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In a blink of an eye, with one swallow of the Painted Mudfish, darkness surrounded Kongming. Momentarily, he found himself puzzled until he realized he was taken inside and down in its belly.
He tried to lift his right arm, but to no avail. The large cut Lady Ning inflicted on it made him unable to use even the most basic of martial arts, especially not without his umbrella. And forget about escaping, the creature’s breath left him paralyzed with that sticky and mud-like substance clinging onto his back like a leech.
Being left in a vulnerable state, he could only lower his head and accept it. No matter how much he tried to struggle, the outcome always the remained the time. Time and time, only failure awaited him. And as much as he despised this cold and sinking feeling in his chest every time this happened, he had grown used to it. This failure that always befell him, one way or another.
This time was no different from the others and he had long since accepted that fact. There was nothing else he could do. “Guess, I’ll take a nap,” Kongming muttered, his tone both carefree and weary before lying down on this black inky mass.
In here, he could only wait for the end to come and start over—
But suddenly, a sound came from above had startled him. Alert and curious, he looked up. Kongming caught sight of a crack in the dark and bits of light came through. And another. And another. And another. Then, came the loud shatter of the ink being destroyed into nothing, of him falling, and of her.
Dropping down as well but gripping tight on her glitching scythe, Qianqiu smirked as if amused by his sorry state, “seriously, why are you always in trouble?”
Despite being too smug for her own good, he couldn’t deny that unwavering brilliance she possessed so naturally. The kind that made his heart tremble and his hands tingle, even if for a moment. He couldn’t help but smile in return.
Right. He realized it once more while looking at her. Compared to him who would let things be after struggling a little, Qianqiu was different. No matter what odds were against her, she’ll fight tooth and nail and never give up if it meant achieving even the slightest fraction of her true goal. Strong, resilient, and determined; such was she. ‘I’ve always liked that about her,’ Kongming mused with much fondness.
Maybe. Just maybe, he could allow himself to be hopeful for things to turn out better in this cycle.
.
.
.
Sitting on a wooden chair, Kongming couldn’t find it in himself to smile like he usually did while casting his gaze onto Qianqiu’s slumbering form. Though his hand was shaking, he moved it to hold her hand. He shivered in discomfort but still clasped it around hers. Her hand was too cold and still even though he could feel her pulse in his fingertips.
His heart ached, seeing her like this. He could only hold her hand and wait for when she’ll wake up again. He didn’t know how long that might be, but he knew the cause for it.
Whenever Qianqiu discovered a layer of revelation, she’d collapse and enter this comatose-like state. Concepts and principles about the world that went beyond the knowledge of an NPC, things she shouldn’t have known. And yet, she figured it out from gathering clues through observations, connecting the dots, and finally forming those fragmented ideas as something almost complete.
And from that, she’d get closer to the truth now made possible through her efforts. The once impossible thing she had been reaching out for. But of course, he might’ve viewed such groundbreaking miracles more positively if not for the uncertainty that came with it. How much of this knowledge was helping her and how much of it was taking a toll on her? That he couldn’t tell for sure.
He let out a long-drawn sigh while continuing to provide her some more warmth with his hand. There was not much else he can do even if he tried. Qianqiu was very stubborn, after all. Once she set her mind on something, it’ll be the only thing in her mind and she won’t stop till she achieved it. That side of hers, he found it both endearing and annoying.
“If only I can catch up to you and make you hear me out just this once,” Kongming murmured wearily before breathing out his worries and frustrations once more, this heaviness in his chest won’t just leave him. “For you to understand me even for just a little…”
And for her to realize how much of this pained him so. But deep down, he knew it wasn’t possible. No matter how far he ran, he can’t ever reach her. Never can and never will. He’ll be left behind and unable to do anything for her. He could only watch her run and fight endlessly in pursuit of her goal while shouldering everything by herself.
If only he could ease her burdens just a little…
But he caught himself before more could spill out of him. He then shook his head, knowing how pointless this was. It wasn’t like Qianqiu can hear him. “And even if you do, I doubt you’ll trust me for I’m… Yue Kongming and that’s what you’ll only see of me,” helplessly and unable to deny that truth, he couldn’t help but sigh once again.
