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The day began much like any other day. Bright morning, gentle breeze and clean air. Sanemi and Giyuu sat in their usual spot in the garden. A bouquet of garden-plucked flowers and a package of ohagi between them. There was something serene about it whenever they did this. And Giyuu always liked how this painted a pretty picture of tranquillity and peace.
Peace.
Something Giyuu thought he would never have.
As demon slayers, they were both used to burning the midnight oil, moving through places and spaces to kill the creatures of the night. Mornings though, were always reserved for vigorous training and draining themselves dry. It was hard for them to get used to quiet, peaceful mornings like this, where they neither had to break a sweat nor the training dummies. Having nothing to do and being purposeless was challenging at the beginning and time was a luxury they didn't have in their demon-slaying days. After the war, it didn't quite feel right to have all the time in the World, as much as it would offer.
So they did everything they couldn't do before.
Live. Laugh and Love.
The 'Ls' came easily though. After some struggles, of course. For them. And for their fallen comrades. Now here they were. In the garden of the water estate. Picnicking and savouring the atmosphere. Ever since Sanemi moved in, Giyuu's lonely estate became more lively. Or, chaotic. He didn't know the difference.
Sanemi was, everything Giyuu wasn't. He filled Giyuu's emptiness like the wind fills the air. He crashed through Giyuu's aloofness like the storm, met Giyuu's resistance with the force of the tempest. He filled Giyuu's silence. Became his voice. Became his light, life and love. The 'Ls' again. And Giyuu's days became something to look forward to. But what he anticipated the most was their garden picnics.
Sanemi would grumble that it was a waste of time. But Giyuu knew better. How calm and soft he looked amidst their garden, surrounded by lush greens and vibrant flowers. He would raise questions about how it was any productive than doing household work. And whenever he did, only the cicadas answered him. Giyuu never did. If Giyuu was lucky enough, Sanemi would let him take a nap on his lap without biting his ear off about unfinished chores. And sometimes, Giyuu would lie awake in his lap, Sanemi's hand in his hair, combing lazily through as they shared stories of their childhood. It's where both of them let their hearts open. Raw and wounding. And it was where they both started healing. As much as he complains, Giyuu would bet on his life that the day was something Sanemi looked ahead to too.
Today.
Today was the day of the week.
And Sanemi didn't look much too excited to be there. Giyuu looked at the butterflies. In pink and green and purple. They circled and rounded around the garden. One came close to Sanemi's face and he swatted it away.
Giyuu laughed.
"Fuck, they remind me of Kocho", he heard Sanemi say. And Giyuu agreed. He didn't know which Kocho his lover was talking about.
"No. She's more like a mosquito. Annoying and always buzzing in our ears. I hate them"
Ah. Giyuu missed Shinobu too.
He wanted to tell her that he had friends. And a lover. Tell her that he was loved.
"I met her brat at the market yesterday. Kanao? With the Kamado brats. Who would have known the brat had it in him. Had star eyes for each other. It was disgusting!"
Giyuu laughed openly.
"I know you love them too"
Sanemi's face right now was a sight to look at.
"The boar boy was there too. And the whiny brat. He was all over the Kamado girl"
"Young love! It's cute"
Sanemi made an offended face, "How old are they? 16? 18? All works in progress but acting like adults. Bunch of brats"
"You don't mean it! And you sound like a-"
Sanemi's face changed, "Fuck, I sound like an old man!"
"Exactly"
Sanemi sighed, "Genya would be around their age too. If he lived. The girl kind of reminds me of him"
Giyuu knew that. She reminded him of his sister too.
"I'd better get going. Chores to do"
Giyuu made a face.
"Stop frowning. I can't sit here with you always. It's not like you'd be helping me anyway"
That was so not true. Giyuu did help. If he could! Sanemi was ungrateful.
"Take it back! Liar"
"Yeah yeah. Of course. You helped me make a mess of the house. Better?"
Sanemi's knees made a creak as he stood up and went inside the estate. And Giyuu silently followed him. As always.
The flowers and the bag of sweets were forgotten on the mat. And neither man cared.
