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cassidy feels as if he will turn inside out. jesse’s head is between his quivering thighs, his tongue teasing him and exploring him, sliding inside of him just enough to make the vampire squeak. jesse’s proud of himself — imagines that it’s pretty hard to get cassidy in a position like the one he’s in for him. cassidy’s dying to assert his self-assuredness, spit something cocky at jesse, something like “ lucky you, ” but his head is spinning, his muscles are tight, and he swears it’s like jesse’s talking to god and all his angels between his legs.
which wouldn’t be so surprising of him to start doing, thinks the vampire, curling a shaky calf just behind jesse’s head. his eyes close behind his shades, which he’s kept on, and for a second or two he remembers the last time he and jesse did something like this.
a week ago. he’d felt terrible; he was on his hands and knees and jesse had been commanding him, hands too hard on his waist, roughing him up in a way that was heartbreakingly familiar. he’d sobbed, and jesse’d stopped, held him and asked what was wrong. but that was then. cassidy tells himself to live in the present, but still his eyes begin to burn.
it feels good, he doesn’t want jesse to stop doing that, so he hates himself for being this way. he lets out a soft ‘ ah ’ noise as jesse licks at him, but there’s so much more he wants to say.
‘ can yeh imagine gettin’ buggered for money? or beatin’ yer girlfriend who fuckin’ loves yeh, or killin’ a man an’ then only rememberin’ yeh did it two years later? what about havin’ yer body waste away ’til yeh’re clawin’ worms out’ve the ground to eat? ’
cassidy remembers bill — hates that he’s being reminded of this. bill had been the first time, his length so far down his throat he thought he’d choke and ruin his chances of actually getting paid for it. his chest tightens, and suddenly he feels sick.
‘ cassidy. ’
he opens his eyes. ‘ cassidy, ’ jesse says, maybe for the thousandth time. cassidy feels numb.
‘ — what? ’ jesse breathes a sigh of what sounds like relief. ‘ thought i was losin’ you there. ’ cassidy wants to laugh at the preacher’s idiocy, but he feels no joy, no warmth — no strength to laugh. ‘ don’t feel good. ’ is all he tells him, breaking into a thousand pieces before jesse’s eyes.
‘ did i do something wrong? ’
cassidy’s screaming inside his head. ‘ ‘course not. ’ jesse isn’t hearing it. ‘ i didn’t — i didn’t hurt you again, did i? ’ the vampire wilts. ‘ yeh didn’t hurt me to begin with. i just got a little — eh — scared. ’ and now the preacher feels like chortling, because he never thought he’d ever hear cassidy admit to feeling scared.
‘ hey — ‘ jesse begins, feeling a little like saying the dreaded p-word, maybe to make cassidy laugh, maybe to get a touch more personal. either way — ‘ proinsias. ’
cassidy glares. ‘ sorry, ’ grins jesse, a gentle hand on cassidy’s knee. ‘ — cass. tell me what’s bothering ya. ’
‘ same as last week, ’ cassidy murmurs, voice barely above a whisper. the shame is still there, the vulnerability. jesse lets out a quiet ‘ oh ’ and scoots a little closer to the vampire, opening his arms. ‘ — c’mere, cass. ’ and cassidy does. he rests his head on jesse’s chest, slender arms wrapping around his warm frame, breathing in his scent that was purely jesse.
‘ honey, you know i love you, right? you know there ain’t nothin’ i wouldn’t do for you, right? ’
cassidy swallows hard. of course he knows, and he loves jesse, too. he wishes he knew how to speak his mind. ‘ i know, ’ he begins, his lips, swollen from kisses, trembling. ‘ — but i — it’s just hard. ’ jesse squeezes him just a tiny bit, pressing a kiss into soft brown hair. ‘ i know, baby. it’s gonna be alright, though, ya know? we’re gonna be alright. ’
that’s everything cassidy wants to hear. well, almost everything.
‘ sorry i — sorry for killin’ the mood, ’ stammers cassidy — he would blush, if he could. ‘ ya didn’t, cass. ’ jesse assures. ‘ — ya know what else is hard? ’ cassidy snickers — and is suddenly tempted to rip out the preacher’s lungs. how dare he.
within seconds jesse is on him again, kissing up and down his throat, devouring him. cassidy opens for him, crying out as jesse fills him. ‘ baby, you feel so good around my cock. you’re so beautiful, cass — so cute when i’m fucking you. ’ cassidy squeals, that same dizzying euphoria returning to him. if he had a working heart, it would be pounding in his chest.
with each stroke, cassidy feels himself creep closer and closer to coming, but he holds on — it’s too good to end just yet. ‘ please, ’ he begs of the preacher, though he’s not sure for what. ‘ please what, baby? are you gonna come for me? ’ cassidy nods, for once in his existence feeling as if his blood were boiling, his skin flushing. ‘ god — jesse — i’m about to, ’ he whimpers. he can feel the smirk on jesse’s face pulsing through his body, so simple and yet so obscene, pushing him closer to the edge.
the vampire comes — loud and hard. jesse clings to him and he follows suit; letting out a low, manly groan as he finishes. cassidy winces only slightly as jesse pulls out, and hums contently when jesse begins kissing up and down his tummy, his chest, around his still-erect nipples. ‘ my precious baby, ’ jesse coos, fingers brushing against the back of cassidy’s neck, tangling into his hair.
‘ i love you. ’ this time, cassidy says it first. it feels natural. ‘ i love you more. ’ for five minutes they have a ‘ no i love you more ’ fight until cassidy finally gives in — fine, jesse loves him more.
cassidy falls asleep curled up in jesse’s arms — happy, safe, surprisingly warm. he could stay like this forever. the last thing he hears is the soft noise of jesse’s lips pressing against his forehead, kissing him goodnight.