Chapter Text
Caesar Zeppeli did not want to be at a Joestar party tonight, and if the actor’s disdained expression didn’t make it obvious enough, his hesitance to set foot through the door certainly did.
Joseph had been keeping an eye on the front of the beach house for a while now. The party had just begun – the porch was lit brightly with pink and purple swinging lights, dance music was thumping loud enough that you had to raise your voice to be heard, and the entire house was full of people mingling and networking and flashing their money at each other in a bid to see who was the most impressive. It should be perfect for someone like Zeppeli, Joseph thought.
So why the hell was the blonde actor standing outside of the house, a bandana wrapped around his head and everything, not even bothering to enter the party Joseph specifically spruced up to impress him?
It wasn’t like it was just for him; he was only coming as Suzi Q’s date anyway, and it was more of a publicity boost for her than it was for him. Joseph was just polite, and liked to make sure people’s first experiences with him were good so that they came back, whether they remembered the night or not. What was this guy’s deal, just hanging around near the door and making Suzi Q stand with him when she could be inside making everyone love her? This wasn’t what Joestar parties were about, and Joseph needed to fix it immediately.
He headed toward the front door, greeting a few partygoers along his way to get himself amped up, then stepped out to where Suzi Q and her apprehensive date stood static outside the house, separated from the rest of the rich and famous.
“Suzi!” Joseph grinned, and immediately the blonde woman turned around and leapt into his open arms, laughing.
“Jojo, I’ve missed you! How’ve you been?” she asked happily, her words muffled into his chest. He let her go, and she immediately grabbed Zeppeli’s arm, speaking before Joseph had a chance to reply. “This is my date, as you know – Caesar Zeppeli! And Caesar, this is –”
“Joseph Joestar!” Joseph interrupted, holding his hand out for Caesar to shake. He focused on breathing evenly to make sure he didn’t seem too excited; he’d been waiting to meet Caesar Zeppeli for a while, and felt honoured that he’d come to a Joestar party, even if it was just to be a date for a more famous star. “Nice to meet you!”
Caesar, to Joseph’s surprise, huffed quietly and shook Joseph’s hand without smiling. “Thanks,” he said coolly, not looking at him but instead turning his gaze out into the street. “Suzi, we should probably go inside. It’ll be cold out here soon.”
“Right!” Suzi replied, clinging to his arm as he walked into the house. Joseph watched them for a second, a little taken aback. Well. Some people were tough customers, he guessed. Nothing a little alcohol couldn’t fix, but still, it threw him off a little. After a second of staring into space blankly, Joseph shook himself clear of his confusion and followed them in. Suzi seemed to be leading now, her arm around Caesar’s as she chatted to a couple of the other thespians present, a martini glass in her hand. Caesar was holding a white wine glass, but as Joseph drew closer he realised with some distress that the contents of the glass consisted only of water. He sauntered over to the blonde actor, a smirk already creeping across his face.
“A wine glass isn’t the place for heavy spirits like vodka, Caesar,” he teased, nudging his arm. Caesar looked at him, a slight frown on his face.
“I don’t drink,” he said, and his tone was a little haughty as he shifted away from Joseph. The younger man raised his eyebrows, stunned again by this guy’s lack of basic courtesy as he completely turned away to face Suzi Q, who was still talking excitedly to people she knew. What was this guy’s problem? Was it really so difficult for him to just be decent and stop acting like Joseph wasn’t some kind of loathsome creep? He could feel his temper rising in his chest as he pushed in to glare Caesar in the face.
“If you have a problem, maybe you shouldn’t be here,” he snapped, watching Caesar’s face carefully for any hint of retaliation. To his infuriation, all Caesar did was smirk at him smugly, a single eyebrow raised in what he probably thought looked cool and condescending when it really just looked stupid.
“Where’s your date, Joestar? Haven’t you got something better to do than follow me around trying to gain my approval?” Caesar asked, with exaggeratedly mocking interest in his tone. “Maybe you should try being a little less abrasive so that women will actually talk to you.”