/////
Inside, Giyuu sat on the low stool in their kitchen and watched silently as Sanemi started working on dinner. Heavens knew Giyuu couldn't cook for life. It was Sanemi who did all the work.
For all his complaints about Giyuu not helping, Sanemi seldom allowed him to lift a pot.
'You sit there. I'll take care of this'
It was what he'd say.
Sometimes though, some rare times, he'd jokingly say, 'I could use an extra hand'.
And Giyuu, sitting on the stool and oogling at Sanemi's muscles flexing and relaxing as he worked like a hawk, cheek leaning on his palm, would be caught off guard. He would pout and reach his remaining hand towards Sanemi to help, only for him to catch Giyuu's hand, pull him close by his waist and kiss his lips passionately. He would do all this in a span of seconds and go back to fix their dinner. Like he didn't just render Giyuu speechless twice in a row. And every time that happened, Giyuu fell for that trick. Without failure.
He watched as Sanemi washed the rice, poured water on the pot and kept it on the stove.
"I like watching you work"
Sanemi paused. Knife hovered above the vegetable he was chopping. He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. He turned towards Giyuu.
"You always say that"
/////
Giyuu saw Sanemi walking towards their dining table with two bowls of rice and steamed vegetables. He placed Giyuu's chopsticks on his bowl and wordlessly started eating.
Giyuu sat before Sanemi and looked at him eating. He watched as Sanemi picked his vegetables and brought them into his mouth. He ate slowly and deliberately. Not a single rice spilt on their table. He was mesmerised by Sanemi's table discipline. Giyuu could only try. He was always a messy eater. He somehow would end up with rice on his cheeks and on the table. And if lucky enough, his hair would get fed too. But who would blame him? He'd lost his dominant hand after all. And it was hard not to spill with his left hand.
Giyuu watched as Sanemi kept glancing at his bowl. And his untouched chopsticks.
Right. After the first few days of Sanemi looking at Giyuu trying to eat with his left hand and spilling, he resigned to feeding him. Giyuu was so embarrassed and protested harshly, saying he wasn't a baby and could do the measly work of feeding himself. But as days went on, and with Sanemi's persistence, he gave up. He wouldn't admit it, but he enjoyed it when Sanemi pampered him like that. He liked it when Sanemi would quickly but cleanly finish his portion and turn towards Giyuu. He'd take his bowl, scoop a spoonful and bring it near Giyuu's mouth. Waiting for Giyuu to open his mouth with a smile. Giyuu would pout but relent. Yeah. They ditched the chopsticks for the feeding. It wouldn't make a mess like that. Sanemi's logic.
Giyuu looked around the table. The spoon nowhere in sight.
/////
Tengen came to visit them the next day with a bottle of sake and a bag of plums. He'd often come by their estate to spend time with them. His family was big now. Giyuu remembered the day Tengen's first son was born. He held the baby first before Sanemi and would always make sure to rub it in Sanemi's face. Occasionally, Sanemi and he would visit the sound estate and play with their kids. Sanemi would throw a tantrum if said to his face but he too knows that Giyuu was always their favourite uncle. That's how the three former comrades kept themselves close. Teasing and arguing over mundane things.
One time, Sanemi asked how Tengen manages three partners when Sanemi was struggling to handle one. He was teasing, of course, but Tengen's roaring laughter and Sanemi's chuckles at his own stupid joke pissed Giyuu off so much he didn't talk to Sanemi for four days!
*****
"You don't have to struggle if I'm too much"
"You know I didn't mean it"
Giyuu knew that. But he was still mad and sulking. That night he turned away from Sanemi and kept his back to him on their shared futon just to prove his point. He heard Sanemi sigh behind and he felt an arm wrap around him. Soon he was pulled close to Sanemi. Back to chest.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me?"
Sanemi's voice was so soft and sleepy, Giyuu almost gave in. And he didn't mean to say that. He merely wanted to get back at Sanemi for making him mad. The words spilt out of his lips before he could stop himself.
