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23 Weeks
None of Louis's skinny jeans fit her anymore. She takes it hard when Lou breaks the news, throwing glasses and earphones and sparkly heels at Niall who cowers in the corner behind Zayn pleading not guilty.
Harry finds it hilarious; bent over laughing, his face red and his curls shaking, oblivious to the look Louis is cutting him. He regrets laughing when Louis hides his favourite skin-tight jeans under her mattress for four days, only returning them when she thinks he might cry. It's not fair: Louis still has four months to go and no amount of tears is going to button her jeans.
To solve things Niall takes her shopping, dumping stretchy skirts and pretty floaty dresses into a basket, pulling Louis by the hand through shop after shop, making fun of the old man with the earmuffs and the sulky teenage couple until Louis has to stop walking cause she's laughing so much, clutching Niall for support, the other hand curved around her bump.
There's photos splashed across the papers the next day like this is the only thing in the world worthwhile mentioning, headlines screaming domesticity like it's a bad thing and magazines analysing the size of Louis's bump as if it has all the answers to the countless questions surrounding Niall and Louis's relationship.
The media seem to love them. Heat magazine runs an article listing all the reasons why they’re going to be the “coolest parents in showbiz” which, considering Fearne Cotton’s just had a kid, is a big deal. They bullshit reasons like Louis’s fashion sense and Niall’s sense of humour and the love and affection the baby will get from the rest of the band. It’s nice, in a way, to have your life plastered across magazines when it’s a positive story for once.
Niall's calmed down a lot with the drinking. They all have. Management loves it because there may be a child on the way being born out of wedlock but if they're showing a united front and promoting no alcohol then it all balances out, right?
--
6 Weeks
Louis throws up for the fifth morning in a row in the last leg of their World Tour halfway through America.
She bats away Harry's hands that are pawing at her forehead, too warm and too big, and dumps the water Liam is brandishing at her on his head. She regrets that one a minute later when she's finished throwing up and her mouth tastes like sawdust and that yoghurt she'd had before bed.
"I'm fine," she promises, then shoves her way past the boys and falls back into her bunk, Niall's snores loud above her from where he didn't come to check she was okay like everyone else. It's fine, it's not as if he has any obligation above the others just because he's been fucking her for the last few months, she just didn't think he was such a deep sleeper.
--
(34 Weeks Before
They're drunk the first time they kiss; giggly and stumbling in the corridor of a nameless hotel with Niall holding Louis up against the door to her room as she fumbles for her key card. It's sloppy and warm and Louis's mostly convinced it didn't happen when she wakes up the next morning.)
--
30 Weeks
“Have you thought of any names yet?” A fan asks shyly. She looks petrified to be in the spotlight in the middle of the room so Louis sends her a smile, encouraging.
“Now you’ve done it,” Liam groans at the same time as Harry shouts
“No! Don’t mention the n word.”
Out of everything the name has caused the most arguments between Niall and Louis. It stems from the fact that they’re both totally convinced on different outcomes and therefore they are never going to agree. They’re being illogical; they should just make a list of both girl and boy names that they both like, but that’s too simple for them. They need to make it a game; a competition.
“I’ve got loads but Louis here is being stubborn and rejecting every single one,” Niall claims, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He winks at the girl who flushes scarlet. “Think I would get some say wouldn’t you? It’s bullying, really.”
Louis pushes against Zayn’s side so she can sit up straighter. They’re in the home stretch now; she shouldn’t be doing interviews at all but this was arranged ages ago and fans get to ask questions and meet them and that just wouldn’t be fair if there was only four out of five present, so, this is the last one before Louis is house-restricted. She has to fight her corner.
“It’s artistic differences,” she says, waving a hand airily. “Niall is refusing to co-operate.”
“He doesn’t realise that now he’s an adult he has to compromise,” Zayn explains, a member of Team Boy.
“Compromise?! Have you met Louis, Malik?” Niall squawks, scrambling to kneel on the couch so he can look over Liam and Harry’s heads to the other end of the couch.
The interviewer coughs, looking amused and out of her depth. Louis feels a twinge of sympathy for her -- One Direction under normal circumstances is bad enough but One Direction with a hormonal Louis and a nervous, hyper Niall is ten times harder to control. It’s Paul who gets all the sympathy; actually, Louis’s caught him with his head in his hands far too many times over the past six months. He didn’t sign up for this.
--
8 Weeks
They have to tell everyone now; Louis’s not looking forward to that at all. The band -- well, Liam and Zayn are the only ones left to tell -- take it okay. They’re more interested in the idea of Niall and Louis secretly hooking up for months than Louis actually having a baby, which, yeah, it makes Louis more comfortable with everything.
They tell Paul next who congratulates them, and then passes them on to management with an apologetic smile. Louis shakes her way through that meeting, her hand inching nearer and nearer to Niall’s but not taking the leap because yeah they’re having a baby together but that doesn’t mean they’re together. Louis doesn’t know what she wants.
Simon’s there on a conference call. He sighs a lot at first, Louis’s heart racing at the thought that he’ll ask her to leave the band because they’re at their peak, they’re taking over the world and they can’t do that with a baby and it’s not like Louis’s incredibly important in the band anyway so --
Niall reaches over and takes her hand without looking, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles until her breathing calms down and she can actually hear above the rushing in her ears; hear Simon say he’s happy for them and they don’t have to tell the public until the very last moment if she doesn’t want to and he’s just so supportive that Louis could cry -- it’s the hormones, okay.
--
18 Weeks
They're having a movie night at Niall's when the baby kicks for the first time. Louis's sitting on the couch herself while the others get more food and beer -- or orange juice for Louis --, when she feels it. Her hand drops to her stomach. It's... surreal. That's the only word to describe the ripples of movement inside her.
