Work Text:
If you were to ask Regulus, he should’ve checked the number. He should have done something other than pick up the damn phone, because how could he have been so stupid, so fucking careless?
“Hello?” Regulus whispered into his phone, curious at the unknown caller showing up on his device.
Last night, you called me.
It almost killed me.
When the voice began to speak, Regulus could’ve sworn the world stopped. He watched as the bar stilled, his friends' words fell onto deaf ears, and the loud chatter that filled the room stopped–he could only pray it would come back. Pray to some god, and plead until the sound faded, until the unresolved feelings leftover from their break up didn’t make him want to hide from James’ light.
It’d been about a year since the pair had spoken, and to be honest it was better that way. The break up was debilitating, in some sick, twisted way that you would’ve thought James had died. But no, here he was calling Regulus, stealing the words from his throat and the breath from his lungs yet again.
As it continued, the voice wrapped its around Regulus. Starting from his shoulders where it found itself around his body, bound tightly until it caused Regulus’ brain to unleash all of its memories of James. His brain replayed the years the two shared at school, their years of rivalry that ultimately amounted to nothing. Regulus and James competed with each other for years; every recital and concert was a competition, every time just a new way to one up the other. All the energy and time spent into their music forced James to give up anyway, causing a drift that eventually would be one of the reasons the couple split up.
Regulus knows he should hang up, end the cycle before it starts. All he and James ever did was run around in circles playing out their lives together just for them to fall apart again. It always happened, and it was nothing new or foreign to Regulus. Dorcas asked him once if they’re so bad for each other, why did he dare to try again with James the second time? Regulus thinks he blamed it on the familiarity of their lives together. He knows neither of them believed that lie, and instead existing with James was like floating. That was until Regulus came back down and realized James was the same person he’d always been. Nothing about him and Regulus ever changed, which was the problem. They were the problem.
“Regulus?” James repeated. Regulus must have missed it the first time.
“Hi James,” Regulus responded, dread now settled into his voice.
“How have you been?”
“I’ve been alright. How about you?”
I know that you're happy.
But it just killed me.
“I’m doing great. I still live in London, you moved back to France right?”
“I did. I visit London for my friends from time to time but besides that yeah.”
“Oh okay. I just wasn’t sure you know?”
“James,” he paused.
“Why are you calling me?” Regulus said as the tone of his voice switched.
“Sorry.”
You asked me how I’ve been, but how could I begin?
“I just wanted to invite you to my wedding. It's this weekend and I know we’ve had our differences but I’d really love it if you were there.”
To tell you I should’ve chased you.
I should be who you’re engaged to.
Regulus doesn’t know when the call ended. He thinks he hung up, but he’s not too sure—the entire conversation was a blur from that point on. A trance that brought Regulus right back to the end of their relationship together.
•••
Regulus knew how this was going to end. He could hear James trailing behind him, feet quickening as he walked faster down the lit London streets. Regulus knows they’re over. He’s known since James stopped coming by their apartment, where Regulus now spends his nights alone. He’s known for a while, but it doesn’t lessen the pain that comes with it, the long days where he hoped James would walk right through the door. But he knows he won’t. So, maybe if he runs fast enough, he can leave all his problems behind, out run the feelings that’ll reside after James walks away for the very last time.
“Regulus, slow down,” James exclaimed, gasping for air.
“Regulus please.”
“No James, I can’t,” voice breaking as he speaks.
“What? Why not?”
“If I stop walking you’ll break up with me. You know it, I know it, so why do it?”
“Fuck- just. Regulus stop!” Regulus feels James catch up with him when James’ hand brushes his own, pulling him to stop him from his constant running. Stop Regulus from doing what he knows is the right thing, no matter how much it hurts.
A-tug-of-war of leave and stay.
I give in, I abdicate.
I lay my sword down anyway.
“Can we please let this go?”
“No we can’t.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how we treated each other over the years, but Regulus this is over,” James says, still clinging to Regulus like a lifeline.
“Okay. I get it, can I leave now?”
James is the first to let go, Regulus’ breath hitches when he does. Water pools in eyes not falling until James turns to walk away. Regulus is left standing in the alley alone, as he watches his love ascend up the stairs from where they came, clutching his shirt as James walks farther and farther from his view.
“I’m sorry too, James please come back,” he whispers, tears streaming.
I’ll see you at Heaven's gate.
‘Cause it’s too little, way too late.