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“Fuck these gay people,” Junko says.
“I concur,” says Celeste
“That language is not allowed on this campus!” Taka yells from across the classroom, pointing at the two girls. “Now kiss to repent for your sins!!”
Celeste glances at Junko, clutching her pearls and gasping. “Why, I never!”
Junko shakes her head. “I would never kiss a girl! Never! I’m straight, and you can’t change that!”
Chihiro speaks up quietly from their nearby desk. “It’s kinda homophobic to not kiss her, don’t you think?
“By your logic, it’s heterophobic to make me kiss her,” Celeste replies angrily.
“If my bro wants you two to kiss, you’re gonna kiss,” Mondo says commandingly, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Who the hell are you to tell us what to do?!” Junko snaps. “Maybe YOU should kiss a girl!”
“But he’s a guy, so it wouldn’t really prove any point,” Chihiro shakes their head.
“Don’t be transphobic, maybe he’s a woman!” Quips Hina from the corner.
Sakura nods from her desk beside Hina’s. “That’s true, you can’t just assume Mondo’s gender, Chihiro.”
Makoto walks in, and upon sensing the tension, cries out. “Guys! Stop fighting! This isn’t you!!”
“Fighting is a waste of our time that we should be using for academic purposes,” Taka agrees, patting Makoto on the back.
“Yeah, just hurry up and kiss already, you two!” Mondo yells.
Kyoko, who had been silent until now, brings her hand up to her chin as she thinks. “This all started because Junko, out of nowhere, said she hates gay people. Maybe if we knew why she said that, we’d know why she’s so against kissing Celestia.”
“I’m against kissing Celestia because I’m not a fucking queer!!” Junko yells, visibly enraged
“I thought gay people were a myth created by the government to distract from the real issues, like aliens,” Yasuhiro says with confusion.
“No, unfortunately, they’re real.” Celestia glares at Taka and Mondo, who are getting a bit too up close and personal. “Real and evil.”
“I thought lesbians and gays were only manga tropes,” Hifumi pushes his glasses up his nose and points his finger in the air.
“I wish. Instead, they’re real and grossing me out!” Junko says, pointing a finger at Hina and Sakura holding hands.
Professor Monokuma just kicks his legs up onto his desk and watches this argument go down.
“Hey! We’re not doing anything gross! Would it be gross if it were a guy and a girl?!” Hina argues.
“N-no, you idiot, that’s the po-point they-they’re trying to make,” Toko hisses.
“Exactly! It’s only natural to like the opposite gender!” Junko yells.
Leon groans, clutching his head. “I’m so confused! Why are we talking about this, dudes? We’re supposed to be, like, learning math and shit.”
“Because, apparently, some people can’t respect Junko’s and my opinion. Or that we’re both straight and don’t want to kiss each other.” Celeste replies with a calm facade.
“My demographic is about 12% queer individuals, and I love each and every one of my fans, no matter who they are,” Sayaka makes a heart with her hands, winking and smiling as if on camera.
“Hey, one of the people in that 12% is my little sister!” Makoto chimes in.
“M-more li-like all of t-them,” Toko mutters under her breath.
“Of course you’d know.” Makoto retorts.
“It’s ridiculous that we’re even having this conversation. Junko and I wouldn’t kiss each other even if we WERE queer,” Celeste sighs, propping her arm up on her desk and putting her face in her hand.
“Yeah! I’d much rather kiss Genocide Jill!” Junko says, before adding, “Not that I want to kiss any girls anyway.”
“I’m surrounded by morons,” Celeste groans uncharacteristically, rubbing her temples as if she has a headache.
“I think you and Junko are morons, hating people purely because of love!!” Hina yells, slamming her hands on her desk.
Kyoko glances from one side of the room to the other, furiously scribbling down notes onto a small notepad in her hand as if investigating a murder. The first line being ‘Celeste off limits–homophobic’.
“You write gayly,” Junko says, poking Kyoko. “Your handwriting screams ‘I’m a queer!!!’”
“What?” Kyoko deadpans, fixing her gaze on Junko and subtly holding the notebook closer to her chest.
“What you write and how you write it makes it obvious you like women.” Junko glares.
“If Kyoko’s so gay, why doesn’t she kiss Junko instead of me. Apparently, she’d be a lot more willing,” Celeste suggests.
“I’M NOT KISSING ANY GIRLS!!!” Junko yells. “Why don’t you kiss Kyoko, Celestia??”
Celeste seems to consider this for just a moment too long. “Well, I certainly don’t want to kiss any girls either,” she scoffs.
“It seems like you do!!” Junko retorts. “I noticed you thinking about it! Kyoko and Celestia, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage! Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!!”
“If they’re both girls, where’d the baby come from?” Yasuhiro squints.
