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Jin did not realize how lonely the rooftop was when no one was there to stare at the stars with him. Again. He regretted having let the silence hang so many times; sure as he was the boy would be back from the expedition A-okay. And he was. After however... Not even he had been prepared for how rapid Yuma's decline was. Apparently Replica's warning to Four-eyes about the boy needing a goal was true. As soon as his assigned task of escorting his team safely home with their loved ones was fulfilled, he started to fall apart. Replica had been found but too damaged to recover. Less then two days after being back in Mikado City he was in surgery.
He pulled through, despite all the ways he watched those tenuous few days go irreversibly wrong, and Jin greeted the boy with a smile when he finally batted his remaining eye open. Despite the odds, almost three weeks later, he was welcomed back into their ever-growing branch.
His first night back in Tamakoma, when Jin went in to triple check on him, the older agent found him balled up and bloodied on his bedroom floor. Having fallen from the bed, whatever he saw while asleep had shaken the steady, level-headed and experienced soldier so profoundly he could only call out in his first language.
On top of everything else, Yuma also had to double down on his efforts to learn japanese. Turns out his trion form had been a bigger aid in translating then they all thought. While troublesome when it came to calming him down, the new lull and rounded edge to his voice by the boy's accent was just shy of adorable.
For as hard as Yuma struggled and studied japanese, Jin and some of Tamakoma-2 had similarly taken to diligently studying Yuma's native tongue. His respect for the boy only grew given the difficulty of the undertaking. He could hardly jab at Yuma's japanese struggles when the boy could speak ten more languages proficiently than him. Impressive as this was, in moments of stress or dis-orientation Yuma slipped into other tongues now that his trion translator of a body wasn't constantly active. The Tropei language being the most frequently spoken when the boy was too startled. A language scant few still lived to understand.
Especially when Yuma's voice was scared enough to have a shaky and stuttering quality.
Ever since Yuma returned to his real body, nightmares had all but ravaged him. The first few nights he was nervous, clinging to the hope that nothing was set in stone, fingers crossed the kid might catch a bit of a break in his long road to recovery. Whether Yuma could comprehend his speech in the wake of a nightmare or not, Jin refused to let him feel alone. He would stay long enough for that fear to flee Yuma's frame.
Most nights Jin couldn't imagine sleeping without Yuma within arm's reach.
For now, Jin stood on the roof of Takamkoma and stared up at the stars. He just needed a few moments away from the others' worried eyes and whispered questions. 'Was he going to pull through?' 'When will he wake up?' 'When will the nightmares end?' 'When will he be strong enough to walk on his own?' 'Will he be able to use a trigger again?' 'When can we stop worrying about him?' The last thing Yuma wanted was worry, justified though the feeling may be. So he stashed himself away up here whenever the concerns carried on too high. Old habits died hard he supposed.
In the past, Yuma and Jin would secret away up here together and take turns trading warm drinks and war stories with one another. Always two. A tradition that ended when the boy left on the away mission. One they never got the chance to restart. Despite being back home at Tamakoma branch, he was one hand short of being able to keep the practice up. And Jin thought balancing two drinks and opening the door was tricky normally. Expecting everything to go back to before... Now that Yuma had lost so much-
"Jin."
He had not heard the rooftop door creak open but he heard the call crystal clear. Accompanied by the soft click of Yuma's crutch over concrete. Until he managed to put on more weight and regain more strength, his doctors deemed it best to stick with his crutch or wheel chair rather than prosthetics. It would take him fifteen minutes to hobble up the stairs in his current condition. Yet here he was.
Yuma never yelled, didn't even raise his voice. His tone had gotten sharp a few times within the past few weeks however. After too many late nights losing to nightmares, long physical therapy sessions, and persistently pointed questions from psychiatrist's, even someone as compassionate as Yuma had a breaking point. The pitied looks were Yuma's. Jin tried to keep his worry tucked away best he could, but he supposed something still slipped through sometimes.
"Yuma?"
"Do not look that way. I bring gifts~."
Jin quickly swiped away the sting of tears that softened the edges of the stars earlier.