"Niall! Get through here!"
They all come, though, running through the doorway because she's top priority now she's knocked up. Not that she wasn't always centre of attention before but she has a legitimate reason to be now.
Liam reaches her first, all that cross-country running paid off, but Louis pushes his hand to the side and grabs Niall's wrist, jerking him through the mess of boys until she can place his palm flat against her bump, right where she felt it before.
But now there's nothing. Now they're all standing in a huddle, Niall and Louis in the centre, silent as they all try and come up with a nice way to tell Louis she's losing it.
"Lou --" Harry opens his mouth to ask, furrowed eyebrows and all, but he's cut off by Niall who has dropped to his knees, both hands splayed on Louis's stomach.
"Louis," Louis watches as Niall's eyes get wider and wider, his smile growing until it's the size of her own. "This is -- this is --"
"I know," Louis says, because she gets it. She's speechless, too, for once in her life. The baby's kick kick kicking away, saying hello. "He likes you."
"He?" Niall looks up at her, his eyes shining a bit. Louis would tease him but her eyes are suspiciously wet, too.
"I think it's a boy. Mother's intuition, y'know?" Like she has any fucking clue.
That makes Zayn snort, bringing them back to Earth.
"Is it kicking?" Liam asks, amazed.
"Please don't call my daughter It," Niall says, winking at Louis. Louis rolls her eyes.
Harry holds out his hand, "Can I?"
"Sure," Louis takes her own hand away, reluctantly, but Niall stays on his knees, refusing to move for anyone.
Harry pouts. "I don't feel anything."
"He doesn't like you, Haz," Louis laughs, reaching up and squeezing Harry's cheek.
"Hey," he whines, elongating the y.
"You're a baby yourself," Zayn mutters, nudging Harry's hand out the way to fit his own in. Louis feels a bit like an interactive game at the zoo; all the little kids pushing in to find the baby in the whale's tummy. "Hey, baby, you like your Uncle Zayn more than nasty Uncle Harry, don't you?"
"Oi. Don't bring my child into your wars," Louis warns, but there's a kick. A kick that makes Zayn crow in delight, his eyes softening in contrast as he feels the movement.
"Gonna be a footballer like his mum," she says, proud.
"Or have two left feet like his dad," Liam says from behind Louis. His arm is a comforting weight on Louis's shoulders.
"Oi," Niall says mildly, looking up from where he's been studying Louis's bump. He's pushed her top up a bit without her noticing, moving his hand over her stomach. The baby likes it. Louis quite likes it, too.
They haven't really set new boundaries yet, her and Niall. They're still living separately -- Louis with Harry and Niall directly below -- but Louis's been spending most of her time at his recently, with nights more often than not ending with them cuddled up in bed after an evening of movies and lazy kissing. They've been out a lot more just the two of them, as well, not just for baby stuff but for lunches in tiny cafés and trips to the cinema, which the media has loved; more and more questions springing up demanding to know what they are. Louis wishes them luck; she doesn't even know.
Niall's calmed down a lot with the drinking, too. They all have. Management loves it because there may be a child on the way being born out of wedlock but if they're showing a united front and promoting no alcohol then it all balances out, right?
"Do you guys want to be alone?" Liam says now, "Have a bit of privacy."
Louis tells him not to be so silly as she runs a hand over Niall's head. The band comes first, remember.
She can't remember what actually happens in the film they end up watching, something about banks and guns. She spends most of the time curled up in the big armchair with Niall, Niall whispering stories and promises of what their son -- bet you it's a girl, Lou -- will be like into her hair making her giggle and cry and feel like this will all turn out okay in the end.
Liam, Zayn and Harry all leave as soon as the film ends instead of staying to discuss it in excruciating detail like they usually do. Liam gives a salute to the pair in the armchair, smiling at them like he knows something they don't.
That night Louis’s almost asleep when Niall mumbles I love you into her neck. The next morning she’s convinced she imagined it and pushes down the feeling of disappointment.
--
(32 Weeks Before
It turns into a thing. A Secret Thing with a capital S and a capital T. They make excuses to sneak away together: guitar practice, lunch with Danielle, early nights, and they cover the lovebites and the scars and the swollen lips with make-up; Louis smearing lipstick on Niall's lips and cheek until he grabs her by the hips, tosses her back on the bed and eats her out until Louis is panting instead of giggling and the inside of her thighs are stained while Niall licks his lips clean.)
--
7 Weeks
Harry’s with her when she takes the test en route to Detroit. He holds her hand when the little plus sign appears and lets her cry on his shoulder because she’s too young and she’s not ready and the tour and the band and Niall.
He doesn’t show his surprise when Louis tells him the father is Niall. He doesn’t judge her or tell her she’s stupid. He doesn’t tell everything will be okay, either, which is good because no one can promise that. He just holds her and tells her he’ll be there for her no matter what she decides, which is exactly what Louis needs.
Especially when Niall doesn’t react so well. He pales and then leaves, a whirlwind of Irish and fuckfuckfuck. Louis's chest tightens till she can't breathe, can't even shout for him to come back. What would she even say? Love me. Raise this baby with me. Give up the band for me.
It’s a couple of days later. After couple of days of dodging everyone, of worried looks, of awkward horrible shows, and of no Niall, that he sidles in when Louis is curled up in the lounge area on the bus watching Friends reruns with Harry.
He jerks his head to the door, like this is just another time to sneak away from the others. It’s different now, so different, because there’s a person growing inside Louis now, something created during one of those secret moments, a person she’s not sure Niall wants. A person she's not sure she wants.
They have to talk, though, and they can’t with Harry here, as lovely and supportive as he is. Louis nudges at him with her socked feet, pushing him to leave, she’s okay.