“Celeste won it from gambling, duh!” Junko snaps at him.
“Who would bet their baby when gambling?” Chihiro says with emotion.
“That’s so messed up!” Cries Hina, her hand covering her mouth.
“You fucking idiots, who cares where the baby came from?” Celeste snaps, accent slipping. She quickly regains her composure after a deep breath. “Kyoko and I will not be engaging in any homosexual activities," she denies, more calmly.
“Sounds like you wish you were…” Junko mumbles to herself. “Anyways, why do you guys want me to kiss a girl so badly?! Are you that heterophobic?”
“Heterophobia is not a genuine issue. It doesn’t exist and causes no harm to anyone,” Sakura says sagely.
“It's harming us right now!” Junko exclaims. “Me moreso, because apparently Celestia is a DAMM QUEER!”
“What?!” Celeste says with offence. “Whatever could’ve given you that impression?”
“I noticed you thinking about kissing Kyoko. I know what you are!!!” Junko says snidely.
“Oh, please,” Celeste sighs. “I was simply taking time to formulate my response.”
“I saw that look in your eyes. You want her.” Junko accuses.
Kyoko, done with this bullshit, turns and leaves the classroom.
“Aww, your girlfriend left! Go chase after her!” Junko laughs.
Celeste bristles. “I will do no such thing,” then, after a pause, “and she’s not my girlfriend, thank you very much.”
Sonia enters, intending to ask for a pencil. “Oh my, everyone seems incredibly upset! What is wrong?”
“Well, it all started with Junko saying she hates gay people, then Taka insisted she kiss Celeste, who also said she hates gay people, then–” Mukuro attempts to explain before being cut off.
“We don’t have time for all of that! Everyone hates me for being straight! They want me dead!” Junko sighs dramatically.
“Nobody wants you dead,” Hina rolls her eyes. “We just want you to see the error in your judgment here. Exposure therapy, y’know?”
“I never even said I hate gay people!! I just said fuck these gay people!” Junko rolls her eyes right back, but more dramatically.
Taka interjects, “Which is still wrong because you’re discriminating against others for their sexuality!”
“What are gay people? We don’t have those in Novoselic.” Sonia looks down sadly. “I’d love to meet one..”
Everybody goes silent and just stares at Sonia for a few moments. “Then what the hell do you have in Novo-wherever?” Leon asks with exasperation.
“We have regular people!” Sonia smiles while answering.
Hina groans and buries her head in Sakura’s shoulder. “Are there no politically correct students in this school besides us?” Her voice is muffled as she questions the taller girl.
“I don’t hate them because they’re gay, I hate them, and they happen to be gay.” Junko clarifies.
“No, that's wrong! Something tells me that’s not what's happening in your head,” Makoto accuses.
“No proof, you queer-lover!” Junko snaps back.
Celeste stands from her desk and makes her way over to the door. “I’m tired of being in a room with all you imbeciles. I’m going to go check on Kyoko.”
“So you’re finally going to check up on your girlfriend?” Byakuya says snidely.
“My what?” Celeste says coldly, glaring at him over her shoulder, lips pursed with displeasure.
“Hey! That’s my line!” Junko says, upset. “That’s my thing to tease her with!!”
Celeste seethes silently as she steps out of the room, shoulder bumping against Sonia's as she uncaringly storms out. She makes sure to slam the door.
“Ah!” Sonia says, startled from being bumped and the door slamming so closely behind her. “She seems rather upset!”
“How rude! I believe she deserves a write-up for such behaviour,” Taka advises, looking towards the front of the room at their unbothered teacher.
“Oh, no! She’s simply having a bad day; getting written up would surely upset her further!” Sonia shakes her head. “I really don’t mind, I just hope she feels better.”
“And who the hell cares?” Monokuma says to Taka as he props his chair up on its back two legs, lounging uncaringly.
“Oh, I’m glad, I’d just feel terrible if she got written up because of me!” Sonia sighs, relieved. “I hope she and her girlfriend feel better.”
Junko barks a laugh. “Even the socially-inept one knows!”
“Thank you!” Sonia smiles in response.
Junko chuckles in amusement, gesturing to Sonia with a grin. “Who is this fucking girl? I like her.”
“My name is Sonia Nevermind, I am the Ultimate Princess!” Sonia extends her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”
“Alright, chill out, freak,” Junko clicks her tongue and turns away, no longer interested in this new girl.
“I am so sorry! Did I come on too strongly?” Sonia apologizes
“Why are you even here?” Monokuma questions. “Not that I care, but I don’t think I can have random students in my classroom.”
“Oh yes! I needed to borrow a pencil!” Sonia says gleefully.
“There was nobody in your class who could give you one? You’re telling me you had to go all the way to another classroom for a pencil?” Monokuma scoffs, clearly not believing her. Taka quickly produces a pencil from his bag and holds it out for her. “You must always come to school prepared!”