"Long day?" Yuma asked.
"Not near as long as yours."
"Oh please." With a slight smirk, somewhat stiff on the scarred side of his face, Yuma pulled two metal thermoses with long straps off his shoulder. Jin let out a long laugh. Tiredness and calm washing over him in equal measure. Yuma would never cease to amaze him. He smiled at the light that danced within the boy's ruby eye.
Arms outstretched Jin met Yuma half-way. Despite his verbal protests, the boy's tired body all but melted into the older agent's arms. He ended up taking most of Yuma's weight as he helped the younger hobble over to the roof's edge. Yuma slowly sat down with a subtle sigh. For a second, he saw the tiredness too. The weight. The years. The bruise-like bag that hung beneath his remaining eye. The scars. So many scars.
A sloshing sound called him back. Yuma himself stared out, past all those scars, straight into Jin as he shook one of the drinks around. They both knew. He was scarred too. Staring up at the sky all night, tracing old wounds beneath the stars. Maybe not ones which marred his skin, but losses old and unseen which kept him from calling out to other people just the same.
"What did you get for us this evening?" Jin asked as he gratefully grabbed the offered container. Yuma's smile stretched wider on the right side of his face as he watched Jin take a sip.
He was not prepared in the slightest for the sour taste that confronted him. He had to fight the urge to spit it out across the roof. Yuma did not similarly contain his mirth. Quite the opposite. He laughed so hard he almost slipped off his perch, arm desperately clutching his side. Jin had an arm wrapped gently around his small shoulders before he swayed any further away while his other hand scrubbed his face.
"Lemonade?! Yuma, it's almost Feburary!"
"So? Only so many drinks in fridge and you surprising is hard. Two stones and a bird."
"Not even close with the idiom but A for effort with the drink.
"Effort? You were near to puke. Seems my win~" He went back to chuckling.
"Let the score board show the saying is two birds with one stone."
"Like one bullet, two eyes, three bodies?"
"Some of your sayings scare me. I'm going to say sure and move on." Yuma smiled and lifted the other thermos up to his face. The lid almost reached his mouth before he stilled. The edges of his lips fell once again. His eye slid closed.
"Do you want me to open that for you...?" He said nothing but did not resist as Jin gently grabbed the bottle and twisted the lid off. He held the newly opened thermos back out to the boy but he stayed unresponsive.
"Not thirsty?" He studied Yuma's face for any sort of response.
"Mind if I take a sip then? Wouldn't put it past you to bring something better for yourself." Jin arched a brow coyly, putting on a show to hide his own unease at the boy's despondency. He took a sip and winced at the sourness once more. There was no bell-like laughter this time.
Jin set the drink aside and reached over slowly to rest a hand on Yuma's shoulder. The slight touch jump-started him with a slight gasp.
"Hey..."
"No need." Jin knew. He could see how much Yuma's reduced independence and limited mobility bothered someone as free spirited and self-sustaining as him. He had made massive progress already but the road before him remained bumpy and long. Regardless he watched Yuma set those sorrows aside and reach for the drink Jin opened. He passed the container over with a steady smile.
"Thanks." Yuma took a sip. The stars beckoned both of them for a few seconds. He let the silence linger for awhile. Jin found in the few moments when Yuma allowed himself to feel vulnerable, enough to show his true fragility, holding the space silently for him was the best he could manage. No amount of apologizing or placating would change his current situation. But giving him room to sit with the cruelty was at times therapeutic for him in his own way. So long as he didn't stay there.
"Who knew you had a thing for sour?" Jin snickered as the cold air started to itch at his extremities. If he was feeling it, Yuma must be freezing by now.
"No. I just remembered. Shun showed me this. A few weeks ago."
"You were still in the hospital then, you were only supposed to have water! Yuma, overly sugary drinks could compromise your- Ow!" Yuma wore a duck face as he pinched the other's cheek.
"Boring! I wanted soda. Doctor said healthy fruits. We compromise." Jin chuckled, batted the boy's grabby fingers away lightly and ruffled his hair; inky black as the night sky. Yuma merely huffed out a sigh and took another sip from his lemonade. What a brat... Who drinks lemonade in the middle of winter?!