“I’m a big girl, Haz,” she tells him when he doesn’t get up. “Go kick Zayn’s ass at FIFA for me, yeah? I'll be through in a minute."
Harry widens his eyes, asking her if she’s sure and she is. Come on, it’s only Niall after all. When he’s not completely satisfied but intuitive enough to know this is what Louis wants, Harry gets to his feet and leaves, not before glaring at Niall hotly on the way. It’s a well circulated myth that Harry couldn’t hurt a fly, couldn’t be intimidating if he tried, but Louis knows different, if the right buttons are pushed, and so does Niall.
It’s quiet without Harry. Louis mutes the tv when Rachel's voice gets too shrill.
"Louis," Niall says, moving forward, stopping a couple of feet from Louis like he doesn't know how far he's allowed, like he's forgotten that this band doesn't have boundaries and that he and Louis have broken down any that were left.
"Yeah?" Louis's voice cracks on that one word. Is that a symptom of pregnancy? Crying at everything. Or just Louis's reaction to Niall not being Niall, not being someone she knows like the back of her hand. "What do you want?"
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted, Lou. It was a shock and I was scared, still am honestly, and I want to be there for you and raise this baby with you but if you don’t want that then I can -- hide away or something, anything to make it easier for you.”
“I don’t want you to hide away,” Louis tries for a smile; the result is watery. “I’ve been thinking a lot and I think --” she takes a deep breath, she hasn’t said this part out loud before, “-- I want to have this baby. It would be good, great, if you want to be part of it but, Niall; I’m not going to force you into anything.”
Niall sinks to his knees in front of her. His hand is trembling when he runs it through his hair, tugging at the ends. “I do want to, Louis. I was in shock -- I shouldn’t have acted that way but -- shit, Lou, there’s a fucking baby inside of you. We fucking made something.”
"I'm familiar with the pregnancy concept," Louis says, dryly. She shuts her eyes. This is so weird. She’s never wanted to grow up and Niall’s the baby of the group; and now they’re going to have their own baby and -- "We were careful, Niall. How did this happen?"
Niall doesn't make the joke Louis wants him to; the did you miss out on the birds and the bees talk one, and Louis hates him a bit for that because that means things are different already. "I don't know what to say, Lou. We must've been drunk... the condom broke... my sperm is amazing?"
"I don't know what to do, Ni," Louis's crying now, hot tears rolling down her cheeks tasting salty on her lips and making Niall's t-shirt wet when he pulls her against his chest, his hand tracing circles on the small of her back to calm her down, help her think. "The band and the tour and management and Simon. My mum, Niall. She's going to kill me."
"I'll protect you," Niall promises which is stupid because no one can protect Louis from her mum, as lovely a woman as she is, and Niall can't do anything against the big people and the fans and the press but Louis clings to Niall tighter, her hand fitting into his, and holds onto the promise that maybe the world isn't ending yet.
“I feel I should propose,” Niall says into her hair.
“Don’t.”
--
24 weeks
They sit down and have a proper conversation one day about what they are and what's going to happen a few months down the line. Up until now they’ve still been behaving like before: making excuses to sneak away and have sex at any chance they get -- turns out being pregnant makes Louis insanely horny -- and spending lots of time together so it’s just the same as before physically but Louis’s been wanting more for a while; there’s deeper feelings than lust now and she decides they have to discuss it properly before it’s too far down the line to do anything else.
It starts off awful; Louis is shaky and emotional because she takes rejection hard and she can't be alone for this, Niall can't leave her. But he's smiley and nervous and all move in properly with me? and let's paint the spare room purple.
"I wanna be with you properly, yeah?" he tells her, ducking his head to look at the ground. Louis finds him hopelessly endearing. She's in way too far to back out now.
"I'm in if you are," she says, shy and so out of character. He kisses her, smiling too much to make it last, and then kneels to kiss the swell of her stomach. Louis thinks she finally gets it when people talk about the pregnancy glow; she feels like her whole body is pulsing, her cheeks hurting from her smile.
The paps catch them in the park a week later looking every inch the perfect couple. Harry shoves the magazine in their face, cackling about their true love. Louis rolls her eyes and snatches it off him calling him a twat. When no one is looking she cuts out the article and folds it into the box under her bed. She looks alright in the picture, that’s it.
--
16 Weeks
"I want raspberry ripple ice cream with smoky bacon crisps. Why is this so hard to understand?!"
Liam looks like a deer trapped in headlights. Unluckily for him he was the one who happened to walk by when Louis was on the rampage.
"Just wait here and I'll be right back with it, okay?"
"Fine," Louis sighs, one hand on her hip the other pushing back her hair. It's too hot in here. It's always so hot. "Be quick about it."
She settles down for a long wait as Liam hurries out the door but the door opens again a minute later, too quick for Liam to have even reached the bottom of the building.
"Be a man, Payne. The paps can fuck off."
"Should I fuck off, too?" Niall says, bending over the back of the couch to grin in her face upside down.
Louis grabs at his chin, pulling him in for a kiss. She's not sure casual, hello kisses are what they do but she's tired and hungry and still so hot and Niall tastes nice.
"I want ice cream, Horan. And if you don't have any then just leave."
"Lucky I do then, eh?" Niall dangles a plastic bag in the air. "Raspberry ripple, wasn’t it?"
"How did you know?" Louis scrambles over the back of the couch -- well, as much as she can scramble with a few extra inches added to her stomach, and her arse, too, actually, and maybe her thighs. It's the ice cream that's important here, actually. She's pregnant.
"I think I'm using being pregnant as an excuse too much," she muses, prising open the lid and inhaling deeply. Heaven.