“Oh, thank you! My pencil snapped in half, and no one had a spare.” Sonia sighs sadly. “I appreciate your kindness!”
“In half?” Monokuma questions again. “Like, not at the lead or anything, but in half? Okay, yeah, sure.”
Sonia produces both halves of the broken pencil from her bag. “See? I grip my pencils too hard, and so they snap in half. I usually carry extras on my person; however, I ran out this morning.”
“Are you sure you’re not the goddamn Ultimate Weightlifter or something? Who the hell does that?” Leon can’t help but laugh.
“I am so sorry! I am accustomed to gripping guns to keep them steady! Gripping something as weak as a pencil is hard for me!” Sonia hangs her head in shame. “I should be going back to class now. Thank you kindly for the pencil!”
“These fucking kids,” Monokuma puts his hand over his forehead. “I need a new job. Anything is better than being in a room all day with these fucking maniacs.” He doesn’t care to check his volume, so everyone in the room clearly hears him.
Sonia quickly leaves the room, carefully shutting the door behind her before running off to her classroom.
“I’m glad we’re off the gay topic.” Junko leans back in her seat, throwing erasers at her sister. Mukuro catches the erasers, carefully placing them back on her desk.
“Yes, now we can go back to learning by discussing more appropriate topics for the school environment,” Taka nods his head approvingly.
“Isn’t class almost over?” Sayaka chimes in, pointing at the clock on the classroom wall.
“Damn, if we get to waste class time like this, I’ll gladly talk gay with you guys. Wait! I mean—fuck, no homo!” Leon catches his slip-up, throwing his head back in despair because he knows he’s gonna get made fun of.
“I know what you are,” Junko says, staring down Leon ominously.
Hina smiles, joking with Leon half-heartedly, “Don’t worry, Leon, we accept you no matter what.”
“I won’t,” Junko says. “I know Leon likes men, and I do not accept that. That isn’t okay.”
“Aha!” Chihiro shouts, pointing their finger at Junko. Their face flushes red, and their posture deflates almost immediately. They neatly fold their hands in their lap. “Um, sorry, I was just gonna say… she finally admits that she is homophobic.”
“I’m not homophobic, I’m Leonphobic.” Junko denies. “There’s a difference.”
“Leon, you kinda deserve this,” Mondo chuckles. “You shoulda known Junko was gonna say some crazy shit when you slipped up,” he smacks his friend on the back of the head.
“Ow!” Leon rubs his head. “Jeez, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m not gay or anything… Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay!”
“Damn right there’s nothing wrong with it,” Hina says with an assertive nod, hands on her hips.
“Freaks, all of you.” Junko shakes her head, retrieving her erasers from Mukuro’s desk, likely just to throw them again. “Damn, Celeste really did disappear. Bet she’s making out with Kyoko!” she laughs.
“They better not be!” Taka says, appalled. “Engaging in those kinds of acts on the Hope’s Peak premises, it’s… it’s unwholesome!”
“I agree, queer activities are unwholesome. I’m glad we’re on the same page!” Junko smiles at him, sticking her tongue out.
“I don’t think he meant exclusively queer relations, Junko,” Sakura shakes her head.
“Shh, I know better than you.” Junko waves her off before going back to throwing erasers.
“Nobody knows better than Sakura when it comes to morals, especially not you, Junko,” Hina scoffs.
“Hey, absolutely no one is better with morals than my bro Taka!!” Mondo shouts, putting his hand on Taka’s head. “He’s the Ultimate Moral Compass, ya know!”
“Thank you, bro!” Taka beams at his best friend’s praise, seeming to stand a little taller after.
“Jeez, and I thought those two were gay,” Junko says, gesturing to Hina and Sakura sitting right next to each other. “But you two?” She gestures to Kiyotaka and Mondo. “You two top them.”
“They… top them?” Hifumi says in a suggestive tone, grinning at his own joke.
“Wow, Celeste’s really busy with her girlfriend at the worst possible time.” Junko chucks an eraser at Hifumi’s head. “No one likes you, shut the fuck up.”
Hifumi yelps and awkwardly turns his body around in his seat to glare at Junko. “Hey! I’ll have you know that a manga with that plot would sell out immediately! Way faster than one of your magazines.” Some of the guys in the class make a collective “ooh” sound at Hifumi’s words, excitedly looking to Junko for her comeback.
“What the hell is wrong with you! Urgh, that’s disgusting!” Hina says, turning away from Hifumi. “Keep us out of your sick fantasies!”
Hifumi makes the shrill screeching sound that annoys the whole class without fail every time, cowering in his chair and pressing his hands together to create a praying motion. “I’m sorry, just don’t send the ogre after me!”
