Chapter Text
[A brief note from the editors:
While the centuries have seen the release of countless iterations of Stevonnie’s chronicles, composed during the undertaking of humanity’s first trek into the aether, some legitimate but most otherwise, all share a common trait: they are incomplete. However, a recent, anonymous donation has revealed the secrets of the lost segments, in their entirety, and for the first time, scholars are confident in the validity, completeness, and accuracy of the full work. All text in this compendium, therefore, originates from this, recovered volume, which is believed to be the first chronological revision and thus the second edition ever compiled. Any substantive deviations between the former, canonical revisions and the text hereafter, such as the prologue which save for the cover page does not appear in what shall be refered to as the Second Edition, are marked accordingly when such information is available for comparison.]
The Memoirs of Stevonnie Mahesiverse
Love Incarnate,
Cloud-Dancer and Gem-Mender,
The Sun’s Stone, Gaea’s Shield, Universe’s Coolest Trench Coat,
Inter-Galactic Ambassador, Commander of the Crystal Gems and the United Forces of Earth,
Bridge Between Worlds, Liberator of Planets, Pioneer of the Stars,
Dream-Walker and Peace-Maker,
Incredible Experience
Stevonnie Single-Gem,
Stevonnie the Invincible, Stevonnie the Terrifying,
The Redeemer of Many, The Destroyer of More,
The Kind-Hearted Champion, The Gullible Fool,
The Corrupted’s Salvation, The Organic Abomination,
Hero of Humanity, “Breaker of Gems” (and other lies),
Absent Protector
Unwavering Knight, Master Chef, The Renegade’s Disciple,
Collector, Purveyor, and Connoisseur of Ridiculous Nicknames
[Top of Page 1, 1st Ed., circa 2025]
If you’re reading this, you probably shouldn’t be, so please stop immediately. I’ll find you pretty quickly anyway, so you should just put the chip back now and save us both the trouble.
Besides, this isn’t even the interesting journal: no battle tactics, no earth-shattering secrets (literally or otherwise), no detailed recounts of the war, just some boring, mushy, very personal history. You probably wouldn’t be interested…
I guess I can’t stop you from reading in the meantime, but if you hold any esteem for me and all I’ve sacrificed in the name of life, love, and the freedom of choice, you will go no further.
[Top of Page 2]
I see you’re a rebel, like me, and I respect that. Not as much as I respect the people who stopped on the previous page, but still, you haven’t skipped past this message yet, and that means you’re trying.
I just want you to know that I believe in you! You can still do the right thing and return this to me, its rightful owner. Without reading it. Sure, the curiosity might eat at you for the rest of your days, but at least you’ll be content in the knowledge that you’re a good person.
[Top of Page 3]
Seriously, I’ve already caught 5 10 15 35 distinct people trying to sneak a peek at this. I will catch you too, and so help me, I’ll send you back to Earth. (And Garnet, you know you can just ask…)
[Top of Page 5]
Alright, alright, alright. Fine, you can read it.
I suppose it doesn’t hurt too much. These are my favorite stories, after all. It’s just that I prefer to tell them in person, and if everyone reads this, I won’t have any good anecdotes left for all of these damn galas!
Just make sure I get this back. It’s important to me.