"Me too," Niall shouts through from the kitchen. He comes back with two spoons, chucking one at Louis. "My mum's let me off with so much lately."
"Management, too," It's not as good without the crisps but it'll do for now. "I've been swearing at fans on twitter and I haven't even had a phonecall."
"I always swear on twitter," Niall shoves a spoonful into Louis's mouth cackling when she coughs and ice cream dribbles out the side of her mouth. "You've got come on your face."
"Fuck off," Louis whines; pushing him in the chest so he falls to the side. He gets hold of her hips and pulls her with him so she's straddling him, bump resting on his stomach. "You're taking advantage of me," she pouts, her bottom lip shiny and pink from the sauce.
Niall cranes his neck and kisses her, licking away the ice cream. Louis giggles, surprised, and opens her mouth, sliding her tongue alongside Niall's.
They kiss lazily, the ice cream falling to the floor. "That'll stain," Louis murmurs against Niall's cheek, pressing a kiss under his eye.
"Make a mother of you after all," Niall says, cupping her neck and guiding her mouth back to his.
--
21 weeks
Louis pushes open Liam's front door, leaning against it once she's through. The drive back from Doncaster had tired her out and all she really wants is her bed but she hasn't seen the boys in a few days.
She slips off her shoes, moaning quietly with relief. There's no one in the kitchen or the games room when she pads past so she heads further down the hall to the living room.
"I can't get my head around it." Louis stops. That's Liam. "Louis and Niall."
Louis frowns. The boys had been fine with it. She could’ve lived without the wolf whistles and innuendos during interviews but apart from that nothing had changed. Why are they having this conversation now?
"Me neither," Harry sighs. "I’m waiting for it all to hit Niall what’s going to happen, and I’m worried we’ll be the ones left to pick up Louis.”
Louis feels sick. She presses her ear closer to the door to pick up Zayn's muffled reply. "That's not fair, Haz. Niall knows what he's doing."
"With a baby, though?"
"They'll be fine," Zayn says with a note of finality. Louis feels a rush of love for him; thankful for someone on her side. "From what I can see they care about each other and the baby and that's the most important thing, isn't it?"
Louis takes this as her cue to enter. She doesn't stay long; just pops her head round the door, sees the guilty expressions on Liam and Harry's faces and says something about being exhausted; slipping out again before any of them have the chance to say a word.
can i come over?
course, i'll phone something. chinese?
sounds great xx
Louis lets herself in with the key that has been buried deep in her pocket for the last three days. She wanders through to the living room.
Niall is in nothing but his sweatpants, bent over his guitar. He’s playing something Louis doesn’t recognise but she hums along best as she can, fitting herself against his back. She smiles into his neck where the skin is warm and fruity smelling; it calms her down, pushes Harry’s words to the back of her mind. Harry’s only being protective, part of her knows that and is grateful for it, but she wants to fight her own battles. She knows Niall like the back of her hand; knows that his neck is his weak point, gives the best head, likes it when Louis is on top, but also that he has a fucking giant heart and that on some level he loves Louis and she loves him which is good enough for the both of them.
“Hi,” Niall says, moving to put down the guitar but Louis puts a hand out to stop him.
She moans quietly, “No. Play something else.”
Niall huffs a laugh, shuffling further back so that Louis is pressed between him and the back of the couch. “Any requests, ma’am?”
“Something happy.”
The opening chords of Just The Way You Are play. “Don’t take the piss, Horan.” He plays This next, and it’s a bit cheesy, makes Louis even more uncertain as to what they are because this is a fucking love song, but it’s cute and slow and that’s all she really wants.
“You’re okay, aren’t you, Niall?” she says into his shoulder.
Niall keeps playing. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Just thinking about the future. A baby’s a big commitment.”
“Louis,” The music’s stopped; Louis opens her eyes to see Niall twisted round to look at her. “I’m here for you, okay? I want this baby just as much as you do. Look, Harry had a talk with me a couple of days ago --”
“Oh my God,” Louis buries her face in her hoodie, cheeks burning.
“I know,” Niall laughs, shaking his head. “Think he thought he was the fucking Godfather; it’s Haz y’know? He’s harmless. But he said he was worried I’m gonna do a runner at some point and Louis, I’m scared shitless, believe me, but I’m not leaving you. You hear that? You’ve got me as long as you want me, whatever way you want me.”
Louis unscrambles the words in her head, nods once. “Thank you. I wasn’t doubting you -- I just overheard Harry and Liam talking about us and I got thinking. But I’m glad you’re the one I’m doing this with.”
“What were they saying?” Niall’s eyes narrow.
“It’s nothing. Really,” she promises, leaning her head back down onto his bare shoulder, her finger tracing patterns on his back where his freckles collect into a splodge. “It doesn’t matter now.”
She closes her eyes, her head on Niall’s shoulder, and listens to the song, the meaning behind it curling around her. She’s so tired. Vaguely, she registers the song ending and Niall shifting so he’s lying on his back, Louis on top of him. Her legs tangle between his, her head just at the right angle to rest on his shoulder where the skin is warm and soft. She smiles softly, feeling right at home, and falls asleep.
--
(20 Weeks Before
It's casual, see. Just two best friends helping each other during the long weeks of tour. Niall could stop at any time and Louis, yeah, Louis could too.)
--
22 Weeks
When Louis reaches five and a half months it's getting harder and harder to hide her secret. Her bump strains her tops, she can't jump around on stage as much -- they're having a break before writing the next album but they've been doing a few shows up and down the country -- and if they don’t say something soon the fans are going to start coming up with their own theories, a small percentage of them probably hitting the nail on the head. They're smart like that; the fans.
