Chapter Text
Baekhyun does stupid things when he’s drunk. Stupid stupid stupid things. Like sending nudes to his TA during freshman year on a drunken dare from Jongdae — he was covered by a blanket, but it was still very obvious he was naked and he did have to immediately drop the class the next day so he never had to see that TA ever again. Or singing the national anthem 3 keys up at 1 am on a Tuesday and almost getting kicked out of his dorm for the sheer volume of noise complaints that came in that night because Jongdae swore Baekhyun couldn’t sing as high as him. Or any of the other thousand stupid things that he’s done while deeply intoxicated with his friends — most of which have been Jongdae’s fault, he just wants that on record.
But this one...this one takes the cake. This is hands down the absolute stupidest, most idiotic, just purely asinine thing he has ever agreed to while drunk.
He doesn’t even remember exactly how it had happened. He thinks it started with Jongdae saying something about faking orgasms, but he might just be making that up because so many of his poor decisions can be traced back to something Jongdae said or did. No matter who started the conversation though, he remembers Chanyeol responding. He remembers just how cocky he had looked, scoffing and saying that he would never have to worry about that.
And Baekhyun - so stupid and so painfully drunk - had to respond. He just had to rile Chanyeol up. Just had to open his mouth and say “As if you would know, straight boy. Women have faking it down to a science just to save the fragile egos of big shot men just like you who think their dick is god’s greatest gift to humanity.”
And of course Chanyeol couldn’t let it go. He never can when Baekhyun starts spouting bullshit just to get on his nerves. In the three years since their friend groups meshed together and brought Baekhyun and Chanyeol into each others’ orbits, there has never been a single moment where Baekhyun has done or said something just to see the younger man’s jaw clench and his eyes narrow with irritation that Chanyeol hasn’t matched his energy. So of course, it’s no surprise when he fires back with a “Ah yes, ‘cause you would know so much about how women act during sex, wouldn’t you?”
It’s a dig at his sexuality, yes, but it’s not malicious — you can’t really be a homophobe when 90% of your friend group are some variation of queer — he just wants to get under Baekhyun’s skin.
And of course he succeeds.
And of course it escalates into some stupid back and forth Baekhyun can’t remember half of.
And of course it ends with the two of them nose-to-nose, toe-to-toe, Baekhyun glaring up into the younger man’s eyes while Chanyeol smirks down at him and says, “I don’t know what kind of guys you bring home, Byun, but if you’re always finishing last, they’re the wrong ones.”
It’s too easy for things to spiral from there, for Baekhyun to fire back that he bets Chanyeol wouldn’t last five minutes with a guy like him, for Chanyeol to retort that Baekhyun wishes he could find a man that could fuck him the way Chanyeol fucks, for the worst possible words he could ever utter to slip past Baekhyun’s lips: “I bet if we fuck right now, I could make you cum twice before you even get me close, Park.”
Saying the words “I bet” to Park Chanyeol is equivalent to signing away your soul.
Baekhyun has never in his 24 years of life ever met anyone as competitive as Chanyeol. The proof of that is the never ending vibration of his phone as their groupchat blows up, their entire friendgroup imploding over the single text from Park Chanyeol, the poster boy for heterosexuality, at 9:03 am that read: ‘@kyoong0506 you’re on pretty boy. when and where.’
So yeah, of all of the stupid things that Baekhyun has ever done, this one is hands down the stupidest. He could say no, of course. He should say no. Sure, Chanyeol is attractive as hell, but the man is also painfully straight and Baekhyun has enough experiences of crushing on straight boys with pretty smiles to know that it never ends well.
But then Chanyeol would win. And Baekhyun’s pride will never let him give Chanyeol an easy win. So he opens the group chat before he can talk himself out of it, scrolling past all of his friends’ responses to type out: ‘@lololoey27 my place. sunday.’
The result is a few painful moments of silence as little icons depicting his friends’ profile pictures pop up on the bottom on the screen showing they’ve read the message before Jongdae breaks the silence.
jongbae_kim: can i watch 🥵
kyoong0506: absolutely tf not jongdae wtf is wrong with u
jongbae_kim: wdym youre hot y wouldnt i wanna see two hot people fuck
Baekhyun’s in the middle of typing out a response telling Jongdae all of the million things he would rather let happen to him before he let his friend watch him get railed when fucking Kyungsoo, the one who is normally the sole voice of reason in their group, responds.
d.o.hsoosoo: Having a witness isn’t a bad idea. It’s not like we can trust you both to be honest about who actually wins this stupid bet.
kyoong0506: IF YOU THINK IT’S STUPID WHY DO YOU CARE WHO WINS
d.o.hsoosoo: I don’t. I just know that neither of you will shut up about it for the next decade if we don’t have proof.
jongbae_kim: see even ksoo thinks we its a good idea baek letme watch
Baekhyun can’t even refute Kyungsoo’s claims because he knows that he and Chanyeol really will go back and forth about it like they’ve done about every other bet they’ve ever had in the past, but at the same time it’s bad enough that his own stupidity has led him into this situation where’s apparently going to fuck his straight friend, he really does not need Jongdae’s freaky ass to watch it happen.
kyoong0506: kyungsoo can watch since he cares so much
d.o.hsoosoo: I’m busy for the next 3 years.
kyoong0506: ......
taozizi: if it gets you all to stfu so i can finish this essay i’ll fucking do it
lololoey27: i’m game if byun is.
Oh that fucking bitch Park Chanyeol, of course he’s going to make this into a challenge too, making it seem like Baekhyun is too chicken shit to let it happen while Chanyeol is so unbothered. His thumbnail is about to fly out of existence with how hard Baekhyun is nibbling it, watching the empty chat taunt him.
Well...it could be worse. Tao is ace, he’s never really cared about any of the sexual things that have happened within their friend group — Baekhyun still hasn’t mentally recovered from seeing Junmyeon tied up and naked in the living room of his Yixing’s apartment while Sehun sat across from him on the couch with the remote control for a vibrator in his hands two years ago, meanwhile Tao didn’t even bat an eye at the scene — so if any one was going to watch them fuck, Tao is the only one Baekhyun can really trust to not be weird about it during or after.
kyoong0506: well if that’s settled then i’ll see you both sunday.
taozizi: great now can you all stfu
minseok.ie: u kno u can just mute the chat rt?
jongbae_kim: this is so UNFAIR taozi baobei my love pls video it for me 🥵🥵🥵
kyoong0506: kim jongdae i will LITERALLY kill you 🔪🔪🔪
Baekhyun doesn’t see Jongdae’s reply in the group chat, too focused on the new - separate - DM popping down from the top of his screen.
lololoey27: see you sunday, byun. hope you’re ready. 😈