No matter what he did, in her eyes, he’ll always be—
Suddenly, a cold sensation snapped him back to reality. Flinching, he looked down to see her hand nearly slipping out of his grasp. Before it fell on hard wood, he adjusted his hold more firmly to keep it in place. Shaking away his momentary panic, he took a glance at Qianqiu. And he soon realized that despite her current state, she seemed so calm and steady.
In contrast, he was getting swept away by his emotions and giving in so easily. Now being more aware of it, his cheeks flushed with shame. ‘All this worrying won’t do me any good,’ at once, Kongming rid himself of the nasty stuff lingering in his head and shifted to a more positive mindset. ‘Qianqiu will find a way and bounce back from this.’
“Right, she always does,” he asserted, not allowing himself to waver any more than this. Even if there were some things he can’t change, he’ll always believe in her who can do just that. With that, he could smile again.
“Hey,” puzzled by his hearing, he blinked and followed that familiar voice just to meet narrowed lavender eyes. As if in a daze, he watched as she lifted herself a little and then turned to her side. Seemingly graceful movements that one would expect from a noble lady, but she couldn’t bother hiding her more lazy side as she had her chin propped on the palm of her hand and shot him a bored look.
He could only stare blankly in return, unsure of what words to say or what actions he should be doing. The sight before him seemed too real; was he truly… not dreaming of this very moment?
After a minute of silence passed between them, she clicked her tongue and said in an irritated tone, “stop gawking, do you want flies to land on your mouth?”
…So he wasn’t dreaming, after all.
“Q… Qianqiu!” Kongming jumped out of his seat, a bigger smile spreading all over his face. Though embarrassed by his slow reaction and should have been repulsed by her interesting choice of words, he didn’t care as much. Those things were nothing compared to the relief and joy he was feeling from seeing her finally up and about, “you’re awake— ohh!”
He flinched in discomfort, the absence of something that was once between his fingers was now on his face. Those cold fingers poked at his cheeks, but he didn’t step away from it and let things be for a good minute. ‘Qianqiu with her temper and habit of playing with me,’ Kongming imagined himself putting a hand to his forehead, sighing in his head. He wouldn’t have minded it at all if only her fingers weren’t too cold.
What was so fascinating about his face? He wondered. It so rarely happened but whenever she felt like it, Qianqiu will pinch, poke, and stretch them just like one would with a dough meant for meat buns. So soft, squishy, and round that it was basically tempting. His eyes went wide with realization. ‘Oh, that must be it,’ he nodded and agreed to himself that the notion to be reasonable enough…
He squirmed once more from feeling those cold fingers on his face. Turning his head, he eyed her closely. Noticing how those lavender eyes curve increasingly with hidden glee while leaving little marks on his face, he figured she had enough fun messing with him. Putting on a more pitiful face with hopes that she could grant him some leniency, he cried out. “Too cold, too cold!”
Her fingers paused midway at his cries before looking up at him. Something shifted in those lavender eyes as she studied him, but he didn’t know what it meant. And yet, he knew that mean smirk in her lips all too well. As if satisfied, she put her hand on soft sheets and his face was finally spared from further poking. Waving her other hand lazily, she demanded. “I’m hungry. Make me something.”
Typical Qianqiu. He would have laughed if only he wasn’t nursing his poor cheeks. But never mind that, there was something else in his mind now. “The dough should be done rising and the meat’s been marinated long enough,” Kongming informed her, removing his hand from his face and turning his back to her, “it shouldn’t take too long making the meat buns.”
‘I can’t wait for Qianqiu to try it!’ Kongming bobbed his head a little, greatly pleased by the idea. With a casual swing of his arm, he said, “I’ll be back!”
And so, he left her room in a rush to head for the kitchen. Unbeknownst to him, he didn’t notice that same gaze lingering on his retreating figure. And only did she avert her eyes once he was finally gone from her sight.