Management decide the best way to go is to release an interview saying Louis and Niall are an item and that they're having a baby together. It's not strictly true, the item part, it's too messy to really label what Louis and Niall are, but management said it would be better, more suitable for their target market, if the father is in the picture and hey how lucky is it that he's in the band, too.
The media and the fans take it okay, surprisingly. Louis could have lived without the sexist comments saying it was obvious from the start that she was going to hook up with one of them, being the only girl in the band, and the rush of abuse from a small amount of fans for stealing their precious Niall could have gone amiss, but apart from that it’s accepted. They all breathe a sigh of relief the night after the interview announcing the news is released because that’s one less hurdle, one less thing to worry about. Maybe now Louis can wear something other than sweatpants and Niall's hoodies.
They celebrate with pizza and popcorn, chucking it everywhere and making Zayn's lips go thin at the mess of his carpet.
"Feels all the more real now, dunnit," Louis says, taking a swig of apple juice. She's grown a love for the stuff, Tesco's own brand is at the top of the mental league table so far but she's not declaring a winner too soon. "No more hiding."
Niall wraps his arms tight round her waist and spins her around, her feet just off the floor. Her cup wobbles precariously; Liam comes to the rescue, taking it away to safety, shaking his head at Niall. “They’re gonna love us, Tommo! This baby’s gonna be the most loved in the whole world!"
"Celebrity baby number one! Woohoo!" Louis giggles. She feels drunk.
"You gonna take on Blue Ivy?" Harry says, flicking through the music channels where the entertainment updates are all talking about nothing except what's going on right now in Zayn's living room.
"I reckon I could take Jay-Z, yeah," Niall nods, considering it. "Yeah one swift kick to the shins and he's down. And Beyonce, Beyonce's no match for our Louis here."
His fingers are digging into her sides just above the waistband of her shorts, right where she's most ticklish. She shifts in his arms, and he handles her so easily, like she weighs nothing at all. It fascinates her.
"I'd pay a lot of money to see these fights," Zayn says.
Liam nods in agreement, "Most of the population would."
"How did this become our lives?" Harry pipes up. Louis looks over to see Harry hung over the back of the couch, his head upside down, watching them. She waves and blows a kiss, Harry pretending to catch it dramatically. "I mean, fighting the most powerful couple in music and actually having a chance of winning. How?"
"We're One Direction, darling," Louis says, nodding over to the tv where he interview is playing again. She watches her onscreen self gesture wildly, nodding a lot, before onscreen Niall puts his arm round her and presses a kiss to her temple. They both smile, content. Louis doesn't think as much of it is for show as much as management thinks. "We're the biggest band in the world didn't you hear?"
"Biggest is one word for it," Niall murmurs into Louis's ear.
"I'm not sure if that was an insult to me or a dick joke and therefore I don't know how to react appropriately," Louis leans back so she can look into Niall's eyes, widening hers and watching as he widens his own to match. This game continues for too long, Louis's eyes might actually hurt -- she's doesn't know if this is possible but she's pregnant so she's going with it.
"I love you," Niall shakes his head, his voice full of awe like he can't believe it at all. He lifts a hand to push a strand of hair back off her face, Louis slipping slightly now she's only held up by one hand.
Louis shrieks and tightens her grip on Niall's shoulders. She throws her head back, laughing. This must be what it feels like to be on top if the world. "Love you, too."
--
32 Weeks
"At 32 weeks your baby has a light fuzz of hair," Liam reads from the book propped on his chest.
"That's really cool," Louis drawls. She's reached the uncomfortable stage; she's so big, like she has a fucking beach ball shoved under her shirt, and it's been making it hard to sleep at night. She's tried sprawled over most of the bed, Niall hanging on to the edge with his fingertips; she has curled up close to Niall with his chest pressed against her back and his arm stretched around her; and she's tried almost sitting upright, pillows piled behind her, but nothing works.
"Hey, Lou, listen to this," Zayn rubs a hand over Louis's foot which is pressing into his lap. ""Scans show that babies have brain patterns like adults in dream sleep, indicating that babies do dream in the womb at this stage.""
Liam's more impressed than Louis. Well, visibly, anyway. Louis thinks it's pretty interesting too -- what do they even dream about in there? -- but she's so tired.
Liam asks her question for her: "Wonder what they dream about..."
"Probably their dad finally coming home with the apple juice their mum asked for a million years ago," Louis grumbles, biting at her thumbnail. "Where the fuck are they?" She catches the amused look between Liam and Zayn and glares. "What?"
But Zayn shakes his head, a smile playing around his lips. "'S'nothing. You sure you don't want to go to bed; me and Li can leave if you want."
"I'm not ti -- red," Louis protests, a yawn catching her unawares halfway through and contradicting her. "Let me watch the end of this," she waves a hand in the general direction of the tv where there's some Sandra Bullock film on that none of them have been paying attention to.
Niall and Harry come back five minutes before the end -- turns out Louis's seen the film before, not that she tells Liam and Zayn that -- filling the flat with noise.
"I died of dehydration while you were gone," Louis announces when Niall walks into the living room. He snorts, lifting Louis's feet off Zayn's lap to drop down between them.
"So you won't be needing this then?" he smirks, holding the carton of apple juice -- Tesco's own, she's notices, pleased -- out of reach until Louis leans up to kiss him, curving a hand to stroke Niall's cheek before darting up to twist his ear making him yelp. "You fight dirty, Tomlinson."
"Learned from the best," she beams, holding in her moan when she finally takes a gulp of juice. Niall taps the end of the bottle so a gush of liquid shoots into Louis's mouth making her pull back with a cough. "Could've died, you dick."
"I'm so glad this kid is going to be born into such a loving family," Liam sighs, grinning when Niall and Louis turn to frown at him in sync.