"You'll know when I'm gone"
And he regretted it as soon as it was out. It was petty. Childish even. He felt the arm tighten around him for a moment before loosening. Sanemi didn't respond to that. But the stuttering breath he let out after that spoke more than enough.
Then Giyuu spent the next three days avoiding Sanemi out of guilt. Sanemi eventually hunted him down and they reconciled. He never made jokes like that after the incident.
*****
Tengen sat on the engawa while Sanemi meticulously tended to their garden, his back towards his friend. Giyuu simply hovered near Sanemi.
"I came from the city yesterday. It's becoming a nuisance with how crowded it is!"
"It never pauses. Always buzzing with life", Sanemi groaned, trying to pull a stubborn weed, "These roots are tenacious!"
"Oh dear, you used to spend hours carefully trimming them"
"Oh, Here! My wives packed some plums. These are hand-picked. Very delicious!"
"They're such sweethearts. Thank them for me"
"Thanks", Sanemi mumbled.
"You're taking your sweet time outside. Is everything in order indoors?"
"Everything is precisely as it should be Tengen-san"
Sanemi had other ideas, it seems. He huffed, "It's like the house has a spirit of its own. Always demanding attention"
"It was one time!"
Tengen made an amused noise. He hesitated before saying, "My kids are begging me to take them to the coast. They need to see the tide. We're planning a trek next week"
"That's awesome"
"The sea. Yes. Lot of water out there"
Sanemi and Tengen continued talking while Giyuu listened. Or mostly Tengen talked and Sanemi and Giyuu listened. He could go on and on about his wives and sons. And Giyuu was more than willing to listen to their tales.
Tengen also told them about Tanjiro and the other children. He said the kids miss them. Giyuu missed them too. He hoped they would visit. It had been so long since they last visited.
Tengen left after some time. Sanemi was still trying to pull out the roots. He didn't turn back to Tengen's departure. Tengen didn't either. He simply waved his arm.
Giyuu waved back.
/////
They both were left in peace for two days until another visitor arrived at their estate. Not that Giyuu minded. Giyuu himself assured that Tanjiro and Nezuko were always welcome at the water estate. The other kids too. He loved those kids.
Sanemi nodded at Tanjiro as a greeting and went to the kitchen to prepare tea.
Giyuu was in his beloved garden. Tanjiro slipped out of the hall to greet him.
"Giyuu-san"
"Tanjiro!", Giyuu smiled at him.
"How are you Giyuu-san? Nezuko and I are doing well"
"I'm glad to hear that"
"I will be turning 21 soon", Tanjiro blushed slightly, "Kanao and I decided to get engaged after my birthday"
"That's wonderful news Tanjiro. Congratulations!"
Tanjiro's eyes turned glassy, "You told me I've said it enough already. I'll say it once again anyway", he swallowed hard and bowed, "Thank you saving us that day. If not for you, I don't know what would've happened to us"
Giyuu was startled, "You don't have to! Raise your head Tanjiro. It's fine. I'm happy for you"
Tanjiro didn't raise his head, his voice was wobbly, "I wish you're--"
"Brat! Come inside!"
Sanemi's voice echoed from the house. Tanjiro straightened abruptly. He wiped his face and went inside.
"You heard him. Get inside"
"See you later Giyuu-san"
/////
"Shinazugawa-san"
Sanemi gave Tanjiro his cup and beckoned him to sit.
"You came to visit him"
"I'm here to visit you both"
Sanemi hummed.
"I'm getting engaged after my birthday"
Sanemi huffed. Then quietly, he muttered.
"Congratulations"
"We want you to come"
Sanemi didn't say anything.
"I'll try"
They sipped their tea.
"It's so silent here"
"Silence steadies the soul sometimes"
"Look at you! Who would have guessed? Loud and violence were once your anchor, my dear"
Tanjiro stiffened. He retrieved something out of his sleeve and held it out to Sanemi, "I almost forgot. Here"
Sanemi took the box and opened it. He blinked at the item. Then traced it delicately with his fingers.