With steady hands, Kongming held the wooden tray. In it was a large ceramic plate full of meat buns. Looking down at it, he beamed. How could he not when these buns contained more meat fillings compared the last time he made while remaining soft and fluffy in the outside? Qianqiu had always liked eating meat, so he was confident that she’ll enjoy it—
“Oh, it’s senior brother! What a coincidence!”
Hearing an unfamiliar but amiable voice call out to him, he stopped in his tracks. ‘That title again,’ Kongming bit on his lower lip, preventing a frown to show up in his face. It was an address of respect and admiration that most male disciples his age wanted for themselves, but it was something that didn’t suit him nor did he care for. Nevertheless, he kept a smile on and turned around to greet a fellow disciple. “Junior brother, it’s good to see you. Do you need something?”
The latter shook his head, but kept his gaze on the tray he was holding. Showing his enthusiasm, the junior disciple pointed out, “those meat buns look delicious! Which establishment did you buy it from? Could it be from that famous teahouse that’s recently opened?! I find their tea and dishes to be the best in town! And also—!”
To keep on chatting away with fervent interest over surface level pleasantries, it was easy to figure out what the latter’s true intentions were. Looking on blankly, Kongming made no attempts to agree or deny the latter’s statements. Letting the junior disciple go on for a bit, he glanced over the meat buns and noticed the steams coming from it gradually became less visible.
Tightening his grip on the tray, he grew tense at the sight. ‘Serving cold meat buns to Qianqiu is an absolute no-no!’
He feigned a cough to stop the latter from talking more. With a polite and friendly smile, Kongming spoke, “as it’s a little past lunch time, I best get going—”
In turn, the junior disciple nodded. “Is that so? I hope you enjoy your lunch, senior brother!”
“These are not for me,” Kongming corrected the latter, “they’re for Qian… my sworn younger sister.” At once, coldness sunk its claws into his chest when those words left his mouth and it lingered the more he thought of it. He wasn’t too fond of referring to Qianqiu this way…
To others, it spoke of the closest ties one could form between fellow disciples or to pledge an unbreakable oath of trust and loyalty between comrades, but it was not close enough. Because to him, Qianqiu had always been Qianqiu and she will continue to be so. None of those bonds can ever amount to how much she meant to him. And in truth, it was so much more than what his heart could take as it was always wanting and hoping.
To beat this loudly. Ah, how handful…
‘I… I’m just too selfish and greedy,’ the thought almost made him wince. But knowing that someone was in front of him, he didn’t let a trace of such difficult emotions to appear in his face and kept on smiling. He had gotten used to not expecting more than what he allowed himself to have, so things will remain the way it should be. He was fine, Kongming reminded himself.
He tried to continue, still smiling, “as she’s finally woken up, she needs—”
Kongming trailed off abruptly, his mouth hanging open then closing it. Despite the same expression he always had on, his facial muscles turned a little stiff at the sight of the junior disciple’s almost animated cheerfulness turning so sour. And it was no doubt because he brought up Qianqiu in the conversation.
“Oh, the young lady from that infamous Jiu Family?” there came a sudden shift to indifference and disdain in both tone and face the latter had shown so openly.
Seeing this, Kongming recalled the fallen reputation Qianqiu’s family was unfortunate to receive in the recent years and had an imaginary hand planted in his forehead. This was overlooked so easily when Qianqiu herself never once mentioned her family to him and she never mingled with fellow disciples. ‘Darn it,’ an imaginary version of himself in his head cursed with his teeth biting a thumb, ‘I’ll never forget this again…’
Waving his hand dismissively, the junior disciple went on, “I’ve almost forgotten… the Elder Master has made her your sworn younger sister when she entered the Xuantian Sect as a disciple.”
At that, he raised his brows. He didn’t like this rude attitude coming from this junior disci— no, this guy. And not just that, he was suddenly right at his face with that rather crude expression that Kongming had to push the tray closer to him. He can’t have anything terrible happening to these meat buns!