"Yeah how did the first parents in the band end up being the two most immature members," Harry asks, wandering in from the kitchen with a bag swinging in his hand.
"I'll have you know," Louis sniffs, "Niall and I are very mature. Tell them what the doctor said last time, Ni."
"We're going to be great parents." Niall recites, sticking his tongue out at Harry who crosses his eyes in return. "Chuck us the bag."
"What's in it?" Zayn eyes it suspiciously, groaning when Harry misjudges his throw and hits him in the chest. "Feels like rocks."
"Baby presents from the fans!"
"Ooh gimme!" Louis reaches out for the bag, opening it eagerly. There's toys; little bears and dollies and bunnies, and bottles shaped like carrots -- fuck carrots -- and a tiny tiny white babygro with an elephant on the chest. "It's so small." Louis wails, holding it up. "How can I look after something this tiny? How?" Her chest feels tight and she’s so warm. She’s not old enough to have another human being; she’s not responsible enough. There’s been some mistake in nature here; the baby has to go back.
"Stations, everyone," Niall mutters out the corner of his mouth, wrapping his hand around Louis’s ankle.
Liam’s face immediately rearranges itself into a big smile and even a thumbs-up. “You’re gonna be a great mum, Lou!”
“Yeah,” Zayn nods rapidly, looking ten times more awake than he has in the last three days, “Remember what your mum said about all your sisters: you’re a natural!”
She doesn’t feel offended at the mollycoddling although maybe she should. She has a freak out about three times a week, though, and she’s over it in a minute so it’s really an excuse to get compliments and chocolate. She’s not stupid.
Harry settles for grinning scarily big and wide, so much so that it must hurt. He somehow pulls out a giant bar of Dairy Milk from his skin tight jeans and offers it to Louis who takes it with both hands. Like clockwork. The babygro falls to the side, forgotten.
“Eat that, Lou, you’ll be fine,” Niall soothes, smoothing his hand over her hair. “You think you’re scared? Mate, I’m shitting it. My mum’s convinced I’m gonna flush it down the toilet.”
Louis barks a laugh. The pain in her chest is decreasing, getting lighter and lighter until she can breathe again. She breaks off a line of chocolate, letting it melt in her mouth. “Here. This helps,” she reaches over and shoves a square into Niall’s open mouth, pushing his mouth closed for him.
“You guys are going to be fine,” Harry says confidently. “How hard can it be?”
“Think you’ve just nominated yourself as official babysitter, mate,” Zayn says, chucking a pillow at Harry’s head.
--
20 Weeks
“Niall, put that down,” Louis hisses from the bed when Niall drops another toy -- is she raising two children? She would get up and pull him away from the shelf herself but the papery gown has no back. Add in a fidgety Niall and that’s just a recipe for a disaster.
“Relax,” Niall says, dropping the toy ambulance back into the box with a clatter then walking back over. He rests a hand on Louis’s shoulder, just enough to be comforting. “This is just a routine check-up. Nothing to worry about.”
Louis nods, not assured. The baby’s been kicking all morning so she knows he’s fine but she can’t shake the nerves; everything’s been going too well, she’s sure the doctor’s going to tell them everything’s gone wrong.
"Hey," Niall whispers, bending down so their foreheads touch. "It's going to be fine, I promise."
"You've been making a lot of promises these past few months," Louis says, linking their fingers together.
The door opens before Niall can reply. A stack of papers appear before the woman carrying them does. They sway, almost falling to the ground but a hand darts out from behind the pile and pulls them back in, patting the pile.
"Miss Tomlinson! How are we doing today?" The surgery is one Syco found a while ago, one filled with the highest trained staff who have signed papers to keep their mouth shut. Louis's doctor, Dr Lindsay, is the best of the best. She doesn't mess about when delivering news but still manages to be kind enough about it that Louis doesn't feel like crying. Not that there’s been any news worthy of tears but just in case.
"Can't complain, doc," Louis shrugs, "Junior's kicking like mad, though; keeping me up at night."
"There's nothing I can do about that, I'm afraid," Dr Lindsay says with a smile. "Just wants to be noticed."
"Like we do anything but notice," Louis mumbles, eyeing her growing stomach. It rests on the waistband of her jeans where they're barely holding it together. They're going to have to tell the fans soon.
"Louis's getting self-conscious," Niall explains, rolling his eyes at the doctor. "And irrationally worried."
"Well let's just see if there's any reason to be," Dr Lindsay sits her papers on the desk and then sets Louis up with the ultrasound. The gel is freezing; Niall lets out a snicker when Louis jerks.
They've been to a few scans now but the effect is still the same. Louis's breath catches in her throat when she sees that's her baby on the screen, that's its heartbeat filling the room and look, there's its tiny little head. Niall's hand tightens around hers, and he presses against her shoulder to see the screen better.
"Holy shit," he breathes, his mouth open as he watches the screen.
Louis elbows him, hisses "Language!" like he's a ten year old, but the doctor just laughs, saying she gets it all the time.
"I still can't get my head around the fact that that's inside me right now, growing," Louis says, pointing at the screen.
Dr. Lindsay nods, understanding, "Well, your baby is perfectly healthy and doing everything exactly how it should be." Louis lets out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, turning her head to grin at Niall who mouths told you so but looks equally relieved. "Are you sure you don’t want to know the sex? Do you still want a surprise?"
It's tempting, so tempting. But the band’s divided into Team Boy (Louis and Zayn) and Team Girl (Niall, Harry and Liam) so they might as well keep it up till the end. Louis heard talk of a prize the other day -- this is her child they’re making money over, she should put a stop to this but, well, it’s entertaining.
“Nah we’ve got bets going,” Niall says with a wink.