“Abrasive?! Like you know anything about being a decent person, you pile of shit!” Joseph retorted, a little too loudly. Some of the people nearby were casting looks at him, and Suzi Q looked a little upset. Joseph gritted his teeth then turned around and stomped off. Abrasive, his ass. He’d show that Caesar asshole what he was capable of. Joseph couldn’t wait to see Caesar eat his words.
--
As it turned out, Caesar still had yet to eat his words, and Joseph had not shown that Caesar asshole what he was capable of.
After his confrontation with the snobby actor, he’d set out to prove that not only was he completely non-abrasive, but he was also charming and had no need for a date when all the women he needed were right here. Unfortunately, it didn’t end up going so well. Joseph had absolutely no clue how he was doing it, but somehow, Caesar kept sabotaging all of his attempts, and it was frustrating Joseph like nothing else.
There were a lot of things that Joseph hated. There was a long, long list of things that Joseph hated, and it included things ranging from tomatoes to self-important old people. Near the top of the list of things that Joseph hated, though, was when people thought they were above him without reason (or even with reason). Caesar hadn’t been on the list at the beginning of the night, but his name was beginning to appear letter by letter with every girl he stole from Joseph. It was absolutely incensing. Joseph would start talking to one of the pretty girls who looked lonely, they’d express interest, and then Caesar would come swooping in saying some bullshit about “saving them the bother” of talking to Joseph. The worst part was, he actually managed to make it look charming and sexy, and it made Joseph want to puke.
He’d let up for now, sipping a glass of zinfandel on the couch as he glared out into the general party area. People were starting to get louder and stumble more, and there were a few people who’d paired off and found a corner or wandered off on their own. It could’ve been him, it really could’ve, but this beautiful Italian scumbag was somehow managing to ruin everything Joseph tried to do, so here he was.
It was stupid, Joseph knew that in the back of his mind. This was probably the only time that Caesar would come to one of his parties. By the looks of it, he probably didn’t even want to be here in the first place. Suzi Q had been long abandoned by Caesar in favour of this ridiculous game he was playing, and had likely gone off with her friends to dance. It really didn’t mean that much at all.
And yet.
Every time he saw Caesar, he felt personally insulted by him. None of the girls he stole from Joseph even stayed by him for long, which just added insult to injury. He was always flicking his stupid hair out of his eyes, but in a knowing way, as if he truly did think it looked good. He wasn’t even that handsome. It was probably just his accent, which he mostly seemed to put on so that girls would immediately take interest. Since when was an Italian accent sexier than a London one, anyway? Weren’t American girls supposed to love all English accents? What made Caesar’s accent better than his? It was complete crap! Just thinking about it made Joseph’s blood boil. He narrowed his eyes and took a long sip from his wine. He should try again, just once more. Give it his all and see what Caesar had to say when he won fair and square. Then they’d see who had a sexy accent.
Joseph stood up, unsurprised to find he was a tiny bit unsteady on his feet, and wandered back into the house. The main room was full of people dancing, drinking and all manner of other things people probably shouldn’t be doing in what was essentially just a larger than average suburban house. There were also some people sitting down around the edges of the room, and Joseph zoned in on a pair of girls who appeared to be looking over at him intermittently as they talked. He wandered over to where they were sitting, and cracked a grin as he sat down next to them, never failing to notice the excitement in their eyes.
“Evening, ladies,” he said, making his voice as smooth as possible. “Looks like you’re having a great time over here. You need more drinks?”
“Oh, it’s okay,” one of the girls said, while her friend giggled into her glass. “We’re already fixed up for more.”
“Really? You’re gonna turn down a drink from the guy who’s running the party?” Joseph replied with mock incredulity, raising an eyebrow. “I know where all the best stuff is. I can get you cocktails from the secret menu.” He grinned at them widely, but to his surprise, they… weren’t looking at him. They weren’t even paying attention to him at all. Joseph felt dread creeping up on him as he realised they were looking at a very particular spot behind him, with smiles on their faces like they’d just seen sunlight for the first time.
There was no way that asshole had gotten here before him, Joseph thought. It was impossible.
