Work Text:
"I love her...I really do. But when the things attempt to sex...I freak out."
"And why is that?"
"I...I just- cant stop thinking about my stupid rules."
"You think they're stupid?"
"They are...we're not in a movie. But, I just...don't know..."
"You belive in them?"
"I-I dunno...I feel like a coward. She's there, she wants to, but...I can't."
"Is she rushing you?"
"No, no, she doesn't rush me! But- I feel stupid. I mean, she's my wife, what kind of man doesn't have sex with his wife?"
"You feel coward and less manly for that?"
"Yes...and she always say that it's okey and we are going at my rithm, that makes me feel so selfish, 'cause I know she wants to, but she stops herself only for me."
"Okey, Randy. From what are you saying, you think having sex makes you brave, but it doesn't, either makes you more of a man. That's only a statement of your own mind. And she respects your limits, what's necessary for a healty relationship."
"You've been going through horrible things that marked you, and the way of protect yourself—answering to your trauma—is get attached to the rules that you once though saved you."
"And how do I, I dunno, fix that?"
"You're not a broken clock, but my advice to you is: go step by step, to prove yourself that those rules doesn't have power in the things that other people does. Start with simple things, in your free time, break some rules, and going slowly, you would notice how nothing around you happends."
Randy listens, connecting ideas and thinking about it.
Is a bit scary, but he's gonna try the best.
After a long day at work, Randy finally gets home. He comes in and finds you at the kitchen.
"Smells really good." he says, resting his chin in your shoulder, hugging you from the back.
"Is your favorite." you smile softly, and giving him a little peck.
His arms let you go for a few seconds, he walks to the fridge, taking a old beer from it.
"Is for you?" you ask him softly and he noods calmly, hugging you again. "Long day?"
"Something like that…" he sighs, and tries to change the theme. "I couldn't stop thinking about you." you smile and scoff a little amused, like he has just told a joke.
"Why?" you ask, a bit curious and still confused for the beer in his hand, everything was so unusual.
"Do I need a reason to think about my pretty wife?"
"No, but you don't usually do it."
"I think about you every second" He says, buring his face in the space between your neck and your shoulder.
You can feel his face warmer, and you turn off the stove to turn around.
"Ow, look at you." you cup his face gently, looks totally adorable, blushed and flustered for being a bit chessy with you.
"I don't say cute things to you often, I just thought that…I should say'em more often, 'cause I think 'em all the time."
You kiss him softly, and his free hand rubs softly your hip.
"I talked with the therapist." He says, avoiding your eyes, looking a little embarrased. "About a lot of things...but I talk about we haven't...yo' know, and about the rules."
"Yes? And what does she said?" you answer curious, rubbing his knuckles.
"She said that I should break 'em to prove myself they aren't real..."
"That's why you're drinking?"
"Yes. I won't do drugs, so, just drinking." he takes a sip before speaking again. "I was thinking that maybe we could have dinner and watch some movie later?"
You smile and nood slowly, giving him a short kiss.
(…)
After dinner and getting comfty, Randy dragged you to the living room and now you're looking at him with your dvd's, attempting to pick one.
"So...'Gremlins' or 'The Blair Witch Project'?"
"Let's see 'The Blair Witch Project' and keep 'Gremlins' for
Christmas." you say, sitting on the couch with the popcorn bowl between your legs.
"Will you marry me?" He says playfully, loving how you pick without doubt.
"We're already married, silly" you chuckle and trow him some popcorn playfully, he gasps pretending to be deeply offended.
"Don't waste the cinema gold like that." He says playfully and catch a popcorn to eat it.
You giggle softly and pat the space next to you in the couch, he puts the DVD and sit next to you, making you rest your head on his chest just for him to caress it.
He used to yap about how ridiculous or good movies were everytime you watched a movie together, and today wasn’t an exception.
"That's the best part- ouch! Look at that, gosh..." You liked the movie, yes, a lot. But you liked him more, even if you tried to avoid it, your eyes always seem to return to Randy.
His blue eyes barely visible, the TV light dancing as the movie plays, making the ambience more cozy.
His pupils almost swall all of his beautiful blue iris, slightly redish cheeks for the earlier beer, and that perfect smile that makes your knees weak.
"You’re staring, love. Not that I mind it, tho."
"Im sorry, I was just admiring my handsome husband, yo' know, the usual."
"Oh, sure…if we’re gonna talk about beauty you walk me like a dog." You smile sweetly, and pull him closer really softly into a kiss, short, but genuine, and filled with love.
The kind that make both of your hearts felt warmer and loved.
"C'mere" he mutters, cupping your head gently to kiss again, now longer but fulled with love and passion.
One of his hands runs over your body, just to end up holding your hip softly, but while the kiss keep going deeper and intimate, his other hand goes to your back neck, pulling you even closer.
Without breaking the kiss, he hugs your waist, making you sit astride his lap.
Now you can feel him hard below his pants, pushing against your warm. You whine softly in his lips, and break the kiss slowly.
"You're sure you want to...?" you whisper out of breath.
His dilated pupils stares at you, a mixture of desire and internal struggle in his gaze.
"I-I want you..." He struggles and swallow. You kiss him again, now softly but still passioned.
"If you need a break, just tell me."
Now you look at him, a little disheveled, his light blue irises almost entirely swallowed by his swollen pupils, slightly swollen lips shining inviting you to sin perversely.
He hug your waist kissing you again.
"The same for you..." He said between kisses out of breath.
Your hand travel for his chest to the edge of his t-shirt, touching the warm skin under the cloth. His hand rubs your thight, squeezing and making you lay down your back in the couch.
He admire you for a few seconds, then he takes off his t-shirt over his head, and leans over you taking your head to kiss you again, while his free hand travels between your legs.
He really wants to, but you see through him, his eyes hesitating, you caress his cheek softly.
"Hey, really, it's okey if we wait, love." you mutter softly, with a understanding smile.
"Im sorry…I really want to." he looks away for a second, you could see his eyes blinking faster, wetter.
"It’s okey, love. There’s nothing to be ashamed of"
He sits on the couch, at your feet, with his hands on his face. You could tell he was crying by how he breathed, holding his sobs.
You sit next to him, caressing his back.
"It’s wrong…Im your husband."
"What's wrong, love?"
"I should be able to please you…I can't even touch you." he sobs lowly, breaking your heart.
"No, love, it’s alright, we can wait. You’re no less of a husband for that, Ran."
You caress his hair, and then he moves to rest his head on the crook of your neck, holding you closely.
"I love you more than anything,"
"I love you more, Randy. Sex or no, could never change that…"