A sneeze sent Jin right back to being locked on Yuma, who had only bothered to slip into a hoodie. The purple one he helped tie the right sleeve of so he wouldn't keep snagging it on the furniture he stumbled by.
"Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?"
"No."
"Are you sure? Because your immune system hasn't had the chance to build up defenses to a lot of the diseases we have here and the doctors don't feel comfortable catching you up on vaccines until you're-
"No thank you. There is no cold. I will not die to little germs."
"Getting sick is serious Yuma."
"Was fine before and we went everywhere. Rarely did we need jabs." Yuma had trouble saying 'vaccine' but was assured often enough that the substance and intent was far removed from an antidote to take on different terminology. He always thought Yuma's vocabulary was a bit strange; unorthodox to say the least. Ever since he took up similarly studying languages however, he had come to find the associations the boy chose to draw fascinating to say the least. And the subjects he sub-consciously highlighted with his word-choice all the more heart-wrenching. How could Yugo have not removed the boy from the front lines of an active war zone before it came to this? Was repaying a debt to a friend worth the life and safety of his son?
Jin sent a sterner look than he meant to over to said son as he heard another sneeze. Neither said a thing. Yuma took another sip of his lemonade. Jin cracked a smile. The anger his own unintended action induced just stretched his lips wider. Yuma remained behind his thermos and duck face, but the twitch of his own lips was far easier to see now that he was similarly bound in flesh.
He had to bite back a wince as yet another sneeze sent his body forwards. Jin stretched out an arm despite Yuma having caught himself in a second and scowled slightly his way.
"Please take my jacket Yuma."
"No. Then you are cold."
"We could take turns?" He shook his head no.
"We could share?" Another 'no'. At least he hesitated that time.
"C'mon. Don't you want to be warm, Yuma?"
"Warm enough." He sighed and sipped his own drink; more so from habit then desire to taste the sourness again. Seriously, how could Yuma drink this stuff?
After his fifth sneeze in as many minutes Yuma begrudgingly consented to letting Jin share his coat.
"Could be warmer..." With a smile, he held his arm out to let the kid slide over to him. When Yuma was securely snuggled against his side with a shiver and a pout, Jin chuckled and wrapped his arms alongside the loose fabric of his jacket around the both of them. After a few minutes of slight shimmying, and squishing his foot closer to Jin's warmth, Yuma fell asleep tucked against him on the roof. He refused to let him dangle his feet, foot for now, over the water anymore for just this reason. Or have unsupervised roof access, much to the boy's protest. Better safe then sorry.
He spent a few more minutes holding Yuma close. Marveling at all the little things that changed. He could feel the flutter of Yuma's pulse beneath veins that bulged in places beneath his pallid skin, hear the slight whisper of a whistle from his sleep slowed breath, see a look of absolute, unguarded calm settled on his sleeping face.
The second he felt a shiver jump through Yuma he spun the lids back on the thermoses, slung them over his shoulder and scooped up Yuma. He had to jostle him slightly to secure the short crutch and open the door. Yuma's faint mumbles and sub-conscious curling closer made it impossible for him to complain. Instead he squeezed the kid closer. Jin set the crutch aside before he opened his own bedroom door. He kicked it closed, quiet as he could, behind them and set aside the thermoses. Carefully, without jostling him much more, Jin sunk down onto his bed with a sigh. Yuma now lay on his right side, left hand and Jin's arm used as a pillow, while bundled up in Jin's Border jacket. Jin smiled as he slid to sleep himself.
He only awoke once that night; Yuma fought for frantic breaths he immediately sought to soften the sounds of by smothering himself with a pillow.