Joseph turned around to find to his horror that it was, in fact, possible, and that Caesar Zeppeli had intercepted his pickup before he’d even started it. And not only that, but somehow, he’d brought them cocktails that Joseph hadn’t seen before. That weren’t even on the secret menu. That shouldn’t have been made, because the bartender had a set menu. That Caesar probably bribed the bartender to make, because he was a lousy piece of shit who needed to learn his goddamn place in other people’s big shameless party houses.
Caesar gracefully set the drinks down on the table in front of the ladies, smiling at them as they thanked him and – were they blushing? Christ, what did this guy say to them to make them react like that? Fuming, he watched Caesar wink at the girls and waited for him to sit down and start hitting on them. To his immense disgust, the blonde simply turned around and left, not even sparing a glance at Joseph.
Almost without realising it, Joseph stood up and strode over to Caesar, grabbing him by the shoulder to stop him. He turned around to face Joseph, an expression of mild contempt on his face.
“What do you want?” he asked, his voice as haughty as always. “Have you gotten bored of irritating every woman at this party already? There’s still a few left that you haven’t completely ruined the night for.”
“Ruined the –” Joseph began furiously, before realising that he needed to avoid the bait to win this. “Listen, shithead, you’ve already got a date with one of the highest up celebrities in this area. Your job tonight was to stay by her side, look like you were a possible new love interest for her, get some good press going for the both of you. But all you’ve been doing for the past two hours is zoning in on every girl I’ve been talking to and stolen her away! It’d be fine if you at least fucking talked to them for two minutes after you had them fall head over heels for your stupid fucking romantic Italian gimmick, but you just palm them off to someone else! If you’re so romantic, why don’t you fucking act like it instead of pretending so you can piss me off?!”
Joseph was yelling at this point, but the music was loud enough and everyone was drunk enough that it wasn’t particularly noticeable. Caesar didn’t look quite as smug as before, though, which brought a small surge of satisfaction to Joseph. Small victories.
“Are you really that threatened by me just being more attractive than you?” Caesar said with false pity, and Joseph snorted.
“Not even close, dickweed,” he retorted. “If you’re so unsuccessful with girls that you can’t make them stay with you for more than a minute even for a publicity stunt, I’m starting to think it’s not a problem that you stole them away after all.”
Caesar’s smugness was completely lost by now, replaced by an expression somewhere between amusement and disgust. “Big talk coming from someone whose only claim to fame is having a rich family and letting people get wasted at his beach house his grandma probably bought for him,” he replied scornfully. “Come talk to me when you’ve got something to your name other than Joestar itself.” He turned and started to walk away. “Which won’t happen, by the way, because you’re talentless garbage!” he called behind him, and Joseph seethed as he watched Caesar stroll past a few staring partygoers and leave, a strange buzz of tension in his wake.
“Don’t come back, asshole!” Joseph yelled, then stomped outside again, ignoring the people that had stopped to watch the scene. He stalked down the back porch stairs and straight onto the beach with the intention of going on a long walk, but the closer he got to the water the less he wanted to walk and the more he just didn’t care.
As Joseph reached the shoreline, he sighed and sat down, running a hand through his unkempt hair. He hated when he lost his temper, especially on nights like this where there was a specific reason why he was hosting a party for the rich and famous to attend. He wondered if Suzi Q would receive any bad press for this. He hoped not. It wasn’t his fault, but she was sweet, and he didn’t want to see her career suffer because that Zeppeli piece of shit couldn’t resist ruining everything.
Clenching his jaw, Joseph dug his fingers into the sand and shifted them around, intentionally focusing on the feeling of the grainy wet texture so that he wouldn’t get angry again. He didn’t like to make decisions while he was drunk, but this was a special case: he wasn’t going to let Caesar Zeppeli into any of his parties ever again. He wasn’t worth it.
Joseph sighed again and looked back up at the house, lit up like a Christmas tree and shaking with the music that thudded through it. It was probably about time he went back up and made sure everything was okay. He was the host, after all, and it wasn’t cool to let one guy get to him so much.
With one final dramatic sigh, he stood up and started meandering over to the stairs with the plan of checking in on the party, getting drunk, and forgetting all about his altercation. The whole thing didn’t really mean anything, and it definitely wouldn’t come back to haunt him in any way, shape, or form. Joseph Joestar was very sure about that.