him without saying a single word.
How did Zenitsu manage to befriend someone so kind and gentle? He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve this at all. He doesn't deserve his kind words, his encouragement, his sympathy, his friendship. Why would he give so much to a pathetic loser like him. It was hard to calm down with those thoughts swirling around in his mind, but he tried so hard. He didn’t want to be a burden anymore.
Tanjiro was still by his side, still holding Zenitsu's shoulder gently. It's comforting in some sort of way. His breathing eventually calmed down enough for Zenitsu to speak again. “so, you want to tell me what got you this upset, Zenitsu?” asks Tanjiro gently.
Zenitsu takes a deep, shaky breath. His hands are still tightly gripping his own yellow haori. Talking about his own feelings was always a struggle for Zenitsu, but he promised Tanjiro to tell him everything.
“I.. It's just that..” Zenitsu struggles. Why is it so hard for him to say it? Why can't he do anything right?! Zenitsu's grip tightens on his haori, making his knuckles white. His gaze distant. Tanjiro noticed this and gently squeezed his shoulder again, grounding him. “Take your time, I'm not going anywhere.”
Zenitsu tries to focus on his breathing, trying to calm himself down. He tries to speak again. “I.. I just feel like a burden to everyone I meet.” Zenitsu's voice wavers. “I don't get why gramps took me in, I don't know how I survived final selection, I don't know why you and Inosuke still stick around!” Tears start to build in his eyes.
"I'm good for nothing, that's really all I am.. But I want to get better, I want to help people, to protect them from all evil in this world." His tears fall down his face, hands trembling.
“You know, Tanjiro? Sometimes I wish I never passed final selection. Pathetic, right?” Zenitsu laughs lightly through his tears, But it sounds empty. He lays his head down on his knees, hiding his face. Tanjiro's heart actually broke. Did Zenitsu really think that about himself? Does he really think he's a burden for him? He could hear small sobs coming from Zenitsu's direction. He hugs his knees tightly against his chest, crying softly on them.
Tanjiro took a deep breath. He looked at Zenitsu “well, I'm glad you survived final selection.. Because if you didn't, I would have never met you..” He said softly. Zenitsu's head shot to Tanjiro's direction, eyes wide and still full with tears. Tanjiro smiles softly.
‘what..? Did he really just say that?’ Zenitsu thinks to himself. Tanjiro continues. “The group wouldn't be the same without you. I never thought about you as a burden. I never thought about you as weak or pathetic.” Tanjiro looks at him. seeing his best friend this upset broke his heart. He gently grabbed Zenitsu's other shoulder and pulled him in a tight hug. “you're already more then good enough, Zenitsu.. I know it's hard to believe right now, but I promise you, Someday you'll love yourself for who you are. I'll make sure of that.” Tanjiro says gently.
Hearing those words, Zenitsu's inner walls finally shattered. He grips Tanjiro's haori for dear life and broke down on his shoulder. All the pent up emotions that he holds inside for years spilling out into desperate sobs and tears.
Tanjiro hold him tightly, rubbing circles on his back for comfort. He will let Zenitsu cry on his shoulder as long as he needs to. Both boys didn't notice the falling star in the night sky above them, as if the universe is crying for them too. One is busy crying his heart out while the other holds him tightly for comfort.
Zenitsu's crying eventually subdues to sniffles and hiccups, his head still laying on Tanjiro's shoulder. Tanjiro is still rubbing circles on his back while holding him. It's like a silent reminder that he's still here by his side. “Thanks..” Zenitsu suddenly said quietly, his voice rough and shaky from crying. Tanjiro smiles softly at him and hugs Zenitsu a bit tighter. Zenitsu returned the gesture.
“Are you feeling a bit better?” Tanjiro asked softly. He feels Zenitsu nod against his shoulder. Tanjiro smiled at his gesture. He pulls away from the hug but still has his hands on Zenitsu's shoulder. They both look at each other. “How about we go to dinner? The host and Inosuke are probably waiting for us to come back. She didn’t let Inosuke eat without you.” Tanjiro laughs softly at the thought of Inosuke being pissed off.
Zenitsu smiles a little. His first real smile today, even if it's a little one. He gently rubs his eyes, removing the stray tears. “yeah, let's go.” Zenitsu says softly, his voice still a bit shaky. Tanjiro smiles at him and stands up from the ground. He offers a hand to Zenitsu. The yellow haired boy gently takes it, Tanjiro helped him up on his feet.
They both start to walk silently through the garden to get inside the house. The closer they got, the louder they could hear Inosuke complaining about them taking so long. When both boys stepped inside the dining room, Inosuke storms to them. "What took you both so long?! I'm starving right here, you know!!”
“Sorry Inosuke, something got in the way that I couldn't ignore.” Tanjiro rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile. Zenitsu stayed silent at Tanjiro's side. Inosuke inspects them both, that's when he noticed Zenitsu's puffy eyes and tear streaks on his face. What confuses him even more is that the blonde is dead silent.
Inosuke decides to let it go for now. “Well, took you guys long enough. Now hurry up and sit down so we can eat!!”Both Zenitsu and Tanjiro smile at his antics and sit down on the floor. Dinner went pretty smooth if you don't count Inosuke being a menace.
Zenitsu sighs, it feels like a heavy weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. It feels nice. He thinks about thanking Tanjiro properly in the future, but right now, he will enjoy his dinner with his friend group, his brothers.
Tanjiro thinks about the events that just happened outside in the garden. ‘I'll make sure you'll see yourself how me and Inosuke see you. I promise you, Zenitsu.’ Tanjiro thinks to himself. At that exact moment, a falling star could be seen outside in the night sky, sealing Tanjiro’s promise once and for all.