Except Jin's arm was said pillow and he would far rather soothe than feel the boy try to silently struggle alone. He said nothing but loosely held Yuma as he encased the boy slowly but surely in a hug. When his cries started to slow he pulled Yuma closer. He similarly sought solace and gladly snuggled closer; his cries increasing once more from sheer relief. He wanted to ruffle the kid's hair but had one arm immobilized as a pillow and another one being clutched and intermittently squeezed like a stress ball by small fingers. He settled for nuzzling his face into the mess of jet black hair instead. A new color but a familiar squawk of surprise. He laughed into the locks. Yuma loosened his grip. Soon after the boy tired himself out. Yuma slept through the rest of the night otherwise.
The next morning Jin awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside. He rubbed at his eyes and started to stretch before freezing fully when he felt a light weight still against his arm.
A few soft twitches beside him. Jin opened his eyes, smiled into the boy's soft black hair warmed by the morning sun through his window, and stared into the forecast of the day via Yuma. Specifically how kindly his dreams handled his healing mind.
No dice. Yuma was unlucky as they come. Yet he was brave enough to smile despite it all each day. If he could not fight off the hurricane of unspeakable monsters in Yuma's mind then he could remain an anchor to clutch onto while weathering the storm.
Jin rubbed his shoulder gently as the small body tucked against his side trembled again. He could feel the faint edge of the boy's collarbone jut out despite the relatively thick cotton of his Border jacket. Yuma managed to put on a bit of weight after finally being discharged from the hospital. He was basically skin and bones; between the nightmares and the panic attacks, both being severe enough at times to send whatever food he managed to get down right back up, but the boy recently confided in him that he had been battling bouts of nausea lately as well. As if making up for lost time however, he still continued to grow like a weed. While wonderful, growing pains were the last thing he needed to deal with on top of everything else. Not to mention the amount of complaining from Kinuta. 'The kid grows half an inch between getting measured for prosthetics and us hitting production!'
Another set of twitches pulled him back to the present.
"Yuma?" He whispered; a soft call. A futile plea for whatever nightmares were ravaging his war torn body to let him awaken gently for once.
A whine accompanied another twitch. Tenseness lingered in his remaining limbs as he curled in on himself.
All at once Yuma lurched awake. A gasp. A wince. A cry. Followed immediately by a silenced one.
"Come here. Come here. It's okay. It's me. It's Jin."
"Geen?" A croak. A wheeze. He clawed at his own chest with a glassy, unseeing eye.
"Yeah. Hey." He pulled the shaky fingers away, gently yet insistently, to prevent any scratches from forming across already reddening skin. He yanked his hand free as he lurched upright, twisted around and grabbed a fistful of Jin's shirt. Before the boy could enter full on panic mode, Jin sat up slowly while his hands went to swiftly swipe his jacket away. The warm gesture now a possible constraint. The last thing he needed was a terrified Yuma feeling trapped. He was forbidden from using triggers for another few months; despite the risks he was allowed to keep hold of his black trigger.
"Geen, asna goltuVay! Vay!"
"Okay. Reshla, Yuma. It's okay. Reshla. Reshla." Yuma clung to him as he stifled all sounds the best he could. He brushed black bangs gently back as the kid cried quietly into his shirt. Silent sobs shook his form as Jin slowly swayed them both back and forth. All he could do was hum in the hopes it helped the battered soldier find his way back.
"Don't hold it in, Yuma. Please let it out. You don't need to be quiet. Reshla. It's okay." He would let the boy use his entire wardrobe as tissues if it would help him feel safer for even a second. He tried to say as much as he held the shaky survivor in his arms.
"It's okay, you're safe here. Whatever you saw can't hurt you now."
"Gee- Ji-" A hiccup cut off his chaotic calls.
"Take your time alright? There's no need to force yourself."
"I saw- Again- The one- It was- Attacked me- Hurts-" Yuma dug his forehead into Jin's chest as he swallowed and continued to carve out the edges of his nightmares.
"Jin- Hurts 'gain- 'M sorry-" He could not fully swallow down another set of sobs. Jin rubbed slow circles into spiky shoulder-blades.
"Hey, please don't apologize Yuma. You're okay. You have done nothing wrong. You're home, and you're safe and you have nothing to apologize for."