Leaning forward with a hand forming a half circle at his cheek, this guy warned him, “the Elder Master must’ve asked you to get along with her and be her sworn older brother, but you shouldn’t get too close to that junior sister. The Jiu Family may be once a prestigious and noble clan, but they’re far from what they used to be. There’s no benefit to forming connections with them through their young miss.”
And with that same mindset did this guy keep trying to form a connection with him. All because the Elder Masters saw potential in him to be the Legendary Hero, but what a shame since it wasn’t something he wanted. The more this guy talked for that reason, the more he found him to be an eyesore. If he had Qianqiu’s temper, he would’ve beaten him up already. Letting out a sigh, Kongming questioned him, “and what does that have to do with her being a terrible junior for me?”
“Just about everything!” the latter exclaimed, his arms flailing, “the Jiu Family’s terrible reputation is also her own reputation! Honestly, senior brother, you’re far too kind to let her stay by your side as she only knows some healing arts and won’t be useful to you in any way possible—”
A snapping sound rang loudly in his head and his vision darkened a little. His mouth moved on its own as he spoke, “Qianqiu isn’t useless.”
How dare he belittle her when he knew absolutely nothing about her?
“Uh, Se… Senior Brother?”
Kongming snapped back to reality, his eyes blinking before noticing the shocked expression in the latter’s face. This guy— no, junior disciple even took a step back. ‘Ah, I must have made such an ugly face,’ he realized. Shaking his head, he quickly collected himself and smiled. “Oh, you mustn’t say that! The Elder Masters have spoken so highly of her from our last mission!”
“I—Is that so?” the latter managed to recover as well, covering up his mistake and nervousness with yet again a practiced smile. Wanting to dive into another long-winded conversation, he tried speaking, “it seems I’ve regarded junior sister wrongly. For that, I—”
“Apologies, junior brother,” having none of it for much longer, Kongming interrupted and returned that smile in the same kind. He didn’t care if he sounded rather dismissive when telling him off, “I can’t keep my sworn younger sister waiting when she hasn’t eaten in days, so if you’ll excuse me.”
That form of address for Qianqiu still left a bitter taste in his tongue, but it was necessary for situations like this. However, this junior disciple then nodded at his words as if he didn’t catch a clue, those eyes reflecting a seemingly hopeful shine in them, “then, next time—”
‘There won’t be a next time,’ the corner of his lips soon became tight and his grip on the tray grew firm while walking past the latter. He didn’t bother looking back nor letting that junior disciple finish his words as his focus was only set on what was in front of him. Once he was far enough from the latter’s sight, Kongming quickened his steps and headed straight for Qianqiu’s room.
Kongming let out a sigh of relief when the meat buns were still warm. Slowing down his steps, he looked up to see a wooden plate that hung over the door and it spelled out Qianqiu’s entire name. He smiled, finally having reached his destination. As his hands were occupied with carrying the tray, he used his boot to slide the doors carefully but also wide open. With a cheerful voice, he called out, “Qianqiu, sorry if I took too long—”
But once he saw the inside of the room, his smile fell. Turning his gaze from one side to another, he found it empty. ‘Could it be that… Qianqiu went to the restroom since she hadn’t been able to for these past few days?’ Kongming considered this thought for a brief moment, making his way to her nightstand.
But once he stood near her bed to place the tray down and on the table beside it, he sighed. The blanket which she usually left a little scattered at the side was neatly folded and he noticed the robes and her gear hanging on the wooden clothing rack was gone. ‘She must have left to do a mission,’ he realized. For a few seconds, he glanced at the meat buns before looking away and then frowned. ‘Even though she should be resting for at least one more day…’
Every time Qianqiu woke up from her deep slumber nowadays, there was something in her eyes that seemed different and she’d disappear for days before returning to the Xuantian Sect compound. She’d act like nothing happened and he never dared to ask. His intuition told him that if he did, some things can never go back to the way it was and that held him back.