--
27 Weeks
Louis goes out to a club; she doesn’t tell anyone and she goes to one of the more secretive ones in the deep streets of London so there’s no photos and no one can find her. It’s not her finest moment, she’ll admit that. She doesn’t get drunk, of course she doesn’t; she’s not insane. She just needs to be around people who don’t treat her like she’s going to faint at any moment.
She’s got quite a bump now, one that makes it harder to squeeze past people without it grazing against their side. She keeps one hand on it at all times, curved like a shield. The bass gets right under her skin making her thrum, her eyes closed. She's missed this.
The baby kicks out a rhythm completely out of time with the one making the floor shake. She tells herself he likes it, too.
The papers tell her she’s going to be an awful mother, she can see it in management’s eyes when they call her in for an emergency meeting that they think it too. The boys are the worst; they just ask if she’s okay and if it was something they said that made her go out and destroy her reputation with a single photo. She yells and stamps her feet and runs to her room -- her room, not the one she shares with Niall because he looks so confused, so sad she can’t bear to be near him -- and cries and cries.
When she’s calmed down enough she peels her t-shirt up, rolling it so it sits under her boobs. Her belly button is raised, making her remember when she was younger and she thought that was how babies were made: you pushed the button when you wanted one and then a few months later you pushed it again and out pops the baby. It’s not like that, though, is it? It’s going to be painful and scary and shit Louis’s never let herself think about the labour part before, has always been terrified enough about the actual pregnancy bit to think ahead. Her mum keeps sending her books from her work; books filled with pictures of women in pain and blood and words like contractions and epidurals and can be up to 36 hours jumping out at her. It makes her tense up; her body locking and her teeth grinding like that will stop anything coming out.
“You’re not gonna hurt me, baby, are you?” she whispers, running a hand over the curve of her stomach. “You’ll be nice to me and I’ll be nice to you; we’ll get along just fine, won’t we? I got you a babygro yesterday, the papers don’t know about that, do they. It’s tiny, even tinier than me; your Uncle Harry would say that’s saying something.” Louis sighs, feeling overwhelmed.
“Everyone’s angry at your mummy, baby, because I ran away and took you with me and I didn’t tell anyone where I was going. I knew you wouldn’t get hurt, I just wanted to stop feeling so weak and helpless, but no one else sees that. They all think I was being the old Louis. No one likes the old Louis.”
There's a noise by the door and when she looks up Niall is standing right there. She looks him in the eye as she says, "Your daddy’s upset; we don’t like seeing daddy upset, do we? No we don’t. We love daddy very much and we wish we didn't hurt him. Do you want to apologise, too?”
"She's not the one who should be apologising," Niall says, but there's a hint of a smile there.
"He was there as well. He's not an innocent party in all this," Louis says. She watches as Niall shifts on the balls of his feet, visibly swaying between the two rooms; one with Louis and one without. She breathes a sigh of relief when Niall closes the door and pads over to the bed. She shifts so he can lie down beside her, an arm winding round her waist.
"I'm really sorry, Niall. Really. I didn’t drink, of course I didn’t. I didn’t go anywhere near the bar but that doesn’t make it any more okay. I’ve made the band look bad and you’re upset and it won’t ever happen again, I swear. It was a moment of insanity, I just wanted things to be back to normal for a while, I wanted to be able to do what I wanted and I didn't think about you or the band or anyone but myself so, I'm sorry."
Niall stares at her for a long time, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. His eyes are so blue. Somewhere at the back of her mind Louis hopes the baby gets Niall's bright blue eyes and pretty blond hair. She wonders what kind of fucked up accent it’ll end up with; half Yorkshire half Irish living in London. "Say something, Ni."
"I wish you'd've said something," Niall says. He pulls at a strand of hair coming loose from Louis's bun. "I could've sorted something out; brought the club to you or something. I don't want there to be lies, Lou, I just want you to be able to be honest with me and tell me what you need, even if it is something stupid like midnight runs for ice cream and sweet chilli sauce or more space in the bed or more time with your family or or -- having sex with Harry. Just tell me and I'll sort it out for you."
Louis raises an eyebrow. "You would give me permission to sleep with Harry just cause I claim to need it."
"Hey you're carrying my baby around with you. If you want to shag the entire cast of Harry Potter then that's fine by me."
"You're an idiot," Louis says, so much fondness leaking into the statement. "Lucky for you Daniel Radcliffe doesn't do anything for me. I seem to have a thing for blonds."
Niall ducks his head and kisses her, catching her upper lip between his own, gentle. "Lucky me," he mumbles, smiling against Louis's mouth until her lips curve to fit his, forgiven.
--
11 Weeks
Because of the timing Louis had had to tell her mum her news over Skype. Her mum had cried and said she was so happy for her even if she was a bit young. She had raised her eyebrows at Niall but everyone had so Louis wasn’t offended. She had to promise to go straight home when they got back to the UK so she could tell her sisters in person and so that’s how she finds herself driving up to Doncaster with Niall singing along to the radio -- their own song -- in the worst voice possible.
“Is Jay going to kill me for knocking up her oldest daughter?” he asks as exit the motorway, following the signs for Doncaster.
"Maybe,” Louis shrugs, “You’ve always been her least favourite.”
“Hey!”
“I’m driving!” Louis laughs, pushing Niall’s hand away when he tries to pinch her arm. “I’m kidding, keep your hair on.”
“I knew you were,” he says confidently. “Everyone loves my Irish charm.”
“I don’t.”
“Got you to sleep with me didn’t I?”
Louis turns into her street. “It was the alcohol that did that I think.” she pauses. “Don’t tell my mum that; she’ll hate to hear her grandchild was conceived after too many vodkas and impaired vision.”