“Don’t call her that!!” Hina yells before walking across the classroom to slap him across the face. “How dare you! She is not an ogre!”
The whole class erupts into sounds of surprise, some horrified, and some gleeful about the drama. Mondo immediately interjects, throwing an arm out and standing in front of Hina, facing Hifumi to make sure he doesn’t hit her back.
Hina turns around and grabs Sakura’s hand. “Don’t listen to him. You’re lovely and incredible. Let’s go.” She storms out of the classroom with Sakura following closely behind her.
“Damn, I’m sur-surprised she got vi-violent. D-didn’t know she was ca-capable of that. Thought she h-had her gua-guard dog to do all t-that stuff fo-for her.” Toko plays with her hair as she gazes at the closed door.
“Hey, Hina is very strong and independent. She’s just very defensive of Sakura.” Makoto says pensively.
“Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about. You don’t know Hina at all. You’re too busy following me everywhere I go to pay any attention to her,” Byakuya says to Toko. He doesn’t care for Hina, but he would never waste an opportunity to put Toko down. He crosses his arms over his chest and takes a pointed step away from her.
Toko bristles for a moment before looking ashamed, pointing her gaze at her shoes while fidgeting with one of her braids. “S-sorry, master, I’ll sh-shut up.”
“What a weirdo..” Leon says, looking away and ruffling his hair. “You know you don’t have to call him that, right?”
“Of course I d-do!” Toko huffs, glaring at Leon. “Are you st-stupid? I do it o-out of resp-respect, not that you k-know what that is!”
Leon clicks his tongue with annoyance, giving the author a dirty look. “Yeah, yeah. We all get enough lectures about respect with Taka around,” he gestures to his friend.
“I don’t lecture you guys!” Taka denies, looking hurt. “I have educational discussions with you!”
“That’s right, bro,” Mondo agrees, putting his hand on Taka’s shoulder.
“Glad to see someone has some sense, bro!” Taka wraps his arm around Mondo’s waist with a wide smile.
Junko looks to Mukuro, pressing all her fingertips together on both hands and making them touch over and over again to demonstrate a kissing motion while also making one with her lips. She tilts her head at Mondo and Taka so her sister knows exactly who she’s joking about.
Mukuro sighs and shakes her head. She knew exactly what Junko meant and, well, she’s not wrong. If Taka wasn’t.. Y’know.. Taka, she was sure he and Mondo would start kissing at any moment.
Sayaka reiterates her earlier point, gesturing to the clock. “Guyssssss, the bell’s about to ring. And we didn’t even do any learning today.”
“Mr. Monokuma!” Taka says pointedly, “I think, since we have been so off topic, we should stay late to learn what we missed!”
“Woah man, not cool. Not cool at all,” Yasuhiro says sadly. “Don’t make us do that, dude.”
Monokuma scoffs in disbelief. “I don’t get paid for you all to stay late. You’re gonna leave when the bell rings, and you aren’t gonna complain to me about it.”
“But- but- but we didn’t do any educational work!!” Taka protests, on the verge of tears. “We can’t leave yet!!”
“We did in our other classes, bro, don’t worry,” Mondo soothes him, “plus we have homework and shit.”
“True, we do get to do our homework, but we still didn’t learn anything!” Taka looks distressed, tears welling up in his eyes.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Chihiro says sweetly, putting their hand on Taka’s.
“No, it’s not okay!!” Taka cries out, weeping. “We need to learn!! How else will we get anywhere in life!?”
The bell chimes through the announcement system, so Leon and Yasuhuro slip out of the room behind Taka. Taka openly sobs, dropping to his knees on the classroom floor. Mondo is leaning down next to him, and Chihiro is standing by the two, glancing around anxiously. Monokuma looks like he’s about to start yelling. Mondo sees this and picks up Taka before carrying him out.
“Hey, bro, you need to calm down! Monokuma’s gonna scream at us!” Mondo says to Taka. Chihiro follows behind the two, patting Taka’s limp head.
Junko laughs. “That’s the gayest shit I’ve seen in ages!”
“The g-gayest thing tho-those two have seen i-in ages is prob-bably each oth-other’s dicks,” Toko mutters under her breath as she follows Byakuya out of the room.
“That’s something… I’d rather not think about…” Makoto says before exiting the room awkwardly, tripping on his way out.
Hifumi gathers all his notebooks, picks up all his colored pens, and makes sure all his mangas are in place in his backpack, then leaves the room too.
“I’m gonna head out. Bye, guys!” Sayaka says as she skips off, humming.
Junko slips out of her seat, leaving Mukuro to pack up all of their things. She happily makes her way up to Monokuma’s desk and perches herself on top of it, smiling down at her favorite teacher. “Today was fucking crazy, right? We gotta debrief.”