Jin continued to card his fingers through the boy's hair as he stayed squished against his shirt. The crying had quieted down as Yuma calmed, from whatever morbid visions were carried about in his head, but he still heard the occasional whimper worm away from him as he settled back into a beaten body.
"Do you want your pain-killers?" Jin already knew the answer but figured the distraction might help. Between whatever horrors haunted his sleep and the wall of pain that greeted him whenever he regained consciousness, Yuma tended to need a bit of extra time to gather himself together these days. He kept rising though. Jin could not fully contain his smile at the slight glare, his scrunched nose, the shake of his head 'no' out of sheer obstinacy. Yuma insisted they made him dizzy, too tired, but Jin suspected he simply hated the lack of control.
"No. And your annunciation is horrible; you say Reyshleah."
"Are those more language lessons I see today?"
"You need the help." He laughed as the boy's petulance continued.
"But others need you too..." How often would they retread old ground here?
"Yuma."
"Your time is precious Jin."
"Which is why I want to spend it with you. Don't you worry about my assignments or anything like that."
"But when you stress you eat too many crackers then none left for middle night snack."
"Whose midnight snacks?"
"Mine."
"You mean with my rice crackers Yuma?"
"Yours for sharing." His pout was all pretend. The boy was basically giddy based on his faint blush. He never realized how properly pale Yuma was until he saw his skin consistently reddened by a blush. The boy was more easily embarrassed then his previous body let on making him far more fun to mess with now.
"You are welcome to my rice crackers whenever you want; I'm just messing with you."
Jin lightly ruffled black hair bent about by bed-head while Yuma scooted further into his side. Left ear pressed over his heart, uncovered scar obstructed, remaining right leg tucked up and against him too. He felt utterly obligated to encase the boy in a hug; warmly present yet breathable if he needed more room to feel safe.
"Thank you, Jin. How was sleep?" Jin went from lightly scratching the boys scalp to smoothly sending his fingers through the near shoulder length hair. There had yet to be an opportunity to have it cut. Izuho and Yotaro had already threatened to help with either a haircut or a braid. If only those were the worries which weighed on Yuma; his recovery would be far more gentle.
"I slept alright-" With a slight shove, sharp but lacking the power to be anywhere near painful Yuma suddenly pulled away. He twisted around for his ruby red right eye, the last one remaining, to aim dead center at Jin's own blue set. Only Yuma could still intimidate him with a glance after crying in his arms mere minutes before. What he wouldn't do for this kid...
"I'm not lying. I only woke up once and was able to fall asleep again quick. No complaints here."
"You work too hard. You need sleep all night. Please, Jin." He tightened his grip on Jin's shirt as he stared up pleadingly. Leave it to Yuma to beg for him to sleep better, as if he were not the one who had awoke harshly from a nightmare twice in the past seven hours. Jin smiled down at him as he ruffled the boy's hair some more.
"You are worth losing more than a few night's sleep for."
"Not this much. Not you."
"Yes. As many times as it takes. You're worth it, alright?"
"..."
"Alright, Yuma?"
"...Thank you."
"Of course. Always." He sent a few more slow strokes across sun-stained black locks and a smile down to the boy. Both gestures were received by a small smile and a grateful stare.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"Mmm, for Jin to sleep more."
"Sorry, we only serve that on tuesdays, what else can I get you?"
"...Chocolate cake."
"Be serious."
"Cake, now?
"Oi, Yuma!"
"Cake, please?"
"Closer but way too sugary, still."
"Okay; pancake please?"
"I know you're going to use too much syrup..."
"Please~ Jin?"
"You are the worst." Yuma's puppy dog pleading expression could bring peace to many a war-zone; Jin was certain.
"Thank you Jin!" He could never begrudge the fact that Yuma had regrown enough self-esteem to know of and abuse this power for his own benefit. In true spirit of the boy from the other side, he used his unfiltered powers of coercion to acquire sweets.
"Always. Let's go."
Jin intended to happily continue showing up for Yuma as long he let him. Even if all he asked for was pancakes and received was lemonade. He was happy to have someone to stare at stars with, when his own scars stung, once more.
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