“It’s not like you had “impaired vision” every time,” Niall says defensively, hauling their bags out the car and following Louis up to the front door.
Louis waves that comment away, more focused on the butterflies building in her stomach now, surrounding the baby in there. “You nervous?” she asks, hand on the door handle.
“Irish charm,” Niall winks, but when Louis looks down she sees his hands shaking and is comforted ever so slightly by the thought that she won’t be the main target.
Her sisters won’t let her move; all their hands pressed at her stomach demanding her to make the baby move even when she tells them over and over again that she won’t feel it kick for another few weeks probably.
“What’re they talking about?” Louis asks Lottie over Phoebe and Daisy’s heads when Lottie pulls the kitchen door shut, a cup of tea in each hand. Jay and Niall had been in there for the last twenty minutes talking about God knows what while Louis had been telling her sisters that they would become aunties.
“Something about marrying you off next month,” Lottie says, smirking when Louis glares. “Wow, the mood swings are true then.”
“Shut up,” Louis mumbles, taking a much needed sip of tea. She attempts a step, Daisy and Phoebe stepping with her. Eventually, she makes it to the couch, persuading the twins to make a present for Niall while she talks to Lottie and Fizz. They disappear in a whirlwind of shouts about glitter and glue and fairy wings.
“So,” Lottie eyes her over her mug. She looks too much like their mother. “Niall.”
“What about him?” she says, wary.
“You tell us,” Fizz pipes up from the other end of the couch. Louis thought she had been too engrossed in her book to notice the conversation topic. Obviously not.
“He’s... just Niall.”
“Well said,” Lottie nods, rolling her eyes at Fizz. Louis feels a bit bullied. “Do you love him?”
“Woah. Slow down,” The L word makes Louis shiver; she doesn’t know what to do with it.
Niall comes to her rescue before her sisters can say another word. She pulls him up the stairs, feigning tiredness.
“What’d my mum say to you?”
Niall grins slowly, “I’m definitely her favourite One Direction member, including you.”
“Creep,” Louis pushes him on the bed then straddles him. She leans down and kisses him, a spark running down her spine when she remembers what Lottie just said about loving him. She doesn’t love Niall, not like that, not yet.
“No, Irish charm.” Niall corrects her when they pull away.
--
34 Weeks
Louis's lying on the couch, watching tv and minding her own business, when someone rolls over the back of the couch and wedges themselves in-between Louis and the couch. They push their nose into the back of Louis's neck, snuffling.
"Y'alright, Liam?"
She feels Liam nod against her shoulder. "Yep. Just wanted to lie down."
"On me."
"Yep."
Louis exhales, shuffles back so Liam can wrap his arms around her. "'Kay."
It's silent and still for all of two minutes before the door opens and someone else walks over, their trainers squeaking on the wooden floor. "What's going on here, eh?"
"Liam wanted a lie down on me," Louis mumbles. She might be falling asleep.
"Way hey," Harry snorts before clambering over the side and onto Louis, carefully curving round her stomach. She’s only got five weeks to go but she’s carried the bump neatly, it’s not tiny, you can tell what it is, but it’s not huge. She’s not a beachball. "I want to lie on you as well, Lou."
Louis's trapped under Harry's arm. Her nose is right in his armpit. It's not as unpleasant as it should be probably because this is Harry Styles and nothing about him is unpleasant; it's been scientifically proven. "Climb on, then," It's muffled.
"What?" Harry asks from somewhere above.
"She said climb on," when Liam says it it’s even harder to decipher. Louis can only hear because somehow Liam's face is right next to hers now; right under Harry.
"What?"
"Shh," Louis wriggles an arm out to pat at Harry's shoulder. "Sleeping time."
Zayn wanders in just as Louis's almost asleep. It's a conspiracy.
"We cuddling?"
"Looks that way," Louis says. "I don't why."
"Since when do we need a reason?" Niall shouts over from the front door, letting himself in. Louis can't even remember whose flat they're in.
“Point.” Harry groans, stretching. Zayn curls himself up by Louis’s feet then falls sideways making Harry oof. “Move, Malik.”
“No.”
“Um,” Liam’s voice sounds faraway; his knee is digging into Louis’s thigh. “I can’t really breathe.”
“Hush, Li,” Niall says from above them. Louis finds a hole to push her face out. Niall is standing over them, his arms crossed, a glint in his eye. “This cuddle’s not for you.”
“Who’s it for?” Louis thinks she already knows.
“Me,” Niall grins and then squashes himself on so he’s half on the couch, half hanging off it. Louis sticks an arm out to wrap round his chest, pulling him as far against her as the bump will allow.
“Eh, is this safe for Junior?”
“It’s her first One Direction cuddle!” Harry exclaims, wriggling so he can smile down at Louis, his dimples showing.
“His,” Louis corrects just to stay on top of things.
“Hers,” Niall and Harry retort.
“No. We’re not doing this again,” Zayn says firmly, prodding Louis’ calf.
“Almost there, boys,” Louis says, sticking her head up by Harry’s elbow so she can see everyone -- apart from Liam who might actually die under there. “It’s been a rollercoaster, eh.”
“You’re not going to get emotional on us are you?” Zayn asks, looking wary.
“I’m not sure. Maybe,” Louis sniffs. “But thank you for being supportive, I couldn’t have done it without you. Literally in some cases,” she looks pointedly at Niall who winks.
“Oi,” Zayn says, “None of that while I’m stuck between the two of you.”
“You’re in a pile of love, Zayn,” Harry says cheerfully, “Embrace it.”
“All you need is love,” Louis nods.
“Hurry up and push this baby out so I can hit you again.”
“Just for that, Zayn, Harry can be godfather.”
"I hate this band."