This relationship they had; was it as fellow disciples? Comrades? Friends? Or was he only a key to what she had been seeking for because he was different from the rest? That he wasn’t sure. But even then, he didn’t want whatever it was between them to… just fall apart and for him to lose it. Completely. And so, he feigned ignorance like always with a smile on his face…
He jolted, puzzled when feeling something damp run down his face. Lifting a hand, he recognized it to be his sweat. Was it because he’d been making meat buns in the kitchen area for too long and running through the hallways to get to Qianqiu’s room sooner? He wondered. He wiped it away before it fell elsewhere. Letting his hand fall back to his side, he realized how quiet and empty this room was without Qianqiu…
‘I should’ve expected this,’ Kongming sighed once more before his lips was curling up despite the smile not reaching his eyes, ‘since what we want and our views don’t quite align with each other…’
With such differences, it was only natural for Qianqiu to do things on her own. He didn’t need to come along when he could only get in her way. And though he felt a little disappointed at times, this was way better than what he feared the most. Anything but that was better, he reassured himself.
Turning his attention back to the meat buns, he murmured, “guess I’ll have to put these away for later,” with a hand raised so that he could swipe his finger and pull up his item storage—
“Oh, you’re finally here.”
He whipped his head around to have a look, not expecting to hear that voice so soon. And once he did, there she was, “Q… Qianqiu?”
“We have a mission,” she raised the scroll in her hand, “we should get right to it.”
That sharp and no-nonsense tone. Those narrowed, almost feline-like lavender eyes. And those powerful strides she kept taking while drawing in close to him. And once she stopped before him, Qianqiu stood so confidently with her other hand resting on her hips. It felt just like the good old times. He had wanted to smile, but his clumsy mouth got the best of him, “er, now?”
“Yes now,” she dragged her tongue to give an emphasis in a cut dry tone. When a certain black screen caught her eye, she stretched out her fingers and made the palm of her hand open. With that, the scroll vanished from sight and went into her own item storage. She slid by his side and in front of her nightstand to shove meat buns into his item storage. Then, Qianqiu explained, “it’s not just the Xuantian Sect taking on this mission, disciples of other sects are also in it.”
With one meat bun in her hand and the rest disappearing into his item storage, she had a knowing look while sneaking a glance at him. Losing a bit of that edge in her voice, she smirked before taking a bite out of her food, “and besides, the reward is a rare grade fertilizer for those new special plants you’ve been cultivating.”
In turn, he blinked blankly at her. How come she knew he’d been working on a new crop after the Tianshan herbs? She never paid much attention to whatever he did as long as he wasn’t slacking off when it came to improving and upgrading his martial arts skills. Tilting his head to the side, he asked curiously, “that’s the reward?”
And she went back to scowling and clicking her tongue, but a tiny white crumb being stuck in her cheek made her more adorable than intimidating. Well, at least to him. Shooting him a nasty look that wasn’t working, she grumbled, “seriously, why are you so greedy? If you don’t want to, just say so!”
“That’s not it,” Kongming let out a laugh, one hand closing his item storage and another was scratching his head. ‘But then again,’ he thought about it for a second, having a sudden realization, ‘Qianqiu isn’t interested in reward items, it’s clues and answers are what she’s truly after.’
It was like her to do so.
She spoke in a snappy tone, “well, are you in or not?”
In that moment, lavender eyes met turquoise eyes and he nodded. “I am.”
No matter what, he will always be.
She grabbed his hand and gave his hand a strong tug before pulling him closer to her side. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go!”
Despite sounding so irritated, his eyes didn’t miss the wide grin she sported before turning her back to him and munching on her meat bun. And though her back and head were all that he could, she had a tight grip on his hand.
He couldn’t help but smile in return. In truth, it would’ve been easier if she just did things on her own and left him be just like before but a tiny selfish part of him wished she wouldn’t let go. This warmth coming from her hand, his shaky fingers curled around hers and grasped it as firmly as he could…
Because he knew good things for him can never stay. It never did. At the very least, he could cherish these small, sweet memories with Qianqiu while he still could. ‘I hope you’ll be happy and well when you accomplish your goal even if it’s without me,’ Kongming mused with a bright smile that swallowed the bitterness in his chest even if it was raging endlessly and he will never be free from the inevitable outcome.
Catching up to her, staying by her side forever, and being much more to her can only remain in his dreams…