"It's--"
"Yeah. Sorry for taking it without permission. Nezuko noticed it was broken the last time we came here. She wanted to fix it"
Inside the box lay a spoon. A kintsugi one. Three pieces of ceramic were held together by lacquered gold.
"I didn't even realise it was gone"
Tanjiro winced, "Sorry. We only wanted to mend it"
Sanemi didn't take his eyes off the cutlery, "Mending. A nice idea for pottery. Less so for life. It belonged to... well. It had a good life"
"We had a good life Sanemi!"
Tanjiro kept his empty cup down. He looked unsure, "I'll get going then Sanemi-san"
Sanemi didn't reply.
"Goodbye Tanjiro"
/////
That night, Sanemi once again placed two bowls of rice on the table. The spoon back on the table. Sanemi once again kept looking at the untouched bowl. The chopsticks. And the spoon. He broke down after the fifth time. His shoulders were shaking, and tears were falling down his face.
"I can't do this anymore Giyuu"
"You can Sanemi"
"I can't keep going on like this"
Giyuu reached out his hands. Yes. Hands. Towards his grieving lover but held back at second thought. He knew what would happen. It was useless.
"I thought I could manage. Thought I was doing fine"
"You are, dearest"
"I'm not fine Giyuu", he sobbed.
Giyuu was helpless. He watched his beloved unravel with nothing to do to soothe him.
"Every breath I take, it was you I inhale. Every turn and corner reminds me of you. Every wind that blows, carries your voice. I can feel your presence everywhere but where are you!?"
"I'm right here, my love"
"Garden days are torture without you"
"I know"
Giyuu desperately wanted to hold Sanemi against him and chase away whatever was hurting his Sanemi like this. But deep inside, however bitter it might be to accept, Giyuu knew that it was he who was hurting Sanemi. He was the reason for Sanemi's tears. He was the ghost that needed to be warded off.
"Take me with you, Giyuu please", Sanemi begged through his tears.
"I can't do that! But I can't watch you like this either"
Sanemi wiped his eyes, "A few more months. I'll be with you. I hope you're waiting for me"
"I'm always waiting for you"
"I promised you after all"
/////
"You'll wait for me, right?"
"I will"
Sanemi made sure to remind him every day. And Giyuu, tirelessly, would answer the same.
Until that eventful day. When Sanemi's nightmare played before his eyes in broad daylight. That day, when Giyuu stood audience to his own funeral.
Sanemi prayed, begged for him to wake up. He spent hours and hours shedding tears while holding Giyuu's body.
The Kamado siblings were the first to arrive. Both in a rush and in tears. Nezuko sobbed loudly at the sight of his body. Then came the other children. Their eyes heavy and sombre. The kids Giyuu cared for like his own after everything they've gone through. Tengen's family arrived next. And at last, his Sensei. Urokodaki-san was silent the entire time. But everyone could see the tremble in his body. It was a heavy blow to him. Another one of his child's unfortunate demise.
They buried his body in his garden, his favourite spot as per his wish. The people gathered around were drowned in grief as his body was lowered to the ground and a memorial was raised.
And Giyuu saw everything unfold right before his eyes. He was there. But he was not.
And he couldn't leave. Not yet.
/////
Time passed quickly over the next few months. Like it didn't want to make the lover suffer any longer. Sanemi was happy though. He blessed Tanjiro and Kanao at their engagement. Then Zenitsu and Nezuko. Then Inosuke and Aoi. He gave his blessings and well wishes to all the children. On behalf of himself and Giyuu. He took his time saying goodbye to every person he cared about. And finally, he was at peace.
Tengen was there when Sanemi passed.
"Goodbye, my friend"
He looked towards the ceiling, willing his tears back.
"I hope you found each other again"
The same people from Giyuu's funeral gathered at their garden once again. Sanemi was laid to rest just beside Giyuu. Another memorial was raised.
And Giyuu was there. Waiting anxiously.
"Giyuu"
He turned around to the sound of his voice. He raised his arms.
And Sanemi didn't hesitate to crash into them.
Hand in hand, they walked towards their Garden of Eden.
***The end***